The witty and humorous stories of celebrities

Story: On the basis of realistic cognitive view, it is described as an abnormal phenomenon. It is a literary genre, focusing on the description of the development process of events. The following are fifteen witty and humorous celebrity stories that I have carefully compiled. Welcome everyone to learn from them, I hope it will help you.

A noble lady proudly said to the French writer Mo Bosang, "Your novel is nothing, but to tell the truth, your beard is beautiful. Why do you have such a big beard? " Mo Bosang replied lightly: "At least I can give some compliments to those who know nothing about literature."

The humorous story of famous people 2 When meeting in the British Parliament, a member of parliament saw Churchill shaking his head at the table and expressed his disapproval. The congressman said, "I remind you that I am just expressing my views." Then Churchill stood up and said, "I also remind Mr. Instrument that I was just shaking my own head."

Wittman is a famous lawyer, graduated from Harvard University and was elected as a state legislator. Once he wore farmer's clothes to a hotel in Boston, and was seen by a group of ladies and gentlemen in the hall, trying to tease him. Wittmann said to them, "Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to wish you happiness and health. In this progressive era, can't you become more educated and smarter? You can't help looking at me from my clothes. For the same reason, I think you are gentlemen and ladies. It seems that we are all wrong. "

Once, a reporter asked President Taft what his exact weight was. "I won't tell you." Taft replied in a thunderous voice, "But you know, someone asked Speaker Reid, and he replied that a truly educated person should not weigh more than 200 pounds. But I set a new record and reached 300 pounds. "

One night, Washington sat by the fireplace and chatted with some guests. Because the fireplace behind him burned too brightly, Washington felt it was too hot, so he turned around and sat down facing the fireplace. A guest here joked, "My general, you should boycott the war. How can you be afraid of war? "

Washington smiled and replied, "You are wrong. As a general, I should face the war and accept the challenge. If I use my back to face the war, wouldn't it be that the defeated soldiers fled when they got cold feet? "

One day, the great German poet Goethe was walking in the park and happened to meet a critic who opposed him on a narrow road. The arrogant critic said to Goethe, "You know, I never give way to fools." The witty Goethe replied, "But I am just the opposite." Then get out of the way and let the critics pass.

Hitler visited a mental hospital. He asked a patient if he knew who he was, and the patient shook his head. So Hitler announced loudly: "I am Adolf Hitler, your leader. My strength can be compared with God! " The patient is tiny

Smile and look at him sympathetically. One of them patted Hitler on the shoulder and said, "Yes, yes, we started to get sick just like you."

The witty and humorous stories of celebrities are all vague and nobody likes them. Military orders especially require simplicity. Expedition to Egypt, Napoleon issued such an order, saying only one sentence: "Let donkeys and scholars walk in the middle of the team." This sentence became a clear statement of Napoleon's love for scholars.

Before Roosevelt became president of the United States, he worked in the Admiralty. One day, a friend asked about the navy's secret plan to build a base on an island in the Atlantic Ocean. Roosevelt deliberately looked around and then asked in a low voice, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course."

"Well," Roosevelt said with a smile, "so can I."

10 at a meeting to formulate the constitution of the United States, a congressman said, "There should be a provision in the constitution that the number of regular troops should not exceed 5,000 at any time."

Washington said quietly, "This gentleman's suggestion is really good. But I think it should be added that the number of foreign troops invading the United States should not exceed 3000 at any time. "

1 1 The poet Goethe met a critic who was biased against him on a road that only allowed one person to pass. The critic said proudly, "I will never make way for a fool." Goethe laughed: "I am just the opposite of you." Then stop by the side of the road.

Russian poet Mayakovski once went out wearing a broken hat, and several idlers laughed at him: "Hey, what's that thing on your head?" Is it a hat? The poet asked, "What's that thing under your hat?" Is it a head? "

Celebrity witty humor story 13 The bus suddenly braked, and a male passenger suddenly fell on an anonymous passenger. Female passengers scold "what virtue?" The male passenger replied humorously: "It's not virtue, it's inertia!"

In 1960s, when Comrade Chen Yi visited Asia, a religious elder presented him with a Buddha statue on behalf of monks, which immediately attracted public attention. Chen Yi took the Buddha statue in his hand and said loudly, "With the blessing of Lafayette, I am no longer afraid of imperialism." This not only avoids hurting each other's feelings, but also changes the religious color of accepting Buddha statues, and easily resolves the embarrassment.

