Dear netizens, I recently wanted to participate in a story competition, but I never had the right story content. Note: The story should be 3 to 5 minutes long, humorous, and contain dialogue.

No one writes ink

A son from a rich family went to take an exam. His father took the exam beforehand and his score was very good. He thought he would be admitted, but unexpectedly

There is no son’s name on it. My father rushed to the county magistrate for comment. The county magistrate brought the roll to check, and saw a faint layer of gray fog on it, but no words could be seen.

As soon as his father came home, he scolded him: "How come your exam paper is written in such a way that no one can read it clearly?"

The son cried: "No one in the exam room will polish it for me I have to write with a pen dipped in water on an inkstone."

Old lady chanting Buddha's name

There was an old lady holding a few beads in her hand while chanting Amitabha, Amitabha. , while shouting: "Er Han, Er Han,

There are too many ants on the pot. I hate them to death. Get a fire and burn them to death for me." Then he read: "Amitabha, Amitabha

Buddha." Then he shouted: "Er Han, Er Han, help me remove the ashes from the bottom of the pot. Don't use your own dustpan, because If you want to burn it, just ask your neighbor for a dustpan. Remember, remember, Amitabha, Amitabha"

A monk is never a vegetarian.

When the master saw that he was a monk, he asked: "Master, do you drink?"

The monk smiled and said: "Drink a little wine, but I never eat vegetarian food."

Except Confused

A man complained to the county government: "I will lose my hoe tomorrow. Please investigate."

The county official asked: "You slave! I will lose my hoe tomorrow." , why didn’t you come to report the crime yesterday?”

After hearing this, the clerk next to him couldn’t help but laugh. The county magistrate immediately concluded the case and said: "You must be the one who stole the hoe! What did you steal it for?"

The clerk replied: "I want to get rid of that fool."

The old man is sad

There was an old man who was rich and wealthy, with a family full of descendants. On his 100th birthday, the house was crowded with birthday guests, but the old man was very unhappy.

Everyone asked him: "You are so lucky, why are you worried?"

The old man replied: "I am not worried about anything, I am just worried about my 200th birthday. The number of people coming to congratulate has increased by hundreds and thousands.

How can I remember them all?"

Arguing for advantages

A man holding his son in his arms? While playing outside, a neighbor jokingly said: "Father and son are of the same blood. Just look at your son and you will know that his face is exactly the same as mine."

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The person holding the child said: "Yes, you and this child were born from the same woman. How can your faces be different?"

< p>Heart-broken

Two villains had malignant sores on their backs and asked a doctor to treat them. The doctor looked at one, then the second, and pretended to be horrified and said: "His heart is worse and can be cured, but your heart is so bad that it has become rotten. Call me How to cure well? "

Sparrow Treats

One day, the sparrow treated the birds to wine. It said to the kingfisher: "You are wearing such bright and bright clothes, so naturally please sit at the table."

Then it said to the eagle: "Although you are bigger, you are wearing You are wearing dark and ugly clothes, so I have to sit down at the bottom of the table."

The Eagle replied: "Why are you such a snobbish slave?"

Sparrow! He replied: "Who in the world doesn't know that I, the sparrow, have a small heart and shallow eye sockets."

Animals bully the poor

A man asked a beggar: "Dogs?" Why do they bite you when they see you?"

The beggar replied: "If I have good clothes and hats, the beasts will respect me."

The emperor. Clothes

A beggar came back from the capital and boasted that he had seen the emperor.

Others asked him: "What does the emperor wear?"

Answer: "Wearing a hat carved from white jade and a robe made of gold."

Question: "Yes. How can I bow to someone wearing a gold robe?"

The beggar spat at him and said, "Haha, you really don't understand the world! Who do you bow to since you are the emperor?"

< p>Afraid of drowning in wine

When a customer comes into the store to buy wine, he will say the word "dun" after drinking a glass of wine, and he won't stop talking. Someone else asked, "I think you drank too much. Are you afraid of having diarrhea, so you go squat in a hair pit to get out of bed?" The man pointed at the wine glass and said, "No, I just want to have a pier so that I can climb up and not drown in this thin water."

Signature Painting Knife

The hotel owner hired someone to write the store's sign. After the person finished writing, he drew a knife on it.

