Who has a joke or something?

Four priests Tang went to travel by plane, and the plane crashed on the way, but there were only three parachutes.

So, the Tang Priest said, let's answer the question, and jump if we can't answer it.

Tang Priest: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Priest: OK, here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many moons are there in the sky?

Friar Sand: One.

Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too.

Bajie on the side is so happy, such a simple question.

Tang Priest: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky?

....

Bajie jumped down.

Before long, the four of them flew to travel again. They crashed on the way and there were still only three parachutes.

They went on answering questions. ..........

Tang Priest: Wukong, when was People's Republic of China (PRC) founded?

Wukong: 1949.

Tang Priest: OK. Here you are.

Tang Priest: Friar Sand, how many people died in the Liberation War?

Friar Sand: 2.5 million people.

Tang Priest: OK, I'll give you one, too.

Tang Priest: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people?

……

Bajie had to jump again.

……

The third time, the four of them traveled by plane again and had an accident on the way.

Then Pig said, Master, you don't have to ask. I jump by myself.

Then jump.

Tang Priest put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time. ...

Tang priest accepts disciples

The Monkey King was crushed by the Tathagata Buddha at the foot of Wuxing Mountain after a big fight in the Heavenly Palace. "Biwu", 500 years have passed. ...

Guanyin: Wukong!

Wukong: Shit! You again? You've been here once a week for 500 years. Do you know you are bored?

Guanyin: This is your fault. I came here today to tell you a good thing!

Wukong: If you don't let me out, it's impossible. I have my hands full right now. WWF invited me to be the image spokesperson, and Special Olympics invited Arnold. I just earned some pocket money.

Guanyin: But you are trapped at the foot of the mountain now?

Wukong: Dashan? If I hadn't given the Tathagata a little face, I would have turned into a fly and flew away. I just need to pay for living in other places. The scenery here is beautiful. When Guanyin MM comes to see me, I have to go to work during the day and come back to sleep at night?

Guanyin: Then why didn't you go to work today?

Wukong: Shit! Weekend, understand?

Guanyin: Of course!

Wukong: Then what did you come to tell me today?

Guanyin: Listen. (While speaking, he takes out a small notebook from his pocket) ... the Monkey King, male, was crushed under the Five Elements Mountain for making a scene in the Heavenly Palace 500 years ago. Now the aunts of the street management committee in Tianzhu area have raised their hands and voted to assign this person to a monk in the Tang Dynasty as an apprentice. If you don't do whatever you want, you will insert ~ ~ ~ his old wood, splash ~ ~ ~ his sulfuric acid, step on his little drops, and cancel his viewing rights in www.929z.com …

Wukong: What?

Guanyin: Shh ~ ~ ~ ~

Wukong: Shh, shh?

Guanyin: Shit! Shh, your mother! I told you not to talk, that monk is coming! I want to go first!

Wukong: Huh? Is this the monk?

Tang Priest: According to the map, it should be here, right?

Wukong: Ah! You stepped on my hand!

Tang Priest: Oh, sorry, I didn't notice you, turtle.

Wukong: Tortoise?

Tang Priest: Really? But I really haven't seen a turtle like you with a big shell and an old monkey face.

Wukong: It seems that Guanyin is right. With your IQ, none of you can reach Tianzhu. ...

Tang Priest: Oh? You also know Guanyin? She must be the hottest MM in the local area. I wonder if you know there is a monkey named the Monkey King here?

Wukong: Here is my business card.

Tang Priest: Oh? Your name is the Monkey King, too? What a coincidence! Then you must know someone with the same name nearby?

Wukong: Shit! Think about it with your heel. You should think that I am the monkey you are looking for, right? I'm trapped under the mountain!

Tang Priest: Really? Don't lie to me. Do you think I'm a fool?

Wukong: Fool? Are you a fool? Are you praising yourself or calling a fool? How can you be such a stupid fool?

Tang Priest: Did you see this too? If I'm not stupid, who wants to come out and do this job?

Wukong: OK, OK, now you go to the top of the mountain, take off the seal on it, and I can go with you to learn the scriptures.

Tang Priest: OK, you wait.

Wukong: Hey ~ ~ ~ ~ Did you find it ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tang Priest: I found it ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ but I don't know which one ~ ~ ~ ~

Wukong: Shit! How many notes were posted on it?

Tang Priest: Many! "Plant all kinds of trees if you want to be rich", "Plant only one good tree", "Stephen Chow Community is neither white nor white", "There is no silver here for 320" and "It is forbidden to take pictures here, and offenders will be fined". ...

Wukong: Yes, yes, that's the photo.

Tang Priest: All right! I already took it off!

Wukong: OK! Go away!

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

Wukong: A little further. ...

Knock, knock, knock.

Wukong: A little further. ...

Knock, knock, knock.

Wukong: A little further. ...

Tang Priest: Shit! It's far from India ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Wukong: I'm coming out!

Tang Priest: Huh? The mountain didn't fall, so why did you come out?

Wukong: You climbed out of the cave and got a mountain?

