What’s the joke? . (the more the better)

Xiao Lin was waiting for the bus at the station. There was a girl who kept staring at him and smiling. Xiao Lin knew that he was quite handsome and had attracted the girl’s attention, so he walked around a few times. In this way, The girl opposite smiled brighter and brighter, and when Xiao Lin saw it, he paced back and forth more energetically. An aunt on the side said to Xiao Lin: "Young man, please stop stepping on dog poop, okay?"

A, B and C went on a trip together, and A caught a cold...

At night, everyone slept in the same bed, and A slept in the middle.

In the middle of the night...A sneezed hard,

B and C's whole face was covered with A's crystals.

B and C: You will inform us next time...

Half an hour later,

A: Pay attention...

B After hearing this, B quickly got into the quilt,

and made sure there was no connection with the outside world...

As a result, A farted.

Three little rabbits poop

The first one is long.

The second one is spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Asked, it replied: I squeezed it with my hands.

A: I never say it a second time

B: What?

A: I never say it a second time

< p>The little white rabbit meets the big bad wolf

The little white rabbit says big bad wolf Big bad wolf, please ask me if I am the little white rabbit

Ask, ask, ask ! ! ! !

The big bad wolf said, are you the little white rabbit?

The little white rabbit is very happy, yes, yes, I am! ! !

Then

The little white rabbit said again: Big Bad Wolf Big Bad Wolf, please ask me if I am a giraffe

Ask me quickly! ! ! !

The big bad wolf is helpless. Okay. . . That. . . Are you a giraffe?

The little white rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!

I already told you that I am a little white rabbit! ! !

One day, Toothpick was walking and found that his shoelaces were untied, so he bent down to tie his shoelaces, and then his waist broke.

One day Xiaoqiang came home crying and said, "Mom, my classmates at school say my head looks like a kite."

Then his mother said, "How could that be? No way." Ah? Come and run with me.”

The teacher played a piece of Beethoven’s music in the music class.

Xiao Ming asked Xiaohua: “Do you know music?”

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Then do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

p>

One day there was a mother-in-law who was riding in a car...

Halfway through the ride, the mother-in-law didn't know the road...

The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said: Where is this?

Driver: This is my butt...

Wife: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on dog shit.

Husband: I am so blind that I will only marry you if I step on shit.

Shit: I’m so unlucky! Lying there, I was stepped on by both of you...

Question: What is that thing with three heads and one foot?

Answer: A monster with three heads and one foot. ! ! ! ! ! !

When the ant went to the desert, why didn't he leave his footprints in the sand, but only a line?

Answer: Because it rides a bicycle!

The ant came home from the desert. He did not notify anyone, but his family knew that he was back! Why!

Answer: I saw his bicycle parked downstairs...

One day a female drug addict was caught at the police station. The police saw tattoos on her hands and asked She, why did you tattoo your boyfriend's name on your hand? Is his name Xiaoliang... ah... is it? Tell me, tell me... is he taking drugs... tell me quickly

I saw the female drug addict raising her head with angry eyes

Said to the police

This is hate...

One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend were driving We were out for a ride.

The car was almost out of gas. There happened to be a gas station nearby. As we drove past, a sudden gust of wind blew her boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'm going to pick up the hat, you help me."

As soon as her boyfriend ran away, he heard Xiaomei shouted behind him:

"Come on! Come on!"

There were two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

One sausage shook After a moment, wow! It’s so cold~!

The other sausage said in surprise, Huh? How can you talk if you are a sausage?

One sausage felt very cold when it was locked in the refrigerator. Then he looked at the other sausage next to him, felt a little comforted, and said: "Look at you, you are frozen like this, your whole body is covered with ice!" As a result, Nagen said: "I'm sorry, I'm a popsicle."

A little boy came home from school and peeked out of the window to see a woman lying on the bed, rubbing her breasts wildly and shouting, "I want a man, I want a man!"

The next day, the little boy walked out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay on the bed, rubbing his breasts and shouting, "I want a bicycle, I want a bicycle!"

