Joke website: zhidao.baidu.com, which embodies homophonic Chinese characters.

& gt

& gt A boss was very happy after drinking, whistling and driving his beloved Mercedes-Benz 600 on the highway.

& gt At that time, he found an agricultural tractor parked by the roadside, and a person was waving. So he stopped the car, the original

& gt Please, this tractor is broken on the road, and I want to find someone to help tow it away. The boss was very happy today and agreed. two

& gt At the same time, it is agreed that if the tractor turns on the right turn signal, please continue driving. If the tractor turns left, please stop.

& gt car. Then, the boss drove the Mercedes-Benz 600 and tractor on the road. (Very slow, of course) Suddenly, a BMW.

& gt that car overtook them from behind at breakneck speed. When the boss saw it, he was very angry and roared, "No one dares to surpass me yet."

& gt How about Mercedes-Benz 600? "So, he immediately hung up the high-end, stepped on the gas pedal and ran to find BMW to chase. (Because I drank it.

& gt The boss soon caught up with BMW, just as they were driving at 280 mph.

& gt When I was speeding, I was caught by the roadside traffic police. There was no time to stop it, so I quickly took out my walkie-talkie

& gt machine, contact the next policeman: "Hey, hey, I found two cars racing at a high speed, one is Bao."

& gt Ma, one is Mercedes 600, please stop them. No, three cars are racing, and one is right behind.

& gt tractor, and the tractor is still with the left turn signal, trying to overtake. ...

& gt

& gt second

& gt

& gt Have you ever driven a big sports car?

& gt

& gt just bought an Alto Xiao Wang, and took a test drive in the quiet Third Ring Road in the middle of the night. He was driving happily when a big car came running from the car.

& gt When overtaking in the rear, when it was time to overtake, he ran to the guy and put his head out at Xiao Wang and shouted, "Brother, drive!"

& gt Big Ben! ",and then set out, the king didn't return to taste for a long time, run, what's the big deal?

& gt Yes, ah, bah. After a while, Xiao Wang forgot about it and drove around happily. He's happy. That car

& gt Big Ben is coming from behind again, as if walking by car. When overtaking, the guy with the big book shouted at Wang again.

& gt sentence: "Dude, have you ever driven a big run!" . This angered Xiao Wang. He wanted to catch up, but he couldn't catch up.

& gt I can't help it

& gt

& gt it didn't go far, little Wang Le. The bus crashed into the guardrail. Haha, Xiao Wang also stopped the car. He wants to have a look.

& gt That arrogant guy looks like a bear. He came to the car and saw that the guy was fine and not seriously injured. He saw him walk by.

& gt Come on, I opened my mouth and said, "Dude, have you ever driven a big run?" ".Xiao Wang was almost out of breath, but this guy said the following again.

After & gt, Xiao Wang really turned his face. He said, "Dude, have you ever driven a big run?" Where are the brakes? "

& gt

& gt third place

& gt

& gt illegal parking

& gt

& gt There is a BMW parked on the roadside, which is illegal parking. The police came, posted a note and copied the list. Dude, get out of the mall.

& gt Come on: "Aren't you a policeman? What are you? Isn't it just a note to copy a list! " Did the police see him?

& gt said as he continued to copy the list. Real cows, not stickers, just have a trailer towed away! "The police see his one eye, also said

& gt didn't speak. "Cattle what ah! What can you do except stick a note to scare us? Niu B, you drag it away! " The police finished copying the bill.

& gt son, call a tow truck. Here comes the trailer. The policeman looked at the friend. "Hey, you are awesome! You are great, you

& gt tow it away! I dare you two! "The police a motioning with his hand, dragged away. The policeman looked at him and tried to persuade him not to do this.

& gt challenge. Buddy rolled his eyes and said, "You're great. When the owner comes, tell him you're towing his car."

& gt Yes! "

& gt

& gt fourth place

& gt

& gt The old farmer bought a car.

& gt

& gt A farmer went to a car sales center and saw him take out 2000 yuan and pat it on the table: "Give me a Santa Claus."

& gt Then, the salesman was surprised: "You don't have enough money." The farmer didn't understand: "It says' Santana 2000' outside.

& gt Really? "Camp?

