Who can tell an interesting joke?

1. One day, three dead people were taken to the hospital. The doctor asked, why did everyone laugh to death? The nurse replied: The first man was so excited because he won 5 million! The second man died of joy and sorrow! The doctor asked again, how did the third person die? The nurse said that the third man died while picking apples on a rainy night? The doctor doesn't understand: how can you laugh to death when picking apples? The nurse replied: Suddenly there was a flash of lightning in the sky! He thinks someone is taking pictures of him. 2. My little sister was a sophomore at that time, just as boys and girls were budding in adolescence, and her family was afraid that her puppy love would delay her studies. So I kept a close eye on her. My little sister was not at home that day, and the phone rang. "looking for Zhou XX." A big boy said timidly. "She is not at home. What's your last name? " I asked quickly. "Last name is Wei." It's quieter over there. "Wei what?" I'm pushing my luck a bit. "Why?" Obviously stupid, then why not, because my father's surname is Wei! When I was in primary school, once, my deskmate lent me a video tape. When I went home to watch it, I saw a line that read "/kloc-teenagers under 0/8, please accompany parents to watch", and then I ran to find my parents. Later, I was a bad face for almost a whole week. -This is what happens to obedient children! An old friend lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and put a piece of paper: let you steal it! The next day, I didn't lose my car, but I added two more locks and one more lock, which said: Let you ride. One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest. He stepped forward and said, "I'm Liu Hongtao." The foreign guest said, "I'm still a fucking Fang Qi." (Think carefully about Liu Hongtao's "Six Hearts") 6 The athlete shot and missed five shots in a row. The coach said, "Idiot! Look at me! " I voted five times, but I still didn't score. "See? You just voted! " A man and his wife often have an affair, but if they don't find out. Colleagues send couplets. The first part: as long as the days are ok. Bottom line: even if the head is a little green. Horizontal batch: Ninja Turtles. Xiaoming went to the seaside. When he saw the sea, he couldn't help shouting, "The sea!" " ! Mom! "The words sound just fell and a huge wave hit him in the face. He was furious: "It's a stepmother. "A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard was not wiped. He was furious: Who is sitting in the village today? Don't even clean the blackboard! 10 A patient in a mental hospital is writing a letter. As soon as the nurse came in to make rounds, she asked, "Who are you writing to?" The psychopath said, "Give it to myself." "Then what did you write?" "Idiot, I haven't received the letter, how do I know what to write! "1 1 A teacher ran a red light and the traffic police stopped him. The teacher said, "Please, I'm going to be late for class." The traffic police said, "Are you a teacher? Thankfully, I waited for 20 years and wrote 100 times' No more running red lights'! "12, eleven came home to see my mother's QQ hanging on my computer. Dad is the "husband" of the comment. He felt very creative and changed it to "handsome brother". In the evening, my father sent a message to my mother, "Beauty, let's talk. "My mother is happy to come and tell me, don't tell your dad, there is a handsome boy chatting with me. "I ... 5438+03 A thief squatted on the side of the road to steal. Thief: No, the inside of the key is broken. I: Do you need any help? Thief: No, thanks. Keep watching for a long time. The broken key hasn't been opened for a long time. I leaned over and handed him a key to try this. I am very grateful to the thief for pushing the car and getting ready to go. His cactus has not realized that I am the owner of 14. There are many rumors about him, but no one in the Jianghu knows what he looks like. There is a lot of speculation about him, but no one knows what kind of effort he has. People close to him are addicted to it and lose everything. He is the "mysterious chicken" iPhone 5 released on time at midnight. Although he is far from perfect as iPhone 6, it is still worth looking forward to. Ready, money? 15 I was curious about grandma's toilet when I was a child. So I often ask my grandmother: How deep is this pit? Grandma always replied: deep. The more curious I am. Finally, one day, I found a bamboo pole and decided to try it myself. Insert the bamboo pole into the bottom of the pit. Just when I was excited, suddenly, bang, the bamboo pole broke! Then "plop", tragedy happened ... Curiosity really hurts people. 16 just saw the news that Guo MM's family made a fortune because of stock trading. It is said that it has gone from tens of thousands to millions in a few months. Netizens began to study, which stock is Guo speculating? It turned out to be the most awesome stock: ass. 17. Just now, I can't see. Close your eyes and scroll, and then you can't see anything. Scared out of my wits, shouting. It's over. I bought fake medicine. I am blind! Dad rushed up with wax and saw two lines of clear tears on my face in the dark (eye drops! It's eye drops! ) scold: the longer you get, the more you fall behind! Turn off the electricity and watch it scare you! 18. After more than 20 years of hard study, I have learned many skills of picking up girls. As a result, I ignored a very serious problem and forgot that I was a girl. I'm going to visit a new client today, and I'm going to call him to ask where he is. A: "At McDonald's." I said a polite word to approach: "hey, what should my brother eat?" I can smell the fragrance. " The other party replied, "I'm waiting in line in the bathroom!" " "On the plane, a young man and an old man sat side by side. Young man: "excuse me, what time is it?" "Old man:" I can't tell you. If I tell you what time it is, you will thank me. ".In this way, once the chatterbox is opened, it is not easy to end it. After a while, we will get off the plane together. When we get to the airport, please invite me into the cafe again, and I'll invite you to my home. I have a little daughter at home. She is very beautiful. Then you will fall in love with her and she will fall in love with you, so you decide to get married. But, you know, I would never marry my daughter to a poor man without a watch. "2 1 A Beijing-based dog named An 'an pays special attention to hygiene. He never urinates anywhere. Every time he was in a hurry, he called twice in advance, and the owner peed on his tray. One day, the host took Ann to the bank and just finished withdrawing money in the business hall of the bank. "Woof-woof ..." Ann suddenly cried. For the convenience of Ann, the host hurriedly took out the newspaper he had just bought at the newsstand. As I hoped, I had a good time. After that, the owner carefully wrapped this pile of garbage in a paper bag with newspapers, held it in one hand and led Ann out in the other, ready to throw it into the trash can on the street. As soon as I got to the side of the road, I heard a "honk". A motorcycle suddenly braked and stopped beside me. In an instant, the young man wearing sunglasses in the back seat grabbed the paper bag, and with the strong roar of the motor, the motorcycle flew away. Several passers-by who had just witnessed this scene whispered, "This guy is really unlucky. He was robbed as soon as he left the bank ... tens of thousands? " An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea and turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, causing a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became Hua Dan; An egg is riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child; An egg ...