(I am shattered by this!! Where are the moppers?)

Why are boys envied if they have many GFs, while girls are despised if they have many BFs? Because it’s like a key can open a lot. A lock is called a master key, and if a lock can be opened by many keys, it means there is something wrong with the lock.

5 children are allowed to cut a cake three times. How can they divide it equally? Kill a child and cut the cake into quarters.

43. In the biology class, the teacher asked: How can I distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? The student replied: Fart. When it smells, its hands are the ones that cover its nose, and the rest are its feet.

Xiao Ming and Xiao Hong are at the same table. One day, Xiao Ming borrows a pen from Xiao Hong.

p>

Xiao Hong said “I won’t lend it”

“You will die if you lend it to me! "

Then, Xiaohong said: "Oh, let me lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong was really dead. (So cold ...)

I read in a magazine that I was testing whether my girlfriend is a rotten girl. I asked her what the antonym of 'attack' is. If she answered 'defense', it means it is normal. If she answered 'receive', it means she is obviously a rotten girl.

One day I suddenly remembered and asked her: "What is the antonym of 'attack'?" "

She replied: "Mother!"

It seemed that I didn't express myself clearly, so I continued: "No, it's 'attack' in 'attack'"

She said: "Yes, hen's hen! ”

Her answer proves that this dog-like test is completely unreliable...

The pressure at work in modern society is great, especially for gay men, and the pressure is even greater. It’s really depressing to have no place to vent.

I saw an old friend on QQ at night and started communicating with each other.

Question: How to decompress effectively?

Answer: You don’t know this? The shortest answer. Right click and select winrar to decompress!

My mother received a call saying that the credit card of XX Bank was in arrears. My mother said: "You must be a liar. Banks have voice systems."

Just put it over there. The phone was hung up. A few days later, I received another call saying: "This is a voice message. Your xx bank account is in arrears. Please press 9 for details."

My mother said: "There is no 9 on my phone. "

The other side said: "How is that possible?"

My mother said: "Aren't you a voice caller?"

The other side hung up the phone.

An American tourist came to Taiwan and got on a bus in Taipei. Just when he was about to throw in coins, the driver said: "Get off the bus and throw in, get off the bus and throw in again!"

p>

The American was confused: "What, get out of the car and throw it in?" So he ran out of the car, picked up the coins and looked at the coin box, and shook his head with a wry smile: "How can you throw it in like this? I’m not Jordan.”

There was a couple having a sweet moment in the park, and the girl acted coquettishly and said to her husband: I have a toothache! The boy then kissed the girl and asked: Does it still hurt? The girl said it didn’t hurt anymore! After a while, the girl said coquettishly: Husband, my neck hurts! The boy kissed the girl's neck again and asked if it still hurt this time. The girl happily said: It doesn't hurt anymore! The old lady standing next to me had been watching for a long time. She couldn't help it anymore, so she stepped forward and asked the young man: "Young man, you are so amazing. Can you cure hemorrhoids?"

Nietzsche went for an interview, and the interviewer asked: "What is your name?" "Nietzsche." "Guess your grandma is next!"

One day, I dropped eye drops , just finished dripping, closed his eyes. When I opened it, I couldn't see anything, it was all black. I thought to myself: It's over, I bought fake medicine, I'm blind! At this time, my dad went upstairs with a candle and said: "Why are you growing back? A power outage will make you cry!"

Customer A: Is your chili spicy?

Hawker: Don’t worry about keeping it safe!

A: Forget it, I can’t eat anything too spicy.

Hawker: ...

Customer B: Is your chili spicy?

Hawker: Don’t worry it’s not spicy!

B: What’s chili pepper if it’s not spicy? No more.

Hawker: ...

Customer C: Is your chili spicy?

Hawker: I don’t know...

C: I don’t know what I have, so I’m crazy.

Hawker:...

A strange and handsome man knocked on my door and asked in a deep voice: "Is this Mr. XX?" I nodded, and he leaned over and kissed me hard. He put his lips on my lips and thrust his tongue into my mouth, stirring it wantonly. I was shocked at first, then struggled, and pushed him away angrily: "Asshole! What are you doing?" The man innocently spread his hands and said, "I am a courier, and the passionate kiss just now was sent by your girlfriend in the United States. , please check."

