Do you have any jokes about stock trading? Please help me.

1. Yesterday I met a friend and had a chat. I said: "The stock market has plummeted recently. I can't sleep well at night. What about you? How is your sleep quality?" He said: "It's not bad, I sleep like a baby!" I said: "I'm so jealous." He said: " I sleep for an hour, wake up, cry for a while, sleep for another hour, wake up and cry for a while. "... 2. A gecko got lost in front of a securities company. At this time, there happened to be a big crocodile far away. Climbing over, the little gecko stepped forward and hugged the crocodile's leg in a hurry, and shouted loudly for its mother. The big crocodile burst into tears: "You little one, you've only been in the stock market for half a month and you've become so thin." 3, 2008 Stock trading: Don’t enter the stock market in the near future, otherwise BMWs go in and bicycles come out; suits go in and three-point suits come out; bosses go in and wage earners come out; doctors go in and idiots come out; Yao Ming goes in and Pan Changjiang comes out; crocodiles go in and geckos come out; pythons go in and Earthworms come out; tigers go in, kittens come out; dogs go in, and dogs lead them out; men go in, and eunuchs come out; girls go in, and old women come out; Wang Shi goes in, and bastards come out; Beijing goes in, and Wenchuan comes out; people go in standing, and come out lying down. ; The good girls go in, the prostitutes come out; the Brazilian football team goes in, the Chinese football team comes out; Huang Shiren goes in, Yang Bailao comes out; Edison Xi goes in, and the photos come out; Liu Xiang goes in, and Fan Pangrun comes out; In short, even if the earth goes in, table tennis comes out 4. , If you don’t buy it, it will keep going up, but after buying it, you will become a bear! You will be angry and sell it after a few days; if you choose one of the two, you will definitely choose the wrong one. The one you bought will go down, and the one you didn’t buy will rise sharply! Corrected the mistake, exchanged shares, and made the wrong exchange again! If you make up your mind not to engage in short-term activities and hold shares for a long time, it will not rise in the long term! If you can't survive, you will sell the long-term shares and go to the limit again the next day, and you will be trapped immediately! , it will definitely be wrong to use it next time! I returned to my previous investment style and lost again! What I recommended to others went up, but my own money fell! I vowed to never buy it again! I bought Bank of China again, but I was trapped again! 5. The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn’t go off due to the poor quality of the bullet. At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff’s thigh. Brother, kill me! It's so fucking scary. The trader didn't fall in place in the first round, and then he fell in the third round. The chairman of the China Securities Regulatory Commission said: "Brother, please confiscate my money!" It’s so damn scary. 6. Why are retail investors crying? It’s so sad. The stocks are plummeting like a waterfall. My account is now so miserable that five zeros have turned into four digits. I remember when I first entered the stock market, I thought I could make a fortune overnight. The rich fantasize about buying a car tomorrow, living in a villa the next day, and marrying a beautiful wife without having to work. Who would have thought that this place would be crueler than hell. Today I will chase the rise, tomorrow I will sell the fall, and I will always go all-in. In the end, I will cut off my flesh and blood until only the skin and bones are left. Every day Standing guard on the top of the mountain, tears accompanied by loneliness, eagerly hoping that the People's Liberation Army will come to rescue me. To be honest, I am a good person, honest, honest, never eat, drink, whore or gamble. I listen to the party and respond to the country's call. I insist on having fewer children and more trees. But why does God punish me? Retail investors like me beg you, the main public and private equity institutions, to be merciful and give me a way out. 7. The restaurant owner posted a recruitment notice, and three people came to apply... The boss asked the first one: "What are your strengths?" I Been a trader. ""How's the craftsmanship? ""It's nothing, it just can increase the stock price from 5 yuan to 50 yuan. "Great, I need a chef here, and it's you." The second person handed over his resume, and the boss flipped it over and said, "Oh, he's a stock critic." Well, your job is to stand at the door every day and pull people in when you see them. Is this not difficult for you? "Turn around and ask the third person: "What do you do? "The man's face was red with shame and he didn't dare to say anything. The second man said hurriedly: "I brought him here. He is from a small household. He can just arrange a job like washing dishes and sweeping the floor." "The boss was a little embarrassed: "I'm a very high-level person here, what do I want retail investors to do? "As he was talking, he suddenly heard a noise in the lobby. The boss hurriedly called a waiter and asked her what happened. The waiter replied: "The buyer forgot to buy meat today, and the dishes ordered by the guests could not be delivered for a long time. , is losing his temper."

The boss suddenly panicked. At this time, the retail investor next to him suddenly pulled out a sharp knife, lifted up his trouser leg, cut off a large piece of meat with a sharp slash, and threw it bloody to the waiter: "Take this for emergency first." He turned around and said to the boss: "I don't have any other skills. I cut meat all the time. If you don't believe me, why don't you ask them two?"