Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Tell a cold joke and you will get five points!

Tell a cold joke and you will get five points!

Optimistic fish and water

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you."

The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day, surrounding you and holding you tightly."

The pot said, "It's almost ripe and there's still so much nonsense. . "

The death of Wukong

In the morning, Tang Priest woke up and saw Wukong suddenly die on the ground. Friar Sand sobbed, "How did Wukong die!"

Pig cried, "Master, you talked in your sleep last night and recited spells all night ..."

The concept of repression

What does depression mean? Just three dozen and one dozen people, a mahjong was held, my wallet was stolen, my wife slipped away with someone, the porridge at home was still rancid, my eyes turned upside down, and the ambulance went to the hospital and fell into the ditch!

Classroom fun

The geography teacher asked, "Where does the river flow?"

A student suddenly stood up and sang, "The river flows east!"

The teacher ignored him and then said, "How many stars are there in the sky?"

The students sang again: "The stars in the sky join Beidou!"

The teacher was very helpless: "Are you sick?"

Student: "You have everything I have!" " "

The teacher was angry: "I told you to quit school!" " "

Student: "Wind, wind, fire, going to Jiuzhou!" "

Lei Yu has gone to Fantian

The departure of the stool is the pursuit of the toilet or the retention of the ass.

Everyone says my sister is beautiful, but in fact they are all made up.

My brother smokes because he hurts his lungs, so he is not sad.

Although the bird is small, it really plays all over the sky.

Poor Nike, Fuadi, rogue Armani.

No matter how powerful the Tang Priest is, he is just a monkey-trick.

An arithmetic problem

People = eat+sleep+work+play, pigs = eat+sleep,

People = pig+work+play, people-play = pig+work, people who can't play = working pigs.

Men = eat+sleep+earn money, men = pigs+earn money, men-earn money = pigs.

Women = eat+sleep+spend money, women = pigs+spend money, women-spend money = pigs.

Conclusion: Men don't earn money = pigs, and women don't spend money = pigs.

Last words with national characteristics

1, American: Son, there is no racial discrimination in heaven.

2. Japanese: After death, you don't need to call American michel platini.

3. Russian: I hope God is Putin.

Indians say: Buddha will give me a better reincarnation.

5. Koreans: Remember, children, that the Spring Festival and acupuncture originated in the Republic of Korea.

6. China people: Sorry, son, my father is not Li Gang.

Police dogs and plain clothes

A police dog saw an ordinary dog coming on the road and suddenly ran over and asked it, "I'm a police dog." What are you? "

The ordinary dog looked at it disdainfully and said, "Idiot, look clearly, I'm in plain clothes!" " "

It looks cool.

One day, Wang Xiaoer asked his wife, "I don't look very good, but why do you often say that I look cool?"

His wife replied, "I said you are' cool' and your name is short. Your full name is' you are too cruel and should be dragged to death'!"

New era school motto

1. Those who don't walk side by side with the opposite sex will be deducted 5 points because they are not good at communication.

2. Use the student ID card to deduct 1 point to expose your identity.

3. Deduct 2 points from the school uniform, which is too impersonal.

4. Those who can't play online games will be deducted 15 points because they can't develop in an all-round way.

5. Those who get up before 7 am will be deducted 5 points, which will affect others' rest.

6. Don't bring your mobile phone during school 10, because it doesn't support China's communication industry.

Toilet anecdote

The boss of China Mobile went to the public toilet. Doorman: "3 cents in, 2 cents out."

The boss is stupefied: "Is there a charge for coming out?"

Grandpa: "Two-way charge."

When the boss came out, he was stopped again: "You squatted in the No.8 pit, paid the number selection fee of 1 yuan, farted, paid the roaming fee of 1 yuan, and paid the overtime fee of 1 yuan for more than three minutes. There is background music in the toilet, and the bell is 20 cents. As usual, it is cost-effective to set up a toilet package. "

The boss was angry: "Where is Wang Fa?"

Grandpa: "M-Zone, I am the owner of my site!" " "