A: "I used to play chess with your father. Once, your father only had one bishop left, and I only had one knight left. So, I suggested that the bishop and the knight should be played. We all crossed the river, and your father agreed. Your father used his elephant to resemble me, and I used his elephant to punish your father. Your father used his elephant to resemble me, and I used his elephant to resemble me. , I am your father. Your father is like me, I am your father. B: "Get out"!

There were many people watching, and a reporter had an idea and shouted: I am injured. Son of the reporter, please give way! The onlookers quickly moved aside. The reporter took a closer look and saw that a donkey was run over and lying in the middle of the road.

1. A passenger plane was flying and was suddenly hit by a passenger. A small jet of air hit, and the passengers panicked, thinking that the end of the world was coming. A young and beautiful girl stood up, mustered up the courage to say to everyone: "Dear male passengers, can any of you let me try before I die?" What's it like to be a woman? ”

2. The fat man asked the doctor: “Doctor, what is the most effective way to lose weight?” The doctor glanced at the fat man and said, "Shake your head." "Shake your head?" when? " "When someone asks you to eat. ”

3. A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and had many tests done.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I discovered that you have potential homosexual tendencies! ! And it’s hard to cure!

This guy said: Oh my God! What about the good news?

The doctor said shyly: I found you quite cute~~~~~~~~

4. A general manager who does client development always has no business. , I was in a very depressed mood and my income was not good. After working overtime, I went downstairs to eat a bowl of noodles and chat with my boss. Do you need a client? The boss said that we are all here for the client, can we let the client do it?

5. I asked: "Mosquito, are you an angel with broken wings?" Mosquito replied: "No." I said: "Then you can afford to be hurt..." - Snap! ! !

6. In order to get my husband interested in ironing clothes, I bought an ironing board. This ironing board is unusual. It has a beautiful woman wearing a bathing suit printed on it. When the board is heated, the bathing suit will disappear. Turns out he stuck the board to the radiator.

7. The director and the section chief were riding in the elevator. The director farted and said to the section chief: You farted! The section chief said: I didn't do it... The section chief was dismissed soon after. The director said at the meeting: You can't even take on such big things, so what use are you?

8.A: The employer has raised wages. My monthly salary can reach 60,000. What about you? B: We also increased by less than 70,000. A: Not bad. You are treated well. I heard that cabbage is on sale in the supermarket tonight for only 3,000 yuan a pound! B: Shhh, keep your voice down, don’t let others hear you!

9. The store manager was scolding one of his salespeople. "I saw you arguing with a customer," he said with great annoyance. "Don't you remember, the customer is always right in my store. Do you understand?

"Yes, sir," the salesman said. "The customer is always right. "

"Why did you argue with him just now? "

"Oh, sir, he said you were an idiot. ”

10. A woman asked her boyfriend: Do you love me? The boyfriend said: Yes. The woman asked: Do you also love others? The boyfriend said: Yes. The woman asked again: Don’t you always say Am I everything to you? The man said: Yes, you are my concubine.

1. When I get rich, I will buy a bus and use the dedicated bus lane. , parked at the bus stop, and when someone wanted to get on the bus, I said: Sorry, this is a private car

2. Sir, are you driving or staying in a hotel?

I Shit

3. I was young, how about you?

4. Gentlemen are nothing more than patient wolves

5. Everyone stands. Being on one side is not necessarily a good thing, for example, they are all on one side of the boat

6. Don’t be nervous, I’m not a good person...

7. You said...you like me? Actually...I started...Actually, I also...well, let me tell you, I actually like myself quite a lot.

8. As a typical failure, you are really too successful

9. When I was a child, I just learned to ride a bicycle. I ran to the street before I knew how to do it. I saw an old man walking in front of me. I felt like I was going to bump into him, so I yelled, don’t move, don’t move. I stood there without moving, but I turned around and bumped into it. The old man stood up and said, are you aiming?

