"Disqualification in the World": Born as a human being, there is no need to apologize

With the transformation of NetEase Cloud Music to "Net Suppression Cloud", there are many sentences full of depressive emotions, such as "When I was young, I wanted to be anyone except myself", "You are so lonely, But saying that a person is really good" began to fill the "Yuncun", and the phrase "I am sorry for being born as a human being" flooded our social circles in various forms. This sentence is as popular as Li Dan's sentence "The world is not worth it" back then. Netizens have ridiculed this sentence in countless ways, but few people know the background of this sentence. .

"I'm sorry for being born human" comes from the semi-autobiographical novel "Disqualified" by Dazai Osamu, a famous Japanese post-war rogue literary representative. This book is the last work of the author. In the year when this book was published, the author committed suicide for the fifth time and ended his life by drowning.

The whole book consists of the author's preface, postscript, and three letters of the protagonist Ye Zang. The author cleverly hides his life and thoughts in the life experience of the protagonist Ye Zang, but uses the perspective of an outsider. Identity, through Ye Zang's monologue, to peek into his inner world, is really well-conceived.

"Disqualification in the World" means "losing the qualification to be a human being." Who has lost the qualification to be a human being? Why did he lose his qualifications as a human being? Why did the phrase "I'm sorry for being born human" appear? Let us take these questions, go through the mottled tunnel of books, and explore a life journey full of uneasiness and despair.

Mask

"You can't say you don't like things you don't like. When facing things you like, you are always trembling with fear, like stealing something."

"I have Turning myself into a master of comedy, that is to say, unknowingly, I turned into a child who cannot tell the truth."

From the perspective of modern people, we cannot believe this. The words came from the mouth of a child. Even though he was born into a wealthy family with no worries about food and clothing, the protagonist Ye Zang seems to be born with a social fear and is incompatible with the people around him, and he even discovered this himself.

A true fool will never discover that he is a fool. The family atmosphere was repressive and there were many brothers and sisters. As the youngest child, he didn't get much attention from his parents, so he spent his whole life trying to find ways to crave the love of others. In order to gain the attention and admiration of others, Xiaoye Zang disguised himself as a joke and used various behaviors to win the joy of others.

In order to please his father, he asked for a lion dance mask that he did not like; in order to please his family, he danced Indian dance with bad tunes; in order to please his classmates, he drew cartoons and wrote funny compositions. With his deliberate efforts to please, he increasingly knows how to make everyone laugh, taking advantage of his superiority as a child, pretending to be innocent and ignorant, and deceiving the people around him with his comedy. Little did he know that long-term disguise had long since made him lose himself, forming a "pleasant personality."

The so-called "pleasant personality" refers to a personality that blindly pleases others and ignores one's own feelings. In order to please others, he or she will even put on a "clown" mask, deliberately behaving badly, and acting funny. The most important thing is that this kind of personality is very common in our lives. A few years ago, Jiang Fangzhou mentioned his flattering personality at the "Weird Congress", which made me realize for the first time the horror of this personality.

“Before I do anything, I always think about other people’s reactions, and whether I am catering to other people’s expectations by doing this, and whether I am meeting other people’s expectations. What’s even scarier is I find that when interacting with others, I am often a person without principles and bottom lines, so I am very unhappy, but I don’t show it. ”

In my opinion, the terrible thing about a people-pleasing personality is not. The reason is that there is no principle, but that when someone has figured out his own trump card and still presses harder, he can only keep giving in, watching his territory being invaded and occupied, and the order of his inner world being destroyed. As for the final step to retreat, I don't know, and this vicious cycle will eventually lead to the demise of people with a please personality.

Fortunately, Jiang Fangzhou, who is in his twenties, has broken his flattering personality.

But unfortunately, Xiao Yezang, who was still a child, did not realize that he had developed a pleasing personality due to his constant disguise. Instead, he intensified his efforts and used more advanced funny methods to win the love of others. In his opinion, this "mask" is an indestructible "armor", but little does he know that while this "armor" protects him, it also keeps pulling him towards the abyss.

Crack

As he grew older, Ye Zang finally left his oppressive family and entered middle school. The new middle school is close to the sea and has an excellent environment. It is full of Ye Zang's unlimited hope for the future.

"With the azure blue sea as the background, and against the brown leaves, the wild cherry trees bloom with gorgeous flowers. Soon, when the cherry blossoms fall like snow, countless petals will fall into the sea, Drifting on the sea, riding the waves and being beaten back to the beach again."

At the same time, Ye Zang's "acting skills" have been greatly improved due to being away from those close to him and years of training. It's even easier to disguise. At this time, Ye Zang gradually integrated with his "mask" and relied more on his "armor". In his own opinion, he seemed to be able to live in peace with this world that was incompatible with him, until he met Zhuyi .

Takeichi is a small character who only appears a few times in this book, but he has an indelible effect because he is the first person to discover Ye Zang's pleasing personality. He discovered that all of Ye Zang's jokes were intentional, which was like a crack in Ye Zang's "mask", making Ye Zang, who had successfully disguised himself for more than ten years, feel uneasy. As Ye Zang said in his diary:

"At that time, I felt as if I saw the world being swallowed up by the fire of hell in an instant. I desperately suppressed my urge to scream, and I felt that I was infinitely close. On the verge of a mental breakdown."

