Who knows the joke about the top combine harvester?

One day, a thief broke into Wubao's house and was found. ....

One day, a thief broke into Wubao's house and was found. ....

Xiaomei found out ~

Xiaomei: Wow ~ Who are you?

Thief: I'm a thief (bad smile ..)

Xiaomei: Oh, I am. I am Liu Zhoucheng, an invincible teenager in the hyperspace universe (made a lovely move ~ and kept discharging to thieves ~)

Thief: OK, OK. How can I steal if you don't let me lose my job? ~ I won't steal from you (I will steal from others ~)

Xiaomei: Trying to steal from me? ! ~ hum! ~ (pride ~ ~ ~)

Found by a knife ~

Knife: Hey ~ ~ What are you looking at? It's you ~ come here.

Thief: What is it? I am a thief! ~ Aren't you afraid I'll steal from you?

Knife: What are you afraid of ~ My most valuable thing is my violin. Can you listen to my original work before stealing it?

Thief: All right then ~

N hours later ......................

Daodao: You have listened to my music for n hours, please pay-100...(n zeros) yuan ~ ~ ~

Thief: Gone with the wind ~ ~ ~

Found by Mao Mao ~

He Miaomiao: I know you are a thief ~

Thief: Do you know that you still want to hand over the most valuable thing?

He Miaomiao: (wearing iconic sunglasses) Wait ... That's the behavior of robbers. As a thief, you should steal in secret ~ (constantly fooling ~)

Thief: That makes sense ~ What should I do?

He Miaomiao: I'll go out first, and then you can steal it, okay?

Thief: OK (rummaging through the closet ...)

Three hours later, the thief came out with a big bag of things and was caught by the police red-handed.

He Miaomiao: (holding glasses) I really can't stand being fooled ~ How can you please me with such a trivial matter? ! ~ 1 10 will do.

It was discovered by Xiaowu ~

Xiao Wu: (with his trademark smile, he says in gentle and nonstandard Mandarin:) Hello ~

Thief (intoxicated by his smile ... suddenly reminded of business) You are not afraid of me stealing from you. I am a famous thief ~

Xiaowu: Shaking his head (sad ...)

Thief: Aren't you afraid that I will hurt you?

Xiaowu: Shake your head (tears ...)

When a thief asks N questions, aren't you afraid of me? ...

Xiaowu: (in nonstandard Mandarin) You, just now, for so long, when, what did you say?

Thief: (fainting) It is not easy for this child to come to China. You can't just steal this kid's things (so cute ~) and float away ~ ~

Found by a distant team ~

Yuandui: You don't look like a good person.

Thief: (Good eye ~) I want to steal from you ~

Far Team: What? ! ! ! ! ~ ~ ~ Do you know that this is not only hurting me?

You killed the whole team ~ do you know I kept all the other four treasures ~ you stole them. How can I explain it to other Four Treasures of the Study? How to set an example for the captain .....

After a brilliant speech, the distant team showed a perfect profile. )

Thief: I took you. I won't steal it, okay? It is not easy to be a thief these days.

Far Team: Take back the perfect side face and make a winning posture.

1, one day at noon, Wubao was eating.

At this moment, Xiaomei suddenly screamed. ...

"Liu Zhoucheng, didn't you say that when eating, you should eat well, don't talk, don't shout, don't read books, don't watch TV, and don't be half-hearted, ....................................................................... (omit s n). . )"

Xiaomei wronged: "But I have something very important to tell you!" " "

Yuandui: "Don't you just beg me to buy cosmetics for you every day?" What else is important! Eat quickly! We must practice dancing, vocal music and ......................................................................................................................................................................

Xiaomei: "But ...! ~"

Far team: "but what but!" Eat! "

Xiaomei: "But ...! "

Far team: "Liu Zhoucheng, leave me alone!" "

Xiaomei had to say nothing and eat well.

After the meal ...

Yuan dui: "Xiaomei, what did you want to tell me just now?"

Xiaomei deadpan: "Oh, it doesn't matter now ..."