Tang Priest: Did you climb out? Seals?

Wukong: it's just a formality ... in fact, the shelf life of the seal has long passed, and no one has come to replace it. The after-sales service is really ~ ~ ~ poor! Let's leave now.

Tang Priest: You are naked, aren't you?

Wukong: What's wrong with me?

Tang Priest: What happened to Mao? If I hadn't become a monk, I would have more hair than you! Here, put this on.

Wukong: Master, it's far from the Western Heaven. If you keep doing this, I'm afraid you won't get there.

Tang Priest: What's wrong?

Wukong: I'm really naked, but it won't help if you put this hoop on my head.

Tang Priest: Why so much nonsense? Put it on when I tell you to!

Wukong: Shit! If it weren't for Guanyin MM's face, I might kill you with a stick! (As he says, Wukong puts on a diamond ring)

Tang Priest: ▲※◆ ■■

Wukong:? My head!

Tang Priest: Ha ha ha! Are you scared?

Wukong: Is this a long-standing "shake your head curse" in Jianghu?

Tang Priest: Yes, once you have heard this mantra of shaking your head, you will be addicted to it immediately. If you don't listen for a day, your blood will flow backwards; If you don't listen for two days, your whole body will fester; If you don't listen for three days, you will suffer from deficiency of both qi and blood, chloasma on your face, enlarged prostate and menopausal symptoms. Even if you eat Gaizhonggai oral liquid produced by Harbin Pharmaceutical No.6 Factory, it won't save you!

Wukong: How vicious!

Tang Priest: Hehe, as the saying goes, no poison is not a husband, and a small amount is not a gentleman!

Wukong: I'll listen to you from now on ... damn it, what is the "shake your head curse"? I hate it!

Tang Priest: Not good!

Wukong: What's the matter?

Tang Priest: Tiger!

Wukong: Master, tigers are not terrible. Haven't you heard that poem?

Tang Priest: Poetry?

Wukong: Yes! As the saying goes, "12345, go up the mountain to shoot tigers, tigers don't eat, just eat big bad guys ..."

Tang Priest: Please, this is a children's song. ...

Wukong: I mean, the tiger will not die with me!

Tang Priest: Shit! I asked you to protect me, not to be an ambassador for wildlife protection organizations!

Wukong: I understand! Listen, all right!

Tang Priest: Wukong, why don't you go?

Wukong: There is a river ahead!

Tang Priest: What is a river? Why don't you just beat him to death?

Wukong: Look, this is the river.

Tang Priest: Oh, this is a river!

(While speaking, I saw a flash of white light, and Tang Priest's mount was gone. )

Tang Priest: Wukong, the horse for the teacher is missing!

Wukong: The horse is missing? Shit! What else can you do? Do you still have your underwear?

Tang Priest: (Stretching out his hand and touching it) Fortunately, I haven't lost it!

Wukong: captured by the little white dragon in the river!

Tang Priest: White Dragon? It's so exciting. I didn't expect to meet a talking monkey and a white dragon eating horses today.

Wukong: When will the big scene be seen? You wait, I'll go down and find him!

Tang Priest: What? Can you swim? It's amazing!

Wukong: pig water brain!

Soon, Wukong pulls the white dragon out of the water, and the white dragon turns into a human form and kneels in front of the Tang Priest. )

Bailong: Are you a monk from the East?

Tang Priest: Exactly.

Bailong: Master!

Tang Priest: Who? Me? Wrong person!

Bailong: Yes, that's you. Guanyin JJ told me to wait for you here.

Tang priest: Guanyin again? How did you get here?

Bailong: I was originally the third prince of the East China Sea Dragon King. I didn't expect my girl to hang a Kai Zi behind my back, and they left on my wedding night! I smashed the new house in a rage. I burned a night pearl, but I didn't expect this bead to be a gift from the Jade Emperor. The jade emperor punished me for saying tongue twisters, but I couldn't, so I was demoted here!

Wukong: Tongue twister? What do you mean?

Bailong: It means "the old monk carries the soup to the tower, and the tower slides with the soup and burns the tower".

Tang Priest: Oh? Isn't what you said quite good?

Bailong: Nonsense, I have been practicing here for more than fifty years!

Tang Priest: I see. How about I teach you a new one? "Eight hundred pacesetter run north slope, north slope artillery run side by side. The artillery did not dare to step on the pacesetter, and the pacesetter did not dare to touch the artillery gun. "

Wukong: What happened to the stopwatch? Say tongue twister again, I'm going to lose my temper!

Tang Priest: Wukong, you don't understand this. Tongue twister is a language game widely circulated among the people. Words with confusing initials, finals or tones are combined into overlapping sentences, which requires you to pronounce them quickly in one breath. When you are fast, your pronunciation is easy to make mistakes!

Wukong: Shit!

Tang Priest: Did you hit me again?

Wukong: Get to the point!

Bailong: Oh, I'm sorry, master. I ate your white horse, so let me turn into a white horse to carry it ~ ~ ~ ~ Why don't you go to learn from the scriptures?

Tang Priest: Hum! Good idea! I want a BMW!

