Who has an interesting joke?

1, the recruits are ready to parachute, and the instructor opens the hatch. Finally, he said, "Be sure to count to 10 before opening the parachute."

Everyone strictly followed orders and fell to the ground one by one. Suddenly a soldier exclaimed, "The one in front must fall to death!" " "

The instructor said angrily, "What's the matter?"

"He has a bad stutter."

2. police officer: it is reported that the criminal was cornered by me and escaped into the director's house.

Sheriff: Why don't you follow me?

Policeman: I'm empty-handed and embarrassed to lead the family.

3. The recruits complained to the quartermaster: "Captain, look at the uniform I was assigned: the trouser legs are long and short, the jacket sleeves are fat and thin, and these two boots are smooth. This is terrible! "

The captain said, "That's right. As a soldier, you should make the enemy feel terrible. "

4. Recruitment A: "My boss is very nice."

Recruit B: "I really hope that one day I can talk about my boss in words like you."

Recruit A: "It's very simple. You just need to learn to lie like me. "

1, the battalion commander went to the position to check the camouflage of the artillery. He saw several soldiers crawling in the bushes as if looking for something.

"What are you looking for?" The battalion commander asked.

"Report to the battalion commander that we disguised the cannon so well yesterday that we can't even find it today."

One day, the captain called the lieutenant and said, Mr. Captain, I need a female soldier to protect my safety at night. Go find me someone.

Captain: What kind of female soldiers do you need?

The captain thought for a moment and said, first of all, you should have a good figure, big eyes, full of energy at night, quick action, few words and know how to keep secrets. It would be better if it were a foreign female soldier.

The next day, the lieutenant took a female Persian cat to see the captain.

The captain said to a soldier, "Why are you drinking again? If you hadn't drunk, you would have been promoted to sergeant! "

Soldier: "Sir, I feel like a colonel when I drink!" " "

The officer asked the soldier, "Why did you run when you saw the enemy?"

The soldier replied, "Me. . . I intend to hide behind the enemy and fire. "

Several soldiers poured wine into teacups and hid in the dormitory to steal. A chief pushed the door and asked, "What do you drink?"

The soldier replied, "Water."

"What water?"

"More than 60 degrees of water."

"Why don't you drink boiled water? What if I have a stomachache after drinking half a pot of water? "

6. Khrushchev likes to pretend to be an agricultural expert. I visited a collective farm and found a sick pig. The chairman of the farm explained that the pig had been malnourished since childhood and had been raised stiffly. Khrushchev immediately said, take this pig to my house and promise to fatten it back to you two months later.

It won't be long before I get better and go home to play with pigs. I decided to get rid of the pig quickly He put the pig in the stroller at night, ready to push it to moscow river and throw it away. Who knows, I happened to meet mikoyan on the road.

"Take a walk."

"Ah ... come out for a walk ..."

"Who is this?"

"Oh, it's my ... little grandson."

"I have a look. Oh, what a good boy! He looks just like his grandfather! "

1. During World War II, a German colonel called a company commander to his office, handed him a large bundle of banknotes, high-grade food and a new pistol, and said, "What's missing? Just ask, we will be satisfied. "

The company commander said, "report to the chief, our morale is insufficient."

2. The German soldier asked the officer, "Excuse me, are we going to stay here for a long time in this battle?"

"The Fuehrer ordered us to stick to the last man."

"Oh, so it won't take long."

3. In the desert of North Africa, the British army confronted the Italian army, and the British tanks (infantry+tanks! ) is preparing to use fast to enter the position of the Italian army.

When the British army decided to attack, the Italian army on the other side raised the white flag ~ ~ ~ ~, so that the Italian prisoners of war could not count ... (It seems that the prisoners of war were very happy) At this moment, a British soldier saw an Italian soldier and said, "Hey, brother, it's you again ~ ~ ~ I remember that you were captured six times ~ ~" The Italian soldier shouted angrily, "Brother, you!" ! ! The first six times were saved by the Germans ~ ~ ~ ~ I won't go back this time! "

After World War II, an old woman in rural Poland said that when she saw the photos posted on the street, she looked like her nephew.

Others reprimanded her: nonsense, this is Comrade Stalin!

Old lady: What does he do?

He drove away the Nazis.

The old lady asked eagerly, can he drive the Russians away, too?

The reporter asked the soldier what inspired you to be so brave.

The third-class hero said: Fight for the motherland!