The distant team is puzzling: "I was going to say it just now, but I won't say it now." Why do you always go against me? " ! "

Xiaomei: "Well, I'll tell you. In fact, I want to tell you that there is a bug in your bowl ................. "

Far team: "..........."

Knife: What are you doing?

Xiaomei: I'm watching TV.

Knife: What TV?

Xiaomei: Color TV.

Knife: What movie are you watching?

Xiaomei: Martial arts film

Knife: I asked your name.

Xiaomei: You can call me Xiaomei or Liu Zhoucheng, a beautiful boy who is invincible in the hyperspace universe.

3. The most procrastinating reason for skipping classes

Play cool Xiaomei: Why didn't you skip class? ! ! !

Teacher ... it's not my fault ...

Don't blame you, blame me! ! ! ! !

Teacher ... I'm so handsome. //The girls in the foreign teacher class always look at me. ......

Xiao Yuan: Uh, it hurts ... huh? This is an apple! It seems that I haven't eaten an apple for a long time. Go home and ask He Miaomiao to buy me a few catties. . .

He Miaomiao: Apples hate apples. I am sleeping. Why did you come down in the middle of the night and hit me? (Paused), wait a minute, it seems that it is not dark yet. . . (Brother Mao Mao sleeps with sunglasses) ...

Xiaomei: Ah, it's an apple! Apples are rich in vitamins, which is good for the skin! ! But this apple is not clean. Go home and ask Mao Mao to buy a clean one. Be sure to remind him to buy one with health certificate! (Mao Mao: I'm so unlucky ...)

Daodao: Speaking of Mr. Apple, since you hit me on the head, it proves that we are destined. Come on, I'll draw one for you and a Chinese painting by the way ... (genius scholar ...)

Xiao Wu: Wow, it's an apple! For everyone to eat! (starts to cut) Brother Mao's, Brother Yuan's, Brother Mei's, Brother's, Agent's, Company Boss's, Mom's, Dad's, Dog's, Vocal Music Teacher's, Dance Teacher's ... and ... ...

5. Teacher: How to explain this idiom?

Xiaowu: Just stay at home and wait to receive other people's gifts.

Teacher: How to understand the rise and fall of the world is the responsibility of every man (skin)?

He Miaomiao: Skin is the first epidemic prevention barrier of human body. When the skin is damaged, it is easy to get infected.

Teacher: What's with the hanging beam and the cone-shaped shares?

Knife: In ancient times, there was a man who didn't study hard and always failed the exam. His mother got angry and poked him in the ass with an awl. He couldn't get over it and hanged himself on the roof beam.

Teacher: What's the point of human government being run?

Xiaomei: We have one more question to recite.

Teacher: If you only have one day to live, where do you want to go?

Xiao Yuan: The classroom.

Teacher: I'm so touched! Learn now? #653 10; Valley for life, fishy smell, twilight ether?

Xiao Yuan: Because I feel like I've been in class for a year.

6. One day, there was a celebration party. Everyone ate and drank around the table, and there was not enough food.

So the knife said to the waiter, "Five bowls of rice!" "

The waiter thought it was too much trouble to serve five bowls, so he brought a large basin of rice for them to serve themselves.

As soon as the meal came up, Xiaomei suddenly stopped talking. After half a ring, he jumped out trembling: "This is ~ ~ this is one of the bowls ..."

7. During the spring outing, everyone came to a seaside.

He Miaomiao: "Ah ~ ~ the sea ~ ~" jumped up.

Xiao Yuan: "Idiot, this is the famous ice sea in the whole universe. Falling will not freeze to death or lose half-life ~ ~ ~ "

Xiao Wu quickly shouted: "Hey! Are you all right? "

He Miaomiao: It's so cool. It feels like heaven.

Xiaomei: "Is there such a thing?" And jumped down ~ ~ ~

He Miaomiao immediately jumped onto the shore, trembling and said, "Oh, my God ~ ~ ~ I'm freezing to death ~ ~ Fortunately, my acting skills are high and I found a mat ~ ~ ~"

Xiaomei in the water: "Li ——————————————"

8. Yuan, Mao, Dao, Wu and Mei share a dormitory. ....

Xiao Yuan has suffered from insomnia recently, so she has to take sleeping pills every day.

