The latest quick joke

The four major embarrassments of going to the toilet in other people’s homes: there is no paper after defecation; there is no water after defecation; there is water but no water is flushed after defecation; there is water but there is water after defecation, but it is flushed down again. Floated up.

■ If you think you have a high IQ, press it. If you think you are quite humorous, press it. If you think you are quite charming, press it. Test result: quite shameless!

■ Your smile makes wolves hang themselves; your sigh makes cats and rats scurry; your bark makes chickens and dogs jump; your stand makes the smell filled; your sweat makes lice If you don't dress up, you will be uglier than the ghost; if you don't dress up, you will scare the ghost to paralysis.

■ What’s happening at the four conferences: the leader speaks and takes the lead in applauding. The leader sings and adjusts the sound. The leader takes a bath and scratches his back. The leader picks up girls and stands guard.

■ Three key points for meetings: 1. Address your subordinates directly and say "I would like to emphasize a few points"; 2. After speaking at a higher level, speak and say "I would like to add a few points"; 3. When your superiors say you must When speaking, say "What are my experiences?"

■ A new recruit was always scolded after getting up late. On the way to buy dye, he looked like a rice uniform. The bugle sounded in the middle of the night. He was the first to re-enter the barracks. The commander praised him: Very good! But next time, be careful to hang grenades. Behind

■ I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky is so clear and quiet, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so vast. You are at the blue seaside. I will poke you with a stick. Hey, you little bastard. The shell is quite hard

■ On behalf of the National Map Committee, the Address Office, the Geographical Names Department, the Straits Exchange Association, and the Cross-Strait Trade Promotion Committee, I would like to make a strong protest to you: on the map of China you left behind after wetting the bed last night Why not Taiwan? Make up for it today! ! !

■ One day, while driving on the road, I saw a sticker on the car in front of me: Newbie, now you are old! Then, I wrote on the back of the car: The killer is so cruel!

■ An orangutan came to the zoo and was so ugly that all the tourists vomited when they saw it. I went to see it on the first day and I vomited. The next day you went to see the orangutan and it vomited. I just wonder why the gap between people is so big!

■ I am really desperate: Huaguo Mountain has been developed into a tourist area by the country. Master also married Bai Gujing a few days ago. I had no money to eat yesterday, so I also sold the golden hoop. I really miss it. The day when we learn Buddhist scriptures together! How are you, Second Junior Brother?

■ Busy life can easily sap people’s enthusiasm and lose interest in anything, so occasionally we have to stop and be serious with a far-sighted attitude. Think about whether you should pee

■ Two frogs fell in love and gave birth to a clam after getting married. The male frog was furious and said: Bitch, what's going on? The female frog cried and said: Dad, I had plastic surgery before I met you.

■ The little donkey asked the old donkey: Why do we eat hay every day, while the cows eat concentrated feed every day? The old donkey sighed: We men can't compare. We rely on running errands to make a living, while others rely on their breasts to make a living!

■ A duck and a crab raced together and reached the finish line together. It was hard to tell the winner. The referee said: Let’s play rock-paper-scissors. The duck was furious: Damn, are you plotting against me? When I come out, it’s paper. It's scissors.

■ An old turtle teased a river clam and was bitten. The old turtle reluctantly dragged the clam back and forth. When the frog saw it, he admired it and said, "Hey, brother turtle has grown up, and he always carries a briefcase when he goes out."

■ The bee chases the butterfly, but the butterfly marries the snail. Bee was puzzled: How is he better than me? Butterfly replied: After all, I have my own house, it's not like you living in a dormitory.

■ To be a man, you should be a man like King Kong - masturbating for the woman you love on the tallest building in the world!

■ If time could be turned back, I would definitely spend my childhood with you. We would hide and seek, steal sweet potatoes, fish in rivers, and fight grasshoppers. Then I would beat you, and if you cried, I would comfort you. Be happy, play with you, and then beat you up.

