Crosstalk jokes and jokes

Today I'm going to tell you a cross talk. This cross talk-

Oh, long time no see. Hello, hello!

Hey, hello! This one is so polite!

B: Which mouse hole have you been drilling for so long?

How does this guy talk?

How are your uncles and aunts?

A: OK, OK!

B: Grandpa, is the old lady still alive?

A: Let's go! This is a psychopath. Is there a doctor here? Take him away!

B: Don't be angry. I just wanted to show you that this expression with the same meaning and different meanings has different effects.

A: Politeness is very important.

B: I used to make a lot of jokes, just because I was not polite enough!

A: You teach everyone.

B: Take last time for example. On Sunday, my mother told me that my uncle was back, and I jumped eight feet with joy!

We are catching up with the monkey. Why are you so happy?

B: Look, I haven't seen my second uncle for more than half a year, let alone my second aunt! As long as I call "auntie" so sweetly, won't there be a lot of money?

A: What does this man think?

B: I was so happy that I got on my bike and ran in the street in my pants.

A: Huh?

Oh, I put on my pants and rode my bike to the street. As I was approaching my grandmother's house, I suddenly turned a corner and knocked down an aunt.

Why don't you help him up?

It's not that easy. Someone dares to knock me down in such a hurry.

Who hit who?

B: I swallowed that aunt with my mouth open!

What did you say?/Sorry?

What happened to your eyes and high heels? Such a big living person can be knocked down by a bicycle. I am in a good mood today, otherwise I would have sent you to the public security bureau!

I think you should go to the public security bureau!

B: I got on the bus and ran away before she understood. When I arrived at my grandmother's house, I didn't speak. I watch the door. It's broken!

A: What's the matter?

B: My aunt who was knocked down by me limped in.

A: Here you are.

B: I suddenly jumped over and pointed at her nose and shouted, "The rabbit is still eating grass by the nest. What kind of hero comes to the door? Get out as soon as possible, or I will be irresponsible if I break you! "

A: You are so overbearing.

B: At this moment, my second uncle came over. What is the greedy boy doing? Why not call him "auntie"?

A: Ah, the water rushed to the Longwang Temple, and the family didn't recognize it!

B: I cried at that time. It hurt so much!

Do you know this is wrong?

B: No, I feel bad that my second aunt's gift money has been ruined!

A: Alas!

1: There is such a girl in our community. This girl is not ugly. That's the mouth. It's a little big.

2: big mouth, nothing.

1: She thinks she is ugly and looks down on others. What should I do? I thought of a very unwise way.

2: What method?

1: She pouts like this every day.

2: pursed up?

1: Ah, she is like this (pouting)

2: What is this?

1: Let others see this mouth.

2: What should she do when she speaks?

1: She is also looking for the one who doesn't speak when she speaks.

2: Don't open your mouth? Is it okay?

1: Of course, if you don't believe me, I'll learn it for you.

2: Oh? Can you still be like that girl?

1: Feel free to ask me. I won't ask you anything.

2: Then let's try (Wang pouts)

1: Oh, her mouth is really small. See how she talks.

2: What's your last name, girl?

1: surnamed Wu ~ ~

2: surnamed Wu ~ This one really has no mouth.

2: Girl, what's your name?

1: Hulu ~ ~

2: Ah, which big girl is called Wu Hulu?

2: How old are you?

1: 25 ~ ~

2: Oh, 25 ~ ~ What do you belong to?

1: Tiger ~ ~

2: Wrong. Twenty-five years old should be a horse.

1: Say "horse" with a big mouth.

Who's in your family?

1: parents ~ ~

2: Oh, parents ~ ~ Do you have any brothers or sisters?

1: None ~ ~

2: no? ! She didn't say no, she said no!

2: Do you have an appointment?

1: spell ~ ~

2: pinch? Oh ~ I just didn't. Oh, no, I saw you on the road with a man the other day. What is that?

1: juwan ~ ~

2: Uncle, where are you going with your uncle?

1: department store ~ ~

No, this is a department store.

1: If you talk big, your mouth will be big.

2: Oh, the department store ~ ~ What did you buy in the department store?

1: buy vinegar ~ ~

2: Ah, does the department store sell vinegar? What to eat when buying vinegar?

1: baked sweet potato ~ ~

2: Hi! ! ! Nonsense. Where is your vinegar?

1: all spilled ~ ~ ~

2: Hey, open your mouth ~! ! !

Celebrate sb's birthday

-Excerpted from China Campus Literature.

A: Hey! (smiling at the audience)

B looked at A and then at the audience.

Hey hey! (continuing to giggle)

B glanced up and down at A, puzzled.

A: gnome male-"!

B: What's wrong with this man?

A: Gnome male-female!

B: OK, OK! Don't laugh, it sounds so scary!

A: Hehehehehehe. . . . . (I was covered by B before I finished laughing)

Hey, what are you doing here?

What should I do? Let's talk about it I am very happy to watch this program today. How are you? You started to laugh horribly as soon as you came on stage. You don't want to scare the audience away, do you?

A: Cough! I call it a happy moment! So, good spirit! Great spirit!

B: Oh! I thought you were unlucky and crazy! Special nerves!

