Qiongjun contour

The sun slowly faded from the west corner of the window, and the cordate telosma on the small circle gave off a faint fragrance, and the room gradually darkened. The little white cat sneaked into the room and suddenly jumped on the hostess's lap. The man sitting on the cane chair woke up.

"Bad thing!" Joan hit the kitten and scolded her. She lowered her head and picked up the writing paper trampled on the ground by the kitten. The smell of cordate telosma was so fragrant that she couldn't help reaching out to touch it on the small round table. The white flowers show that her fingernails are slightly blue, and she is very weak after a serious illness.

She folded the letter, opened it again and read it again by the faint light outside the window. Every stroke on the paper rubbed into her feelings. In fact, her son was born in the letter and simply said that the day after he left his mother, he went to the north to attend school. From then on, college life began, and he was going to come back on the Double Tenth Festival, hoping that his mother would take care of herself. Don't be busy knitting sweaters. If possible, I hope I can embroider his initials-the letters M and S on my left chest.

She smiled and watched the kitten roll a ball of wool on the ground, and couldn't help mumbling: "I am already a college student, so tall!" " "He entered the ward that day, which really startled her. She knits for him every year. The first time was a baby hat with a plush ball on it, which was made of Australian fine wool bought at Deji Foreign Firm. She remembers very clearly that she bought half a catty, knitted a hat and a suit, and there was a lot left. Now, I thought a kilo was enough, but later I realized that my sleeve had not landed yet. It's so long and so big, it seems to be weaving a carpet, and it can't be finished.

The last sweater was knitted three years ago. Compared with that time, he is taller by more than one head. Just like a Chinese cabbage watered with dung, the trial is so fast! She couldn't help sighing and surprised that she hadn't knitted him another sweater for three years. Today, three years later, the mother and son finally made up. From the first time he called his mother in the ward, from his letters, from knitting this fat sweater, she would pick up something that had been lost. She hopes that this part of the circle can be integrated with the current environment, so that her life will be more substantial and more substantial, and there will be no traces of barely bridging.

The kitten is rolling around with a ball of wool. She stared at it absently and a smile appeared on her pale face. I tried to stretch out my hand to drive the kitten away, but she was absent-minded and too lazy to discipline her. Let the wool be in a mess, and it will always be sorted out sooner or later. Anyway, the sweater will be knitted soon.

Somehow, she suddenly remembered what a female music teacher said many years ago. She and a group of female classmates always like to get together around the piano after class. Once, by chance, several precocious classmates talked about marriage. A beautiful female teacher, wearing a goose yellow sweater outside the blue cheongsam, played the keys twice with one finger at will and said, "China women had better get married as soon as possible ..." "Why?" "Before a girl is molded into a firm personality, it is easier to accept her husband's lifestyle and spirit when she gets married, so that her personality can be integrated into her husband's tradition. For better or worse, it is always harmonious. Late marriage is the opposite. With a formed personality and lifestyle, it will be very painful to accommodate others. "

It's been twenty years since I heard this. At that time, she didn't move at all because she was still a confused girl. But why did these words suddenly appear in her mind twenty years later?

Soon after the music teacher said this, she finished junior high school. A bolt from the blue, a father who was down and out all his life suddenly died of illness during the summer vacation. Mother is in poor health and can't do it. With the help of relatives and friends, she managed to handle the funeral.

She wore a gray Indanthrene cloth mourning robe, a white velvet flower in her head and white shoes that didn't fit her feet, and kowtowed to her relatives and friends. When she remembered going to Korea's fourth uncle's house, the second uncle especially reminded her face to face:

"You have to kowtow to uncle Han twice. Thanks to Uncle Han, you are the great benefactor of your family this time! "

She knelt down, Korea's fourth uncle hurriedly grabbed her, and the hot air in her mouth sprayed on her face. She knew how grateful Uncle Han was to the widowed mother and daughter. She is very sensible and refuses to get up: "You have to accept my head." When she stood up and saw her gray figure in the full-length mirror, she couldn't help feeling sad. It may be that she is thinking of others in front and feels particularly sad about her life. She couldn't stop crying and hid her face and wept.