■ Do you have a TV over there? Now hurry up and watch CCTV. Zhao Benshan was killed in the bombing. The police sealed off the Northeast. 19 people died, 11 were missing, and 1 was deceived!

■ Two counterfeiters accidentally made fake banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to spend it in a remote mountainous area. When they took a 15 yuan bill and bought 1 yuan candied haws, they cried. , the farmer found them two pieces worth 7 yuan.

■ Have you eaten? Please receive text message. The elephant defecated in the middle of the road. An ant happened to be passing by. It looked up at the mist-shrouded peak and couldn't help but sing: Ya La Suo, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

■ The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine during combat? The company commander was very angry: What can we do? If you step on it, you will be compensated according to the price.

■ I said: "You are a pig." You said: "I am a pig!" From now on I will call you a pig. Finally one day, you couldn't help but yelled at me in front of everyone: "I'm not a pig!"

■ Could it be that you are the one who was the only one in the world in swordsmanship and martial arts in Huashan Mountain? The pear blossom crushes the begonia, the young novice monk adopted by the mentally retarded master of the Shaolin Temple, the imbecile pet dog Wangcai, the cockroach crushed by Xiaoqiang, a ball of feces that Xiaoqiang once rolled?

■ Fish said: I never close my eyes because I want you to be able to see you in my eyes at any time! Water says: I keep flowing so that you can feel me hugging you at any time! The pot said: It’s almost cooked and yet it’s so poor!

■ There was a polar bear who was bored and started to pluck his own hair. One, two...it didn't take long to pull it out. After pulling it out, it said two words...it's so cold!

■ The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the poop of the gibbon, and the gibbon helped him gently and carefully. After it was scrubbed clean they fell in love. People ask how they got together? The chimpanzee said with emotion: Ape dung! It’s all ape dung!

■ Dear user, since most of your text messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has a very bad impact on society, we have suspended your text message function. Please bring your own bench tomorrow. Go to the nearest police station to learn style knowledge!

■ I will build your happiness; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I will protect you, It has to be me, who makes me a professional pig farmer.

■ You already know that the B2 bomber is a high-tech weapon, but maybe you don’t know yet - you are even more high-tech! Because you are B2’s younger brother—Ya San (B3)!

■ We must adhere to the business characteristics of "Every customer comes in, and if you catch them, you will get a knife" to ensure that our store continues to make a high profit of 200.

With so many wonderful text messages, it’s so tiring to type them word by word into your phone. Why not use China Mobile’s Fetion? You don’t have to type. You just need to copy-paste-send. It’s still free. , come and register for free.

★ Falling in love with you is inevitable, I will sit in the prison of love for you, and love will be locked in my chest all my life; Falling in love with you, I will never escape, my heart will be completely broken for you, and I will continue to be obsessed with you For your good.

★My last name is me! I love you! I miss you! My name understands you! My name loves you! My nickname misses you! The book is called Dreaming of You! The nickname is chasing you! You can ask me to kiss you.

★ Looking for a girlfriend: The personality is the same as you, the appearance is the same as you, the appearance is exactly the same as you, the cuteness is as cute as you, I feel exactly like you!

★When the wind no longer chases the clouds, when the ice no longer turns into water, when the fire is no longer hot, when the stone is no longer hard, when there is no love in the world, I can stop loving you...

★They say that shooting stars respond to requests. I am willing to wait under the starry sky until a star is moved by me, carrying my thoughts and blessings, and lands on your sleeping pillow.

★Buddha said: It takes five hundred times of looking back at the past life in exchange for passing by in this life. If it is true, I would trade ten thousand times to meet you and tell you: "I really want to love you."

★The wind blows, that is my attraction to you; When it rains, it's because my love for you moves the sky; when it thunders, it's because I shout "I love you".

★I was so happy to see you just now, so relieved to see you again, I miss you so sadly, I chase you so hard, please fulfill my heart!

★I really want to hide you in my breast pocket and melt you so warmly that I will never be able to leave you. From now on, I won’t let others think about you, and you can only fall in love with me.