The second-class hero said: They occupied our house and women!

The first-class hero said: the company commander issued a bulletproof vest, only to know that it was a cotton-padded jacket afterwards.

A new colonel, wearing his new uniform, inspected the troops and came to a recruit: "Hey,

Young man, even if you listen to the big shots, keep your head up. Ok, now you can shake my hand.

So you can write and tell your father that you have shaken hands with the colonel. Your father will be proud of you.

Proud. But by the way, what does your father do? "

"A general, sir."

American troops are not allowed to play cards on duty. But after dark, three veterans-a Catholic, a Protestant and

A Jew.-secretly playing. As a result, the ammunition was lost and the defendant went to headquarters.

Catholics said, "I swear to the virgin Mary, I didn't play cards!" " "

Protestants also asked Martin? Lu Se swore that he wouldn't play either.

Finally, it was the turn of the Jews. He couldn't remember who to swear to, so he had a brainwave and said, "General, I

Can a person play cards? "

A soldier decided to leave the army and told his officer what he thought.

The officer asked him, "Are you married?"

The private said, "Not yet, sir, but engaged."

"In my opinion, you don't need to get married." Sir wants to change the soldiers' minds. "The troops are yours.

Wife. She gives you clothes, food and a house to keep your body healthy forever.

Stay with you. What more can you ask for? "

"I want a divorce, sir!"

1, earthworm: After half a year, all projects are small tunnels. I hope that after the National Day, I can receive some big projects like Pangolin Brother.

2. Hippo: I want to know. People wear masks when the flu comes. Why can I only cover them with sheets? I just have a big mouth. Am I not qualified to wear a mask? I protest, I want to wear a mask, eleven, and so on to see if someone gives me a mask.

3. Spider: It's boring to always play on your own website. During the Eleventh Five-Year Plan period, we will try to make a friendship connection with several beautiful women and enlarge our network.

4, leather dog: it is uncomfortable when it comes to wrinkles. You must go for a face lift on National Day, so as not to lose your face.

5. shrimp: please be polite. I want to have a good rest for a few days on National Day. Will you stop firing me? I really dare not be red again, or I will die.

6. Leopard: I hope I can meet a shining girlfriend when I meet you on the 11th. What she is after is not my money, but my people.

7. Giraffe: After the National Day, the tough winter is coming. I really hope the cold can make my neck stiff. I hope the scarf factory can produce some scarves that we can use!

8. Mouse: Dogs are shameless and nosy. Their mouths are like knives. They bit me on the night of Mid-Autumn Festival. I dare to buy stab-resistant clothes on National Day.

9. Cat: I'm going to make a picture, draw a beautiful word "Wang" on my forehead, and take advantage of the National Day holiday to see who invites me to dinner, eat more, and then gain weight.

10, centipede: I must have had a good time this holiday. Someone introduced me to a girlfriend who runs a shoe factory at home. Hey hey. . . . . .

1 1, Panda: Cell phone is turned off, QQ is invisible, and I work overtime every National Day. My boss doesn't know? Never give overtime pay, people are wrong, hum!

1, cats and dogs complained together.

Cat: I sang to my master yesterday, and he punished me for not eating for two days.

Dog: What song do you sing?

Cat: I will be you when I grow up.

Dog: That's nothing. Last time I sang to my master, he kicked me out with one foot!

Cat: What did you sing?

Dog: You are my lover.

Mother snail crawled on the road with her baby snail on her back and finally reached her destination, but the bus that started with them was late.

The little snail felt very strange and asked, "Mom, why is the car not as fast as ours?"

Mother snail replied, "Son, we don't have to wait in line for gas."

The wolf caught a goat that escaped from its paw last time. The wolf said: you see, I still talk about feelings and take special care of my old friends;

Unlike you sheep, you are heartless and run like hell when you meet old friends.

4. The fly said: It is wrong to rely solely on the theory of birth. I was born in a dirty cesspit, but I like delicacies.

Butterflies also cater to: Yes, I was born from an ugly caterpillar, but now I am a fashion star.

1, Tiger: It is said that "company is like a tiger", and officialdom has been difficult to mix since ancient times. If it is not good, it is a matter of losing your head. "Three make a tiger, and everyone wins gold." People in officialdom are all cliques, and one person can drown you with one spit. Of course, you have to worry about the legacy of raising tigers. Maybe one day you will become your hand-picked "confidant".