One day, Xiao Yuan was sleeping soundly and was awakened by Xiaomei.

Xiaomei: "Wake up! Wake up! "

Xiao Yuan: "Well ... what is it?"

Xiaomei: "I forgot to take sleeping pills today ~"

Xiao Yuan: "&; $#$%…………………………………………"

9 power outage for one day

Xiaomei: "How boring!"

Knife: "Yes ..."

Xiaomei: "By the way ... don't you have games in your computer?"

Knife: "Power failure!"

Xiaomei: "What is this? We can light candles to play! "

10, a class went smoothly, and suddenly there came the sound of "Didi … Didi … Didi".

He Miaomiao: "It's not easy to pull, it's a powerful explosive! Run! "

Half the people ran away in an instant. ...

Teacher: "hmm? Do you have a problem with my new electronic watch? "

Xiaomei: "Ignore them, they are idiots playing games!" " "

Teacher: "Oh … hmm? What do you do with a spinal prosthesis? "

Xiaomei: "Dismantle the bomb ..."

1 1 A blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

Xiaomei and Xiaowu came over and felt sorry for him, so they gave him money.

After walking for a while, Xiaomei looked back and saw the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of money.

Xiaomei came over and took back the money and said, "I hate you as a liar and gain sympathy from others!" " "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Sorry, little friend. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so Xiaomei returned the money to him and left happily. ...

12, Xiaomei never likes tofu.

Once eating spicy tofu in the canteen, Xiaomei didn't want to eat it, so she stood up from her position and said to her classmates who were eating with a lunch box:

"Who wants to eat my tofu?" Hearing this, rice poured out of the crowd.

13, math class

The teacher scribbled on the blackboard.

The teacher finally couldn't stand the noise below.

"Students, keep your voice down."

Xiaomei said: Teacher, you will get used to it!

The teacher fainted!

14, in geography class, the teacher touched the globe and asked angrily, "where is the class representative?"

Xiaomei quickly stood up: "What is it, teacher?"

The teacher was livid: "Why is this globe covered with dirt?"

Xiaomei thought, "Oh, that's because the earth has become more and more desertification recently ~ ~"

The teacher fainted ~ ~ ~

15 One day, a thief broke into Wubao's house and was found. ....

One day, a thief broke into Wubao's house and was found. ....

Xiaomei found out ~

Xiaomei: Wow ~ Who are you?

Thief: I'm a thief (bad smile ..)

Xiaomei: Oh, I am. I am Liu Zhoucheng, an invincible teenager in the hyperspace universe (made a lovely move ~ and kept discharging to thieves ~)

Thief: OK, OK. How can I steal if you don't let me lose my job? ~ I won't steal from you (I will steal from others ~)

Xiaomei: Trying to steal from me? ! ~ hum! ~ (pride ~ ~ ~)

16, Kidnapper: Are you a top group? ...

Xiaomei: You can call me Xiaomei or Liu Zhoucheng, an invincible teenager in the hyperspace universe. Since you can't even name me, you are not qualified to talk to me! Now that the police are by my side, you can find him if you have anything!

Kidnapper: Oh, nothing. ......

17, Sister Long: Xiaomei, why are you late?

Xiaomei: Look! (making a lovely gesture) Is it nice?

Sister Long: (blushing, staring blankly) Nice!

Xiaomei: (Of course) Look, you are stunned. When I came together in the morning, I was shocked to see such a beautiful face. So being late is normal.

Sister Long: |||

18, Xiaomei: "Yum yum ..."

Suddenly I saw a cockroach in the bowl! ! ! !

Xiaomei "ouch! ! ! Cockroaches, ah, ah, ah, ah! ! ! ! Wow, that's disgusting! ! ! Help! Ah! Ah! ! ! ! "I started to run out, ran against the wall and didn't even open the door! ! 0-0

(* _ _ *) ... Hee hee

19, the bell rang for a long time, but seven or eight students didn't come. The teacher called the roll as usual, and the students answered "here" one by one. When he called "Liu Xiaomei", no one answered. The teacher called "Zhang Xiaoyuan" three times, but no one answered.

