Raising children like this before the age of 3, parents worry after the age of 3 100 times!

It is often said that the most important period is before the age of three. This period is not to let children learn much knowledge, but the most important period of psychological growth.

Psychological growth is an important part of early education, and healthy psychology is the source of lifelong happiness.

I didn't notice this until I was 3 years old. After I am 3 years old, I will spend more time to make up for it. Not worth the candle!

Pay attention to the sensitive period before the age of 3.

Follow the nature of children and develop freely.

Many parents don't know that their children have various sensitive periods when they are 0-3 years old. It is easy to regard the child's performance in a sensitive period as unruly behavior, reprimanding the child or forcibly stopping it, which not only makes the child suffer, but also leaves psychological hidden dangers.

Oral sensitive period

It lasts a little more than a year after birth, which is a sensitive period of oral cavity. No matter how adults stop it, children always put their hands in their mouths and eat with relish.

Don't stop children just because they are not clean, otherwise it will leave psychological hidden dangers.

What parents have to do is to ensure that things at the door are relatively clean, and it is best to provide different things for children to explore with their mouths!

Children at this stage explore the world with their mouths. If they get through it, they will never chew anything except food with their mouths again.

Some children still can't get rid of the habit of sucking fingers or other things after entering kindergarten and primary school, and even extend to other bad behaviors, such as eating snacks, spitting, swearing, etc., all of which are related to the bad oral sensitivity period to some extent.

Limb sensitive period

Overlapping with the later oral sensitive period is the hand sensitive period. I like throwing things with my hands, digging holes with my fingers, and even hitting people during the sensitive period of my hands (in fact, from a child's point of view, I'm just practicing my arm muscles).

Overlapping with the late sensitive period of the hand is the sensitive period of the leg, and sometimes two or three sensitive periods often cross at the same time.

Children at this stage will be very active and even "slow down". Parents should never blame their children for this.

The correct way is to give him enough space to be familiar with body movements and play games with him, so that all kinds of muscles can be exercised, the parent-child relationship can be improved, and the left and right brains can develop in a balanced way.

Sensitive period of real right consciousness

Children over two years old often say "this is mine" and "that is mine" when they enter the sensitive period of property rights consciousness, and refuse to share anything with others, even their mothers can't get their own things.

Dear mom and dad, don't think children are selfish. You must find a way to solve this problem.

In fact, this is an exercise in the ownership of property rights. By confirming the ownership of goods, we can recognize his relationship with goods.

The way to get through the sensitive period of real right consciousness smoothly is not to be serious with the child when he is particularly obvious, and then find the right opportunity to guide him.

For example, when other children share toys with their own children, remind him: "Are you happy that children share toys with you?"

Wait for him to nod and tell him, "You give toys to others to play with, and they are also very happy." You can stop here, don't force the child at once.

After repeating this several times, let him try to give the toys to other children. Through practice, he knows that toys belong to him. After sharing it with others, he will still get it back, and everyone will be happy to share it with others, so that he will gradually be willing to share it.

Most children enter the sharing stage around the age of three.

Note 1: For children who are in a period of strong awareness of property rights, adults should never tease them, snatch things from their children, make them cry, and then humiliate them "You are so stingy!" This is absolutely unacceptable behavior!

Note 2: Give us something to eat when the children can share. We must accept it. Don't say, "I'm kidding, I don't eat, you eat." This is a refusal to share with children, which will bring disappointment to children. Children will associate sharing with disappointment and will not enjoy the happiness of sharing, so they will gradually be reluctant to share.

Other sensitive periods

Children aged three or four enter a sensitive period of order, perfection and obstinacy. Adults break off a piece of cake for children. Children will cry and refuse to accept ... don't think children are selfish. It is the perfect sensitive period that we destroy the children's sense of circle.

Other sensitive periods have their own performances. For example, when you are five or six years old, there is a sensitive period of worship, a sensitive period of marriage, and so on. Only by letting the children pass smoothly and naturally can you maintain a healthy attitude.

Don't "teach" until you are 3 years old.

Demonstration is the key.

Mistaking knowledge instillation as early education always uses the method of "teaching", which is easy to cause children's resistance.

Don't teach children, just demonstrate. Many people may think that I am talking nonsense about not teaching children. I didn't understand this statement at the beginning of my contact. Two years' experience has made me realize through a lot of observation and practice that children are really not "taught".

For example:

The guest greeted the baby, but the child didn't respond. Adults usually urge them to say, "Why don't you call your aunt? Why don't you answer?"? You should call your aunt, your child is like this "out of courtesy and face." Doing so is teaching, and teaching will put pressure on children.

If you blame while teaching, it will torture your child even more.

We just need to imitate the child's tone to respond: "Hello Auntie" or "Goodbye Auntie", "Thanks Grandma, I ate" and so on. This is a demonstration, not a teaching.

Children with flexible fingers can start practicing wearing shoes in about 18 months. If the child wears the shoes backwards, most parents will say, "Wrong, wrong left and right." As far as the baby's ability is concerned, there is no right or wrong. Telling him that he is wrong will put pressure on him, and our tone of voice will make him nervous: What's the matter, why is mom's tone so bad?

