Is there a funny conversation?

Classmate: What do you teach?

Me: Chemistry. . .

In the internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "teacher!" " "

8. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then brought out a cold sentence: if you drink too much urine, you will drink too much wine.

9, buy oranges, boss: one yuan and five pounds. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.

10, my friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I was going to say LCD)

1 1, junior high school art evening, grab the answering session.

Hostess: "Attention, everyone, don't grab it too fast." When I finished, I began to raise my hand. "

Then he began to look at the topic and said, "Now. . . "

At this time, a player scrambled to answer.

The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. I' started' (shit) is still in my mouth, why did you rob me? "

A classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and tossed his hair: "Boss, no onion rice noodles!" " "Say that finish, I added:" More rice noodles! "boss:" . . . Do you want rice noodles or onions? "

15, once my classmate's mother called me in the dormitory.

I am used to saying "he is not in", but this time I want to say "he is out"

The result is: "He's gone ..."

16, gg handed me a sorbet, and I took a bite and shouted, "It's burning me!"

17, went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister. My sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

18, once I patted my roommate's stomach, she said loudly, "Stop patting, I have urine in my stomach."

19, everyone was given badges in high school. . Before a physical examination, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bra and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .

20. Go home on weekends when you are at school. After dinner, I was addicted to cigarettes and planned to go for a walk on the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I casually said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.

2 1, a leader of the education bureau inspected the class exercises. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in a hurry, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat!"

22. In high school, there was a teacher named Jiang, who looked very much like (Tang Priest on a Chinese Odyssey). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..."

23, a colleague, one day I was driving on the road and my tire was flat. I asked where there was an inflatable one. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions!"

24. A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't clean the blackboard! "

25. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure?"

26. When the teacher leaves homework, I copy others' if I can't do it, and then go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "

27. Once, we traveled to Huangshan Mountain, and the tour guide just introduced that the 100-step ladder was in Liu Xiaoqing. & gt scenic spots. Suddenly, a member of our group blurted out: "Director …" Everyone fainted.

28. At that time, several female classmates came to my house to play. I'll get the water. They turn on the DVD player to watch movies. I heard Cantonese in the back room. Then I shouted to turn down the channel. The channel is wrong, and I am speechless. My face was red and purple ~ ~ I almost fainted ~ ~

29. In my high school, I go home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many seniors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss wouldn't hear me, so I shouted "Boss, five strings of bullwhip", and then there was silence. Three seconds later, everyone laughed together. I am so embarrassed. . . The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked me, "What is a bullwhip?" I have to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." .

30. quarreled with mm mobile phone. She turned up the TV so loudly that I was annoyed and said loudly, "Turn off the phone for me!" " Now that I think about it, it's cold.

3 1. Have breakfast with classmates in the morning. One of them only eats steamed buns, and the other only eats skins. We were just saying that they were wasting their time when two students who ate stuffing came over and said, "You can eat my foreskin when you are finished." All the porridge drinkers present poured out.

32. Tell a true story. On the factory bus to work, MM asked me: My computer is dying. I said: Then go back and check the virus, and remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: oh. The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I asked casually: Have you checked? Is the batter out? then ... . . . . . . . . MM said loudly: I am so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you suggest? It was very cold then. . . . Fresh in my memory.

33. A classmate of my dormitory's high school classmate called. He said who to look for, I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.

34. In the past, others came to menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

35. In the past, we had a political economy teacher who was very fond of talking! I once talked about the strength of the dollar. He is too

"Do you know why only US dollars are called' US dollars', but you have never heard of a name called' English'?

"Gold" and "Fajin"? "

36. During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted: Look at your side door ~ ~ ~ We want to laugh but dare not. It's pathetic. ....

37. The female classmate and her cousin invited me to dinner and asked me to eat more during the dinner. I don't know how I made the following mistake.

Error: "Thank you, I have no sexual desire recently. Eat more!" " "At that time, everyone was having a picnic. .