He raised his head slightly, looked at the class carefully from behind his reading glasses, and then wondered, "Is this man very unpopular?" Why don't you even have a friend? "(In fact, at this moment, five" poor students "are hibernating collectively in the dormitory)

20, a class, Xiaomei gave an example:

People die as butterflies, which is romanticism.

Being asked to leave by a horse face is classicism.

Being cremated is realism.

Being frozen and resurrected is surrealism.

Besides, you can't imagine me dead, can you? This is ridiculous. ...

2 1, Xiaomei complained about the food in the canteen that day in a corner. . .

Xiaomei: I bought a scone at noon. I was walking on the road when suddenly a big car came in front of me. In the panic, the hot scones fell under the wheels. When the car passed by, I found the scones embedded in the ground intact!

In order not to waste, I decided to pick up scones, but I didn't succeed in picking up spoons and prying.

Just then Xiaowu came along, and Xiaowu took out a fried dough stick from his schoolbag.

See the beep, scones should come out!

22. America: Sister, you are really beautiful today (the boss is a woman).

Really? (Attracted by someone's beauty) May I have your phone number?

May: Sure (and then tell her the phone number of the distant team)

Shopkeeper (intoxicated): I am so happy. I'll treat you to dinner another day! ! !

May: OK (winking). Then I'll go first. I don't need to see you off. (Then walk out of the store with great grace)

The owner of a shop is still intoxicated …

On 23rd, Li Mao and Liu Zhoucheng were enjoying milk tea and waiting for online chat. Tanas ate bacon fried rice sent by fans, Ma Xueyang rubbed his beloved violin, and Bird tried to lose weight every second.

Suddenly, the maid in the living room rushed in and shouted, "Something's wrong!" "

The men said in unison, "What's the matter?"

The maid in the living room pointed to the door and said intermittently, "There is ... there is ... there is a girl ..."

I haven't finished yet, an a 7 debuted ~

Holding a bag of gifts and cakes in his left hand, holding a camera in his right hand and carrying a big bag behind his back ~

At first glance, it looks like a tourist aunt = =!

The men screamed, "Ah, who is this? Where did you get your aunt? "

A 7-year-old man shook his bangs in front of him and said, "You five men, it's a pity that I brought so many gifts and food. I will give them to you! "

When I heard that the food flew to a 7-inch toilet with lightning speed, I took my eyes off the cake held by a 7-inch toilet for a second and said, "Xiao Qi, I know you are so cruel ~ I know you love us the most ~ It's so heavy, let me help you with it ~"

I ate this set for 7 minutes ~ so I strode to the other 4 people ~

24. Walking and saying, "Xiao Yuan ~ It's time to lose weight ~ Otherwise Yuanbao wants you ~"

Xiao Yuan looked at me sadly with his big eyes ... and what was in my hand ~

A beautiful woman said, "What are you doing with so many things, hiking?" Then you are really far enough to come to Beijing from Hangzhou ... "

= =! The child is so polite! ~

"hey ~ it seems that I bought this limited edition COCO mirror for nothing ~ I lost it ~" (so I shook my bangs smartly)

A beautiful woman issued a high decibel: "You bought a limited edition COCO mirror! ! ! ! ! ! ! "

7 holds a limited edition COCO mirror that Xiaomei has always wanted but can't get ~

A beautiful woman is excited and nervous: "Ah ~ Don't dump her ~ Please ~ Mirror ~ ~ ~"

= =! I am ruthless and elegant ~ a shining parabola ~

Collapse ~

Xiaomei connected the mirror too hard.

Knocked over all the milk tea on the table ... some hairs were covered with black lines ~

So ... a historic scene happened ~

Xiaomei just knocked over milk tea ~

When I picked up the mirror, I fell on Xiaowu. Xiaowu's whole face was crushed into bacon fried rice ~

Seeing this scene from a distance, someone fell on the knife, and the knife and violin were instantly squashed ~

A knife makes a killing sound: "bastard bird pays for my violin!" ! ! ! ! ! "

Some 7 helplessly watched it all happen ~

Put down your things and bags slowly.