Years later, every time Joan Jun took this mirror, it would cause some sad memories. It's strange to think about it. How did she finally marry a man named Uncle Han? Uncle Han is thirty years older than her. She used to be a friend of her father's life and a friend of the poetry club. Because of her ancestral home, she retired from Guanhai very early, and only lived a lofty and secluded life in the name of "consultant" in several cultural institutions. At the funeral of Joan Jun's father, he tried his best to be a friend and was highly respected among his relatives and friends.

I don't know who thought of marrying Joan Jun to Uncle Han to fill the house. Joan Jun's mother heard this proposal in her hospital bed, reached out and wiped her tears and said, "It couldn't be better. How many days can I live? " If this evil child follows Uncle Han, I will be relieved! Ask the girl herself! NianTouEr is not an old man! "Joan jun lying on the bed, hiding in the outhouse in shame. Her heart is beating so hard that she doesn't want to resist, but she has a kind of peace of mind to rely on. Father got married six months after his death, and his mourning was not full. She is sixteen and he is forty-six.

Since then, she has assumed the responsibility of a housewife in the big family of Sanjin House. A bunch of keys are often hung on the buttons under her skirt. A daughter left by his ex-wife is the same age as her and looks a little taller than her. When I first met her, she looked confused. Although she kowtowed on the ground, her face showed a very unhappy look. Embarrassed, she wanted to reach out and ask some questions about managing this big house. But I still put up with Miss Man Zhen's three heads with a straight face. Miss Man Zhen is worthy of a scholarly family. She was very polite and began to call her "mother" and her dead mother "mother". She doesn't care about manners. Every memorial day, she will lead her eldest daughter to kowtow to the woman who once called her "Aunt Han". She is a good housewife by nature, and her natural and graceful attitude has won a good reputation among relatives and friends. She did this because she was kind by nature and an unformed type, gradually melting into the plaster of her husband's spirit, just as the female music teacher said. Miss Man Zhen gradually became her friend.

She doesn't know what love is, but she is a real mother in the winter of seventeen. Korean families have not heard the baby crying for seventeen years, and the whole family is very excited. Uncle Han, no, Mr. Si was so excited that he kept pacing back and forth in the room all night, anxiously waiting for the news of his wife's birth. The servant reported, "Congratulations, Master!" Mr. Si abides by the old rules and does not enter the delivery room. He just gently asked through the cotton curtain, "Joan, how are you!" "

"Well, Mr. Si, congratulations!" She replied weakly, and two lines of tears flowed from the corner of her eyes down the temple to the pillow. I don't know whether it was excitement or emotion. -She and Uncle Han are so different in age that it is difficult for her to change her name to "Snow Chapter", so she also called him Mr. Four with her family. When Mr. Si was young, he was also called "Handsome Man". Up to now, a lake crepe gown is on cloud nine, and it also has the handsome demeanor of a middle-aged person. Joan Jun paid special attention to her dress, a light cheongsam, two pearl earrings and an ingot bun around her neck. This elegant dress, when Joan Jun just went out for them, made people look very suitable. Don't let people describe the phrase "a pear hits a begonia" to the couple. At the same time, in order to take the eldest daughter of the same age out, don't mistake her for a sister in her environment. Identity is very important. She realized this before she realized love.

But in fact, the glory of youth can't be suppressed. Since birth, Joan Jun's body has developed very plump, and her whole body seems to be filled with some slurry. Her skin is smooth and delicate, even her hair is particularly black. Everything seems to start on the road of life, radiant. But what about Mr. Si? The sideburns and foreheads have shown traces of life accumulation.

On his fiftieth birthday, Mr. Si was in a good mood after the guests left. He laid paper under the lamp and presented a poem to 20-year-old Joan Jun. The poem tells how he met this virtuous woman who is 30 years younger than him, how she kept the house and treated his ex-wife's children well, how he was happy in his later years, and how he lived with this young wife forever. Thick black ink was written on golden red paper, and Joan Jun once again saw her silhouette in the mirror facing the rosewood table-a young woman with well-proportioned lines and full breasts, standing behind a man with gray hair, although chic. Alas, is he really old? At this time, the three-year-old man who slept in the bed was mumbling and talking nonsense. There was smoke beside the chandelier, and she breathed a long sigh of relief. At this moment, she felt confused for the first time.