The boss asked in surprise: "What does drawing a knife mean?"

He replied: "I want to use this knife to kill the moisture in the wine!"

Treading on a flat gourd

There is a hotel that has a rule: any guest who comes to buy and drink wine and says the wine is sour will be punished by being tied to a wooden post.

One day, a Taoist priest came into the shop carrying a big gourd. When he saw the man tied to the wooden pillar, he asked what the reason was. The boss replied:

"He lied about my wine being sour, so I punished him."

The Taoist priest said: "Please give me a glass and let me have a taste." The shopkeeper served the wine, and the Taoist priest just said After taking a bite, he ran away in a hurry.

The boss was very happy because he did not say the wine was sour, and hurriedly greeted him: "You forgot the gourd."

The Taoist priest said as he ran away: "I don't want it, I don't want it, you Keep it and flatten it as a sign of jealousy."

A banner

There is a family in Huizhou who has been fighting with others for years, and they are full of resentment and boredom. On New Year's Eve, the father and son discussed

"We must say some auspicious words during the New Year next year, so as to bring good luck in the coming year and avoid lawsuits."

The sons said : "Dad, tell me first."

The father said: "This year is a good year."

The eldest son then said: "There is little bad luck."

The younger son They also said: "No lawsuits."

They asked someone to write a banner with three sentences and 11 words, posted it in the nave, and asked family members to recite it loudly at all times, so as to make people more comfortable.

Auspicious.

Early in the morning on the first day of the new year, my son-in-law came to pay New Year greetings. He walked to the hall, looked up and saw a banner, and read aloud: "This year is very unlucky, and I will not be allowed to file a lawsuit."

The three father and son stamped their feet anxiously and said repeatedly: "Unlucky, unlucky!"

Scolding those who fart

A group of friends were sitting together, and suddenly someone farted. I don't know who it was. Who, everyone doubted someone and gathered to blame him. In fact, the man didn't fart, he didn't argue, he just laughed.

Everyone asked: "What's so funny?"

He replied: "The one who laughed at the fart also followed everyone and scolded me."

"Pay it off every year." ”

A man borrowed 6 taels of silver from someone and agreed that the interest would be 5 cents for one or two months. At the end of the year, the interest would be 3 taels and 6 cents. One year has passed, and the borrower asked the creditor to pay back 4 yuan in exchange for an IOU of 10 taels, and the creditor agreed.

At the end of the second year, based on the calculation of 10 taels, the interest should be 6 taels. Since the person could not pay back, he asked for another 4 taels in exchange for an IOU of 20 taels

, the creditor agreed again.

At the end of the third year, the sum calculated as 20 taels with interest and principal and interest was 32 taels. He could not pay it back, so he asked for 8 taels in exchange for another one

An IOU of 40 taels. The creditor hesitated, and the borrower said angrily: "You are so heartless! The principal and interest I borrowed from you are not clearly counted in any year. I have already found all the change. How can you pay back the principal and interest?" Aren't you happy?"

Yellow croaker is afraid of the smell

There is a fishmonger who picks out yellow croaker with a vigorous pace. A rich man liked his strong feet and hired him to lift them.

Unexpectedly, he was carrying the sedan chair very slowly. The rich man asked him strangely why. The bearer replied: "Yellow croaker is afraid of the smell, so he has to go fast. What are you afraid of?" >What?”

Special instructions before execution

A prisoner will be executed according to law. When the guards tied him up, he unbuttoned his shirt, slapped his chest with his hands, and asked him what he meant.

He said, "I'm afraid I caught a cold. This is not for fun."

The officer escorted him halfway and suddenly heard the crow of a crow. He knocked his teeth three times and chanted the sutra seven times. When asked what he meant, he said: "The crow crows, which means there will be a quarrel. Knocking his teeth and chanting sutras was to avoid fighting with others."

Finally, when it was time to cut him, he begged the executioner: "Please wipe the knife edge clean with a piece of rough paper. ,

If the razor is not clean, I will get sores when I shave my head; if the beheading knife is not clean, when will I get better from sores? ”

One? Drunken Monkey

Someone bought a monkey, dressed it in clothes and hats, and taught it the etiquette of kneeling and worshiping, which was very decent. One day, the host hosted a banquet for guests and asked the monkey to perform a bow and salute. Everyone thought it was very cute. A guest gave it some wine, and it got so drunk that it took off its clothes and hat and rolled all over the floor. Everyone laughed and said: "This monkey looks like a human being when he doesn't drink wine, but when he drinks wine, he doesn't look like a human being anymore."

