What's funny? Just send some jokes. I am bored to death.

1 The bowl fell off, and it was a big scar.

When I was a child, my sister asked me what time it was, and I replied: three poles (half past three)!

Once, I weighed myself at home and asked my boyfriend, how much is 47 kilograms?

The first sentence when I go back to the dormitory always asks, "Is there anyone looking for a phone to call me?" ...

In high school, my classmates and I went to a restaurant. I ordered a few dishes, and I still want to add something. I was going to say scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I don't know what happened, but what I blurted out was-tomato fried tomato boss ...........................................................................................................

Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured the soup and used up all the tissues. Cousin shouted "hurry up, hurry up, get the toilet paper, get the toilet".

Something at the same table fell to the ground, so I bent down to pick it up and stepped on it with my foot, and I stepped on its hand.

He was furious: "Dare to step on my foot? ! "

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull!

Creepy! ! ! ! !

The exam score is very low, and I complain bitterly: my score is too cheap!

10 tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying!

1 1 In high school, classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The whole class suddenly caught a cold.

12 On one occasion, a foreign teacher showed Mandarin while giving a lecture in a big classroom. I wanted to give him a face and praise his standard of Putonghua, but as a result, exporting became your standard.

The quasi-word is really ordinary, cold ~ ~

13 and MM are in front of the stall selling soybean milk fritters. I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste." MM smiled.

14 once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

15 There were so many people in the restaurant that I shouted: Boss, a pepper without seasoning. . . .

The waiter also loudly repeated: 1 1 table, add a pepper without seasoning! ! ! . . .

16 me: That's our physics teacher. . .

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

17 in the internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "teacher!" "

18 once, everyone was evaluating the back of a beautiful woman in front. I was going to say "her legs are thick", but I said "her soil is brittle."

19 My mother said to me before going out to play mahjong, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and put all your dishes in the washing machine ~ ~ ~ ~"

When I was sitting in a restaurant at the age of 20, I casually called it "network management to provide food."

2 1 MM go out shopping one day!

Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky!

Then a word popped out of her mouth: "This black frog barks like a green crow. . . . $%^@#@%!

In high school, the national flag was raised every Monday, and then someone spoke, mainly some daily behavior norms. Once, I was honored to do it.

At the end of the speech, I accidentally read "Don't make noise in the theater" as "Don't make noise in the brothel". The whole school was there at that time.

There are many school leaders, and I'm so cold. . . .

I want to say whether qq has been opened, but it is said that QQ has been opened.

When I was in junior high school, I read a text that XX was wandering in the corridor, but I read that XX was lewd in the corridor ... The teacher blushed.

In high school, I went out to play with my classmates. There is a Everbright Bank near the school, which just opened, so the brand is still hung with red cloth ... but the cloth is hung.

I blocked Chinese characters ... I read "China Everbright Bank" ... My classmates laughed me crazy and I couldn't hold my head for years!

26. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then came up with a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will have more wine. ..

27 once I listened to the radio, what was the shopping guide hotline? Someone called in and the host asked him, "What's your name?"

"He replied," don't take your name! ~~~~~"

Buy oranges, boss: 1 yuan 5 1 kg. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

Read the text aloud in junior high school. . . The joy of the soldiers' victory is beyond words: "We just want to set up a monument for everyone! (commemorative coin)

I just returned to Chengdu at 30, GG and my second brother drove to pick me up for dinner. As soon as I got on the bus, I shouted, Oh, I'm starving. Actually, I want to say that I am hungry. )

3 1 I tried to express that "the customer is God" but said "the customer is heaven", so far I have been laughed at by my friends ~ ~ ~

My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

I discussed life with a friend, and as a result, he said that he now wants to buy a piece of land in the country to farm and raise chickens. Life is so boring! ! I said ... why?

However, living in the country is also quite leisure, all kinds of pigs, raising land. .....

I went to the senior middle school for a physical examination. When I took my blood pressure, my classmates found that it was a male student in junior high school who seemed to be practicing there.

Okay, that mm's sleeve won't pull up. When he was in a hurry, he said to the boy, why don't I take off my pants? The boy's face turned red at once that

Well, it's probably cold.

Once I was in a hurry and wanted to tell the truth. As a result, I said "the elephant is really white" and was laughed at.

36 if you don't listen, drag your ass and beat your pants ...

Students go to Internet cafes to surf the Internet. We asked him which row he was sitting in.

He said, "Go and sit at the other end of the portrait row!

In the internet cafe, I wanted to get off the plane and check out, so I shouted, "Boss, stop the plane!" " "Khan ...

39 junior high school art evening, grab the answer link

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

Full laughter

When I got up in the morning, my mother asked my brother, "Did you wash your face?" The younger brother heard "what time is it" and said "8 o'clock". Who is it?

Then my mother heard "wiping face" again, and then said "wiping face is washing face", which made me laugh.

4 1 The bean skin in Wuhan Laotongcheng is delicious.

When I went to eat, the cashier said "a bowl of land"!

42 Xi' an calls rice. When the students came back from Xi 'an, they shouted, "Boss, a bowl of rice!" " The boss is cold!

Master, give me a roast chicken.

Once, my classmate stuttered, and I was anxious: your tongue is straight (straight) and you are talking! !

Once my friend and classmate said that he was really charming, and my friend corrected him, and then my friend spoke loudly; I'm going to splash water! !

46 junior high school self-study early, Chinese class representatives write on the blackboard.

Read the text of lesson 15 silently. Look at the blackboard when the deskmate comes.

While reading "Black Dog Read Lesson 15"

A boy who grew up by the sea boasted to us that he had eaten seafood since he was a child, saying that among birds, I usually don't eat pigs, cattle and sheep, but I often eat seafood.

I once saw an old man sweeping the steps on my way to school, because I often saw him sweeping, and I knew he volunteered. I'm really touched.

I want to talk to the old man when I go up. At first I wanted to ask him how old he was, but as soon as I opened my mouth, I said, "How old are you?" Koichi

Output sweat. . . . . .

I went to Sashido for dinner when I was still at school. When ordering, I ordered a "skin painting".

The political teacher talked about the inevitability of things in class. Speaking of human beings, give us an example, just one sentence: for example, people become apes!

5 1 I heard a MM shouting "Give me a bowl of white powder ~!"

One day, when I was at school, there was a phone call for me.

My classmate handed it to me and said, "Fuck you."

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman."

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years.

In junior high school, we hit a man and pushed him to the ground. He said that a scholar can be humiliated, but not killed!

In junior high school, I bought a beautiful cup. My deskmate told me that the cup looks good. I said, yes, I bought two specially,

One brushes his teeth and the other gargles. . . .

Once a classmate's mother called in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

Once my mother asked me to collect clothes from the balcony. I put it down and asked her where it was. She was cooking and said without looking back, "Sand!

Distribute clothes! "I was there.

64 gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!" " "

Go to eat noodles ~ ~ ~ Say to the boss: There are two sides to the soup bowl. . . . . The boss stood there. . .

My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

Once I patted my roommate's stomach, and she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

Classmate 68 went to buy tickets. When she came back, we asked her what tickets she had bought and whether there were any seats. She said she bought a station ticket, and finally we asked her.

Standing or sitting.

Internet prices in different Internet cafes are different. Once we went to an internet cafe that we had never been to, and as soon as we entered the door, we asked, "Boss, you have it here.

How much time is an hour? Actually, I want to ask how much is an hour?

I remember my classmate bargained with a girl in the class for a meal. He said, "As the saying goes, you can't have your cake and eat it." I fainted on the spot.

7 1 I went to a restaurant to eat, and there were not enough spoons on the table, so I shouted: boss! ! A plate of spoons ... ~ ~!

Once I went out with a friend, I locked my bike and forgot my key. After going out for a while, I remembered that I hadn't brought my key, so I said to my friend, "= =, and I ran away."

The driver is still hanging on the key ... "

Teacher: No nudity in class!

One day, a mm in the dormitory suggested that we all go to eat hot pot at night. I immediately objected, "If you don't go, hemorrhoids will grow back." Another mm immediately responded "

It's just, it's just, you see, my face has grown a lot. "

I'm dizzy. . .

Some of the 75 textbooks are missing. The teacher who went to the library said that there were no books here now.

I'll see if there are any = _ = in the internal warehouse.

Teacher: This question seems simple, but it is not difficult.

In high school, everyone has a badge. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . accomplish

The scene was silent. . .

Once I ate porridge and biscuits at home.

I asked my mother: Is the sesame seed cake sweet or sweetened?

A classmate likes to smoke while defecating.

Once he just came out of the toilet and said to us loudly, "Ah, it's so cool to smoke and shit."

giddiness

When KFC just served the best popcorn, an old lady ran over and said to the waiter, I want the best diced chicken.

8 1 This is the real thing that happened to me. In junior high school, I did experiments and dissected frogs in biology class. But it is actually a toad. It's really disgusting

Gee, I feel dizzy. Back in the classroom, I said, "No, no, I have to take birth control pills."

That's disgusting. "Just heard by a few male students.

They laughed for a long time, but I haven't reacted yet. Alas, after I understood what it meant, I couldn't hold my head all afternoon.

On the National Day of 82 1999, our department organized a flag-raising ceremony, and a cadre of the Student Union led everyone to take the oath. Later, my brother said:

"Complete the oath!" A thousand people in the square laughed hysterically.

83 ask MM what she can cook at a time ~

MM quickly answer .. stir-fried persimmons with red eggs. ...

Now I don't even know what persimmons are or what red eggs are. ...

One day in junior high school, I heard two classmates talking during recess, as follows:

......

What about your family?

Oh, my father took my mother out on a motorcycle. ......

In the dormitory of 85, Zhu Zhu picked up the phone and said to mm, "Your mother's phone!" Mm picked up the phone and burst into laughter. It turned out that her mother blurted out on the other end of the phone.

Say, "Mom!"

Next program: playing the flute.

The 87-department basketball team lost, and one person lamented that "the team is scattered and it is difficult to bring people's hearts."

I went home on weekends when I was at school, but I became addicted to smoking after dinner, and I planned to find an excuse to go for a walk. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked why. I freely said a sentence:

"Go and have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

New Year's Eve in' 89. Good boy. . . .

90. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a man next to them said, "You really have no food!"

9 1, I read a post while eating, and read a classic to my wife. She laughed to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or my brain will not digest it."

Very good! "

92. A leader of the Education Bureau checks the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back for a long time.

Shouting: "retreat!"

There was a teacher surnamed Jiang in 93 high school, who looked very much like (Tang priest in a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Mr. Tang, this question …

…"

A colleague, one day when I was driving on the road, had a flat tire and asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

95 once went to dinner and said to the boss when checking out: "Husband, check out!" " "At that time, the wife of shop-owner was nearby ...

A teacher played mahjong all night. When he saw that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who will be the host today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

The teacher left homework, so I copied it from others if I couldn't do it. Then I went to the office to hand in my homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " "

On the day of driving test, a gentleman was particularly nervous. The examiner embarrassed him and asked him to park his car where there was a fire hydrant on the side of the road. Curtis nervous said:

"Report the fire hydrant, there are examiners on the roadside, no parking!"

/kloc-two people in unit 0/00 made a bet, and we were all watching who lost and invited guests to Liangzi Foot Wash City. Once we know the result,

Everyone pretended to go downstairs, and a mm next to them shouted, "Me too, I have never washed my feet!" " "As a result, everyone stood still and brushed together.

The eyes of the brush fell on her feet.

10 1 In high school, my history teacher was a beautiful MM, and her Mandarin was very good. Except for the word "Mou", she always pronounced "Mao" and said "Chiang Kai-shek" every time.

The conspiracy (Mao) was smashed by our People's Liberation Army, and the whole class was extremely cold! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

102 during our military training, we organized karaoke activities at night, but basically we still asked to sit still. The mm in the class is responsible for announcing: "The following is made by

So-and-so brings you a song "Buffalo"! "mm went back behind the scenes for a while and hurried out:" I'm sorry, so-and-so gave you "water"

Cars. "As a result, the music began, and it was Zheng Zhihua's Sailor. That buddy was so depressed that he went out of tune on the stage. ...

102 On one occasion, we went to Huangshan Mountain for a tour, and the tour guide just introduced that Baibu Ladder is a scenic spot in Liu Xiaoqing. Suddenly, a person in our group

I blurted out, "Director …" Everyone fainted.

103, several female students came to my house to play. I'll get the water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room, and then I shouted.

Off the channel, the channel is wrong, suddenly speechless. My face was red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

105 told a story to my colleagues, saying that "a big fat man with a weight of 180 kg" was "a big fat man with a weight of 180 kg". My colleagues laughed bitterly, but I still insisted on it in laughter.

Say that. . .

106 The head teacher of senior high school talked about the discipline when raising the national flag and solemnly said to us, "When you are playing the national flag and raising the national anthem ..."

107 our dormitory often says: even people won't say such big things! ! ~

One day at 108, my eyes were blown off by the wind. I quickly asked an old lady nearby for help: my eyes were blinded by sand ~!

109 At the corner of an alley, while riding a bike with a friend, I almost knocked down an old man selling old ginger. His old man was shouting, and suddenly he got nervous and shouted, "sell!" "

. . . . Son of a bitch "