Tell the funniest joke of your life.

My son was about to get married, but he didn't know how to pay tribute to the Duke of Zhou, so he asked his father what to do.

Father said vaguely, "You will be above and she will be below."

On the wedding night, the bride locked the door angrily and refused to let the groom in.

The son shouted at the door, "Dad! I can't get in! "

The father replied, "Push!"

The son then pushed hard, and his knee was broken and bleeding. He couldn't help shouting, "ah! Bleeding! "

I heard my father say in the room, "That's right!"

Characters:

One: Big nephew Momo, fourth grade primary school, lustful.

Two: little nephew. Zhu Zhu. Kindergarten small class. Sexy.

Aunt, I'm not very horny!

There's a bitch niece at home

"Aunt! Why is the drinking water cold and the urine hot? " DOG asked.

"Because people have a body temperature! ! "I replied.

"Then why do you eat vegetables and shit?" He asked again!

"Because that's the waste left by food absorption!" I told you!

"Then why did my father shoot xx at my mother, but my brother gave birth?"

I really don't know how to break up this time! ! !

Aunt Liu, no one can answer.

"Aunt! I was punished by the principal today! " DOG said to me in dismay.

"What did you do to hide? ! "I asked curiously.

"no! ! It happens to be the anniversary of our school. Our class is fighting the last battle.

I just got the performance of Chun-Li! I was put on the podium as soon as I finished my performance! "

I wondered, "Chun-Li? ! Is it a girl? Alas! What's the big deal about boys hitting girls? !

Is your headmaster too conservative? ! Have you done anything shameful? "

"no! I just wanted to be realistic, so I stole my mother's black bra and put it on.

Head. Pretend Chun-Li has two knots on his head! ! I think it's beautiful! ! But as soon as he showed up.

I was called to the commander's desk by the headmaster! ! The headmaster also scolded. Touch my bun and say:

Hmm (expressing hesitation, etc.) ... quite big! ! At least 36 ... call your mother to school tomorrow! ! "

have

A lady keeps a female parrot,

But this parrot can only say, "Come on! Do you want to have fun? "

The lady felt that the parrot's behavior really humiliated her.

One day, the lady saw that the pastor of the church opposite had a male parrot and prayed well in the cage.

So he asked the priest, "Why is your parrot so good?" ? How long have you had it?

Can I train my parrot for you? 」

Father: "I have raised it for two years and it has been very good." What happened to your parrot? " 」

So the lady told the humble parrot in the priest's house.

The priest promised, "OK, you give me your parrot, and I promise it will be like mine.

Pray quietly in the cage. 」

The next day, the lady gave the parrot to the priest, and the priest put the female parrot and the priest's male parrot in the same cage.

I hope to educate female parrots in a way close to Zhu Zhechi.

Unexpectedly, as soon as the female parrot saw the male parrot, she cried, "Come on! Do you want to have fun? "

I saw the praying male parrot's eyes lit up: "God, my wish of praying for two years has finally come true ..."

The owner of the cram school can't stand the mess and swearing in the toilet literature.

Yu spent a lot of money to hire a painter to paint and paste uneven tiles.

In case the students scribble again. ......................

One day, when the boss went to the toilet, he suddenly found a tile near the floor.

Someone wrote a line of fine print with a ballpoint pen, which is unclear.

So the boss tilted his ass slightly, bent down to tighten his pants and took a hard look.

I saw it read:

"sir? Does your ass shit at a 45-degree angle? Not so good! ! 』

There used to be a church.

,

In the sea/sea

There is a priest's face.

If local people can't have boys, they just need to go to church to pray.

It was really uncomfortable, so someone asked someone to investigate.

It turned out to be true, but I don't know why.

All the boys born are very much like the priests in the church.

Suddenly there was a strong wind.

.

....

Woman A: What a strong wind. ....

Woman B: Yes! How dangerous! ! What if the skirt explodes?