Learn to be good before death

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A criminal who was about to be punished heard that there was a fool somewhere, so he invited him to take out 100 taels of silver and said: "I will give you all this money to buy good clothes." Buying good food will make a lot of money for your wife and family. In a while, the government will send officers to check on you. Please take my place and let them tie you up. They will let you go home in a few days. "

The fool saw the table full of lights and quickly agreed to take the money back. An elder in the neighborhood knew about it and hurriedly came to persuade him: "Return the silver to him quickly. What's the use of ten thousand gold if you lose your life?"

The fool said: "With the money returned, it would be foolish for me to continue living those difficult days." The old man sighed and left. A fool will spend his money, and the whole family will be very happy.

Not long after, the official document arrived, calling the fool by name. The officers tied him to the execution ground and beheaded him. The fool then cried: "I regret that I listened to others' advice to this day! But I also learned well today. This is the only time I will suffer a loss!"

Black teeth and white teeth

There were two prostitutes, one had black teeth and the other had white teeth; one tried every means to hide her black teeth, and the other tried every way to show off her white teeth.

Someone asked the prostitute with black teeth what her last name was. The prostitute pursed her lips tightly, puffed out her cheeks, and whispered in her throat: "Gu." She replied: "15."

Finally, when asked what her skills were, she replied in her throat: "I know how to play the drum."

Others asked White Teeth what the prostitute's last name was. , the prostitute opened her mouth and replied: "Qin."

When asked how old she was, she opened her mouth again and replied: "17." Asked what she could do, she answered Opening his mouth wide, exposing all his white teeth, he said: "I know how to play the piano."

Boasting about his son

The father walked with his son. An acquaintance of the father met his son and asked, "Who is this?" He is my direct son-in-law, but he is my son.”

Give me a red face

Before going to a friend’s house for a banquet, I drank half of it myself. Drunk, face red. When I went to a friend's house for a banquet, I found that the wine tasted very light. The more I drank, the more tasteless it became. Even the wine I drank had made me wake up, and my face turned red. After the banquet, he said to the host: "Your wine

is very good, but please return my red face!"

I would like to be your son

An old man is described as haggard and weak, but as long as he is said to be old, he will be annoyed, and if he is praised for his youth, he will not be able to enjoy it.

After one person knew about it, he deliberately took advantage of him and said: "Although your beard and hair are white, your face is delicate and delicate. Not only can it be compared to a child, but also the skin of my newborn baby." Just as fresh and tender."

The old man said happily: "If my face can be so fresh and tender, I would like to be your son."

From fast to slow

Teacher. He was very angry that the master did not invite him to a meal. When the student came to the school to study, he quickly taught a poem with anger: "Spring Outing

Fangcaodi."

The student held it in his mouth Tears forced me to read along. However, he understood the teacher's intention and said:

"Father"

The teacher asked: "What does father do?"

The student replied: "Buying meat. "

The teacher slowed down the teaching of the poem slightly: "Appreciating the green lotus pond in summer." The students still couldn't follow, and the teacher asked again: "What does your father buy meat for?"

Answer: "Sir, please."

The teacher's anger gradually subsided, and he slowly taught the third sentence: "Drink yellow flower wine in autumn."

He asked again: "When will you invite me?"

The answer was: "Today."

The teacher was overjoyed and slowly and clearly taught the fourth sentence: "Winter chanting a poem about white snow. ”

Open a skylight

There is a man who likes to take advantage of relatives and friends to do errands. He often takes the lead in asking everyone to pool money to host a banquet, but he should pay a share

I often hide it and refuse to pay it, and also use the extra wine money to line my own pocket. The king of hell hated him for having such a dark conscience. Catch him to the underworld and put him in a dark prison to suffer.

But as soon as the man entered the cell door, he shouted: "This room is so dark. There are several people here now. Please collect money to open a skylight.