38. Our company has a car to go to work in the morning, because the car is not big. On one occasion, a mm got on the bus without a seat.

Hello, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and greeted her warmly and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " "I laughed to get off ~!

39. I used to be crazy about online games, and I often killed myself in Internet cafes. After the semester, I went home with a group of friends, and the train was about to leave, but we haven't found the platform yet. I suddenly said, "MD, why isn't there even a coordinate here?" ~ "The elder brothers burst into laughter after hearing this ~ ~

40. When I used to live on campus, I used to have bunk beds. The mobile phone needs to be recharged once. But there is only one socket in a bed, so reading with a lamp can't be recharged. As a result, A plugged the charger into B, and B wanted to listen to music at night. When he saw A's charger, he shouted, "Hey, I said, why do you always plug it into me?" Why don't you put it under you? "After a commotion, sweating like a pig ~ ~

4 1, when I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!

42. A friend of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, they walked into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly to the master: Hey, pull two bowls for Lamian Noodles's master and say: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull.

43. When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually sold on bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

44. The roommate boiled water with hot water. After the water boiled, the fellow read leisurely and motionless. He couldn't stand it anymore and said, "Do you want to unplug it?" It's too noisy. . "No response. 15 seconds later, he added, "It's very hot there, so it's easy to break down all the time. " 。" Nothing happened. In half a minute, the water was completely boiled and splashed. "That what, shoot. Spit out a lot of things louder and louder, and if you insert them again, you are afraid it will harm people. . Are you sure you won't pull it out? " . . . A thick book flies towards my head! ! ! ~

45. Our head teacher teaches senior three math ... When he reviews for us ~ Every time he draws a picture and a ray ~ ~ he says loudly ~ ~ ` Watch it, classmates ~ ~ I took it.

46. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan to play. I was halfway up the mountain. When I am tired, I want to have a rest. Seeing Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside, he went up and asked, "Wife ..."

47. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! !

48. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

49. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

Sparrow to parrot: Be modest, man. Don't think that you are alone when you say two words. Don't forget, you are still a bird!

Pet cat to panicked mouse: Look, I scared you. Where have you been wandering? Let's bury it. I am a pet cat now. I eat a lot of fish and meat every day. I have no time to play with you. I don't want to go home right away. See you next time.

The ugly duckling said to the swan, What is beautiful? Before you met Andersen, weren't you like me?

Diploma level: Dude, I know we can't equate, but we can't help it. I am the only one who can be a director this time.

From ordinary car to famous car: What horn are you honking at the back? You run fast. You can compete with the space shuttle and show me the moon.

Thief to corrupt official: don't think that it is enough not to report the case. Remember to remit some money to my card every month, otherwise I will …

Curtain to host: I heard that you discussed with your wife last night to change a new curtain and turn me into a rag? Be nice to me, son. Don't forget, without me, what you did in the bedroom would have been exposed.

Mobile phone to fixed line: wired, not far away, cut off early.

Fake goods say to real goods: pretend that you respect you, and no one cares about you. If so, who will you sell it to?

Man: Hi! What are you thinking about? So absorbed? Do you want to get rich?

Woman: No, and I don't think there is much money!

Really? Let me guess, tens of thousands?

Woman: No, it's not that valuable.

Man: How many thousands is that?

Woman: No.

Man: A hundred?

W: Not really.

M: What about 50?

Woman: The one I'm thinking of isn't even worth 5 yuan.

Man: What's that?

Woman: I'm thinking of you! :>

Dizzy!

You're howling!

You howl! Where are you?

GG: I'm in Wangbali. What about you?

MM: I'm also in Wang Bali.

Where are you from?

I'm from the ghost state. What about you?

I come from a cave.

Do you like men or women?

Gabby: Of course it's hard for me to have a baby. You must be a girl, right?

Yes

Are you moldy?