Woman A: Then I'm going home to change my pants! !

Woman B: Change pants?

Woman: no ... change a nice pair of underwear! ! *

Xiaomei went into the toilet.

I saw a line written on the wall.

"Please look to the left."

After she looked to the left ....

"Please look back."

When she looked back, ....

"Please look to the right."

After she looked to the right. ....

"Please look up."

After she looked to the right. ....

"Please don't look around when you go to the toilet."

children

Zi was carrying a big bag and told his father that I couldn't stand this family any more.

Yes I want to leave, I want to go to that place where there is excitement and drinking every day.

There is a beautiful girl's life every day. Dad, under no circumstances can you stop me. 」

Hearing this, Dad quickly said, "Who stopped you? I'll prepare my luggage right away. "

You go together. 」

A lifeguard protested to the tourists: I have been paying attention to you for three days. Mr Wang, you can't pee in the swimming pool.

Mr. Wang: Everyone urinates in the swimming pool.

Lifeguard: That's right! Sir, but only you are standing on the springboard. ......

A man complained to his friend that my arm hurts. I think I should see a doctor.

Healthy. 』

His friend replied, "Don't go! ! There is a computer in the pharmacy, which can cure all diseases.

Survival is fast and cheap. As long as you put in your urine sample, the computer will diagnose your disease.

Because I'll tell you how to deal with it. It only costs you ten yuan. 』

The man thought it wouldn't hurt to try, so he took a bottle of urine sample to the western doctor.

Go to the room

After finding the computer, he poured a urine sample and put in ten dollars. The computer began to send out

Some noise, different lights, started flashing. After a pause, a small piece of paper fell out.

The article writes:

* Your elbow is inflamed.

* Dip your hands in warm water.

* Avoid hard work.

* It will get better in two weeks.

That night, he has been thinking about how this incredible new technology will rewrite medical science.

On second thought, I began to wonder if this machine would be fooled.

So he decided to try. He mixed some tap water and looked like a puppy poop.

Ben, the urine of his wife and daughter. In order to achieve confusing effect, he added

A little of your own semen. Then he went back to the drugstore and let 10 yuan in. This machine is as usual.

Usually, some sounds are made and the following prescription labels are printed:

* Your tap water is too hard.

* Switch to softer water.

* Your dog has bugs.

* Give it vitamins

* Your daughter is in Khartoum.

* Take her to a rehabilitation center.

* Your wife is pregnant.

* The baby isn't yours.-Get a lawyer

* If you don't stop fooling around

* Elbow inflammation will never get better

In a black tribe in Africa, there is a white doctor stationed there.

One day, a woman in the tribe gave birth to a white child.

The chief was very angry when he knew it, so he went to see a white doctor. .......

Chief: You are the only white man here. What's your explanation for this? ....

Doctor: This is the secret of nature! ! !

At this time, the doctor pointed to the chief's sheep pile and said ....

Doctor: Look, isn't there a black sheep in your flock?

This is the secret of nature, and we all know it. ...

Secretary: Well ... if you don't talk ... I won't talk. .........

Getting married was a mistake.

Having a baby was a mistake.

Divorce is-awakening.

Getting married after divorce is-paranoia.

What women hate about not getting married is-rubbish.

Getting married and having a boyfriend is a stunner.

Get married, have children, have girlfriends, and divorce is-damn it.

A woman in her twenties is like a football, with 20 people chasing her.

Women in their thirties are like basketball, with 10 people chasing them.

A woman in her forties is like table tennis. Two people call each other.

Women in their fifties are like golf. Play as far away as possible.

There was a pupil who had a crush on his teacher for a long time, and one day he finally got up.

Courage, confession to the teacher, the teacher has been enlightening him, saying that he is wrong and so on.

However, primary school students are stubborn and just don't listen. They also say that love has no age.

Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it. He said, "I don't want children! View only

The pupils showed a satisfied smile and said, "Teacher, I will be very careful!" " ! ?

one

A man was drinking in a bar with a heavy heart. ....

Attendant: Sir? ! In a bad mood If you have any ideas, just say it!

M: I'm gay.

Attendant: So what?

Man: My brother is gay, too.

Attendant: .......

M: To make matters worse, so is my brother.

Attendant: .........., doesn't anyone in your family like women?

M: Yes! My sister

An elderly doctor flew next to a Presbyterian priest.

Due to some technical problems, the departure time of the plane was delayed.

After taking off, the captain apologized to the passengers and announced that there would be free drinks soon.

Treat all passengers. When the charming stewardess came pushing the cart, the doctor

I asked her for a gin, and then the stewardess asked the priest next door if she wanted it.

After drinking a glass of wine, the priest replied, "no, thank you." I would rather commit adultery than. "

Want to drink! Hearing this, the old doctor immediately returned the wine to the stewardess and said

Miss, I just didn't know there was any other choice! 」

An old woman keeps a pair of parrots as companions, but she can't figure out which one is the male. Which one is a woman?

So I called the vet for advice.

The vet suggested:

"You just need to observe their mating behavior, and the male is riding on it. Then,

If you mark the male bird, there will be no confusion. 』

The next morning, according to the veterinarian's instructions, when the parrot mated, she put it around the neck of the male parrot.

White tape is used to show the difference.

In the afternoon, the pastor of the church came to visit. When the parrot saw the white dress on the priest's robe, he

Shout: "Oh! I know what you did. Listen, you're marked, too. 』

misunderstand

A couple got married in a church, and when they wanted to exchange rings, the nervous groom.

I forgot about it. The priest raised his finger anxiously, made a snapping gesture and winked at the groom.

I saw the groom blushing and stammering, "Reverend, isn't it the same on the wedding night?" 』

God created man.

My son just went to elementary school and asked his father a question.

"Dad, why did God create men first and then women? 』

"Maybe he doesn't want a woman to nag in his ear when he makes a man.

Stop it! 』

Not afraid of my wife

At the PTT conference, a group of henpecked husbands got together to discuss how to bring their husbands back to life.

Glory.

Suddenly, someone came running and said:

Your wives have heard the news and agreed to come and get even with you! 』

Hearing this, everyone was scared to run around, but only one person sat there casually. everyone

Praise this man for being brave and not afraid of his wife. After a long time, I took a closer look and found this man.

It's scared to death. 』

Fur clothing

When taking the elevator, the man was surprised to find a naked woman in the elevator.

The woman gave him a white, scold a way:

"What are you looking at? What's there to see! 』

"oh! I just want to say that my wife has a leather coat like this. 』

Wedding anniversary

One day, Xiao Li decided to surprise his wife and celebrate her ninth wedding anniversary.

So he dressed up as a stranger and brought his wife a flower.

After he rang the doorbell, his wife opened the door and said:

"Come on in, my husband hasn't come back yet."

one

After the passion for dog men and women, the man asked:

"I am your first man? 』

The woman looked at the ceiling and didn't answer.

After a while, the man asked again and said apologetically:

I know it's impolite to ask, but I really want to know.

The appearance of the woman obviously impatient:

"Don't interrupt, I'll calculate it again."

Three people met at the gate of heaven, and an angel asked, how did you three die? ....

The first man said sadly ... I got up too late that day ...

I hurried downstairs ... I taught taxis in dirty clothes ... but I was already dead. ..

A refrigerator fell from the sky ... so I became distorted ... Oh. ....

The second is ... I was on a business trip that day ... I came back early to surprise my wife. ...

I didn't expect to hear a man's voice in the room ... so I went in angrily ... unexpectedly.

I didn't see anyone ... so I looked out of the window ... Hehe ... a disheveled man came in a hurry.

Call a taxi and run away. ...