Bailong: Famous car!

Tang Priest: Are you afraid?

Director: Cut!

Tang Priest: Hey! No need, right? Every episode, you come out and stop?

Director: BMW! Our funds are running out. How can we get props for you?

Tang Priest: BMW, the best is only a few hundred thousand.

Director: hundreds of thousands? No, let alone a BMW. Puma can't afford it, can it?

Tang Priest: OK, again!

……

Bailong: Oh, I'm sorry, master. I ate your white horse, so let me turn into a white horse to carry it ~ ~ ~ ~ Why don't you go to learn from the scriptures?

Tang Priest: Amitabha! (Tang Priest draws his sword from behind and points it at Tianyi)

Tang Priest: Give me strength ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I ~ ~ ~ I am a ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Wukong: Cyril?

Bailong: It's my turn!

(White Dragon Transforms)

Tang Priest: Mule!

Director: Sorry, the funds are really insufficient. We must change horses in the next episode.

Bailong: Then please change it to white. This black mule is bad for my image!

Tang Priest: Yes, who has ever seen Tang Priest go out on a mule?

Director: Ladies and gentlemen, let's make do. Dinner tonight is on me.

Bailong: OK, that's settled!

When the sun sets, Wukong carries the burden, and Tang Priest rides a mule and walks to the altar in the afterglow of the sunset ...

Go on a pilgrimage to India to learn from the scriptures

After 81 difficulties, Tang Priest and his disciples finally met the Tathagata to seek the truth.

The Tathagata asked, "Do you have a USB flash drive?"

Tang priest and apprentice. . . .

The Tathagata asked again, "What about the mobile hard disk?"

. . . . .

The Tathagata continued to ask, "IPOD is ok."

Wukong picks his ears.

Tathagata sighed: "Then go back the same way, and I will send it to you by QQ."

Tang Priest: Shit, I knew it would be over if I added your QQ. Why did LZ go so far?

The four of them were about to leave when the Buddha suddenly asked, Do you have a PSP? Four people replied,no. The Buddha was surprised: how boring. How did you get here?

The four men looked at each other and said, we fought monsters all the way to upgrade.

....................................................................................................................................................................................

After Tang Priest went back, he added Tathagata QQ and found it very slow.

Tathagata calls: Hey, Tang Xiao, you are 56k Tietong.

Tang Xiao: Yes, it was installed only last year.

Tathagata: You'd better come again.

After returning, Tang Priest opened QQ and found that Tathagata had not been passed down.

So Q Tathagata: Is our network too bad to pass?

Tathagata: Then do it again and bring a USB flash drive.

So the Tang Priest and his disciples went through 81 difficulties with the USB flash drive, and finally met the Tathagata.

The Tathagata asked, "Do you have a USB flash drive?"

Tang Priest and Master: "Yes."

The Tathagata continued to ask, "How big is it?"

Tang Priest and Master: "2G"

The Tathagata sighed deeply: "The Buddhist scriptures are too big and the USB flash drive is too small. Go back and bring a 4 G. "

. . . . . . . . . .

So Tang Priest and his disciples went back and brought a mobile hard disk, or1000g.

Think: How many TM classics will I bring back to you this time?

The group went through eighty-one difficulties again and finally met the Tathagata.

The Tathagata asked, "Why did you come again?"

Tang Priest and Master: "Didn't you say you should bring a bigger USB flash drive? We brought the 1000G hard drive. "

Tathagata continued to ask, "Didn't you open QQ when you went back?"

Tang Priest and Master: "We bought the hard disk directly after we went back."

Tathagata sighed deeply: "Shit, a group of idiots, I left a message for you in QQ, and the classic has been put in my server, so you can download it casually!" " "

. . . . . . . . . .

When Tang Priest and his disciples returned, they opened the Tathagata's server and downloaded it. They found a Trojan horse in the server, but they couldn't download it.

So I took the 1000G hard drive and continued on the road, thinking: If I had known this, I would have baked it back long ago, and I will copy it back this time anyway.

After eighty-one difficulties, I finally met the Tathagata.

The Tathagata asked, "Do you have any paper?"

. . . . .

The Tathagata continued: "Hey, this time there was a Trojan horse in the server, and the electronic version of the scriptures was completely destroyed. I think you should copy it by hand! " "

. . . . . . .

Follow the previous one.

Tang Priest and his disciples learned their lesson this time, bought paper, took the hard disk and set off. I use QQ to send a message to Tathagata for confirmation.

After eighty-one difficulties, see the Tathagata again.

If there is any change, the Tang Priest spoke first: "Has the Trojan horse been cracked?"

Tathagata: "No"

Tang Priest: "Then can we copy?"

Tathagata: "Yes"

After 10 years, Tang Priest and his disciples finally copied the scriptures and prepared to bid farewell to the Tathagata.

Tang Priest: "It took us 10 years to copy the scriptures. Now we bid farewell to the Buddha and return to the Tang Dynasty."

Tathagata. " . . . . ",

"A bunch of idiots, why don't you use the copier?"