2. Elephant: My honest nature doomed me to be a high official. Why else can't I cross the river at chess? I am not a small animal, but my official position is far inferior to that of liger. I'm not satisfied.

3. Leopard: As the saying goes, "I ate the viscera of a leopard in Xiong Xin". I am the bravest of all animals. Officialdom is to support bold starvation. Otherwise, how could I have two more small houses than my boss liger? Of course, courage is guaranteed by unique skills. Of all animals, I run fastest. If something goes wrong, you'd better go.

4. Wolf: There is nothing wrong with "Wolf ambition". What are you doing in officialdom without ambition? Since ancient times, how many people who have done great things and become big officials have no ambition? "Wolves in pairs, one hero and three gangs", in this complicated officialdom, who doesn't gang up?

5. Dogs: It is said that "dogs look down on people", which is aimed at ordinary people. The dog that leads us has been very docile, wagging its tail. Otherwise, how can you mix a "human-to-dog" in officialdom!

6. Ma: In officialdom, we honest people only have the job of "being a cow and a horse". If you don't like something, turn a blind eye and it will pass. If you dare to be serious, it's strange that people don't treat you as a "living horse and a dead horse doctor".

1. Father and son came to the world-famous Cologne Cathedral.

"Dad, where is this tall house with a spire?"

"This is a cathedral."

"What is a church?"

"This is where the beloved God lives."

"Doesn't God live in heaven?"

"You're right. God lives in heaven. But he is here to do business. "

2. A village priest from Kansas returned to his hometown after visiting England. As soon as he got off the train, he met a parishioner in his parish at the station. "Hiram, do we have any questions?" Asked the priest.

"Sir, unfortunately. A tornado swept away my home. " Replied the parishioner.

"Honey," the priest said sympathetically, "I know, but I'm not surprised. Do you remember, hiram? I warned you to pay attention to your lifestyle. No one can avoid what goes around comes around. "

"Sir, the tornado also swept away your home," said hiram.

"Really?" The priest said, "Amen, God thinks I won't go home when I go to England."

The priest stood up and announced to his followers, "Today, a man here started flirting with other people's wives. If he doesn't put $5 on his plate, I'll say his name from the altar. "

When the plate bypassed the praying crowd and returned to the priest, a 19 five-dollar bill appeared on the plate, and another two-dollar bill was accompanied by a note: "I will definitely bring the insufficient dollars."

Little Peter proudly said to his friend, "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him a respected priest."

Little Paul said, "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him your Excellency."

Rakus Jr. was unconvinced: "What's the big deal? My uncle weighs 150kg. "

When everyone saw him, they all shouted, "Oh! Oh, my God! "

1. A white child died. God said to him: the child will give you a pair of wings and make you an angel.

A yellow child died, and God said to him: The child will give you a pair of wings and make you an angel.

A black child died, and God said to him, the child will give you a pair of wings and turn you into a bat.

2. A young man went climbing alone. He accidentally fell to the top of the mountain, and only one hand grabbed a protruding rock on the top of the mountain. He shouted for help: "Is there anyone up there? Help me! ! "At this moment, I heard an old voice above saying," Son, I am God. Let go of your hand and I'll pull you up! " "The young man hesitated and shouted," is there anyone else on it? "

3. Someone ascended to heaven after death, thinking that heaven was too monotonous, and asked the angel to let him go to hell. The angel agreed. He went to hell and said to the devil, "I decided to spend the night here." I heard it was fun. " The devil agreed to let him stay for the night and sent a beautiful woman to entertain him.

The next day, someone returned to heaven. After a while, he asked the angel to allow him to go to hell. Everything was the same as last time, and he returned to heaven radiant. After a while, he told the angel that he would live in hell forever. After that, he ignored the angel's advice and resolutely left heaven. He went to hell and told the devil that he had come to settle down. The devil invited him in, but this time he was received by an old lady with unkempt hair and wrinkled face. "Where is the beauty who used to receive me?"

"Friend, to tell you the truth, tourism is tourism, and immigration is another matter!"

4. Lady: "Reverend, my cat is dead. Can you pray for it? "

Priest: "No funeral for cats."

Lady: "After the funeral, I donated 20 thousand yuan to the church."

Priest: "Hmm. . . It turns out that your cat is also a believer. "

5. A man went to church to confess.

He said to the priest, "Father, I am guilty."