& gt clerk: "Oh ... then go out and turn right. That company's Mercedes is only 600 ~ ~! " "

& gt

& gt fifth place

& gt

& gt drunkards and policemen

& gt

& gt A policeman parked his police car outside a notorious bar, ready to arrest those drunk drivers at any time.

& gt punk. Suddenly, he saw a young man stagger out of the bar and had a hard time finding it.

& gt I got into my car and started it.

& gt

& gt The police focused all their attention on the young man, completely unaware of the people coming and going in the bar.

& gt come out and drive away. When almost all the cars in the parking lot have left, the young man hasn't started the car yet.

& gt get up. The policeman couldn't bear it any longer. He rushed to pull the young man out of the cab and taught him a lesson.

& gt alcohol test. The test results are shocking, and the alcohol content is 0.

& gt

& gt The police asked the young man to explain all this, and the young man said, "Today my duty is to attract the police."

& gt

& gt sixth place

& gt

& gt cause of accident

& gt

A serious accident happened on the> expressway. A car crashed into a lamppost with two men and a woman on it.

& gt seriously injured and unconscious. When the police were investigating at the scene, a monkey jumped out of the bushes by the road. The police officer at the scene saw

& gt The monkey wore a collar and thought it might be a human pet, so he asked it, "Are you also a passenger in the car?" ? "

& gt

& gt The monkey actually nodded, as if it were human. The policeman tried to ask again, "When did it happen?"

& gt Wait, what are the people doing on the bus? "

& gt

& gt The monkey put two fingers on his mouth.

& gt

& gt "Are they smoking?" The police officer guessed.

& gt

& gt The monkey nodded his head.

& gt

The> police officer then asked, "What else did they do?"

& gt

& gt The monkey clenched his fist with one hand and pretended to pour something into his mouth.

& gt

& gt "You mean they are drinking?"

& gt

& gt The monkey nodded.

& gt

& gt "What else?"

& gt

& gt The monkey pursed his mouth and kissed the back of his hand hard.

& gt

& gt "Oh, are they making out?"

& gt

& gt The monkey also nodded.

& gt

Police officer & gt read aloud: "When the accident happened, passengers were smoking, drinking and having intimate activities in the car ...".

& gt all

& gt write it down in the book. Finally he asked the monkey, "What are you doing?"

& gt

& gt The monkey reached out his hands and made a gesture of holding the steering wheel.

& gt

& gt seventh place

& gt

& gt aunt drives.

& gt

& gt A 70-year-old aunt was driving a car, carrying three old people who were also aunts and slowly moving forward on the provincial road.

& gt He stopped and said, "Auntie, if you drive so slowly, it will affect the traffic."

& gt

& gt The aunt who was driving said, "Didn't that sign say 20?"

& gt

& gt The traffic police said, "That's Highway 20!"

& gt

& gt The aunt who was driving said, "Oh! Oh! Which highway is that, not the speed limit! "

& gt

& gt The traffic police said, "Yes, doubt? How come the other three aunts behind you are so ugly! "

& gt

& gt The aunt who was driving replied, "We just drove from Highway 245!"

& gt

& gt No.8

& gt

& gt bus anecdote

& gt

& gt One day, a classmate goes to school by bus. The bus was crowded and it was raining heavily outside. Suddenly, he arrived somewhere.

& gt stop, someone is getting off. It turned out to be a lady in a long skirt. She crouched down slightly to get the umbrella. Ah! (Put) on alert [military]

& gt Yes, the car is parked there waiting for her to get off! So she stood up in a hurry (equal to pulling up), but I didn't expect the original skirt.

& gt It took too long to squat down, and the person next to me stepped on it and didn't notice ... What happened? lt； Br>_ _ Prosperity trend _ _ Risk? Up and down.

& gt pulls out), the skirt pops out … the hook is broken. To make matters worse, the skirt fell at the speed of free fall.

& gt here

& gt go down. Drop ... only. Pants! At this point, the bus driver ... stayed there, and the whole car was full. No one dares to walk out of silence.

& gt sound! ! When the lady stopped the car and ran out at a very fast speed, it took about a few seconds ... to find ... a car.

& gt On the bus, there was a loud laugh ... It took a long time to stop! It turned out that everyone was shocked and even more afraid.