The wit and humor stories of celebrities 15 During World War II, the Germans occupied Paris. Two Nazi officers walked into a hotel. They looked around haughtily and then asked the boss, "How much is this pigsty for one night?" The boss is a patriot, and he gave the best answer. "per pig 100 francs"

The famous witty and humorous story 16 Su Dongpo lived in Huangzhou for several years. One night, he and his good friend monk Fo Yin went boating on the Yangtze River. When Su Dongpo raised his glass, he suddenly pointed to the riverbank and smiled without a word. Fo Yin looked around and saw a yellow dog gnawing at a bone. He realized something and threw a fan engraved with Su Dongpo's poems into the water. The two men looked at each other and couldn't help laughing.

It turns out that this is a dumb couplet. Su Dongpo's first couplet is: a dog gnaws at a river bone (monk)

Hyman, known as "the world's first heavy gunner of women's volleyball", once fell in love with a white man, but eventually broke up because of his skin color and race. After Hyman became famous, the white man went to her and said, "honey, let's make up." Now that you are a world-famous star, I am very eager to be with you. "

Hyman smiled contemptuously and said, "I don't know if you love me or not." If I love myself, I will still be so black. If you love my fame, then this problem is easy to solve. Please buy a ticket to watch the ball game! "

Mark Twain once stayed in a hotel and was told in advance that mosquitoes were particularly fierce here.

When he checked in at the reception desk, a mosquito just flew in.

Mark Twain said to the waiter, "I heard that mosquitoes in your area are very smart. Sure enough, they will come to see my room number in advance, so that they can check the number and have a full meal at night. "

The waiter couldn't help laughing after listening.

As a result, Mark Twain slept well that night, because the waiter also remembered the room number and went into the room in advance to do mosquito prevention work.

At the age of 26, Johnson was appointed as the director of the Texas branch of the National Youth Administration. During his tenure, he was very strict with his subordinates and liked to point out what they had done wrong. Once, he passed a colleague's seat and saw his desk full of papers. He deliberately raised his voice and said, "I hope your mind is not as messy as this table." In this way, everyone in the same office can hear clearly. Before Johnson visited the office for the second time, it was difficult for his colleague to sort out the papers and clear the table. When Johnson came to the office again, he saw the office was in chaos. The desktop became empty, so he said, "I hope your mind is not as empty as this table."

20 stories of celebrities' wit and humor Mandela once gave a speech at an important meeting attended by all African leaders. Because of his age, he accidentally messed up the pages of his speech. This was originally an embarrassing thing, but Mandela said something unusual:

While sorting out his speech, he said humorously, "You have to forgive an old man for messing up the pages of his speech, but I know that a president here once messed up his speech, but unlike me, he didn't find it. Keep reading."

The venue suddenly burst into prolonged applause, and the embarrassment caused by the interruption of the speech disappeared instantly.

At the end of the speech, Mandela was humorous again. He said: "I thank the General Assembly for awarding me the Kama Medal. I'm retired at home now. If I am short of money one day, I will take it to the street to sell. I know someone here who will definitely pay a lot of money. He is our President Mbeki. "

Mbeki and all the people present were moved by Mandela's humor. They stood up and applauded Mandela and watched the funny old man leave.

The witty and humorous stories of celebrities 2 1 Zhang Daqian made a joke because he had a long beard.

At a meal, a friend used his long beard as an excuse to joke and even make him happy.

However, Zhang Daqian was not worried and said unhurriedly, "I will also provide you with a story about beard." After Guan Yu and Zhang Fei died, Liu Bei intended to retaliate against Wu. Guan Xing, the son of Guan Yu, and Zhang Bao, the son of Zhang Fei, are eager for revenge and strive to be pioneers. To be fair, Liu Bei said,' You tell your father's exploits separately, and whoever tells more will be the pioneer.' Zhang Yue said, "My father broke the long slab bridge, fought Ma Chao at night, outwitted the tile mouth and let Yan Yan go." Guan Xing stammered, but he didn't want to fall behind. He said,' You have to grow a few feet first. Xian Di is called a handsome man to his face, so I should be a pioneer.' At this time, Guan Gong was absent-minded, and after listening, he couldn't help cursing:' Needless to say, because my father beheaded Yan Liang, slaughtered Wen Chou, passed five customs, beheaded six generals, and went to the meeting alone, but these brilliant achievements were not mentioned. "What's the use of talking about your father's beard?" "

After listening to this story told by Zhang Daqian, everyone was speechless, and there was no more nonsense about beards.

After War of Resistance against Japanese Aggression's victory, Zhang Daqian will return to his hometown in Sichuan from Shanghai. His family held a farewell dinner for him and invited famous Peking Opera artist Mei Lanfang and other celebrities to accompany him. At the beginning of the banquet, Zhang Daqian toasted Mei Lanfang and said, "Mr. Mei, you are a gentleman and I am a villain. Let me propose a toast to you first. " Mei Lanfang doesn't understand what this means, and all the guests don't understand. Zhang smiled and explained:

"You are a gentleman-you talk in the opera, I am a villain-you paint." One sentence made the audience laugh.