★I really want to be with you, watch the sunrise and sunset with you, watch the stars in the sky with you, and collect the romantic atmosphere with you!

★Okay I want to hold your hand and walk the road of happiness together; I really want to hold your waist and be happy and carefree from now on; I really want to kiss your face and we will be together forever!

★I really want to nestle in your arms and feel your warmth; I really want to have your broad shoulders and feel your care; I really want to have your gentle words and feel your tenderness; I really want to have Your gentle kiss makes me feel your sweetness; I really want to have your most affectionate hug and feel your love for me!

★ I really want to be your mobile phone, carried in your arms, held in your hands, seen in your eyes, and remembered in your heart. The most important thing is that I kiss you often!

★If you were the ship with its masts folded and waiting to be berthed in my dream, I would like to be the quiet bay with gentle waves and charming beach.

★If I become loess, the loess will also love you; if the loess is covered with grass, the grass will also love you; if the grass is covered with dewdrops, the dewdrops will also love you.

★If I were the breeze and you were the rose, I would quietly caress your fragrant hair; if I were a spider and you were a beautiful butterfly, I would weave a love web with all my heart. , hug your flying wings tightly; if I were an elk and you were a clear spring, I would drink your sweet kiss with my hot lips.

★Rose blooms in September, you are the only one in my heart, I really want to be with you, I have nothing to give you, only the words "I love you"!

★The blue sky is filled with white clouds. Under the white clouds, I run stupidly, carrying my LOVE bag and chasing you until the end of time and my soul leaves my body. I see you full of energy, I dream that you forget your fatigue, I miss you so much that I can’t fall asleep, don’t say you don’t care yet, accept my red rose, it’s your fault that you don’t love me!

★Sister, I love you. When I see you, I feel happy and sweet. I really want to come over, hug you and kiss you, but I am afraid that you will ignore me and ignore me, so I have to send a short message.

Is it enough? Take your time and watch!

Answer: gunshi123 - Jianghu Rookie Level 5 3-28 18:02

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Related questions: Are there any inspirational novels? Who told me short jokes? At most, I will give him 5 points for skiing travel notes and listing the reasons for reading (no articles!!!). Please recommend some funny text messages

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One Hundred Thousand Whys, Aesop’s Fables, Afanti’s Story

Answer: Autumn Water Rolls Dead Leaves - Probation Period Level 1 3-27 13: 48

Call three times 2008-3-26 10:06:32 Even if you are dead, you still love jokes

One day, my daughter, who was less than two years old, asked her mother to get her a bottle Wahaha, the mother took the opportunity to say: "If you call me good mother, I will get it for you."

The daughter quickly shouted sweetly: "Good mother!"

Mom Then he said: “If it’s not enough, I have to scream three times.

"

The daughter hesitated for a moment, and then shouted loudly: "Three times! ”

Daughter’s Worries 2008-3-26 10:06:16 Even after death, I still love jokes

My newborn son is allergic to baby products, so every time he washes I applied olive oil to my son after bathing.

One day, my four-year-old daughter looked very worried as she watched me apply olive oil to him. “Mom, you want to fry him. Come to eat? ”

Dangerous Thumbtack 2008-3-26 10:05:59 Even if you are dead, you still love jokes.com

Xiao Ming came crying and told his mother that he was beaten by his father. Mom Ask: “Why did he hit you?

Xiao Ming sobbed and said: "When the guests came to play at home today, my brother put a thumbtack on the guest's chair, and I saw it." "

"That's not your fault. What did you do next? "

"I was afraid that the guests would sit on the thumbtacks, so I quietly pulled the stool away from behind before the guests sat down. ”

The Function of Mirrors 2008-3-26 9:53:45 Even if you are dead, you still love the joke website

Son: Dad, I am hungry.

Father : Go and look in the mirror.

Son: Will you not be hungry if you look in the mirror?

Father: I don’t know, but since I bought a floor mirror last week, your mother I haven’t eaten yet