It is also very bright. "Bright." (The proverb is "opening the skylight" for advocates of embezzlement and corruption who gather everyone's money.)

At the wedding banquet

There was a crazy son who often liked to say depressing words.

One day, his brother-in-law’s family was getting married, and his father took him to a banquet. As soon as his son was about to speak, his father said: "Marriage in his family is a happy event. Don't say depressing words." ."

The son said: "I don't mind your instructions, I understand: 'Getting married is not a funeral.'"

A man goes out for the New Year. One day, I encountered a bird dropping feces on my hat. I thought it was unlucky and wanted to sacrifice to the Bodhisattva to eliminate the disaster, so I owed a pig's head to the butcher on credit and used it as a sacrifice.

Not long after, the butcher saw him and said, "The pig head has been owed money for many days. It's time to pay."

The man replied, "It's been owed for many days." , But I have an analogy: If this pig doesn’t have a head, will you come to me to ask for money for the pig’s head?”

The butcher said: “How can there be a pig without a head?” ”

The man said: “Since this doesn’t make sense, I have another point to say: If I paid back the money last year and you ran out of it, wouldn’t you have no pig money

? "

The butcher said: "You are even more ridiculous. If you had paid me back last year and used it, you would have saved me other money."

The debtor lowered his head and thought for a moment. He would say: "This doesn't make sense. Let me make it clear to you. For example, if this bird droppings are sprinkled on your head, you will definitely use a pig's head to sacrifice to the gods to ward off disasters. Where can you get any money for a pig's head? ?”

The Opposition of Wind and Rain

A teacher likes to drink and often drinks like crazy. Once, he accidentally came up with a word for "rain" and asked the students to correct it, and the students said "wind".

He added three more words: "Inspiring flowers to rain."

The student said to him: "You are drunk and crazy."

Another word added: Five words: "There are bursts of rain in the garden that encourage flowers."

The student said to him: "There is often a drinking scene at the banquet (crazy)."

The teacher said: "You are right, but you should not talk about my husband's shortcomings."

The student said: "If I don't change my ways, I will be your teacher's husband."

"

Fart article

A scholar is very good at talking and is used to helping people with lawsuits. The county magistrate hates him and said: "Scholars should read with peace of mind behind closed doors

Shu, why do you need to go to the Yamen? I think the article you wrote must be ridiculous, I will give you a test when I come up with a question. "While he was talking, he was thinking about a topic, and suddenly he farted, so he asked him to write an essay on the fart.

The scholar immediately respectfully presented the words: "Teacher, hold your golden butt high. , fart loudly, as sweet as the sound of silk and bamboo, and as fragrant as the smell of musk orchid. It is a great honor for Xiaosheng to stand in the limelight.

The county magistrate laughed and said: "This scholar can't write serious articles, but he can do a great job in fart articles." There is a mass excrement pit on the east street of this county. He was made to stand by the cesspit and smell the scent of musk orchids every day, so that he would not disturb others when he had nothing to do. "

Inexhaustible

A man borrowed something from the temple at night and said, "I have things that will never be used by generations to give to your temple. "The monk happily let him stay and was very polite to him.

The next morning, the monk asked what it was. The man pointed to a tattered curtain in front of the Bodhisattva. Said: "Hey, if you dismantle these things and make small sticks for lanterns, how can they be used for generations to come?" "

The mother of salted eggs

It was the first time for A and B to eat salted duck eggs.

A said in surprise: "The eggs I have eaten in the past are all bland. , why is this egg so salty? "

B said: "Fortunately you asked me about this. Let me tell you, this egg was laid by a salted duck. "

Wooden wedges stop hunger

A certain rich man was stingy and always gave his servants only half-full meals. One day when he was going on a long trip, the servant asked: "What if I get hungry on the way?" "

The rich man found a rope and a wooden wedge and said, "Don't say you are hungry on the road, otherwise you will be laughed at." If you are hungry, I

have my own way. Just say: "I'm hungry" and I will make you not hungry. ”

After walking for a long time, the servant was so hungry that he hurriedly followed the rich man’s instructions. The rich man quickly took out the rope and tightened the servant’s belly

The servant couldn’t walk far. He shouted again, and the rich man took out a wooden wedge and stuffed it into the rope, found a brick, and knocked hard on the wedge, saying, "It's so tight, so I won't be hungry anymore!" "

After not being able to walk a few steps, the servant shouted more urgently. The rich man became furious, untied the rope, and the wooden wedge fell to the ground.