After 50 years old, Mr. Si's weakness is more obvious. Fortunately, Mr. Si has a carefree life and a good wife and daughter, which can give him peace of mind to support the elderly. He is lazier and slovenly, and his gray beard simply stays, so he has an extra job. The small grate comb is always used to comb under his nose, just like playing with his home 100 incense burner, just for fun. But Joan Jun, she always tries not to pay attention to that gray beard.

One winter morning, before the fire was red, the room was very cold. Mr. Si is busy writing a birthday screen for his friend, while Joan is waiting for pen and ink at the table. Looking up, I saw Mr. Si, who was absorbed in writing, with a snot coming out of his nose and dragging it on his gray beard, like a little silkworm. She couldn't help but frown, picked up a piece of waste paper from the table, folded it over and over, folded it into a slender strip, and then put it in her mouth and bit it hard, biting one bite and then biting it into a small paper stick. It suddenly occurred to her that Miss Man Zhen had asked her many times, "Why did you marry my father?" She couldn't answer all the time, and then she remembered that she shouldn't answer: "Miss, I want to repay you." Think like this, her conscience is scolding herself, even a little bad idea is guilty! Sinful!

Miss Da went abroad after graduating from college. The day before departure, she came to Joan Jun's house specially, and Joan Jun was practicing painting. This is a statue of Guanyin. Well-painted, engraved with the words "faithful disciple, Joan Jun, draw with your hands", can calm your mind. The eldest lady said sincerely, "Mom! I have been away for several years, and my father has been in poor health in recent years. You should also worry about it at home. " "Young lady, don't worry about home. ..... "Speaking of which, she still shed tears. Miss Da is a capable new woman who has read much more books than her and seems to sympathize with her most. Their relationship has always been very good. The husband is weak, and the children are so small. The long-distance travel of the eldest lady makes Joan lose her spiritual dependence.

In the long days, in the empty big house, the same smell and sentiment have passed through the years: agarwood powder in the incense burner, medicine pot on the fire, antiques on the rosewood table, endless Guanyin statues, sweaters that are removed and added every year ... Qiong Jun is still young after all, and the black Indian silk cheongsam is wrapped in a thin body, but it adds a bit of haggard beauty.

A few years later, Miss Da returned to China, and Uncle Han's family recovered a lot of anger. But at this time, their whole family, as well as Miss Da's new husband, retreated to Shanghai first, and finally boarded the ZTE ship together and came to Keelung. The oldest lady settled in Taipei. Mr. Si has a name in the historical and cultural center, and the museum assigned him a house with 24 tatami sheets in Taichung. Mr. Si always shakes his head and sighs when comparing with the big house in his hometown. But the Japanese house with a small yard is also quite elegant. Mr. Si's family moved to Taichung.

The changeable sea island climate accelerated the end of Mr. Si's life. He missed the poems of his hometown and was assigned to write 20 verses. When he wrote less than eight rhymes, he fell down on the desk with his clothes hanging down. Death, once and for all, Mr. Si died without regret. A 6 1 year-old man was lucky to die in the cry of his wife and children. Joan missed many benefits of the deceased and shed tears for her many thoughts.

She also thought carefully that the remaining years in the future will be attached to another entity like her past, like vines on trees. In the past, she was attached to Mr. Si, and in the future, she will be full of vitality. Although she thinks so, the fact is not so simple. There seems to be another person in her life.

After Mr. Si died, her life became more and more monotonous. She often tore up the calendar one day in advance, and even if it is not sunny, she dug out Mr. Si's old clothes and hung them on the bamboo pole. As soon as the first wife got the news of pregnancy, she was busy getting some maternity clothes and sewing the buttons of the children's clothes for Manson, whether they were buttoned or not. In this way, the days are still empty.

Joan Jun felt particularly sad during the Chinese New Year holiday. The Han family has many old relatives in the mainland. Although Mr. Si is old, there are several elders above him, such as Uncle Chun Ting, the ninth grandmother, who should be eighty or ninety years old now. I don't know how many of Mr. Si's colleagues are. At that time, entertainment was busy and life was lively. Although Joan Jun is afraid of entertainment, she sometimes feels very lonely when she arrives in Taiwan Province Province. Many of these relatives and friends stayed in the mainland, and now there is a lot of news, and life and death are uncertain. Mr. Si is an emotional person. He remembered his collection of many ancient calligraphy and painting books, made friends with many relatives and friends, and often shed tears when he was alive. It's okay to live in Taipei, and I have many acquaintances, but I live in quiet Taichung. Miss Man Zhen and her husband can only come once or twice a year. When Manson goes to school, she either teases the kitten or learns her meticulous painting.

Under such circumstances, Huibin became a frequent visitor to her home. Jia Bin is a young engineer who is two years younger than Joan Jun. He was originally a family friend of Korea, and Mr. Guan Si was also called "Uncle Han". He had been studying in Shanghai and later worked in Nanjing. She couldn't remember having such a "nephew". But once, Mr. Jones took the young man home and said to her:

"This is Zhang Huibin, the child of an old friend of mine, who now works in Gaoba Engineering Office. Jia Bin, this is your fourth aunt! "

That day-I remember it was a sunny Sunday-the guests had lunch at their home. She cooked some northern dishes in the kitchen herself, which the young man liked very much. She never boasted about her cooking art, but at that time, there were few restaurants in the north of Taiwan Province Province, and there was no place in Taichung to eat northern food, especially such delicious northern food-she remembered the young man saying so. He studied hydraulic engineering, and he has been to many places in Taiwan Province Province. He vividly described Alishan, Taroko and Goose Eye.

"Fourth uncle, four aunts,-came to Taiwan Province province, have to look at places of interest in Taiwan Province province. During the Spring Festival, I will accompany you to see the warm South China Sea first. Full brothers, let's go together! "

Mansheng's younger brother opened his eyes wide and listened intently. Mr. Si also nodded frequently. She seldom goes out. This time, she came to Taiwan Province Province, which was her first trip. On the zhongxing ship, she felt that the sky was high, blue and the sea was lovely. She began to understand what the sky was like. She vaguely felt that she was wearing a bunch of keys, walking around the old house that had been handed down for three generations, or walking barefoot through a paper door, as if something was missing.

But before the Spring Festival, Mr. Si had a relapse of phlegm and asthma and refused to see a doctor. Western medicine, he does not believe it. There is no Chinese doctor he can trust in Taichung.

He'll be there soon. Jia Bin lives in a town not far from Taichung City. In order to help arrange the funeral, he took two days off and slept on the sofa in their living room at night. He ordered a coffin, took the telegram and approached the cemetery. He speaks Taiwanese very well, and the transfer worker seems to have a good impression on him when he listens to him.

"Four aunts-you go out for a while! Don't cry when you have a younger brother. I'll handle things here! "

Miss Man Zhen admires his ability. Joan managed the funeral in an orderly way without any effort-she just cried in a daze.

She looked at her dying husband and couldn't help thinking of her father. The dead seem to be all the same, and the expression on their faces is just calm, not as terrible as the book says. Therefore, the living relatives are particularly sad.

From the funeral, she remembered her first marriage. Without her father's funeral, she could at least finish high school and not get married so early. But Mr. Si is her young lady!

With tears in her eyes, she looked at the young man who was so busy that he was sweating. "To say benefactor, isn't this Zhang Jiabin also a benefactor?"

She really wanted to kowtow to him, but-she didn't dare to.

Huibin has done a lot of work. He went to negotiate and asked for a pension from the cultural center. The house where Mr. Si used to live also promised to let his family stay temporarily.

After months of frequent contact, she thought she had a deeper understanding of Huibin. She thought he said, "well, you are weak, let me go." It is his enthusiasm; "No, I promised you that I must do it." It is he who keeps his promise; "You are wrong, you should not forget yourself." Is that he has a kind heart; "You don't say it in your mouth, but you understand it in your heart." Yes, he knows someone. As for herself, she felt that she could not understand herself. Say something to find him, but you can't say anything; Each melon and fruit has one, but ask him if it is sour or sweet; Leave him to eat with a maid, but cook in person; He said that the blue dress she was wearing was very beautiful, but he decided not to like her wearing a black dress.

She dare not dream: the concept of "identity" has laid a solid foundation in her life. At the thought that she has a crush on that young man, she feels guilty and unconsciously flashes the image of Mr. Si, thinking like a mountain. She wanted to give up the idea of crime, but it was impossible. She tried to save herself by refusing to meet, but there were always some small reasons to bring them together. He is not a stubborn person, but he doesn't seem to forgive her Why does he go to her house every Sunday? Whether she is his fourth aunt or not, he always avoids the cold eyes of his neighbors! Besides, there must be some female colleagues in his office or something. Why doesn't he find a girlfriend?

If he really doesn't come, I'm afraid she won't live. After school, I saw my mother's uneasy, sad and happy expression, staring at her big eyes. She also wants to talk to Manson. Well, how can you discuss such a thing with him? How can you discuss it with children?

Who can I discuss this with?

But to her dismay, Mansheng seems to be alienated from his mother, not only from his mother, but also obviously, he is hostile to Jiabin.

Jia Bin is amiable, and she believes that there is no one who has come into contact with him who doesn't feel it. He has dark eyebrows, a long face and a beard, which seems to have never been shaved. He looks weather-beaten and has seen the world. But he can laugh, and the laughter is clear. When he smiled, his eyes shone mischievously, revealing two rows of yellow but neat teeth, and he looked so young. He is capable, talkative and full of stories. A big boy like this should undoubtedly be welcomed by children. Yes, Manson once liked him. Jiabin's brother helped him review his lessons. Jiabin's brother bought him a ball. Huibin's brother told him the story of the jet plane. Huibin's brother often goes to the movies with him. There is really no reason not to like him.

Full of sudden silence and nervousness, she thought he was ill at first, but she soon found that he was angry with his mother. Sometimes there is a terrible sneer on his face. Sometimes he hides in his room and stares at his father's photo. Sometimes he is a happy boy, talking and laughing. But as long as Jia Bin comes, he doesn't know where to hide.

"Full life, full life, come and eat, let's eat." She cooked another dish or two for Jia Bin that day. Full life emerged from nowhere, his face was livid, and his eyes just looked at the buttons on his chest.

This unfriendly expression drove all my mother's happiness to nowhere.

Jiabin seems to be getting more and more lively these days. He smiled and walked over and patted Manson on the shoulder and said:

"Brother Man, let's eat first and go to the movies after dinner!" His Peiping dialect is very authentic. Mansheng also said that Jiabin's brother's Mandarin is "handsome" than the teachers in his school, but today all his "handsomeness" is useless. Mansheng suddenly threw off his shoulder, but he still didn't look up. He said these two words painfully:

"Don't be so full of brothers, is it full of brothers?"

I don't know where to go after an unpleasant lunch. She sat on the porch with him and he looked worried, too. Today, all his usual laughing energy has suddenly been put away. She felt sorry for him. She was scared. All this bodes ill. She remembered the day when her father died. What a beautiful sun it was. She was lying by the stream outside the village, her feet were immersed in the stream, and the cold stream flowed over her feet. Suddenly, my uncle came to me with a sigh of relief:

"Joan jun! Joan Jun! Go home quickly, your father is in poor health! "

This cry changed her life forever. But now she suddenly felt that her body was picked up by Jiabin, and his hot lips pressed hard.

"Joan jun, I can't call you four aunts anymore. Things have to come to an end, and I can't let Mansheng laugh at me again! "

She wants to cry. It is easy for generate to say this sentence:

"Are you sincere? You know I'm a-"

"There is no reason why we can't love each other." HuiBin interrupted her. His hug was terrible.

That night, before going back, Jia Bin specially said these words to her: "Joan Jun, look up, you have the right to fall in love and get married, and no one will stop you."

A few days later, the first lady suddenly came from Taipei. She seems to have heard some gossip, and the topic gradually turned to the point. Joan Jun didn't know where she got the courage, and said frankly, "Miss, I'm going to take a step forward." After all, she was afraid to say the word "remarriage". She almost blurted out this sentence, without preparation in advance, and she couldn't help but bow her head. The eldest lady answered very rationally: "Your precious youth has been sacrificed for your father, and you have every reason to remarry." The unexpected success almost made her disbelieve. She discussed many details with her elder sister, and finally decided that her son would live with his half-sister and brother-in-law.

People who refuse to compromise are full of energy. Since he knew his mother's decision, her mother always kept silent when she called him, coaxed him and took care of him. He stubbornly followed his sister to Taipei. He called "Mom" reluctantly, but she could see that the child's eyes were red.

Her wedding was very simple, only Man Zhen and her husband, and several friends of Huibin attended. Manson, she told him to stay in Taipei. She didn't want to stimulate him any more.

Joan Jun's dream of luxury has finally come true. Her life with Jiabin is infinitely sweet, and she really feels happy and satisfied at the thought that this loving life will be occupied by her infinitely.

After three years of quiet life, she got a disease that needed surgery. Jiabin signed the application form, and her life was given to the doctor. Lying in a white hospital bed, she was in a special mood. Somehow, she longed for a full life that she hadn't seen in three years. Perhaps it is because she can't have children after the operation that she is connected with another life connected with her flesh and blood. Maybe she was afraid of the operation and missed the people related to her life. She remembered the loud cry when Man Sheng fell to the ground, the scene of baking diapers on the iron stall of the stove on a winter night, the first time she brought Man Sheng into school, the middle school students in mourning, and her resentful face before remarriage. The body split from her body will never have anything to do with her? When will she get the child's forgiveness? Is it too late to get to know your mother after you have been in love or marriage? When Jia Bin walked into the ward, she implicitly asked:

"I may die, won't I?"

Jia Bin took her by the hand and quickly comforted her, saying, "The operation is safe and reliable. Don't worry too much. "

"But," she didn't dare to look into HuiBin's eyes and looked sideways at the desk lamp in front of the bed. "Before the operation, I want to see all my relatives, Jia Bin. Don't I have a relative besides you? "

"You mean a complete life? Let me try. " Jia Bin was very clever and understood at once.

Joan Jun said so, but she didn't really expect it. But when she woke up from her nap the next day and was about to be carried into the operating room, the door of the ward gently knocked twice, opened and a tall young man came in. She was startled and indecisive, and a "mom" really woke her up. "Yes-yes-yes!" She smiled and shed tears. "You really came!" Her voice choked.

Their mother and son didn't talk about breaking up because it was easy to touch on the unpleasant things at the beginning. That's enough. He stood in front of the bed with a polite smile. How happy she is!

"I heard that you were admitted to the university."

"mom! I have passed the exam. After your operation, I will go back to Taipei to register. When will you have the operation? "

"You go, it's convenient here, and-"she wanted to say Jia Bin, but she didn't say it at last, and temporarily changed her tone: "And-I'll knit you a sweater. What color do you like? "

"No, it doesn't matter, the color is up to you."

After chatting for a while, Mansheng said to go out and buy something and come back. Seeing the tall figure disappear from the ward, her heart was full of relaxation. After lifting the weight of a heart, she was safely carried into the operating room. The patient was comforted psychologically and recovered quickly.

Out of the hospital, bored for a long time, she began to wear two bamboo needles to knit a sweater for Manson, and the ball rolled all over the floor, and her brain followed. After receiving Manson's letter, she thought about it all afternoon.

"Are you asleep? Why don't you turn on the light ... "Jia Bin's voice came in and lit up with the fluorescent lamp in the room. Seeing Joan Jun sitting on the sofa, he came over and caressed her shoulder, lowered his head and asked, "What are you thinking?"

"Me?" Joan Jun looked straight at the guest's face. "I wonder, how warm is the sea in that place?"

"Well, wait for you, let's go. You've been in Taiwan Province Province for so many years, but you haven't seen any places of interest in Taiwan Province Province! There is also Man Sheng, write and ask him to come and go together! "