I broke the refrigerator ... and was convicted of gun fraud ... Oh. ...

The third ... wronged is me ... I am very enthusiastic about my new sister. ....

Her husband came back, which was incredible ... in a hurry ... I hid in the refrigerator. ....

But bang ... I don't know anything ... I'm here. ....

one

Rooms are rented to many men and women, so the bathroom needs to be used, so you need to take a shower.

It has been a long time. One night Xiao Wu came back from outside and wanted to take a bath. There happened to be one in the bathroom.

A woman is washing clothes. So Xiao Wu asked, "Miss, is there anyone washing under you?" "The little one.

My sister answered angrily: "I'll wash it myself!" " Boring ~ ~ "

A sister-in-law saw a man who was about to get off the bus and threw a pack of cigarettes on the pedal.

So he quickly said to the man, Comrade, you dropped your cigarette!

At that time, the man was stunned for a while. ......

Then look back at the eldest sister-in-law and say, you just castrated!

Jiang Qing met the foreign guests and found an interpreter. Ask him to translate her meaning strictly and don't go out of shape.

When the foreign guests saw Jiang Qing, they immediately kowtowed: "Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful".

After the translation, Jiang Qing was elated, so she had to be modest: "Where, where".

The translator did not dare to neglect, and translated Jiang Qing's words into English: "Where? Where? "

The foreign guests were dumbfounded, and this kind of person asked where to look good and simply kowtowed to the end:

"Everywhere, everywhere".

Translation: "You are beautiful everywhere."

Jiang Qing is happy, but always polite: "Not necessarily, not necessarily."

The translator quickly translated it into English: "Not allowed.

Look, you are not allowed to look. "

Mr. Lin is a famous person who spends too much time.

One day, on his wife's birthday, he asked Lin Sheng to take her to a strip club to broaden her horizons. Lin Sheng was so entangled that he had to do it.

When they arrived at the gate of the strip club, the waiter in uniform immediately stepped forward and said politely, "Mr. Lin, welcome!" " "

Mr. Lin stood nervously, but Mrs. Lin stared.

Entering the strip club, the foreman came over and asked, "Welcome, Mr. Lin, are you still sitting in your original seat?" Mrs Lin's angry face began to turn blue.

At the beginning of the performance, the stripper twisted her waist and took off her clothes one by one with the rhythm of the music.

Jiaosheng shouted, "Whose is this?" "Mr. Lin, of course!" All the guests said in unison.

By this time, Mrs. Lin had fainted. Mr. Lin quickly picked her up and got on the bus.

Aunt Lin suddenly woke up and shouted angrily, "you liar, bastard and beast!" " Hearing this, the taxi driver turned and said, "Mr. Lin, the girl you found tonight." "

The son is very provocative! "

Playing games with colleagues in the summer vacation means passing cups while singing, and finally watching who has a cup when the song stops.

In the game Who Will Be Punished, only a female colleague and I were drinking with disposable cups at the scene, so we were told.

Two cups, until the end of the activity, I just want to say: no! Two people use the same cup, and I

How do I know which one is mine? I saw the girl who just graduated from high school blushing and saying without any breath: No.

Yes, my ass is different from yours! !

When everyone laughed, she said innocently, Yes! I squashed it as a souvenir!

Two ants walked hand in hand and came to the edge of the forest. Ant A was sharp-eyed and found a cave behind the weeds, so he proposed to go in and explore. Ant B was timid by nature and said, Just go in by yourself. I'll keep an eye on you outside ... Ant A had to go into the cave alone to find out. I didn't expect it to sway shortly after I entered the cave. Ant A tripped inside, but didn't die. Hurriedly climbed out of the hole, looking for ant B, but saw that ant B had a broken hand and a lame leg and was dead. He rushed to the first aid and saw ant B wake up faintly. B asks A: What's the matter? Why are you bruised and covered in shampoo? A said: what bad luck! No sooner had I entered than there was a big earthquake, which made me unconscious and I fainted. I don't know anything else! A asks B: You're outside. Why are you more injured than me? B said weakly, as soon as you went in, an off-road vehicle came outside. I couldn't escape for a while, and I was pinned down by its two big tires, which led to such a fate. What makes people angry is that after the car hit me, it didn't stop to check. But repeatedly ran over me with a tire, deliberately causing my death! ! The driver of that car is really precocious! !