Said: "You Hungry slave, go and find someone else, I have this good guy, I don’t have to worry about no one using it. "

My family has a rough moon

A certain person often humbles himself with his rough words.

One day, he entertained guests and while he was drinking, the moon rose. The guest said happily: "The moon is so beautiful tonight! "

The man quickly raised his hands and said, "Don't dare! Don't dare! This is just a rough moon in my family. "

Being an official and a robber

A few people were drinking and writing poems. Each of them had to use a poem to describe a person with the same nature as a robber. One said: "The leader

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The skylight is open for collecting money (the person who takes the lead in collecting money).

One person said: "Defrauding people and harming others is a bad scholar." "

Another person said: "Four sedan chairs are coming and shouting. ”

Everyone started shouting: “This is a government official, how can he look like a robber?” "

The man replied: "Look at the people sitting in the sedan chair carried by four people, 9 out of 10 are more powerful than robbers! "

Xiucai Trial

A fool said: "I wish I had 100 acres of land." "

The neighbor said: "If you have 100 acres of land, I will raise 10,000 ducks and eat all the rice in your field." "

The two quarreled and went to the government office together to review the case. When they passed the academy, they saw the high red wall and the gate tower. They thought it was the government office

, so they pulled them in.

A scholar came out. They thought he was an official, so they rushed to talk about their own reasons. The scholar smiled and said: "One of you goes to buy the land first

The other goes first. Raise ducks, wait until I become an official, and then I will try this case!"

Forgot about the Dragon Boat Festival

During the Dragon Boat Festival, the teacher did not receive the gift and asked the student why. The student asked his father and came back and said, "My father has forgotten." There are three heroes: Zhang Liang and Han Xinwei

Chi Gong "

The student could not write the second couplet and was afraid of being beaten, so he cried to his father. The father said: "There is a mistake in the pairing. Duke Yuchi is from the Tang Dynasty, not the Han Dynasty."

The student reported to the teacher. The teacher smiled and said: "Your father remembers things thousands of years ago very clearly. Why did he forget yesterday during the Dragon Boat Festival?"

Confused interpretation

< p> During the Southern Song Dynasty, there was a monk in Suzhou who was drinking and causing chaos. The state official ordered him to be arrested and sent a police officer to escort him to a remote place

where he could be punished. The transportation was inconvenient and the dissatisfaction was resented. Therefore, the sticks were constantly used and the monks complained endlessly.

A few days later, while staying at an inn, the monk wanted to run away, so he said some kind words to Jie Chai and then took out some broken silver

to invite him to drink. Jie Chai, who was greedy for drinking, immediately took off the monk's shackles and drank to his heart's content. After a while, he was drunk and turned into a pile of mud. At this time, the monk found a razor, shaved Jie Chai's head, put criminal clothes on Jie Chai, put shackles on him, and then escaped through the window.

The next day, when I woke up after a night of drinking, I didn’t see the monk, so I was anxious. But when I looked at the prison clothes on my body and the shackles on my collar, I looked at my head in the mirror and saw it was bare, and my worries turned into joy. He said to himself: "Haha, I don't dare to run away even if I think of you!" But

after thinking for a while, he was stunned again: "Hey! The monk is here, where did I go!"< /p>

The surgery was over

A soldier was hit by an arrow in his arm and was in constant pain, so he asked a famous surgeon to treat him.

The doctor cut off the arrow tube exposed outside his arm, then asked for money and left. The soldier said: "Who doesn't know how to cut off the arrow barrel? But the arrowhead

is still in the flesh, why do you want to leave?"

The doctor shook his head and said: "I have already done the surgery. Done, the arrow in the flesh is a matter of internal medicine!”

Where is the wind?

It was hot in the middle of the summer, and several officials were discussing official matters, and they talked about the hot weather. Where is the best place to enjoy the cool air? One person

said: "There is a garden where the water pavilion is very cool."

One person said: "There is a temple where the main hall is very cool."

A common person shouted from the side: "It's the coldest in the Yamen Hall!"

The officials asked in surprise: "Why?"

