Who provided me with many little jokes? I used it to tell my girlfriend at night! No ghost stories!

1, Liu Bei, Zhuge Liang, Sun Quan and Cao Cao flew to Nangou, Hebei Province, but there were only three parachutes in case of accidents. Zhuge Liang said, "I ask questions and you answer them. Whoever can't answer them will have no parachute. " Three people agree. Ask Liu Bei: "How many suns are there in the sky in Nangou, Hebei?" "one." Ask Sun Quan: "How many moons are there?" "one." Ask Cao Cao: "How many stars are there?" "..." Cao Cao was thrown down.

2. Cao Cao was killed in Nangou, Hebei last time, but he didn't fall to death. The four of them traveled together again. Encounter the same problem. Zhuge Liang asked Liu Bei, "What was the most crucial battle when King Wu attacked Zhou?" "The Battle of Makino." Ask Sun Quan: "How many people died?" "40,000 to 50,000." Ask Cao Cao: "What's the name of the dead?" "..." Cao Cao was thrown out again.

Cao Cao didn't fall to death again, and the four of them went out again. The plane crashed again in Nangou, Hebei Province. Cao Cao thought, I'm going out anyway, so I'll just jump myself! After Cao Cao jumped, Zhuge Liang wondered, "How did he jump with four parachutes this time?"

4. Cao Cao didn't fall to death again, and the four men went to Nangou, Hebei Province again. The plane crashed again. Cao Cao thought he couldn't jump this time, so he said to go to the toilet. Liu Bei, Zhuge Liang and Sun Quan jumped with parachutes. Cao Cao sat on the toilet and the plane crashed in Nangou, Hebei!

5. Cao Cao didn't fall to death again, and the four of them continued to walk together. The plane broke down again, and Kong Ming asked Liu Bei first, "There are seven monkeys riding on the tree, a monkey underground, and how many monkeys are there?" Liu Huangshu was thinking, and Cao Cao quickly replied, "If it's seven * * *, it's eight monkeys, and if it's riding * *, it's two monkeys." Liu Hesun looked at each other, and Kong Ming was dumbfounded. Cao proudly picked up the only umbrella bag, raised his hands, said "sprinkle oil on it" and jumped.

At this time, the mechanic climbed out of the bilge and said, "The fault has been eliminated. Have any of you seen my toolkit? ......"

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There are four tragedies in life: a long drought meets a sweet rain, a drop; When you meet an old friend in a foreign country, you are a creditor; Wedding night, next door; When nominating a gold medal, dream.

The mouse never found a wife, and one day a bat finally agreed to marry it. It's very happy. Others laughed at it for its lack of vision, and the mouse said, you know a P, but you are also a stewardess.

How did you ride yesterday? Not too bad. The problem is that my horse is popular. A: How kind of you? B: Yes. When I rode to the fence, it let me pass first!

A fool saw a pile of poop in front of him. He leaned over and smelled it, as if it were poop. He thought it was poop when he dug it, but it must be poop when he tasted it. The fool said happily, fortunately, I didn't step on it!

A: The bus driver stared at me yesterday as if I didn't buy a ticket. What about you? A: Very simple. I stared at him as if I had bought a ticket.

A drunk said to his wife, our house is haunted! When I went to the toilet just now, the light came on as soon as I opened the door, and a gust of wind blew out. His wife slapped him and said, this is the third time you got drunk and peed in the refrigerator!

The young man put a ring p, and the woman next to him called three times in a row: bah, bah, bah! The young man asked unhurriedly, Comrade, why do you vomit when you eat P?

Two farm children were chatting, and one suddenly asked, can your cows smoke? Another said: How can cows smoke? First child: Oh, well, maybe your cowshed is on fire.

A psychopath sang in bed, turned over and continued to sing on his pillow. The attending doctor asked him why he turned over when singing. Psycho said: idiot, of course you have to turn over after singing A-side!

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

At sunrise, the East China Sea sets in the West Mountain, and there is also a day of sadness and joy; Don't fall into a dead end, people are comfortable and their hearts are comfortable; Often chat with friends, talk about ancient times and talk about today. It is not that immortals are better than immortals!

Today's four fools: those who love not to hang themselves, those who take medicine without illness or disaster, those who don't sign contracts, and those who giggle after reading text messages!

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The student wrote: "I was walking on the road when suddenly a pile of cow dung appeared on the road. I was shocked." After reading it, the teacher approved: "massive, massive."

The student's composition reads: "My mother is a middle-aged woman in her thirties." The teacher criticized under the word "middle age": "redundant." Then let the students copy it again. After the students copied it once, this sentence became: "My mother is an extra middle-aged woman in her thirties."

There was a young man who didn't like studying and went to work in the city. He wrote a letter to his family, saying, "Mom and Dad, I have a good time here. I ate steamed buns and slept in a fire pit (kang). It rained two days ago, and I found that I was killed (umbrella). Come on! " Parents fainted on the spot.

A student loves to write typos and always writes rest as drinking.