10. If there is 300W, do you think it is better to buy a Mercedes-Benz or a Ferrari? .

Reply: It is best to buy 300 second-hand Ottos, hire 300 drivers, and let them drive behind you, sometimes in an S shape and sometimes in a B shape

11. Smile more, and beware of emotional colds on cloudy days.

12. I smile to the sky, and after I smile, I go to sleep!

13. Lu Yaozhi! Insufficient horsepower will lead to unforeseen consequences over time

14. My dad expressed his opinion on my gaining weight: If I don’t have Han Hong’s life, I will get Han Hong’s disease.

15. I never hold grudges, and I will avenge them on the spot.

16. Don’t ruin my path to reincarnation by crying at my grave.

17. Mr. Zhang, if you press CTRL+C on your home computer and then press CTRL+V on your company computer, it will definitely not work, even for the same article. No, no matter how expensive the computer is.

18. I thought you were just a number between 1 and 3, but I didn’t expect you were a combination of 1 and 3.

20. When a cannibal went to work, the manager repeatedly told him not to eat his colleagues, so he agreed. After a few days, I couldn't help it anymore and secretly ate a janitor

and was discovered immediately. The sentiment is: Never eat people who are really doing things.

21. You scold me now because you don’t understand me yet. When you understand me in the future, you will definitely hit me.

22. You never know when someone will say goodbye to you inadvertently and then never see you again.

23. The road to success is always under construction.

24. If I don’t go to hell, whoever loves me will go there

25. Guess an English sentence: "ABABBBAAAAAABBBABAAAABBBBAABBBBAAAAAA"? 〈Answer: Long time no C〉

26. I miss your facial features and think vaguely. ——Suddenly I feel that most of the yearning is like this, getting weaker and weaker (I vaguely remember that this is the lyrics of Faye Wong's "I Don't Want This Too", I don't know if it is correct?)

27. After many years, I sigh, Those two teenagers: one amazed the time, the other gentled the years.

28. If she (he) says to you: "Forget me." You tell the other person: "I never remember."

29. What do you think about us? Well, I will always remember that I will never let you go even if I am a ghost.

30. Dear female colleagues, please don’t charge me, my wife has caller ID.

31. Smile, wave, goodbye, it’s over.

32. I think about it, I once determined to be a fun person

33. Think about the salary comparison, forget it, I don’t want to live anymore.

34. Well, just give me an affordable grave.

35. After living for more than 20 years, I have not been able to do anything for the motherland and the people. Every time I think about this, I feel heartbroken

36. While I am young, I can do something for the country and the people. I've done all the bad things, it's only been a few years.

37. Earn money from selling cabbage, but have the heart to sell white powder

38. Seven-year-old boys are the most terrifying creatures on the earth. They are curious and capable. Motivation, destructive power, and the Protection of Minors Act.

39. The most valuable thing about a person is that he keeps his word - I won't pay back the money if I say it!

40. I said: You can sleep as much as you want, but sleep very much.

41. Although I believe in eachother, I may not believe in you

42. God said: Don’t forget to bring an umbrella when you go out. I will water the flowers soon

43 , Special people never say that they are special, such as me

44. My fault is too great, but Tai said he has no time to come

45. I know that everything in the world is scattered. Banquet, but, at least, I want to have a good time at the banquet!

46. I will walk my sunshine path, and you will cross your Naihe Bridge.

47. The world belongs to us and the children, but in the end it belongs to the grandchildren!

48. Whenever I am in trouble, I recite the Tibetan Sutra: "Oh mani moo ma coax", which translated into English is: All money go my home!

49. Finally The simple secret of longevity——keep breathing and don’t stop breathing

50. Confucius said: If you don’t sleep at noon, you will collapse in the afternoon. Mencius said: Confucius is right!

51. Kindness means that when others are hungry, I eat meat without chewing my tongue

52. In the long road of life, there will always be a few wrong steps.

53. I never bully the weak~~~I didn’t know he was weaker than me before I bullied him...