The common people laughed and said: "There is no sky there!" Why isn't the wind cool in the place where the sun shines?"

Rotten Plate

Once upon a time, there was a magistrate who swore to God when he took office: "If I want money with my left hand, I will give it to you. If the right hand wants money, then the right hand will be rotten." Soon, someone offered him a lot of money as a bribe. He wanted to accept it, but was afraid of violating his oath. After thinking about it, I came up with a solution: ask someone to bring out an empty plate, ask the briber to put the money in it, and then put it in.

The official comforted himself and said: "The fine I swore and swore at that time was only money, but today I received it in silver. My master never took action. If I wanted to,

it would only rot the plate. It has nothing to do with me."

"Integrity official" wrote a couplet

In order to show his integrity, a new county official posted a couplet on his door: "If you accept Mu Ye's money, Heaven and earth will destroy him; just like

Listen to what the government officials said, men are thieves and women are prostitutes!" The people saw this and thought he was an upright official, and were very happy.

Soon, the county official became corrupt. In order not to conflict with the couplet, all bribery must be done openly during the day; as for money, the parties must personally deliver it themselves, and the government officials are not allowed to handle it.

Understanding the truth

The son didn’t like reading, so his father locked him in the study room and ordered: “Read the book carefully with your eyes and think about it again and again in your mind

If you read the book, you will understand the truth from the book!”

Three days later, his father asked him if he had understood any truth from the book.

The son said seriously: "You are absolutely right! I read according to your teachings for three days and gained a lot. I understand:

The book was originally printed ! "

A square snake

Someone saw a snake and exaggerated: "It is 10 feet wide and 100 feet long."

Others naturally don't believe it. He then reduced the length of the snake by 20 feet. People still didn't believe it, so he reduced the length of the snake by 30 feet,

40 feet, and finally reduced it to 10 feet.

Someone said: "According to what you said, it is 10 feet long and 10 feet wide. This snake -"

The man shouted awkwardly: "Oh, it has become a square." Snake!”

Don’t take any medicine

There was a doctor who was very ill. Before he died, he shouted in bed: “If there is a good doctor, I can cure my disease.” , I have a family member who will give me the elixir of life. If he takes it, he will live for hundreds of years."

Eat Fengqi Cigarettes

The landlord was very mean to his servants. He neither gave them food nor wages, and the servants were all angry.

Once, a friend said to him: "I will give you a servant who will not eat and will not be paid."

The landlord asked: "What will he eat if he does not eat?"

The friend replied: "He has learned a way of eating Fengqi cigarettes and does not eat anything else all day long."

The landlord shook his head and said: "I don't want it."

The friend asked: "Why?"

The landowner replied: "When I hire a man, I want his excrement to fertilize the fields. The servant you recommended only smokes cigarettes and does not excrement, so what do I get< /p>

What about Feitian? ”

Laughing at being drunk

There is a man who likes to drink, and he will go crazy no matter how much he drinks. His wife is very angry.

Once, he asked his wife for a drink. His wife poured the water soaked in ramie into a jug and gave it to him to drink. After drinking for a while, he started to get angry again.

The wife scolded: "You will become drunk and crazy after eating hemp-soaked water?"

He laughed and said: "No wonder I can't go crazy no matter how much I move today!"

A louse

Many people were drinking together. One person felt itchy, so he scratched it, and suddenly he felt a louse. Afraid of being laughed at by others

for being dirty, he threw the lice on the ground and pretended to be dignified and said, "I thought it was a lice."

A guest picked it up The louse looked at it carefully and said to everyone: "Hey, I thought it was not a louse."

Coarse clothes and soft clothes

The rich man and his guests were talking in the hall, and the servant came Send tea. He had no clothes on his body and only used two thin tiles to cover his lower body from front to back

with a straw rope tied in the middle. The rich man scolded: "How do you behave when there are guests here? Wearing such thick clothes! Go and change into light and soft clothes!"

After a while, the servant explained Remove the tiles, replace them with lotus leaves, and come to the hall again.

The guest said: "The expenses in the house are too extravagant!"

The rich man asked: "Where is the luxury?"

The guest replied: "You servant , I have both rough clothes and soft clothes, isn’t that luxurious?”