& gt Laugh, I was afraid that girl would cry, so I held back! After she jumped out of the car, she was just ... not ... alive ... let's hear it! !

& gt

& gt ninth place

& gt

& gt bus anecdote

& gt

& gt When I was in No.2 Middle School, one day a junior suddenly walked into the school gate with a red face …

& gt

& gt Xiaoyu: What are you doing?

& gt

& gt Xiao Xiong: Oh … I lost my virginity …

& gt

& gt Xiaoyu: liar!

& gt

& gt Xiao Xiong: Really? Just now, people crowded the bus … getting on the bus was too slow, so I stood next to the coin! And the center of gravity is unstable

& gt I have to grab those two iron pillars with both hands. ...

& gt

& gt Xiaoyu: Then what?

& gt

& gt Xiao Xiong: ... Suddenly, the police suddenly braked. If a young lady is unstable, catch me! But she ... pulled the people's movement.

& gt elastic band of trousers ...

& gt

& gt Xiao Xiong: What's worse ... I washed my underwear yesterday and didn't dry it ... I just ... I didn't wear it today ...

& gt

& gtNo. 10

& gt

& gt fire truck

& gt

& gt One afternoon … it rained heavily … I was on Zhonghua Road with my classmates.

& gt

& gt As a result, three or four fire engines passed by ... I heard a group of young people aged seventeen or eighteen talking next to them.

& gt

& gt A: It's raining hard. Why is there a fire? What's the fire truck doing outside?

& gt

& gt B: Stupid! You don't understand ... it's out drinking water!

& gt

& gtNo. 1 1

& gt

& gt flash train

& gt

& gtCreate is in a hurry to catch the train. As soon as he entered the station, the train left. He ran and shouted to stop, but the train just ignored him.

& gt He drove faster and faster, and stamped his foot angrily and said, "All right, we'll talk tomorrow!" "The next day, he bought a ticket and arrived early.

& gt Sitting in the waiting room early, I was the first to queue up for the station, but I just didn't get on the bus. Watch the train slowly leave.

& gt Then he took the ticket in his hand, glanced at the train and said, "Hum! Yesterday you gave me a flash, but today I can.

& gt Beautiful flash you, see if you dare in the future? "

& gt

& gtNo. 12

& gt

& gt run slowly.

& gt

& gt The new county magistrate sat in the car and asked the driver, "Why is there a rabbit on your window glass?" , department

& gt machine

& gt at first glance, it turned out to be a sign of free road maintenance. The county magistrate took the word exemption from inspection as a rabbit, and the driver was embarrassed to understand it.

& gt then joked, "I hope the car runs faster." The county magistrate nodded: "Good idea." Back to the secret

& gt book

& gt said; "I saw the public security bureau car running too fast. When I got back, I put a turtle on their car to tell them to run slowly.

& gt some. "

& gt

& gtNo. 13

& gt

& gt county magistrate by car

& gt

& gt The county magistrate was in a hurry to go to the county for a meeting in the morning, but after several paging, the driver still didn't come and stopped at the door, but

& gt Coincidentally, in the early morning, there was no car, only a tractor came. The county magistrate stopped the tractor for fear of missing the meeting.

& gt sent to the county government, the farmer didn't know the county magistrate, refused to sit down, and drove away with a tractor. Soon, the car left.

& gt Come here, the county magistrate forgot to criticize the driver, let him catch up with the tractor in front and stop him after what he just said.

& gt Later, the driver said to the farmer, Why are you so rude to the county magistrate? The farmer quickly apologized to the county magistrate, who put it aside.

& gt Hand: "I don't believe that a county magistrate can't even sit on a tractor!" "So the county magistrate sat on the tractor.

& gt When the county government held a meeting, the story spread all over the county immediately.

& gt

& gtNo. 14

& gt

& gt Sit in a soft seat

& gt

& gt Creation went to Beijing to see his son. He bought a hard seat ticket and got on without a seat. After several cars, he entered the soft seat.

& gt find a seat in the car and smoke a cigarette comfortably. After a while, the flight attendant came over and said to him, "No smoking car."

& gt car, smoking is no problem! "Create just paid the fine, and the flight attendant checked his train ticket and said," The hard seat ticket is in the soft seat car.