In his diary, he wrote, "The squad leader instructed us to carry shit. Everyone worked hard and no one dared to take a sip." Later, we were really tired, so we secretly drank behind the monitor's back. "

On new year's day, my family went to the history museum to visit the "ice toilet" …

Teacher's comment: Is there such a thing? I'm going too! (Terracotta Warriors)

After getting up in the morning, we gathered at school and took a bus to the tomb of the martyrs.

Teacher's comment: I don't know which funeral home is your home? Teachers never know ... (Yi Rong)

Last night, my classmates and I went to a fast food restaurant for dinner. We ordered two hamburgers and "chicken nuggets and shit" …

Teacher's comment: Is it delicious? Chicken manure? (A piece of chicken)

The young man decided to hold a wedding in his hometown. The man's father sent a telegram to his in-laws in the city.

Q: "How many people can come? Be prepared. "

My in-laws called back and said, "Not many people can go, just prepare a ton of rice." He wrote "dun"

Convert into tons.

Soon I received a telegram from the countryside: "The wedding date was postponed for one month, because it was difficult to collect one ton of rice at one time."

Qi. "

The couple took their grandfather to the hospital. The husband saw that the age on the registration form was wrongly printed as "age"

When billing, he said to the doctor, "the word' single' missed a word' tooth'."

"It's' tooth', the doctor said, because this is an elderly clinic!"

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On the last bus, a woman in white sat in the last row. The driver looked in the rearview mirror, and the woman was gone, shocked! Suddenly braking, people sitting there. Keep driving and look in the rearview mirror. The woman is gone. Brake back. The woman is now. Keep driving, look in the rearview mirror, and no more women! Suddenly, the woman with messy hair and blood all over her face came up slowly and whispered, "Do I have a grudge against you?"? As soon as you tie your shoelaces, you slam on the brakes ...

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There are three people, competing marksmanship together, and a black man is holding something as a target.

The first man put an apple on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 10 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew his gun and said, I'm Zorro!

The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, and then at a distance of 50 meters, he raised his hand and shot it and broke it. He blew the muzzle and said, I'm m007.

The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, and then raised his hand to smash the black man's head at a distance of 100 meters. He also blew the gun and said, I'm sorry ...

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Lao Zhang went shopping for food, and it was a bit slow to pay. The vegetable seller urged him: hurry up, big brother, the city manager will come soon, and my food is gone. Lao Zhang said, nonsense, I don't want to rush? If I go back late, I may lose my house! …………

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Eat rice noodles at noon. There are several kinds of rice noodles in the shop, ordinary 4 yuan, crossing the bridge rice noodles 10 yuan ... only a few are talking. Man: "I don't understand why crossing the bridge rice noodles is so expensive." More expensive than ordinary, 6 yuan? "Woman:" I don't know, maybe this 10 yuan includes the toll! " "

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Once, the boss of a communication company went to the public toilet. The old man at the door said: 30 cents in and 20 cents out. Learn from you, two-way charge. After the boss came out, he was stopped again: you squat in pit 8 and pay a one-yuan number selection fee; Fart, pay one yuan roaming fee, and pay one yuan overtime fee for more than three minutes; There is background music in the toilet. Spend 20 cents on color ring tones. The boss was furious: Who made this rule? Grandpa: I am in charge of my website!

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It is said that Tang Zhongzong Li Xian is the most awesome emperor in history. Why? Because he is the emperor, his father is the emperor, his brother is the emperor, his son is the emperor, his nephew is the emperor, not to mention his mother is the emperor. So history gave him a glorious name: Liuhuang Pill!

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Xiao Wang and Xiao Li want to attend an interview. Xiao Li had some listening problems, so he asked Xiao Wang to copy his interview answers, and Xiao Wang agreed.

Examiner: Who do you like best in The Journey to the West?

Xiao Wang: It used to be Wukong, but now it's Bajie.

Examiner: Do you think there are aliens in the world?

Xiao Wang: Although scientists have not confirmed it, I think so.

Examiner: OK, you are accepted.

It's Xiaoli's turn Examiner: What's your name?

Xiaoli: I used to be Wukong, but now I am Bajie.

Examiner: Are you sick?

Xiao Li: Although scientists have not confirmed it, I think so.

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Xiaoming's first day at school. After school, his father asked: Where does the water in the river flow?

Xiaoming sings: The river flows eastward.

Dad asked again: How many stars are there in the sky?

Xiaoming sings: The stars in the sky join Beidou.

Dad was very angry and said, if you talk like that again, I will hit you!

Xiao Ming sings: Do it when you should.

Dad: Get out!

Xiao Ming sings: Go as you say.

Dad: Are you sick?

Xiao Ming sings: You have everything I have!

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Aunt He said to his wife, "Uncle Han, the neighbor, named his grandson Han, and Uncle Gao named his grandson Gaoke. We will have grandchildren soon. Why not give him a loud name? "

Without thinking, Uncle He said, "Just call it a weapon!"