There are more jokes (no websites).

1. Students go to the toilet during recess, and when they finish, they find that there is no paper, and they can't wait for people, so their mobile phones are in arrears. In desperation, he called 10086 for help. . . It is said that there was silence for a long time, and later ... his classmate received such a short message in class: Hello, China Mobile User, your classmate is in the toilet and asked you to send him toilet paper. Please contact 10086 for details.

The bedroom is on the sixth floor. When I climbed up, I found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key and climbed up again. I found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open. I will turn it off for you. " …

At night, my girlfriend said I was too girly, so I got angry and quarreled with her. I wanted to be a man, but I finally couldn't help crying.

4. A buddy got up the courage to express his affection to MM on QQ, and MM later replied: I'm her mother, and I'm here to steal food.

5. The teacher called the roll in class: "Liu Hua!" As a result, the following children shouted back: "Yeah!" The teacher was very angry: "Why didn't you say' here'?" The child said, "That word is pronounced' yeah' ...".

6. It suddenly occurred to me that I have a big aunt, a second aunt, a fourth aunt, a fifth aunt and no third aunt. So I went to ask my dad: Why don't I have a third aunt? I thought for a moment: Did Third Aunt die when she was young? My dad said: your third aunt is your mother!

Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When I went down the stairs, my left foot stepped on my right foot and I fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... I thought at that time: No way, it's embarrassing, I pretended to be dizzy.

As a result, the classmates next to me saw me motionless, quickly helped me up, and then slapped me on the body. ...

8. A classmate, his computer will automatically turn on every morning (probably because the dormitory suddenly opened when he called in the morning).

As a result, his old man took a symbol and posted it on the computer. . .

9. Dad hates foreign singers. But one day, when I was watching Mike Jackson's mtv, I suddenly found my father standing behind watching it with a thoughtful expression on his face. "Dad, do you like this, too?"

Dad shook his head: "Mao Amin is really getting ugly."

19. A female friend and a gay man share a house. One night she was very depressed, and that gay gave her a bowl of noodles very thoughtfully. She suddenly felt very warm and said, "Why don't we make do with it?" Unexpectedly, Guy's face changed greatly:' You don't have a man, I do! "

…………

20. Yesterday, I received a message from QQ requesting to be a friend: "I am your mother", and I immediately replied "I am your father!" I was rejected, and then I got a call from my mother saying, "Add me, quick!" "

2 1. One day, halfway through physical education class, the bathroom solved personal problems. As a result, I was so anxious that I went into the men's room by mistake. I was cheated when I saw a boy urinating in a urinal. A second later, I was about to retreat quietly. Turns out she fainted. I saw the boy shouting "rogue, indecent assault" and then covering his chest with his hand. Later, later, I said something that I found incredible. "Classmate, you cover the wrong place ..."

22. I was drunk and went to the bathroom of a restaurant to pee. See a sentence written on the wall, take a closer look. It says, "Don't look here, just pee." By the time I finished reading this sentence, I had wet my shoes.

23. I am an ambulance doctor. Today, a patient told me that he had only six months to live. I want to say something encouraging! Comfort: six months, soon passed, be strong!

26. I once rented A Jin Tianyi in Manba, and when I saw the second page, I burst into tears. I don't know who drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote, this is the murderer. ...

27. Get on the bus in the afternoon, take out the bus card and bump into the slot.

28. On a whim, I used my photo as a computer desktop … and then the computer was poisoned …

29. Talk in a dream together in high school.

"Love the princess, love the princess, don't leave me."

I was stunned. ...

soon

"I am not reconciled, I am not reconciled."

I just had a breakdown. ...

30. Our math teacher always likes to tell jokes that nobody laughs at.

Our whole class discussed making fun of him, and when he said the first sentence in class, we all laughed in unison.

He came that day and silently said that his father had passed away.

I laughed at once, and everyone else was silent.

