The harm of 4-year-old children telling cold jokes

I took yomi to bask in the sun in the morning and happened to meet Yang Yang, 4 years old. Yang Yang's mother said, "Look! Jin Youmei's sister is coming. She used to say hello to her aunt. " Yang Yang hitched, ran, grabbed yomi's hand and ran. I quickly grabbed yomi and said, "Yang Yang, let's not run. My sister just learned to walk and can't run! " Who knows Yang Yang twist a head to say "lying trough, elder sister is so stupid". Yang Yang mother asked angrily, "What did you say? Apologize to my sister! " I quickly said, "Nothing, nothing!" Who knows Yang Yang added "silly aunt X". Yang Yang's mother was completely enraged. When she raised her hand, she was about to fight, so I stopped at once. She blushed and said, "I'm sorry, Mama yomi! I wonder what's wrong with this child these days. He curses every day! If you fight, you can't fight. "

In fact, careful observation shows that most children will start swearing like Yang Yang at the age of 3 or 4, and some little boys will be immersed in the excitement and pleasure of swearing. Many parents even began to doubt themselves. "Is it a problem of my education that I didn't learn well from childhood?" In fact, if children aged 3 to 5 start swearing, parents don't have to worry too much. Children may just be in a "curse sensitive period".

What is the sensitive period of the curse?

The discovery of "sensitive period" comes from Italian preschool educator Montessori.

In other words, children have a special sensitivity at each specific period, which makes them sensitive to certain things in the environment, pay close attention to related things and have patience, but have no interest in other things.

Psychologists have found that children will have multiple sensitive periods before the age of 6, and some of them will have obvious "annoying" characteristics, such as the "curse sensitive period" mentioned today.

First of all, swearing makes children discover the power of language.

Generally, there will be a language sensitive period before the curse sensitive period comes. You will find that babies around 1.5 to 2.5 will suddenly say a lot of words, even short sentences. Sometimes children may remember a casual sentence, which is actually a language sensitive period. At this stage, the baby's vocabulary will multiply and he will speak more and more like an adult.

When ordinary language can no longer satisfy children's curiosity, they will improve their radar learning sensitivity, and once or twice they will remember swearing or swearing words they have never heard before and start using them everywhere. At this stage, children don't really understand the meaning of these words, they just imitate them. They learn "swearing" as a language, just like parroting, saying what they hear is no different from other words.

But they found that swearing can attract parents' attention more than ordinary words, so it is more powerful in children's eyes. The more adults stop, the more excited they are, and the more they want to talk. As written in the book "Catch the Sensitive Period of Children":

So you will find that the more angry children are, the more they like to swear. But in fact, as long as after this stage, their interest in swearing is not so great.

Secondly, swearing allows children to release their emotions.

TimothyJay, a professor of psychology at MIT, once said:

When a child learns to speak, he will try to express his emotions in words. Children aged 3 or 4 just learn to speak, and their language ability is limited. When they feel angry, in addition to shouting and crying, the first thing they think of is those swearing words that can make their parents furious, such as shouting "I will kill you" and "You are a stupid pig". They want to attract their parents' attention and vent their emotions in this way.

Of course, there is another important reason. At this stage, children begin to consciously distinguish between you, me and him, and self-awareness gradually forms. The children began to try to express their demands. When their demands are not met, swearing will be the best way for them to release their emotions.

Finally, swearing comes from the surrounding language environment.

Skinner, an American behavioral psychologist, pointed out that language is not innate, but a set of habits acquired through the "stimulus-response-reinforcement" model. Therefore, the external environment is very important for children's language learning.

As we said before, the way children aged 3 to 6 learn a language is basically to imitate the language environment such as TV programs that adults or children have been exposed to. If there are "bad words" in these environments, especially in families and kindergartens where children often live, or in cartoons that children often watch, it is easy to influence children.

Just like a few years ago, when Bears Haunted, the children kept their mouths shut, which was the mantra of Xiong Dahe and Xiong Er in the cartoon, "Damn", "Smelly Bear" and "Go to hell". After the popularity of some live broadcast websites in the past two years, some online celebrities often swear, and children naturally learn to swear when they come into contact with this situation.

First of all, pay attention to mentality and despise behavior.

As we said before, an important reason why children love swearing is the reaction of parents. In the face of children's swearing, the stronger the parents' reaction, the easier it is to stimulate children's desire to constantly use swearing words. As the psychological "forbidden fruit effect" says: the more things are forbidden, the more people want them.

Therefore, once there is a "curse sensitive period", parents must not react strongly. The best choice is cold treatment. Don't scold or laugh when children curse. Just look at him quietly, so that the child can't reach the expectations he wants. It's like telling a cold joke and making yourself laugh, but the people next to you are indifferent, and you are embarrassed.

Although we can despise and treat it coldly in behavior, we must pay attention to our mentality. Because children are imitative and have poor control ability, they often can't tell good from bad, so parents should clearly tell their children what not to say at ordinary times, and it is not cool to ask them to swear. Swearing is unpleasant and uncivilized. No one likes to be friends with children who love swearing.

Secondly, change passive to active, and take the initiative to discuss swearing with children.

Chomsky, an American linguist, believes that children have a language acquisition device, and children will learn a language according to their own feelings. For children, there is no right or wrong in language itself, and there is no sense of "I put my foot in my mouth" or "my words hurt others". So at this time, parents need to take the initiative to tell their children the meaning of swearing and how you feel after hearing it, and guide them correctly.

For example, if a child says "I'm going to kill you", you can ask the child "Where did you learn this sentence? Do you know what this means? " "If you kill me, you will never see your parents again, and no one will tell you stories." Then you should guide the children: "Mom and Dad know that sometimes we swear when we are in a bad mood. I apologize to you today. If this is not good, the listener will be very uncomfortable. Our family rules are not allowed, and no one can use them. If you use it carelessly, you must apologize. Mom and dad, like you, will abide by it. If you hear mom and dad say something similar next time, you can remind us to apologize. If you are angry next time, put it another way. For example, you can say, "I'm so angry!" "Or choose another way to vent. You can watch TV when your mother is angry, or you can find ways to let your emotions out. Mom will buy you a sandbag, okay? You can hammer a few times if you are in a bad mood. "

Finally, look for the deep meaning behind swearing.

Dan Gatterer, a doctor of education in the United States, said that swearing is a way for children to express their unmet needs, not a trait in them. In other words, when children swear, there must be unmet needs, so what we have to do is to find out where the needs behind them are and then prescribe the right medicine.

Dr. Paul Bloom of Yale University in the United States said: "Children swearing is actually just children's language learning. A dirty word, as a taboo for children at that time, had no special significance. They will gradually understand that these words have violated social taboos. " As parents, what we should do most is to guide our children correctly when they are young, so that they can stay away from those taboos and suffer less unnecessary harm when they grow up.