MM: Not bad. People say I am unhappy. Are you old?

Gabby: Not bad. Many people say that I am a big loser.

Really? Let's sympathize with each other, shall we?

Good duck, how big is your lean chicken?

MM: Don't use lean chicken. Thin chicken is so expensive. Do you have a ball?

Gabby: Yes.

How big is your ball?

GG: * * * * *, you are so cute. I really want to have sex with you.

MM: Take your time. Even if we live far apart, there will be a chicken party.

A: "Where do you rank in your class?

B: "Thirty.

A: "Wow, that's amazing. I have never been in the top 40.

B: "There are 3 1 student in our class.

Children (hands up): Auntie, I want to shit!

Aunt: Be polite in class!

Child: Auntie, my ass wants to vomit!

Stephen Chow and Zhao Benshan Funny Dialogue Classics 2007 1 65438+1October1Sunday 0 1:44 Korean Students: Dear listeners, overseas Chinese and compatriots from Hong Kong and Macao, I wish you a happy New Year. Some viewers may have just turned on their computers. This is a meaningless procedure. I'm Han Xiao, the host. According to reliable sources, Chinese mainland giant Zhao Benshan and Hong Kong famous nonsense master Stephen Chow are making a $500 million blockbuster Kung Fu Old Roots. Today, I invited these two superstars to communicate with you in the live broadcast room. Please welcome two guests.

(Music, Stephen Chow)

Stephen Chow: How are your big brothers? It's cold. Have you put on more clothes?

(Zhao Benshan)

Zhao Benshan: My back hurts when I sleep, and my stomach turns when I eat. I am confused about everything. I have been pursuing happiness all my life. I know what happiness is. Answer! Happiness is pain.

Korean student: Please introduce yourself first.

Stephen Chow: Actually, I am an expert in trickery who pays equal attention to beauty and wisdom. I am the embodiment of heroism and chivalry. I have changed the social atmosphere, been welcomed by millions of girls, stimulated the film market, improved the connotation of young people, and have a graceful demeanor. My name is Xing, and my English name is Xing!

Zhao Benshan: Crossing from south to north, I ran over my leg on the train track. The Yangtze River and the Yellow River have drunk water and kissed fools. The spring breeze is blowing and the drums are ringing. Who am I afraid of, Boss Zhao? !

Korean students: Can the two big names talk about their feelings of working together on the screen for the first time?

Zhao Benshan: Say it. When I first filmed with Xiaochi, I was always nervous. Afraid of being embarrassed by the villagers. My heart is jammed and my mouth is bitter. I have big blisters on my mouth and have yellow urine when I go to the toilet. The pressure is on the boss.

Korean student: Why is the pressure so great?

Zhao Benshan: I have gained weight in recent years. I'm so fat that I can't reach my navel, and I'm about to catch up with a hairless bear. What are you doing? Laughing and fighting.

Korean student: That's funny.

Zhao Benshan: Yes, it is the hilarious martial arts. You say it's just my lines, and I'll fight when I shoot martial arts. Then there is nowhere to run, nowhere to die, and the neck is waiting for a knife.

Stephen Chow: The weather is sultry and life is boring. Let's make a movie for a change. Isn't it great, Brother Zhao?

Zhao Benshan: Why don't you take the whole thing with you? ! I said nervous, but you said calm down. What do you mean?

Stephen Chow: By the way, if you don't like it, I'll say something else.

Zhao Benshan: Come on, I don't know you in a vest? ! Tell you what! I still know you when you take off your vest.

Stephen Chow: Bitch! Don't be wordy! You have scolded me for three days and nights. I won't kill you because you are a partner. Don't think I'm afraid of you!

Zhao Benshan: Oh, wow, like a bear. I can't kill you and me. Although the arm is thin, the punch is explosive. I'll press you into a picture and hang it on the wall later.