The priest said, "Son, everyone is guilty." What's the matter with you? "

The man replied, "Dad, I stole someone else's cow. What should I do? " ? Can I give you the cow? "

The priest replied, "I don't want it." You should return that cow to its owner. "

The man said, "But he saidno."

The priest said, "Then help yourself."

As a result, when the priest came home that night, he found his cow missing.

At the gate of heaven, there are three people waiting in line to enter. St Peter asked them; "Before entering heaven, what do you want to hear from the people attending the funeral? This is probably your last wish. "

The first man said, "I'm a doctor. I hope someone will say,' He is a great doctor. "He saved my life!" " "

The second man said; "I'm a teacher, and I hope someone will say,' It's nice of him to teach us how to behave!' "

The third person said; "I listened to the words of the first two people and was very touched. However, I want someone to shout,' Look! He's moving.-he's alive. . . '"

After the plane took off, the priest asked, "What's the altitude now?"

The stewardess replied, "3000 meters."

"All right, give me a brandy."

After a while, the priest asked again, "What is your height now?"

The stewardess replied, "5000 meters."

"All right, give me another brandy."

After a while, the priest asked again, "What is your height now?"

The stewardess replied, "10000m."

"Ok, give me a cup of boiled water."

Stewardess: "I can give you another brandy."

"Shh ... keep your voice down, God will hear you!"

One day, a poor man asked God, "Great God, what does a thousand years mean in your eyes?"

God replied, "only one minute."

The poor man asked again, "Great God, what does a thousand gold coins mean in your eyes?"

God replied, "just a little money."

"Merciful God, please have pity on me and give me some money."

"Well, just wait a minute!" God replied.

One day, a drunk got on a bus and sat next to a priest. The drunken man's shirt was dirty, his face was covered with women's red lips, and there was an empty wine bottle in his pocket. He took out a newspaper, read it for a while and asked the priest, "Father, what is the cause of arthritis?"

"It's a waste of life, fooling around with prostitutes, drinking too much and disrespecting yourself." The priest said.

"Oh, damn me!" The drunk muttered to himself.

The priest thought for a moment and thought it was wrong. He apologized to the drunk and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so direct." How long have you been suffering from arthritis? "

"Not me, father. The newspaper says that the Pope has arthritis. "

2. One day, a farmer, a fisherman and a prostitute … the woman died and went to die.

The farmer said, "I won the crops for people to eat!" " "So Yan gave him a golden key, which is the key to heaven!

The fisherman said, "I fish for people!" " "So yan also gave him a golden key!

Finally, the prostitute … said, "I bring people a lot of happiness!" " Yan gave her a silver key!

Prostitutes ... women don't understand! The prince said, "This is the key to my room!" " "Wait for me first and see what kind of happiness you can bring to people!

Due to the presence of American troops on Dutch territory, the birth rate in this country has suddenly increased. Panicked residents looked for the civil affairs department and the church, looking for the US military headquarters. But there is no result in doing so. Finally, the Dutch bishop asked to meet with the commander-in-chief of the US military. "We ask you to put the soldiers in order," the bishop announced. "This situation has become unbearable."

"Of course, your eminence," the general replied, "but do you remember what the Bible says? To breed'. "

"Having said that, the Bible doesn't say' multiply'."

4. A mage and a priest are discussing how to distribute the money in their donation boxes. The priest said, "We give four-fifths to Christian charities, and the remaining one-fifth is our own maintenance of the parish." The mage said, "Every week, my wife, two children and I will grab every corner of the tablecloth and put money in the middle. We throw money high into the air and give it to God. He takes it when he needs it, and the money that falls back to the ground belongs to us. "

One day, a doctor and a nurse took the elevator from the third floor to the basement to get the car. The first floor of the basement is the morgue.

When I arrived at the morgue, the door opened automatically. A little girl said in front of her, "Please let me in."

The doctor refused, so he quickly closed the door, but it just wouldn't close.

The nurse next to him asked him why he didn't let the little girl in. The doctor said, "Those with red ribbons on their hands are the bodies of the morgue."

After listening, the nurse raised her right hand and said happily, "Is that right?"

2. A tourist bus was driving on a rugged mountain road, and it was getting dark. The people in the car woke up from their sleep. ...

Suddenly, he found that all the tourists in the car were gone, even the driver was gone, and the car was driving slowly along the mountain road!

The man trembled and shouted, "A ghost! There are ghosts! "

"Your head," a voice suddenly came from the window. "The car is broken, we all push it below, and you sleep alone."