What can a person say when drinking water or eating to make him vomit? 200 points!

A plane crashed on an island. Only one American, one China and one Japanese survived, but they met cannibals on the island. The patriarch told them that as long as the total length of DD of the three of you exceeds 20 cm, we won't eat you. The Americans first measured it, which was 12 cm long, and then it was from China, which was 7 cm long. The United States and China are loose. It's time to measure the Japanese. His length is exactly 2 cm, and the length of the three people adds up to more than 20 cm. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief ... after the cannibal left, the American said, "I am more than half of my length. Without me, you would have been finished." China people are unconvinced and say, Ya, my length is equal to the average. Without me, you would have finished. After a while, the Japanese broke out. If I didn't get an erection just now, you're all finished! !

One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei boiled wine to discuss heroes. It's cloudy and thunderous outside. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was embarrassing.

Guan Yu said frankly in the back: "Don't take offense, fart comes from feather (rain)!" Liu Beizheng is embarrassed.

As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun stepped forward: "Don't make a fuss, fart comes from the clouds!"

As soon as Zhao Yun said it, Zhang Fei shouted loudly: "Farts are flying!"

Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.

Cao Cao didn't laugh. He is deeply touched by this. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates, "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistakes, they rushed to take responsibility and make up for them. It's really loyal. If it is your turn, can you do it? "

The generals were filled with indignation and said with one voice, "Prime Minister, isn't it a fart matter? What's the difficulty! See it next time. "

A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. After holding back for a long time, I finally managed to hold back a small Pi. Everyone waited for a long time, only to hear a "goo". The general used his quick wits and shouted first: "Chu (pig) farted!"

The waiter Wang Lang immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"

Gou An said: This is Gou (dog) fart.

Cai Mao said: This is cat fart.

When Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao thought he was too slow to take care of himself.

Taurus said, "This is golden fart!"

Yu Xun said: "This is a fart!"

Cao Hong said, "Fart is red!"

Gao Lan said, "Fart is blue!"

Jiang Gan said, "Fuck!"

Sima Shi said: "Fart is the teacher's (wet)!"

Xiahou Yuan said, "Fart is deep (round)!"

ICY said, "Fart is square!"

Cao Cao was so frightened that he was about to have a fit. Guo Jia, the counselor, shouted, "No one is right, no one is right! Everyone is wrong! "

Worthy of being my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought. Listen to him first.

Guo Jia said: "This is a good (fake) fart!"

Cao Zhen grabbed it again: "This is true fart!"

Cao Cao was so angry that he almost fainted and was completely disappointed. He doesn't want more people behind him.

Guo Huai said: "This is Huai (bad) fart!"

Zhang He said: "Fart is near (drink)!"

Sima Yan said: "Farting has inflammation (pharynx)!"

Huang Xu said, "You're all out!"

Xia Houdun said, "Fart escapes!"

Guo Tu said: "Farting is a picture (spitting)!

Xia Houba said, "Fart comes from bullies."

Xun You said, "You let the fart out!"

Man Chong said, "Fart is a pet!"

Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"

Zhong Youdao: "Fart is coming!"

Finally, Cao Cao couldn't bear it any longer and said angrily, "Nonsense, shit."

Liu Bei and others have laughed stagger.

When I first met MM, she visited our dormitory one night. As soon as she entered the room, she suddenly found a CD on my computer desk, which said Independence Day B!

I suddenly saw sweat on my forehead-what's the matter, I haven't seen porn either!

MM is naturally angry: "I didn't expect that I was attracted by people like you!" " "

When she picked up the disc from the table and tried to throw it in my face, she suddenly snuggled up in my arms shyly and said, "That's very kind of you ~"

8. A couple spent three years in college, and the boy suddenly learned that the girl had slept with several boys in high school. He was very angry and broke up.

The girl cried with tears: "After all, we are destined to get along. Do you really have the heart to break up?" Don't you have anything to say to me now? "

I saw the boy hand me an "Ipod”MP3 in person, and the girl hesitated, then hid her face and cried. ...

Once upon a time, a man named Zheng Xiding married a daughter-in-law.

The next morning after the wedding, the daughter-in-law got up and found Zheng Xiding missing, so she went out to look for him.

When I went out, I saw her father-in-law, Zheng Xiding's father, washing her face. The daughter-in-law asked:

Dad, where's Ding?

Grandfather gave her a cold look and said nothing.

Daughter-in-law is a little angry, loudly say:

Dad, where is Zheng Xiding?

My father-in-law was angry, too, and answered in a low voice.

Wash your face! !

1. When I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me, "Sixty years of hard work. I have no food, and I never spit out my nose. "

Second, there is a rich man looking for a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich sent them away. Only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

A man saw a big sale in a shop and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog."

"Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him.

No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food.

"Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time.

I still have to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole in it and found the salesman.

"What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. When he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat the flowers on the coffee table and all the peanuts.

When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma replied, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because I lost all my teeth, I had to suck out their outer layers.

Only chocolate. Old, cough. . .

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Really sold out?

"He asked in disappointment." Sir, it's really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. "The waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's instructions and saw a decent one.

This gentleman is sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman wasted delicious food, so he went to the gentleman.

Pointing to the "spicy vermicelli pot", he politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down and picked up a spoon.

Wolf down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. a rush of nausea

The man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?"

I'm like this ... "

6. On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came.

And asked for toothpicks. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I gave him one and sent it away. Soon, another beggar came. The boss said to him

"Are you here to buy toothpicks too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. "

Can you give me a straw?

Seven, boss, the second flight, the second airsickness, vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked why.

The second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I have to drink another half bag and throw up."

One day, the eldest brother and the second brother went to the theater to see the play again. When they saw that they were in the middle of an argument about the plot development, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said

"Losers need a taste of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, the second child lost.

I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and swallow fifteen mouthfuls in one gulp. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "