Jokes about tigers

One of the Tiger Jokes: Embarrassing Underwear

Tiger is naturally stinky and must take a bath every day. However, there are too many perverts in the Tsinghua Bathhouse, so the Tiger prefers the distance and takes a bath in an outside bathhouse.

One night, it was bath time again. Tiger came to the off-campus bathhouse. It was a hot spring with warm water. His skin was soft and smooth. It was so refreshing.

While I was applying soap, a guy next to me started to look lewd and looked at the tiger motionlessly. His eyes were so strange that the tiger couldn't help but blush. So the tiger scolded: "What are you looking at?"

The guy said awkwardly: "Oh, I'm sorry, but can you return the underwear to me after you wash it?"

< p>The tiger took a closer look and saw that the towel on his hand was being used to apply soap and wipe his body. It was not yellow, not green, not green. It was a small piece of cloth and had a triangular appearance. Oh my god, it looked like a towel. Underwear!

The emotional tiger took someone else’s underwear to take a shower, no wonder others were staring at him like this!

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 2, The Sky is Lingling and the Earth is Lingling

Tiger works in the company's finances, and the company has strict requirements on the establishment of product codes. , all have strict regulations. For example, if the code of bagged cement is 100 and the model code is A100, then the code of A100 bagged cement is 100100, followed by 100200, 100300, and so on.

One day, a new employee came to the subordinate unit. This person did not understand the rules and wrote reports randomly. When the report arrived in Tiger's hands, he couldn't understand it at all, so he called in the newcomer for more information:

"Excuse me, why are the 521 of 100521 not built in accordance with the regulations? And this 100450 , 100888? "What happened to the last three?"

Xin Ding replied: "You can fill in whatever number you think of..."

Tiger asked again depressedly, "This is 100700?" Why is it right again?"

Xin Ding replied calmly: "It's just random."

Tiger left helplessly and muttered: "Who is this guy? He's full of randomness. Count, isn’t it? One, zero, seven, zero, one, zero, seven, zero, I’m still alive and well! This job is so frustrating that it’s so frustrating every day!”

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 3, Xinwen Lianbo

There was an overseas Chinese who went abroad since he was a child. When he returned to China when he was older, everything felt new. One day, the man said proudly: "I insist on reading the People's Daily and the News Network every day. They are very good and I never get tired of them." Watching those grandsons discuss matters, you will cry after watching them for two days."

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 4, No Time to Expect

Company. There were a lot of chores to do, so I hired several consultants to make suggestions and make decisions.

One of the consultants was particularly lazy. The tasks entrusted to him would take ten and a half days at least. Colleagues complained one after another, and Tiger said angrily: "Come on, you can tell his style just by looking at his mobile phone number. The last four numbers are 1157. You can tell at a glance that if you want to wait for him to produce results, it will be a long time!"

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 5, Hi Madeleine

Brother Tiger works hard and has no hobbies after get off work, so he is despised when chatting at noon.

One day, several brothers were chatting about computer games, and Tiger suddenly became interested: "I have also played computer games!"

Several colleagues were extremely disdainful: "You?" Such a mature person can also play games?

So Tiger began to recall fondly: It was a cold winter, probably in 1999, and Tiger came to his workroom holding a Lenovo brand machine. Lenovo gave away a lot of software, including many games, and one of them deeply attracted Tiger. What kind of game is that?

To put it simply, it tells the story of a little girl who sent her mother to the hospital when her mother was sick.

First, I went to my neighbor's house. After a conversation, the neighbor agreed to send her mother to the hospital, but she was short of money, so she went door to door to collect money and ask for help...

I believe everyone has figured it out by this time. Okay, this is not a game. It is clearly an intelligence development software for preschool children! But our Tiger brother didn't think so. He started to sing the theme song of the game affectionately: "Hi, Madeline, Hi, Madeline..."

This is the only game that Tiger has played and knows how to play. A game.

A colleague interrupted Tiger's affectionate memories: "Hey, I said, Tiger -"

"Huh?"

"Never say you can Play games, okay?”

“Isn’t that good? I can even sing the theme song!” Then the childish and affectionate baritone echoed, “Hi, Madeleine. , Hi, Madeleine..."

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 6, davy's limerick

Tiger worked extremely hard and died 1 Tian is still at work.

It is said that he often put out fires, and his colleagues complained about him, so they wrote a limerick and said:

One project is pushed down

Two factories have piled up problems

The three giants will rush you

The four magic weapons will destroy you

International requirements must be perfect

No one has accurate domestic data

Train everyone to open their mouths to feed

Work backwards

The warm breeze of Xiaoyao Paradise

Remote command is busy in meetings

The simulation operation is useless

Looking for people to spit on before and after

Pointing fingers and inserting one's legs

It doesn't matter if you push three or four

It doesn't matter whether you are right No

Both big and small things are sins

The manager’s lungs have been damaged by overwork

Every day I see people losing weight and becoming haggard

Can’t eat or sleep< /p>

How can it not be heartbreaking

Starting early in the morning and the sun is still shining

Going home at night and unable to sleep

The food and daily life are tasteless

My face is blank and my heart is gray

Chasing every day for three and a half months

Doubling the working hours

I can’t return to my love nest

Do you think he is tired?

Annual dinner is not suitable for his stomach

He has fallen ill and has no place for him

What is the point of exhausting one's energy

p>

I hit the wall for the manager

The big boss said:

davy

If you call again, your pay will be deducted!

< p>Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 7, Tiger Does Not Eat

Tiger is usually serious and nervous, united and lively, and does not flirt even when he is with his wife. But there are exceptions to everything.

At that time, Tiger was still studying. He had a conflict with his wife, ah no, he was still his girlfriend at that time. Tigers never eat much, but women need romance. Today, Tiger got into trouble with his sister-in-law again because he didn't want to go to dinner.

My sister-in-law was sitting by the Weiming Lake. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. The angrier she became, the more she thought about it. Then she started to cry. As she cried, she broke off the willow branch and chanted it over and over again in her hands. It read: "One, two, three, four, five, go up the mountain and hunt the tiger."

I don't know how many times I wrote it, but suddenly a pair of warm big hands behind my back held my sister-in-law's small hand. When I turned around, I saw it was the tiger. The tiger smiled gently, held his sister-in-law's hand and continued to write: "Tiger doesn't eat, he only eats bad guys."

My sister-in-law burst into laughter, and she seemed not to be angry anymore.

Brother Tiger, you are really a master of love, you can even make a Qiong Yao movie.

----

sigh, the joy of the past has turned into the sorrow of today.

After Brother Tiger passed away, my sister-in-law committed suicide the next day.

This story was told to me by my sister-in-law before she committed suicide.

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 8, Afraid of the Dark

Tiger is timid, fears ghosts and gods, and is especially afraid of the dark. Once I asked the tiger: "Tiger, are you really afraid of the dark?"

The tiger said depressedly: "Yes."

I continued to pursue: "Then your wife is also afraid of the dark "?"

The tiger replied: "Yes."

"

I was very happy and asked: "You and your wife are both afraid of the dark, so what do you do after you turn off the lights at night? "

The tiger said: "We won't be afraid if we hug each other. ”

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 9, Grudge Chapter

Tiger is timid, but he has a habit of watching ghost movies. But My sister-in-law got off work very late, so he didn't dare to watch it at home, so he went to a neighbor's house to watch it.

The Grudge is a Japanese ghost movie. There is a plot in it where someone takes a shower and ends up with an extra pair of hands. I helped him rub his head; and when he was sleeping, the quilt suddenly bulged, and a ghost came out...

After reading it, I went home shivering.

Second. It was Saturday, and my neighbor went downstairs and met my sister-in-law, and asked casually: "Where is your tiger?" Why didn't you come out?

My sister-in-law curled her lips and said, "Don't mention him. I don't know what happened. He acted stupidly when he came back last night. He left the door open while taking a shower. He told me not to make any noise, otherwise it would scare him." . "

"Then he came out of the shower with red eyes. I was shocked and asked him what was wrong. But he said that he didn't dare to close his eyes when washing his hair, so his eyes were irritated like this. ! "

"Then when he went to bed at night, he refused to cover himself with a quilt. Don’t cover yourself with a quilt! Think about it, it was October. As a result, I woke up with a cold this morning. "

After my sister-in-law complained, she asked very depressedly: "What did my tiger do in your house yesterday? "

The neighbor is silent, just say a few words and leave.

Author: Luo Siwen

Top 10 Tiger Jokes: Never eat with medical students

Tiger was ill and needed to be hospitalized. He happened to have a classmate who was studying medicine and helped a lot in arranging the ward. Tiger invited him to eat hot pot.

The buddy picked up a piece of pig. Waist, tutted, said: "Look, look, how thick this blood vessel is, it must be the left kidney. "

The tiger was stunned. Then the buddy picked up a piece of fat sausage, boiled it and ate it, saying, "Do you know why this piece of fat sausage is thick with oil?" Because it's close to the anus. "

The tiger had a bad appetite, so he put down all the dishes as soon as he heard this.

The guy picked up another piece of pork liver and sighed: "Wow, not bad. good! The green luster is a piece of pork liver with strong detoxification ability! ”

……

So the tiger basically didn’t use his chopsticks during the meal.

The next day, the tiger decided to invite the buddy to dinner again. The place I chose was Tiantian Holiday Seafood City. Tiger only likes to eat fish, and this place is good and the food is fresh. Shouldn’t this guy say anything?

Okay, the host and guest have finished their greetings. Everyone took their seats. As soon as they took their seats, my friend said, "This fish is really fresh." "

The tiger was secretly happy: Of course, he didn't care about the price.

The friend said: "Actually, this fish doesn't taste good when it's fresh. Let me tell you, it is best to leave the fish for two or three days after it dies, when the carcass begins to rot slightly and the protein begins to dissolve, then it is the most delicious! "

...

When checking out, Tiger said seriously to his classmates: "Brother, thank you for your help, but I am determined not to ask you again in the future. It’s time to eat! ”

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Jokes No. 11, Vomiting

When tigers are sick, they are extremely lethargic. Vomiting.

One day at noon, he vomited all over the floor in the office. The boss of another department came over and patted his shoulder affectionately, showing concern for him and said, "Tiger, what's wrong with you?" , why is it the same as my wife’s!

The tiger asked strangely: "What's wrong with your wife?" Why haven't I heard of it? "

The boss said: "Nausea, vomiting, and easy drowsiness. Isn't this a pregnancy disease? ”

Tiger-.-

Author: Luo Siwen

Twelve Tiger Jokes, Valentine’s Day Special

I remembered it immediately It’s Valentine’s Day, let’s post a Valentine’s Day joke.

Tiger is so honest that he doesn’t even know how to lie.

On Valentine’s Day in 2004, before get off work. An hour later, Tiger sneaked over to HR and murmured: "I'm sorry, my range hood is broken, I...I..."

HR knew it, but still held back his laughter. Got a holiday.

On Valentine's Day in 2005, Brother Tiger was so shy that he went to HR again, and he still said in a low voice: "I'm sorry, my refrigerator is broken..."

HR naturally granted leave again. , when I was approving the leave note, I suddenly thought that Tiger had used such a bad excuse in 2004, and couldn't help but joke: "Tiger, your appliances are smart, right?"

Tiger was stunned. Said: "What's wrong?"

HR said: "On Valentine's Day in 2004, the range hood broke, and on Valentine's Day in 2005, the refrigerator broke again. If it wasn't a smart one, why was it so broken? What a coincidence!"

Tiger's face was as red as a cooked crab. He took the leave letter and said it was neither a choice nor a departure. HR said: "Let's go, let's change it next year. What a good reason!”

But Tiger didn’t last until 2006.

Author: Luo Siwen

Tiger Joke No. 13, the anger of female colleagues

Tiger is a good man, and many girls like him.

However, Tiger has been in love with his sister-in-law since he was a child, so it is impossible for him to feel sorry for her. I can only cherish my one and only, and pretend to be ignorant, letting down the kindness of other girls.

There is a girl named Jasmine in the office who likes him very much and often expresses her love openly. But tigers often play dumb and get by. Finally, the most difficult day came. It was Jasmine's birthday. She dressed up beautifully and stayed next to Tiger's office after get off work.

Tiger didn’t leave either. He was busy working overtime. When he saw Jasmine, he asked strangely: “Jasmine, why don’t you go home? Is something wrong?”

Jasmine said happily. : "It's okay, do you have anything to do with me?"

Tiger said: "Ah, please help me fax those documents. I'm in a hurry to use them."

Poor Jasmine , I felt extremely painful, thinking that Tiger was so stupid that he actually forgot my birthday! However, Jasmine still faxed the information.

The next day was the birthday of the boss of another department. HR prepared a big cake for that boss. Of course, because the first day was Jasmine’s birthday, the card also had Jasmine’s name on it. Let’s just say Jasmine took the boss’s car to celebrate her birthday.

After seeing the card, Tiger asked in surprise and annoyance: "Jasmine, was your birthday yesterday?"

"Yes!" Jasmine still remembered her hatred from yesterday. .

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Tiger said regretfully.

"How about you tell me earlier?" Jasmine suddenly became happy again, with a little expectation. Maybe there will be compensation today? After all, a little girl will never grow angry no matter how angry she sees someone she likes.

"If you had told me earlier, I would have asked Marry to fax that pile of information!"

...

"Tiger, I'm going to kill you! ! ” Who could have imagined that such a frail Jasmine could roar so horribly?

A few tiger jokes to make everyone relax

1. The little tiger blushed and asked the little squirrel: Can I eat you? The little squirrel thought it was quite funny and said: Is this your first time eating animals? The little tiger was even more embarrassed and said: Yes, mom is not at home anymore. I used to breastfeed.

2. A hungry cat met a hungry tiger. The cat asked the tiger: "I am starving because I can't eat food. How can you be so sleepy?

Is there also a lack of food?"

The tiger said: "I have always used humans as food, but recently I have looked around the world and there is no one who looks like a human being. How can I eat it?

< p>So I am starving to death. But you have always eaten mice. Are there no mice in the world? Are you so sleepy?"

The cat sighed and said, "There are no mice in the world. There are a lot of them. It’s just that these days, a group of rats are very good at sneaking into high-ranking positions. They are heavily guarded. How can I dare to eat them?”

3. Son: “Dad?” , our teacher has never even seen a tiger.

"

Father: "How do you know? ”

Son: “Yesterday, I showed him the tiger I drew, and he asked me if it was a dog.

4. Two people met a man in the forest. A big tiger. A quickly took off a pair of lighter sneakers from his back and put them on. B was so anxious that he cursed: "What are you doing? I can't outrun the tiger even if I change my shoes!" A said: "I just need to run faster than you."

5. One day the tiger Asked his bodyguard [Elephant] I heard that you have recently raised a group of sheep, the Elephant replied; Replying to the King, I am raising sheep to give to my friend Leopard, and the Tiger said again; I am afraid I will lose you before you give them away. I know the appetite best

6. There was a tiger who raised a group of pigs. Two wolves came to steal the pigs at night and happened to be hit by the tiger. The tiger was very angry and asked: What do you two do? What? The wolf was so frightened that he knelt on the ground and replied, "I bought some joke books for your pigs to read."