Ye Zang racked his brains to make up for this rift. He deliberately made friends with Zhuyi, kept pleasing him, and helped him clean his pus-filled ears, and finally got Zhuyi's approval. After becoming good friends with Zhuyi, Ye Zang brought his pleasing personality to the extreme and became more and more kind to Zhuyi, making Zhuyi keep this secret in his heart.

In fact, the please-pleaser personality is also a manifestation of continuous integration into society. However, it is very different from ordinary people, because "please" is essentially just a layer of disguise, a "personality" separated from the self. mask". The purpose of its existence is not to eliminate the self and seek assimilation, but to hide the self that is "different" from everyone else. People with a pleaser personality may seem to be in touch with the outside world, and may even appear to be very peaceful without taking a closer look, but in fact, like people with autism, they are all people who isolate themselves from the world in order to maintain the integrity of their inner world. This inconsistency between inside and outside makes the failure of the please-pleaser personality inevitable.

Ye Zang hurriedly repaired the cracks in the "mask", and at the same time, his dependence on the "mask" became stronger. This curse-filled "mask" gradually became closer to his face. The flesh and blood on his body merged into one.

Broken

Time will still not stop. Ye Zang, who is wearing a "mask", has entered high school unknowingly, and at this time he meets the person in his life. The first true friend - Horiki. The biggest advantage of being with Horiki is that Ye Zang's flattering mask can be temporarily restrained. Horiki can let his so-called passion chatter about boring things all day long without worrying about the two of them falling into awkward silence because there is no topic.

While Ye Zang was having a wild life with Horiki, he was walking around the world wearing his own fragile "mask". As mentioned before, this "mask" is fragile after all. After Ye Zang met the waitress in the coffee shop and drowned in the river, his "mask" was shattered. But his "mask" has long been integrated with flesh and blood, and the shattering of the "mask" also made his face bloody and bloody. It was also from the moment the "mask" was shattered that Ye Zang as a boy seemed to have immediately glimpsed the truth of the world. .

"If the human world is compared to the sea, I seem to have seen an extremely weird image in the deep sea that is almost contemptuous but not contemptuous. It is a smile that allows me to glimpse the deepest secrets of adult life. "

The woman died, but Ye Zang was saved, but only his body was saved, and his soul was already in ruins.

Dependence on personas is like poisoning, and its harmfulness is no less than alcoholism and drug abuse. The split between the real self and the false self is an increasingly unhealable scar.

The more helpless he felt, the more tightly he clung to the mask, and the frightening suffocation brought by the mask had already put Ye Zang on the verge of death. Without a mask, Ye Zang was in a muddle all day long, drinking and dissolute until he met the light that shined into his dark life - Liangzi.

Ryoko is a portrayal of an ideal personality, a person who "completely trusts others" and is "as innocent as a god". This existence like a holy angel is undoubtedly the only healing place in the world that can make him feel at ease for Ye Zang, who cannot trust others. However, the malice and harm of society broke his fantasy. Liangzi was raped by an unscrupulous businessman because of his gullibility, which also marked the destruction of Ye Zang's hope and redemption, which made Ye Zang completely despair and sink. In the end, he became a "mental patient", an "addict", and a "disqualified person".

Perhaps Ye Zang's life was destined to be dark from the moment he put on the "mask". A clown who only knows how to please the world, because of fear, he has to desperately grab something, even if the thing he grabs is not good for him; because of fear, he never opens his heart to the outside world, and his fragile "mask" "While blocking the harm, it also blocked the warmth and love in the world.

Because I have never truly lived, my true self has been gradually replaced by a mask of disguise over a long period of time, and I have become weaker and more powerless. Therefore, when I am alone, I am always terribly empty, lose my mind, and become depraved.

There is no need to apologize for being born as a human being

Ye Zang left the words "I am sorry for being born as a human being" in his last diary. Everyone thinks that this sentence expresses Ye Zang or Dazai Osamu's own dissatisfaction with the society at that time, but I think it is a kind of confession and introspection by the author, and a kind of self-salvation.

Mr. Shi Tiesheng once said: "Writers may not be able to create real others. Writers can only create real selves." This sentence is really appropriate to apply to Dazai Osamu. In "Disqualification in the World" "", this kind of self-portrait is so obvious that readers who have a little knowledge of Osamu Dazai's life can tell that the protagonist in the book is actually the incarnation of the author himself.

Osamu Dazai has a higher pursuit of life. He believes that people should integrate into society and live their own lives. He spent his whole life pursuing this goal, but he was injured all over his body. In order to obtain the salvation of his soul, he chose to put a successful end to a life that he thought he had failed at the age of thirty-nine.

But I think we don’t have to do this.

Living in this world is not easy, so why bother to blame yourself. We may blur our individuality in order to integrate into society, or we may be incompatible with the world and feel lonely and desperate, but it doesn't matter. It is a supreme honor for each of us to be born into the world as a human being. Being born in this world requires a lot of hardship, but as long as we do good, no matter what you are, you are worthy of love and respect.

There is no need to apologize for being a human being. Smile warmly and feel at ease.

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