In fact, you just need to tell your child calmly: "Change two shoes." This is the right way to tell him, and that's enough. Don't teach him that this is left and that is right.

According to my experience, after a month or two of prompting, children will wear shoes, which can't be wrong.

When operating toys, you only need to demonstrate, "Baby, watch mom do it". Mom will slow down the demonstration, and then give the child the time and opportunity to repeatedly adjust the operation. Don't disturb him, and don't endlessly prompt "Wrong is wrong, not like this" when he makes a little mistake.

In this way, children lose the opportunity to internalize external information, and their concentration is destroyed by us!

What we should do is to wait patiently for him to adjust himself and never criticize him. With enough love and respect, children even have the ability to educate themselves.

If you teach everything, once no one teaches you, you will lose your direction. Often children's autonomous learning ability is lost in our teaching.

Correctly handle children's emotions

Children need to understand more.

Correctly handling children's crying emotions is the beginning of building a good character.

Joy, anger, sadness, joy and fear are all normal emotional expressions given to human beings by God. We adults always like happy things and are often annoyed by crying.

It is a big mistake for us to feel the child's crying patiently instead of saying "don't cry, don't cry" to the child.

Crying is the release of his inner conflicts, not a bad thing. As long as an adult gently hugs him and caresses his back, the first sentence is:

"Oh, honey, mom knows ... (What just happened) that you are sad and mom understands you." "Oh, dear, mom knows that you fell in pain, but you are still a little scared, right?"

This is * * * emotion, which means that we understand him and accept his sadness is the beginning of adjusting his emotion.

The second sentence must say "Mom knows you are unhappy (which is very important)", so that he will be happy soon.

The third sentence is "mom loves you and mom understands you". Finally, it is best to take three deep breaths to let the child exhale unpleasant emotions.

If you learn this, your child may run to find a little friend with tears on his face. I have tried this method again and again, and it is very effective. People often laugh at me. After all, I do early education. It's good for children to be coaxed by you.

In fact, this method is not coaxing, but the effect of * * *.

When raising a little boy, we often say, "Son, why are you crying!" " "or" shame, boys still cry! "

When a boy releases his childhood sadness, he is often stopped by adults. Growing up, he doesn't know how to release his sadness or express his love.

I believe many wives feel the same way about how hard it is for her husband to say that he loves you. In other words, such a boy will definitely not be able to communicate well with his wife when he enters marriage as an adult, which will affect the quality of marriage.

Please think about it, mom and dad. If your son may be unhappy in his future marriage, will you stop the little boy from crying?

Please accept his sadness unconditionally! There's no shame in boys crying!

How to deal with children hitting people?

The child didn't mean it.

Why do two-to three-year-old children love to hit people more and more when they stop? Because aggression is a necessary process for most children to grow up.

Most children aged two to three often hit people. Adults must never say "don't hit people", it's useless.

This makes children think that this action can attract the attention of adults, and more and more beating actions appear repeatedly.

Many times, because the child is in the sensitive period of his mouth, hands and feet, he is keen to explore the world and know things with his mouth, hands and feet. The scope of exploration will certainly include other people's bodies, so there are attacks such as "biting", "hitting" and "kicking".

Another reason is that he has not mastered the method of interpersonal communication. When his words can't express his thoughts correctly, he often hastily replaces them with impactful body movements.

He may just mean "get out of my way" and "don't touch my things", but he pushed or grabbed it before he could say it.

Some children are seriously insecure and vent their bad feelings by attacking others, or want to attract their parents' attention.

What adults need to do is not to label him "you are a bad boy who can hit people", or to strengthen it. When he hit someone, he apologized to the parents and children of the other party, hugged his child in time to prevent him from continuing to attack, and then quietly left.

At the same time, adjust the time with your child in time to give him full comfort. Children at this stage are reasonable 100% is useless.

At the same time, the parents of the children affected must be calm. Don't think your children are bullied. Many children communicate through physical collision. Understand that the other child didn't mean it, or there is something wrong with morality.

If you think that your child is bullied, it will make the child develop a bullied character and will be bullied all his life.

When I go home, don't tell my family that my child was beaten, so that my child will feel that I am easily beaten. He will feel that he has something that others don't like, which will form a timid character.

The correct way is to accept the apology of the other parent and say to the child, "You are a good boy, I know you just want to play with our baby (you can change the word according to the situation), so you two shake hands."

After the age of three, the child is sensible. If he still beats others, he should deeply explore the reasons for his beating (whether there is domestic violence, etc.). ), eliminate the root cause, and tell him "no" every time he attacks others.

Note that I used "no", not "don't call". Don't add negative information. As long as the child has negative behavior, the first principle is to dilute and then dilute! Don't strengthen!

Children naturally like to try and repeat behaviors that can produce interesting and exciting results and attract adults' attention.

The correct way is to make the consequences meaningless, and he naturally gives up.

Don't tease children at will.

Children also need respect.

Don't do things to children that adults don't want to do.