Stephen Chow: Ha ... Ha, Brother Zhao is really ambitious. He is definitely not a woman named Yin Wadang. He is a good man. I'm just kidding. Of the four handsome guys in Chinese mainland, Zhao Xiong is the most free and easy, and everyone knows that! This little thing won't hang in your heart, will it?

Zhao Benshan: After hearing what you said, I think you are much more pleasing to the eye. From head to toe, from pants to coat, from heart to appearance, I began to have a good impression on you. Are you kidding?

Stephen Chow: Fool, are we all one of us? My admiration for Zhao Dage is like a steady stream of water, and it is like the out-of-control Yellow River flooding. Besides, with your wisdom, how could I lie to you?

Zhao Benshan: That's true. 12 typhoon did not blow to the land, nor did it push the land in Sichuan basin, nor did it overturn the land in Ximalaya or Huludao. My straw bag is not full, and the two big wine pits on my face are also conical.

Korean student: I fell down! ! ! Everyone is concerned about your marital status. Can you tell us something?

Stephen Chow: Not yet, thank you!

Zhao Benshan: Koike, I want to talk to you. You drink wolf wine all day, step on the dog's feet, sing love songs, walk on the mountain road, comb your lovelorn head and rush forward with affectionate steps. You have a pair of eyes that pick up rags and are always looking for the rain and dew of love. Please, I'm old and happy now. My twins are long, white and fat, and they will be soldiers with guns when they grow up.

Stephen Chow: I am a person with complicated feelings. If a person with complicated feelings loves only one person, he will become emotionally defective. Even if you have a person with emotional defects, it's no use. So I won't get married. Thank you.

Korean student: Does Brother Xing have many girlfriends?

Stephen Chow: Shit! Needless to say, my star is famous for picking up girls, and he is a thorn in all your men's side. My elegant posture exudes attractive charm, which makes all girls irresistible. My heartbreaking eyes, no matter how cold and arrogant a woman is, will be melted by my gentle eyes. I am recognized as a lonely lover, the soul of comedy, and everyone knows it-disgusting prince.

Korean student: Wow! It turns out that the disgusting prince rumored in the Jianghu is Brother Xing, which is rude. What does Mr. Zhao think of this?

Zhao Benshan: Anyway, if you brag and don't pay taxes, and you don't commit the capital crime, then drum it to death. The old cucumber is painted green-Act Young, who is quite old and still learning from others. I think he is obsessed with knowing the north and the south, and his brain can't command his legs.

Stephen Chow: How dare you say that about me? Anyway, I'm a big shot in comedy. Do me a favor, will you?

Zhao Benshan: I give you face, but your face is not as good as my insole. You said you did something bad, or you had to repair this place.

Stephen Chow: Brother Zhao, please overcome your animal nature for a while and stay rational. You know, I'm not easy virtue's naive handsome boy. He's just teasing everyone. If I really have many girlfriends, my fans won't eat me. Ha ... ha.

Zhao Benshan: Don't blame me. I just have a big mouth and an empty stomach. I don't turn my back and speak straight.

Stephen Chow: Ha ... Ha, how come? I didn't do everything well. For example, the cup of ginseng tea I just handed to your eldest brother has been poisoned by me. This is the most magical poison in the world: "stretching your legs, glaring, cramping, diarrhea!" "

Zhao Benshan: Really? That won't finish the calf.

Stephen Chow: Sorry, this is the best in the world! It is made of croton, honey, Fritillaria cirrhosa, platycodon grandiflorum and Saussurea involucrata. There is no need for refrigeration and no preservatives. In addition to strong toxicity, quick effect and delicious taste. It also has the effect of clearing stomach and relaxing bowels, ha ha ha.

Zhao Benshan: God, I don't want to talk about it. I just didn't drink. I said, what's wrong with you, little boy? Are you tired or asleep? What's wrong with it? What's the problem? I think you are lame, have a bad mouth and a flat nose.

This story is pure fiction. If there are similarities, I would be honored. )