So ... He Miaomiao finally reacted, pulled Xiaomei away and saved Xiaowu from bacon fried rice.

= =! I saw Xiao Wu's face glossy, and the scattered rice stuck to his face.

The most important thing is that he smiled and said, "Delicious!"

Mao is speechless. ...

Xiao Yuan continued to fall on the knife and broken violin, laughing. ...

The knife that was pressed below was flushed ~ (partly because it was pressed for a short distance and partly because the violin was out of breath) and shouted "Help ~"

Knife feels heavy, and breathing becomes more and more difficult.

Three seconds ago, he felt something pressing on him, leaving him in a state of painful dreams and waking. Then he tried to open his eyes and found the truth as always.

"Li Mao! ! ! Go back to your own bed! ! ! ! !

This earth-shattering sound woke Comrade Xiao Yuan and a brother in the bunk next to him at the same time. Xiaomei looked up dismally: "What, is that boy sleepwalking again?" Then I looked at my watch and said, "It's only half past six ... it's still early ..." Then I turned over and went back to sleep.

He Miaomiao stood up from under the knife, scratched his head, climbed into his bed and went to sleep again.

"Really ... it took me eight generations to join this family in a dormitory ..." At the same time, he was very envious of his other brother, Xiaowu, who had a bunk next to him. That guy slept like a dead man. I guess the sky is falling and nothing else matters. Otherwise, why did he sleep well after the last big noise, and asked them seriously what was going on the next day? Why do you all look alike?

Daodao is thinking about last Saturday.

Last Saturday was a holiday, and the brothers were bored, so they downloaded a ghost film from the Internet, which is said to be quite scary. Just download it, but Xiao Yuan must start watching it on 10 in the afternoon.

"no! ! ! ! ! No ... "Xiaomei firmly opposed, but when he saw Xiao Yuan's face, he gradually lost confidence.

"What, are you afraid?" Xiao Yuan looks ironic.

"It's so late to see, not disturb others to have a rest? "Xiaomei looked at Daodao, He Miaomiao and Xiaowu, but their expressions of" I don't care "made Xiaomei want to vomit blood.

"Oh, admit it, there is no shame in being afraid ..." Standard sarcastic tone.

"Hum, see who is afraid!" Xiaomei also responded with a standard sneer.

"Ha ha ha .............."

"Hum, hum, ................"

Their sneer froze the three people next to them to death.

Finally, it was 10 in the afternoon, so I started the machine, entered the password and opened it.

Realplayer, this is the beginning of the movie. At first, everyone thought it was nothing, but later. .......

But then with the change of the plot, the expressions on everyone's faces began to change. Daodao, He Miaomiao and Xiaowu sat motionless in the chair, and Xiaomei simply covered her ears, afraid to keep staring at the computer screen. Only Xiao Yuan still looked at with a sneer expression.

1 1 half past ten, the dormitory lights out, and the room suddenly fell into darkness, almost making Xiaomei fall off the chair.

Let's not talk about how scary movies are here. In short, it must be scary enough to make these people scared like fools. ............

12 o'clock, ending in the squeal of the protagonist in the film.

..................................................

The room was silent and no one moved. After a long time, Daodao got up and patted He Miaomiao on the back: "What are you staring at? Go to sleep. "

Oh ... it's really ... it's late enough. .............

This is the earliest time for brothers to go to bed. Soon, the room was surprisingly quiet.

I don't know how long it took, Xiaomei woke up and wanted to go to the bathroom.

But a picture immediately came to his mind: as soon as he opened the toilet door, a ghost with long hair covered in blood came at him ... only when he thought about it did he realize that he was all wet. Then he got up, climbed out of bed slowly and walked towards the toilet.

Xiaomei stood in front of the toilet for about three minutes, then took a deep breath, slowly grasped the door handle with her right hand, and then jerked the door open.