3 1. I farted on the bus,

Seeing people waving around, their faces are full of pain.

I also waved.

The lady next to her turned and said, stop pretending.

32. My wife and I went to the Reclining Buddhist Temple to play. My wife couldn't walk on the road, so I carried her.

An old woman saw it and said seriously, you see, you are also a scholar. My wife is ill, so it's no use going to the hospital earlier.

When I was in primary school, I only had a few cents of pocket money every day. Once I saved it for a few days and finally bought a pack of spiced melon seeds. In class, I secretly broke them all, and the melon seeds were put in the desk drawer.

When I came to class in the afternoon, I looked at the melon seed shell, and when I was greedy, I put it in my mouth again and contained it again. It feels delicious. .

When class was over, a classmate asked me what to eat, so I had to say eat melon seeds. I bought spiced melon seeds specially, and only the shell without meat is delicious. . As a result, a group of classmates gathered around my seat that afternoon and ate the melon seeds I licked twice. . . .

36. Visiting the supermarket, I saw a cashier carefully counting a pile of coins. A child ran over and sang: There are a group of ducks passing by the bridge in front of the door. Come and count, 24678. . . . Then the cashier was very depressed and poured the half-counted coins back and counted them again. ....

37. There used to be a baby (male) in our dormitory, who was honest, a little stupid, and sometimes stupid and cute. Once after the lights went out at night, everyone was chatting again. He said, when I have money, I'll find three girls. We were provoked by him and asked him what happened next, but he calmly said, playing mahjong …

Chatting with a sister, she said: The day before yesterday, my boss, a man, looked at my computer for a long time and said, "Xiaoke, do you grow vegetables, too?" This is working time! "I looked at him with melon seeds and said," Manager Zhang, this is my desktop. Where did you see Super Mary standing on the vegetable field? "

39. The funeral procession downstairs is playing "Often Go Home".

I wonder what that family thinks.

4 1. Think of one thing in college.

In the final exam of the university, the test number is required on the test paper.

I wrote the fucking QQ number

42. My head teacher in junior high school is very fierce. Every Friday, before going to school, he has a class meeting to give lectures. Once, she was so excited that she said sternly, "Why are you so disappointing? I have racked my brains for this class. " At that time, several classmates and I tried not to laugh, so we had to bury our heads deeply. I remember a buddy lying on the table, biting his hand hard. . .

46. Dormitory buddies are violent. One day, he found a mosquito in a mosquito net. He was busy catching it for a long time, but he didn't catch it. The buddy sighed and said, "Shit, you're starving!" Then quickly put away the mosquito net, endured it for several days and finally starved the mosquito to death. Our sweat is nothing, right? Many people have done it.

A * * found a fly flying into a mosquito net and said to us, "I'm going to kill him." We said, "The flies are hungry. It seems that you can't rely on them."

"Look," the man grabbed a novel, got into the mosquito net and sealed it. I kept shaking my fan while reading a novel, just to keep the flies from landing. As a result, after two hours, the fly finally couldn't fly. He leaned down and poked the fly and said, "Fly, I haven't read enough books."

I remember going to the swimming pool with my parents once. Just entering the gate, I saw a social youth with a tattoo, a shaved head and a big gold chain around his neck! When we got into the water to get used to the temperature, we watched the brother swagger past a stop point in the water, and lightning happened. . . The thick gold chain around his neck floated on the water. . . . .

On July 22, 2009, I met a buddy on a BBS and said, "TMD, the solar eclipse was in the daytime, which made me wait all night."

When my brother takes the bus, a beautiful girl always looks at him. The younger brother thought: the girl may be interested in herself and can't help but be happy. The girl got off at the station. The younger brother immediately followed. The girl walked in front and looked back from time to time. The younger brother got up the courage to run forward and said humorously, "Miss, why do you always look at me?" Is there a grain of rice on my face? The girl glared at him and said, "Are you sick?" I know. I still don't wipe it. "