& gt car, ok! "Create paid the fine and left the soft-seat car. When he arrived in Taiyuan, he called a yellow car with a seat of

& gt Soft seat, squatting in front of the seat, the driver asked him why he didn't sit in the seat and smoke, pretending to be sarcastic.

& gt "Do you think I don't know that there is a fine for taking a soft seat and a hard seat ticket? I also know that this is a non-smoking car. You should check it.

& gt punish me after I am addicted to smoking, no way! "

& gt

& gtNo. 15

& gt

& gt don't let you suffer.

& gt

& gt Chuangjian sat in Taiyuan and went to a fellow villager. The meter says 20 yuan. He felt in his pocket and didn't have his wallet.

& gt There is only 19 yuan in the market, but the driver refused to shave it and asked him to pay another dollar. Creation said: "Wanrong people are not without money, just."

& gt I don't have it with me, otherwise, if you return the car for one yuan, I will never let you suffer.

& gt

& gtNo. 16

& gt

& gt is more expensive than gasoline.

& gt

& gt Director Bai went to Taiyuan for a meeting by car and went shopping with the driver in Wuyi Building. The driver wanted to park his car in the parking lot, but

& gt The parking fee is 10 yuan, so he drove around Wuyi Square in front of the building. The traffic police saw this strange man and stopped him.

& gt Q: "Can I help you? Why not continue to turn here? " The driver said, "Parking fees are more expensive than gasoline.

& gt…… ... What? "

& gt

& gtNo. 17

& gt

> integrated circuit card

& gt

& gt that was a few years ago. At that time, credit cards had just been implemented. When the bus arrived at the station, a tall woman came over. Her IC card may be

& gt put it in the back pocket of jeans, so as soon as you get on the bus, you can lean your ass against the credit card machine and get into the car with a "drip".

& gt In the box, this woman is followed by an old woman, who is not tall. She feels strange, why did her ass hit that thing just now?

& gt You can get on the bus by leaning on it, so as soon as she gets on the bus, she tries her best to balance her feet and lean her ass against the credit card machine. Shit.

& gt tried several times, but it didn't work. At this moment, the driver said, "Auntie, what are you doing? Hurry up and put coins in the car. " . aunt

& gt said: Isn't that girl able to take the bus here by her ass? Haha, I see. The driver cried.

& gt I can't laugh. I can only explain to him that the girl used an IC card, but my aunt didn't understand that shrimp was called an IC card. She still talks to the driver.

& gt "You are so unkind, pestering, and the beautiful girl of others pursed her ass with you. You let people in, and I ...

& gt What do you mean, that old woman has pursed your ass many times and you won't let me in? ",the people in the trunk.

& gt with a smile, the driver just waved her in because he couldn't get off the stage.

& gt

& gtNo. 18

& gt

& gt I heard wrong.

& gt

& gt A foreigner took a ticket from 50 yuan and waved it in front of the conductor: Did you see it? Have you seen it? ……

& gt

& gt The conductor was stupid, so he simply took out a program of 100: Have you seen it?

& gt

& gt I finally learned that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"

& gt

& gtNo. 19

& gt

& gt expenses

& gt

& gt When I went home by bus, I found that there was no one yuan change in my wallet. I took out a ten-dollar bill when I was in a hurry.

& gt tickets enter the slot. Later, the more I thought about it, the more I felt timid, so I discussed with the driver whether I could stay at the door and take the next stop.

& gt The money that passengers should have put into the slot is their own? The driver agreed.

& gt

The> bus soon arrived at the next stop, and many people scrambled to get on it. I stopped at the door and said to the first passenger, "Give me the money."

& gt me. "The other party is stunned:" Why? " Without explaining it clearly in a few words, I said, "Just give it to me, that's all. "

& gt tube. "Each other at the driver, the driver nodded acquiescence. So, I got a dollar. Deal with it according to law, and soon receive eight ones.

& gt yuan. At this time, a big man came over, hunched back, shaved, and tattooed. Seeing that I stopped him, I said angrily, "Fuck!

& gt Really? Dude. I said, "Talk to you later. Give me the money first. " The other person's eyes are round;

& gt "What are you talking about?