The rich man said, “When this servant comes to my house, I want him to go back to his own house for dinner. I only care about his clothes.” How can you keep him if you wear one suit and another? "

Wood Carving Food

The rich man invited guests to dinner, and the table was filled with dishes. Fruity points. However, they are all carved from wood, and their surfaces are painted with colorful colors.

The guest said: "Although these foods look good, they can't solve hunger."

The rich man said: "As long as they look good, they will be full.

”

Busy in chanting

In a riverside temple, a monk was chanting sutras. Suddenly he heard a bell ringing from the corner of the temple and called out repeatedly: “Apprentice, apprentice, bell

The sound was very loud, the wind must have been strong, and a boat must have been blown over in the river. I'm chanting sutras and worshiping Buddha, and I don't have time to go out. Please go and salvage some things from the river bank for me.

If someone is drowning in water, never try to save them. ”

Special “Firecrackers”

On the first day of the Lunar New Year, every house opens the door and sets off three firecrackers to celebrate the Spring Festival. Everyone is most taboo about the firecrackers not going off. One person said:

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“Every time my family celebrates the New Year, they always tap the table three times with a ruler. It doesn't cost money, and there's no need to worry about causing a fire, and all three of the 'firecrackers' will explode, and there won't be any 'dumb explosions'! "

Limited life span

An old man celebrated his 100th birthday. A certain person congratulated him and said: "I wish you live to be 120 years old." "

The old man was very angry and accused: "I don't rely on you to support me, why do you want to limit my lifespan? Are you not allowed to live a few hundred more

years? "

It changed instantly

A rich man sat in the living room and farted accidentally. There happened to be two guests next to him. One of the guests hurriedly said:

< p> "Your fart is loud. But there is no odor at all. "

Another one also said: "Not only does it not stink, it also has a strange fragrance. "

The rich man immediately said with a frown: "I heard that if the fart doesn't stink, it must be that the internal organs have been damaged and death is coming. Am I going to die?

Am I going to die? "

A guest hurriedly raised his hand in the air and sniffed several times with his nose: "The smell is coming. "

The other person wrinkled his nose, sniffed it several times, then covered his nose with his hand and said: "Oh, the smell here is even worse. "

Standing at Thirty

The teacher asked two students to explain the topic of "Standing at Thirty".

A student wrote: " Two fifteen-year-olds dare not sit on chairs and benches even though they are available. ”

Another student wrote: “More than half the age of sixty, but still have to stand on two legs. ”

Two clay statues

There are two clay statues in a temple: the Taoist founder Laojun is on the left, and the Buddhist founder Sakyamuni is on the right. As usual, the left is bigger than < /p>

You have a high status

One day, a monk came in and saw him and said very dissatisfied: "My Buddha has infinite power, how can I be inferior to Laojun?

What? "So they moved the Buddha statue to the left side of the Laojun statue.

A Taoist priest saw it and said angrily: "Our Taoist ancestors are extremely noble, how can we succumb to Buddhism and put it on the right side

< p>What? "As he said that, he moved the Laojun statue to the left side of the Buddha statue.

The two kept moving each other back and forth, and actually broke the two clay statues.

Identify the character "鱼"

Someone asked how to write the character "鱼", and someone else wrote him the character "鱼" (the traditional Chinese character for "鱼"). He faced it

.

Looking at the character horizontally and vertically, he finally shook his head: "This character has two horns on its head and four legs on its feet. Where does a fish swimming in the water get its horns and legs

? ”

The writer said: “This is indeed the word for ‘fish’. If you say it’s not, what is that word?”

He shook his head and said seriously: "Look, it has horns and legs. It must be an animal that walks on land." What the word is,

It depends on the size you write: if you write it big, it must be cow; if you write it medium, it is deer; if you write it small, it is sheep

Up. ”

The name is glorious

There was an old lady Wang who was rich and eloquent. She made herself a coffin and wanted to inscribe an inscription on it, so she made a lot of < /p>

The Taoist priest was given a lot of money and asked to think of a glorious name so that he would have a good reputation after his death. The Taoist priest thought about it and finally wrote this sample title: "Hanlin Academy." The Grand Master and the Imperial College held a ceremony to offer wine to the coffin of Granny Wang next door. ”

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