A: Huh? How can you talk?

B: How can I talk? Think about it. Does this look like a psychopath who just ran out of the psychiatric department of the Third Hospital of Beijing Medical University?

A: I am just happy. No, next month is my birthday.

B: Oh! Today is your birthday. No wonder you are so happy.

A: Yes, this person only has this birthday once a year. Of course, he will have a big holiday happily.

B: So how are you going to spend this festival?

A: I have it all figured out. First of all, the air in the morning is very good, so I want to make good use of the morning time.

Oh? So what's your specific arrangement?

A: First of all, in order to celebrate my great birthday, I decided not to eat porridge and pickles. I want to eat a big meal!

B: Have a big meal in the morning?

A: No, I came to a four-star hotel and saw the waiter hand over the menu enthusiastically. I didn't look at it, so I opened my mouth and ordered "a bowl of porridge and a plate of pickles!" " "

B: Huh? Come to a four-star hotel or eat porridge and pickles!

A: hey, I can't get used to the rest! But birthdays should be different in peacetime.

B: What's the difference?

A: Usually I can't eat a cage of steamed buns by myself, so I always take the rest to school and continue eating at noon.

B: How about today?

A: not today. Looking at a table with all kinds of buns and porridge, I hardly eat them, but it is necessary to have a special birthday!

B: Huh? How much do you want?

A: I don't know. Anyway, I'll order as many kinds of buns and porridge as there are in this restaurant!

B: it's not unique! This is called extravagance and waste!

What do you know? !

B: Hey! you .....

A (without waiting for B to speak, continue): Then when I got to school, many people wished me a happy birthday. The air at noon is very good, so I want to make good use of it.

B: Why is it similar to what I said this morning?

Well, in order to celebrate my birthday, I decided not to eat in the school cafeteria. I want to eat a big meal!

B: Huh? Didn't you just eat this morning? What a waste!

You don't understand again, do you? There is an essential difference between morning and noon.

B: What's the difference?

A: One is breakfast and the other is lunch.

B: Huh? Is there no other difference?

Well, you don't understand what I told you. Anyway, I invited all my friends who congratulated me on my happy birthday to dinner.

What did you have for lunch?

A: Of course, you should eat something good at noon, such as boiled fish, braised fish, sweet and sour fish, steamed fish, squirrel fish and pickled fish. There are all kinds of cold dishes, hot dishes, vegetarian dishes, meat dishes, snacks, staple foods, snacks and drinks. Anyway, there are only things I can't think of, and there is nothing I can't order.

B: Ah! Can you finish eating?

How can we eat it all? Don't say that we are a group of primary school students, just a group of Japanese sumo wrestlers. I think we have to eat and cry.

Why are you crying?

A: There are so many dishes. When do we eat them?

B: Good! You are a typical loser! Eat as much as you want. The food grown by the farmer's uncle is not for you to waste!

What do you know? This birthday is to have characteristics!

Nothing is more extravagant than you!

A: In short, I ate and left. Although many students advised me to take it away, I politely refused.

This man is hopeless.

A: School will be over soon. The air is fine tonight!

(Party A and Party B say together): So I want to make good use of my evening time!

I know what you are going to say.

Hey, this young man is quite clever.

B: That's right. I also know that in order to celebrate your great birthday, you decided to have a big meal!

A: (looking at the audience) Hey, do you want to eat, too?

Forget it, I don't want to waste it like this!

This man is unlucky. I'm not taking you there. Anyway, I want to invite our teacher to dinner. I don't study very well at ordinary times, so our teacher Zhang takes care of me. I decided to invite him to dinner. As soon as I inquired, Mr. Zhang had just left, so I had to catch up quickly and ran to the school gate to wait for him in three steps.

B: well, it's going to be wasted again.

A: I was waiting at the school gate when a little girl came up to me and said, "Big Brother, buy two pencils!" " "I looked at her, slightly younger than me, so I asked her curiously," Why don't you go to school and sell pencils here? "

B: That's right.

A: She said, "I have no money to go to school. My father left me a long time ago, and my mother raised me by herself. As a result, I got sick. I just want to sell more pencils to treat my mother. "

What a lovely little girl!

A: Yes, I feel particularly ashamed after listening to it. I just want to celebrate my birthday for my own waste, luxury and ignorance, but I forget that many children of my age can't even afford to go to school!

B: Don't blame yourself. You can think of this, which shows that you are still a child with a conscience.

A: I bought all her pencils. She smiled gratefully at me, which made me feel ashamed. What little money I have is so important to the children. I just stood there thinking. After a while, Teacher Zhang came out.

I saw him.

I walked up to Teacher Zhang and said, Teacher, I want to donate all my pocket money to those poor children. Can you help me?

B: Ah! Change it if you say it! He is a good boy.

A: After giving all the money to the teacher, I suddenly felt relaxed. I want to learn to save money and donate all my money to those children who can't afford to go to school.

B: OK, OK. We all believe you can do it!

No, I'll go directly to that four-star hotel.

Why are you going?

A: Ask me if I can get the leftover steamed stuffed bun back this morning!

B: I have never heard of it!

(under the curtain call)