Classic funny sentences

1. The three idols of childhood: Lei Feng, Zhang Haidi, and Xiaobing Zhang Ga. Referred to as "Reddy Gaga".

2. I went to ask for Buddhist beads in the afternoon. The young monk told me that the abbot had gone to purchase some.

3. The success of a person’s life depends on the memorial service.

4. People are not afraid of death, but they are most afraid of not knowing how to live.

5. Question from a netizen: My Satsuma and my neighbor’s Golden Retriever are in love. They are always clingy together and often ignore me recently. But I don't agree with this marriage. The neighbor's house is rented, and he doesn't have a car. The long-term pain is worse than the short-term pain. I'm going to nip their love in the cradle. Who tells me what to do? Best reply: "Go to bed with that golden retriever, and let your Satsuma see it."

6. Mom: "Aren't you shy when you fight with your best friend?" Son: "He Throw stones at me first." The mother was very angry: "When he throws stones at you, you should come back and tell me." Son: "What's the use?"

7. Mr. Zhou took the business card handed over by Mr. Chen, looked at it and said, "Mr. Dong, I have long admired you. I have admired you for a long time." Mr. Chen took Mr. Zhou's business card and said, "Are you Mr. Ji?" Did Mr. Zhou hear this? Happy: "My surname is Zhou, why did you skin me? How did I offend you?" Mr. Chen said: "My surname is Chen. If you cut off my ears, you don't want me to skin you?

8. When moving for a friend, we shouted "one, two, three" at the same time, lifting the furniture and putting it on the car. A little girl seemed to be very anxious when she saw us lifting the furniture, and she was saying something. After the big items were loaded, the little girl trotted over and said, "Uncle, three is followed by four. I've told you several times, don't you know how?" ”

9. When you fall in love and find a partner, it’s called stock picking; when you get married, it’s called a deal; when you have a child, it’s called allotment of shares; after a few years of marriage, the relationship between the husband and wife will inevitably fall into a box-type arrangement; what if the relationship between the couple is not compatible? It’s called hollowing out; if you’re not in a good relationship and can’t leave, that’s called being stuck; if you finally divorce, that’s called getting out of the trap; after divorce, both talents are lost, that’s called hollowing out; if you marry someone who is chauvinistic, then that man He is the main force, and the woman is a retail investor.

10. Is Red Boy the son of the Bull Demon King? Does Princess Iron Fan have any ulterior relationship with Taishang Laojun? Laojun picked it up, but it was in the hands of Princess Iron Fan; the Bull Demon King didn't know how to do it, but Red Boy was born with it. It's so fucking interesting!

11. The county magistrate inspected and wanted to have dinner with the villagers. The villagers said: "You're welcome, the leader will go first, I'm not busy." I have to feed the dog before eating at this time every day, so I'm used to it. The county magistrate said angrily: "Can you speak?" The herdsman said with a sad face: "I am used to talking to animals, but I don't know how to talk to people." "

12. I was sleeping soundly in the morning. My wife shook me awake and said: "Get up quickly, my dad is here." I woke up as soon as I could, and my hands and feet were skillful. I picked up my clothes and rolled them to the bottom of the bed. She also put her shoes in. The wife knelt down and said helplessly: We have been married for half a year.

13. Wukong, you are such a badass, you are so lucky to have no parents! Why are you scolding me? How many times have I told you that after the banshee catches me, you have to wait for my signal to come to rescue you! Look at my teacher, you are suddenly intruding every time. I am so shocked that if I do this again, my master... I am afraid that I will never be able to save them again. How sad! Wukong loves his disciples, and he swears by his tears that he will not do it again, okay?

14. A said to B: In the past, Hua Mulan disguised herself as a man and joined the army for her father. I didn’t believe it. It was just nonsense. She ate and lived with so many soldiers in the army, and no one discovered that she was a woman. What do you think? Is this possible? B: You are so stupid. What would you say if Hua Mulan slept with you?

15. On the train, a passenger said to the conductor: "Bring me a bottle of Coke. How much? "Flight attendant:" 8 yuan. Passenger: "How big is a bottle?" "Flight attendant: "It's the kind that sells for 3 yuan outside! ”