Many families greet their children when they have guests at home: "Come, sing a song and dance." This is extremely disrespectful to children.

Don't let children perform programs in front of guests, which will make children focus on pleasing others when they grow up. As an adult, once others don't recognize him, it will make him suffer a great blow and he can't give full play to his innate ability.

"What's your name?" If children are given a chance to choose a question that annoys them the most, it must be ranked first.

Please think about it. If an "alien" who is two or three times your height and several times your weight always looks down at you and asks you in a rude tone, are you willing to answer? You have given that rude "alien" a dirty look, haven't you?

So when a child doesn't like to answer this question, how can we blame him for being rude?

We should: squat down, keep our eyes parallel to the children's eyes, introduce ourselves and ask the children's names: "I'm Miss Lin (aunt). Nice to meet you. Can you tell me your name? "

And remember not to touch the children at will when you meet for the first time. This is what an adult should have!

If someone treats your child like this, don't even help others ridicule your child: "Yes, he just doesn't like to talk", "Why are you so rude? Answer your uncle ","He is so timid "and so on.

If a child is often put in such an unpleasant situation by his parents, it is difficult to make him outgoing and lively.

Therefore, parents often report that my child is a bully at home and a bunny outside. If a child is given enough respect, his performance is the same inside and outside.

Mom and Dad, do you want others to laugh at you? Don't want to, right? So don't burst into laughter when our children say childish words that make people laugh.

For example, a child said, "My father takes a shower without clothes." After the family laughed, they deliberately asked the child, "Are you taking a bath with your clothes on?" Isn't this obviously confusing the child's mind? Many families often play such jokes on their children.

Don't tease children casually. When others tease my children, I often refuse rudely: Sorry, my children don't like to make such jokes.

Between children and face, we should choose children.

Language threats are unacceptable.

Positive words are more powerful.

We often unconsciously send a lot of negative and negative information to our children!

For example, many mothers often say in front of guests, "He is so timid!" "He just doesn't like it!" In this way, you are implying to your child that you expect him to be such a person.

He will achieve the result in the direction you expect: he must be more and more timid and less and less fond of eating. The suggestibility of language is enormous.

If you pretend to tell others secretly, but let the children hear:

"You know what? Our baby is very brave when playing on the swing today! " "You know what? My baby ate a full bowl of rice alone today. "

This will send a message in the child's mind:

"ah? Mom said I was brave? Is it? Well, I will be braver tomorrow! " "Ah, mom is so happy, ok, I'll eat another big bowl tomorrow."

This is a positive suggestion, which can directly reach the child's subconscious and has a great influence.

Don't threaten your child "if you make any more noise, mom won't want you". This is the biggest threat and the deepest fear, because a young child can't survive without his family.

The mother's cold violence against the child's language is the beginning of the child's bad personality.

The correct statement is: "Please be quiet, mom loves you!" " "Don't say anything that makes the child feel that all external things will hurt him.

Special emphasis: resolutely put an end to saying the following words:

"Be quiet, or the police will come again." "If you make trouble again, the doctor will give you an injection." "Go to sleep, the wolf is coming."

If you don't threaten your child like this, he will be natural and graceful, lively and cheerful, healthy and confident when he goes out.

Note: Never play malicious jokes with children, such as "Your mother doesn't want you, she won't come to pick you up". If you say this to your child, you must keep him away. This kind of joke is very bad, which is extremely unfavorable to the construction of children's sense of security.

Set the boundary correctly

Help children obey the rules.

Don't say "obedient" to children, let children obey the rules happily, internalize the rules into their hearts, and become the belief that he will abide by all his life.

In China's family education and social order, various codes of conduct can be seen everywhere, but few people abide by them. Why? Are China people born unruly? Is it because we don't behave in the process of education? Definitely not.

With going abroad to the world in recent years, when we open our eyes, we are so far away from the world civilization. As long as there is no supervision, we will foul and be lucky. "No one should see it?"

Why on earth is this?

In western developed countries, most people believe in God. I can't do anything that hurts my conscience. God will see it. This has been deeply rooted in people's hearts.

Therefore, there is no ticket inspector at the entrance of the German subway station, and many foreign supermarkets weigh their own prices. Unconditional return is an international practice.

And we grew up under the supervision of others. When I was a child, I listened to my parents at home and was always reminded not to do this or that. When we go to school and listen to the teacher's lectures, we abide by the rules that children never have the opportunity to judge for themselves in the process of self-growth, and should abide by spontaneously.

Influencing the rules is that children are testing our bottom line, which is actually the beginning of obeying the rules.

We should be tolerant and remind him "what you have forgotten", instead of criticizing him and putting pressure on him. You can't say "how did you forget", because the word "how" will put pressure on children and mean blame.

At the same time, we should fully respect children's spontaneous exploration behavior.

When the child's spontaneous exploration behavior is respected by us, he will begin to abide by the rules we set for him, that is, he will learn to obey others intelligently. At this time, the dawn of discipline will appear and the rules will be internalized.

This internalized rule will accompany the child all his life, and it is very pleasant and easy to abide by it.