A policeman asked a robber, "Why did you rob and rape a kind woman?" The robber argued, "I didn't! ! ! "The policeman shouted," How dare you argue about this gun? " "I just want to sell this gun. As soon as the gun was taken out, the young lady threw money at me and began to take off her clothes! " The police said! @#$%%..........."

Speaking of the kitten's first holiday after leaving the army, he strolled into the park alone, worrying about how to spend this long and boring day. A beautiful girl with a charming figure came forward to strike up a conversation. The two chatted very speculatively and finally decided to "talk privately". Afterwards, the beautiful girl wrapped a red envelope of 5000 yuan for the kitten. After returning to camp from vacation, the kitten's affair immediately spread throughout the company, and everyone envied it! ! After the late roll call, the kitten was called to the company commander's office and stated all the details without reservation. The next morning, the company commander appeared in the park. Not long after, the beautiful girl appeared again and came over to strike up a conversation with the company commander. As a result, just like the script of the previous day, two people moved to another room of the hotel to have a long talk. Afterwards, the beautiful girl gave the company commander a red envelope of 1500 yuan. The company commander was very upset and asked, "The soldier we contacted yesterday came and you gave him 5,000 yuan. Today, I invited a company commander to personally sign, and you only gave 1500 yuan. Is that me, ..........? "The beautiful girl stopped him with a charming smile and said softly," Yesterday's photo was in color, but today you took a black and white photo ..........................................................................................................................................

be homonymous

One day I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi with a foreign friend.

The beautiful service lady came to ask.

Friends always miss any chance to practice Chinese.

How much is "sleep"

The young lady was embarrassed, and then she was very angry.

I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much.

.....

Jiaozi served it, and I asked him if he wanted mustard.

He invited another young lady. Is there a "program"?

The young lady said brightly, "Yes, what program do you want?"

"It's yellow ..."

#@$#@$#%^&； *^!

A lovely girl went to see a doctor at lunch time and gave birth to a handsome young man in white in the clinic. The girl said, "My shoulder hurt for a week. Can you take a look at it for me? " The young man in white said, "You lie on the bed and I will give you a massage." A few minutes later, the girl shouted "Ah ~ ~ ~! Doctor! This is not a shoulder! The young man smiled and said, I know, but I'm not a doctor either! 』

When the young man got on the taxi and found that the taxi driver was a woman, he immediately decided to play a little joke. He said, "Take me."

Go to the cheapest brothel in town. "Sir," replied the taxi driver, "you are already inside! 」

Zhu Xiao and his girlfriend went out for a ride in his new car, which is a streamlined little sports car with a narrow compartment. Other cars

The child stopped at the silent roadside. After a caress, the girl shyly jumped out of the car and ran to the nearby lawn. But when?

When she found that Zhu Xiao didn't catch up with her, she couldn't help but anger: "Get off the bus before my enthusiasm disappears!" 」

After struggling for a while, Zhu Xiao said gloomily, "I can't get off the bus until my enthusiasm disappears." 」

The judge looked at the girl in the audience. "You claim that the defendant stole money from your socks?" He asked. "yes,

"My Lord," she replied, "well, why didn't you resist? "asked the judge. Female nuclear red face, lower the head, "I don't want it.

Know that he wants to steal my money. "She replied.

A judge ordered the confiscation of a film called Love 10 1 Way, because its content was too obscene.

Moreover, after reading it the second time, the judge sighed, "I can only understand nine ways." 」