& gt and then what? "I said," give me the money! Another man opened his mouth and asked the driver, "What does this child do?" "Dahan sink in.

& gt gate

& gt At the entrance, the people at the back couldn't get on, and the people in the carriage were anxious to start, so everyone shouted noisily, "What a trouble!"

& gt What's this? Give me the money! "The big fellow soon flat. I saw him take out his wallet from his pocket and hand it to me, with a sad face.

& gt He said, "Boss, that's all I have. There are many of you. I am deeply impressed. "

& gt

& gt20

& gt

& gt thief

& gt

& gt A gentleman often loses his wallet while riding a bus. One day, before getting on the bus, a gentleman folded a thick stack of paper, put it in an envelope, and mailed it after getting off the bus.

& gt Now the envelope has been stolen. The next day, a gentleman just got on the bus and felt a hard object around his waist. He felt it and found it yesterday.

& gt An envelope, which reads: Please don't joke like this, it will affect your normal work, thank you! !

& gt

& gt No.21

& gt

& gt get off

& gt

& gt When the bus was waiting for the red light, a man shouted, "Driver, open the door, I want to get off."

& gt

& gt "Is this the bus stop?" The driver growled.

& gt

& gt "Just because this is not a bus stop, I will give you a chance-the driver is speechless.

& gt

& gt22

& gt

& gt Chasing cars

& gt

& gt I caught the bus in the morning. By the time I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "teacher!

& gt Fu, wait for me! Master, wait for me! "At this moment, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me," Wukong, you!

& gt don't chase. "

& gt

& gt No.23

& gt

& gt A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat. She had to pull a ring on the bus, and the driver was in a hurry.

& gt brake, the fat woman breaks the pull ring and jumps in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and held her hand.

& gt Huan said angrily, "There are three sets. Send an autographed photo to the driver!" "

& gt

& gt24

& gt

& gt The villagers in the deep ditch have never seen what a car looks like. So I went to Shiyan City, Auto City and saw cars.

& gt car. Walking on the road, I saw a Fukang car flying by at first sight, and the villagers were shocked: "Good boy! therefore

& gt A child in a car can run so fast, but if he grows up, he will understand! "

& gt

& gt25

& gt

Judge & gt: Why did you steal that car?

& gt

& gt defendant: I think that car must be ownerless.

& gt

& gt Judge: Why?

& gt

& gt Defendant: Because the car was parked next to the cemetery.

& gt

& gt26

& gt

& gt Who is more dangerous?

& gt

& gt Lao Zhao said to Xiao Li, "You have just learned to drive, and you are not skilled yet. Do you dare to take a ride in the street, not afraid of danger? "

& gt risk? "

& gt

& gt Xiao Li said with a smile, "The pedestrians on the street are more dangerous than me." They are not afraid. What am I afraid of? "

& gt

& gt No.27

& gt

& gt the scene of prophecy

& gt

& gt Passenger A complained in the waiting room: "The bus at this station is never on time."

& gt

& gt Passenger B said, "The automobile transportation company knew this and built this waiting room for everyone to wait."

& gt look. "

& gt

& gt28

& gt

& gt Don't love music, love cars.

& gt

& gt Xiao Wang was deeply moved by Xiao Li: "Girls nowadays don't like music, but they like cars."

& gt

& gt Xiao Li is puzzled: "How can I say this?" Xiao Wang said, "I play guitar under Ahua's window, and she doesn't even open the window;"

& gt ignore

& gt However, when a car came, she honked the horn twice. She opened the window, poked her head out and quickly ran downstairs again. "

& gt

& gt No.29

& gt

& gt Don't be afraid.

& gt

& gt The wife said to her husband, "When you turn a corner, slow down." I'm afraid you are driving too fast. "

& gt

& gt The husband proudly comforted her: "Don't be afraid! All you have to do is close your eyes like me when I turn the corner.

& gt yes. "

& gt

& gt30

& gt

& gt On the bus

& gt

& gt The bus is very crowded, with a thin man and a fat man standing.

& gt

& gt The thin man said, "It's not easy to wait for an empty seat." The fat man said, "You are better! Like me, I have to wait until two o'clock.

& gt local

& gt Do it! "