"ah! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "

Xiao Yuan and Daodao were awakened by screams. They just thought of Xiaomei, but they pushed them down. "Liu .......

When did you come up ... Let go ... I'm going to be strangled by you ... Uh-huh ... "

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, ..............................................." Xiaomei incoherent. He looked at Xiao Yuan and Dao Dao in horror.

"What's the matter?" Xiaomei yawned.

"... there's a ghost in the toilet ..."

.............................

"I ask you, Liu Zhoucheng classmate, don't joke with me in the middle of the night, ok? I'm tired and need a rest ... "

Before the words were finished, Xiaomei punched him on the head: "Is there something wrong with my nerves? Why would I lie to you? ! "

"................."

"................." (Xiaomei looks serious)

So I have to get up. Xiaomei followed Xiao Yuan and Dao Dao. Xiao Yuan casually looked at the toilet. He was panting.

There is a humanoid creature stuck to the wall in the dark toilet.

The next second, Xiao Yuan took Xiaomei and Daodao's hand and rushed back to the house without saying anything.

"Well, I'm not lying, am I?" Xiaomei is a little proud.

"Idiot! There is nothing to be happy about such a thing! ! "Xiao Yuan only feel scalp pins and needles, brain blank. He admits that ghost movies are really amazing. Otherwise, how could he be shivering and sweating now? He admitted that he was scared to death now.

Turning around slowly, the creature moved as if to come out.

Xiaomei rushed out of the dormitory and asked the people in the dormitory next to her for help. Daodao jumped on Xiaowu's bed and shook him wildly: "Get up! Get up! ! ! ! ! "As a result, Xiao Wu has nothing to do except snore. ...

the other side

The classmate next door who is playing shopping games is disturbed by Xiaomei's crying. Hearing that something happened next door, Justice picked up the hanger and ran out (…), followed by Justice No.2. 。

This side

Comrade Xiao Yuan finally found the moldy flashlight he had abandoned for a long time, and Xiaomei and her classmates rushed in. ....

Xiaomei drew a cross on her chest while chanting "Amitabha Buddha" (can these two be mixed together? ), while comrade Dao Dao constantly comforted himself, "It's okay, be brave, it's okay ..." Several people circled the room like enemies. The students of "Justice" watched his door like aliens. .......

"What a bother. Justice No.1 classmate grabbed the flashlight in Comrade Xiao Yuan's hand and walked towards the toilet.

"Ah ..." Xiaomei called softly.

"ah! ! ! My flashlight! ! ! "Comrade Xiao Yuan screamed with his head in his hands.

Students of "justice" don't care that 3 times 7 equals 2 1 "brush" and turn on the flashlight and shine on the creature. When the second student held a clothes hanger one centimeter away from this "creature" ... their expressions changed from surprise to doubt, to thinking, and then to crying and laughing ... just like a barometer.

"What the hell? ..... "Knife knife looking forward, expression stupefied.

""Small beauty also stepped forward, expression and knife knife.

-Mao Mao leans against the wall and sleeps, not losing Xiao Wu.

"Ha ha, I forgot. Didn't Mao say he had sleepwalking? Ha ha ..... "Frightened half a day of small beauty interrupted.

"Justice" No.1 student smiled and threw the flashlight back to Xiao Yuan who was still in a daze. Before leaving, he added, "I didn't expect you to be so timid." ......

"Shout ..." Xiaomei with a sigh. "A false alarm ... well, go to rest ...? Knife? "

Xiaomei found something wrong with the knife. Five seconds later, Comrade Daodao's body began to tremble. Feeling bad, Xiaomei immediately climbed into her bed, but was caught by one hand.

"Knife ..." Xiaomei smiled stiffly.

After the silence, the knife showed a more terrible expression than the ghost;

"-Liu Zhoucheng! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You coward! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Go to hell! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "

"55555555555 ~ Dao, you too ...! ! ! "

Xiao Yuan smile at ing. .......................

Then, there was Xiao Wu's beautiful snoring in the room. ...