People who are good at talking go in.

The complete works of Carnegie's human weakness

Chapter 1: Basic skills of getting along with people.

1. If you want to collect honey, don't knock over the hive.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Comment on writing is dangerous. It often hurts a person's precious self-esteem, his sense of self-esteem and arouses his strong resistance. Jealousy caused by criticism will only reduce the morale and mood of the other party, and at the same time, what is criticized will not be improved.

Any fool will criticize, accuse and complain, and so will most fools. A truly wise person will never simply criticize each other and let them accept their own opinions.

Instead of criticizing others, we should try to understand them and find out why they do it. This will be more effective than criticism, and it will also produce sympathy, tolerance and goodwill. "If you know everything, you will forgive everything!"

2. Appreciate others sincerely

Carnegie's golden words of success

If you want others to do whatever you want them to do, the only way is to meet their needs.

All people, no matter how great and noble this person is, always work better and achieve more when he is praised than when he is criticized.

We should first see the advantages of others and give sincere praise. If this is a compliment from your heart, then others will treat your every word as a treasure and never forget it. Even if you have forgotten, others will still remember.

3. Stimulate the strong demand of others.

Carnegie's golden words of success

The only way to influence others in the world is to talk about their needs and tell them how to get and meet them.

No matter in business, family, school or politics, I think the best advice is to seize each other's most urgent needs first. If we can do this, we can be like a duck to water, otherwise we can't do anything.

If there is any secret of success, it is to look at the problem from the other side's standpoint and meet the other side's needs.

Chapter Two: The Secret of Peace and Happiness

Step 4 be true to yourself

Carnegie's golden words of success

We waste so much time imitating others! The experience of any successful person shows that if you want to succeed, you must keep your true colors and don't turn yourself into others.

We have all kinds of potentials, but we just don't know how to use them. Compared with what we should do, we are only half awake and only use a small part of our great abilities. We shouldn't waste every moment worrying that we are not others.

You must keep your true colors. No matter how many mistakes you make and how limited your abilities are, you should never become another person.

5. Change bad work habits

Carnegie's golden words of success

What makes us dizzy is not the heavy work, but not knowing how much work we have and which work we should do first.

A person with a lot of papers on his desk will find his work easier and more practical, if he can clean his desk, leaving only what he will deal with.

A person will not die from overwork, but from waste and worry. Yes, he will waste his energy and die. And he is worried, because he doesn't develop good work habits, and the work seems to be never finished.

6. Learn to relax and relieve fatigue.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If a person who sits and works is healthy, his fatigue comes entirely from psychological factors, that is, from the influence of emotions. Being unappreciated, isolated, rushing, anxious and worried will all lead to fatigue.

Anxiety, nervousness and emotional anxiety are the three major factors leading to fatigue. Usually we think that the fatigue caused by worrying about childbirth can actually be attributed to these three reasons. Please relax your tense muscles, relax your working muscles and save your strength to cope with more important responsibilities.

Most of the fatigue we feel is caused by psychological factors. Fatigue caused by purely physiological reasons is actually very rare.

7. Make your work interesting.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Are you bored with your job? Then why don't you play a pretend game with yourself and try to make yourself like it? Then you will get unexpected achievements from it.

People who can do what they like are the luckiest people. Such people are lucky, because they are more energetic and happier than others, but less worried and tired than others.

Your interest is also your ability. If you are not interested in your job, you must cheer up and find ways to make your job interesting.

8. Live in today's grid.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Our fate depends entirely on our mental state. When you are troubled by all kinds of troubles and the whole person is nervous, I will boldly tell you that you can completely change your mood by relying on your own willpower.

Our inner peace, the happiness we get from life, does not depend on where we are, or what we have, or who we are, but only on our mentality, and external conditions have little influence.

We should try our best to eliminate misconceptions in our minds, which is more important than removing tumors and cavity sores.

9. Don't take revenge on the enemy.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If our enemies knew how they worried us, annoyed us and made us just want revenge, they would dance with joy. The hatred in our hearts can't hurt them at all, but make our life a hell.

If a selfish person wants to take advantage of you, you don't have to pay attention to him, let alone get back at him. When you want to get back at him, you hurt yourself more than that man.

Resentment can even ruin our enjoyment of food. "Eating vegetables with love is much better than eating beef with resentment."

10, don't expect others to thank you.

Carnegie's golden words of success

It is easy for human nature to forget to express gratitude to others, so if we hope to gain others' gratitude by giving them kindness, then we will definitely have a headache.

The happiest people are those who give and expect nothing in return. They can enjoy the fun of charity, take pleasure in giving benefits to others, and be ashamed of being given benefits by others.

If we want to be happy, we should not think about the gratitude or ingratitude of others, but only enjoy the happiness of giving benefits to others.

1 1, calculate the benefits you get.

Carnegie's golden words of success

About 90% of things in life are right, and only 10% is wrong. If we want to be happy, what we should do is to focus on 90% right things and ignore 10% mistakes.

We seldom think about what we already have, but always think about what we don't have. This is the biggest tragedy in the world, and it may cause more pain than all wars and diseases in history.

There should be two goals in life: first, to get what you want; Then, after you get it, you should fully enjoy it. Only the smartest people can do the second step.

12, turning unfavorable factors into driving forces for success

Carnegie's golden words of success

When a wise man gets a lemon, he will say, "what can I learn from this unfortunate incident?" How can I improve my situation and turn this lemon into a glass of lemon juice? " Fool, on the contrary. If he finds that fate has only given him a lemon, he will give up on himself and say, "I'm finished." This is destiny. I don't have a chance. "

The most important thing in life is not to treat your income as capital like any fool. What really matters is to benefit from your loss. This requires wisdom, which is the difference between a wise man and a fool.

Most happiness in life comes not from enjoyment, but from victory. This victory comes from maturity, pride and our ability to make lemons into lemonade.

13, try to please others every day.

Carnegie's golden words of success

We should do one good deed every day. What is a good thing? This makes people smile happily on their faces.

When we try to make others happy, we stop thinking only about ourselves. If you only think about yourself, you will have anxiety and fear, and depression. Therefore, if you are kind to others, you are also kind to yourself.

Thinking more about others will not only make you stop worrying about yourself, but also make many friends and have a better time.

Doing good for others is not a duty, but a pleasure, because it can increase your own health and happiness.

14, take others' jealousy as a compliment.

Carnegie's golden words of success

No one will kick a dog to death. Only dogs are more expensive, and people who kick them will be more satisfied.

If you are kicked by others, or criticized maliciously by others, please remember that they do it because they can get a feeling of being valued; And this usually means that you have achieved something and deserve others' attention or jealousy. Because this kind of criticism is nothing to be afraid of.

If we are worried about unfair criticism, please remember that this unfair criticism is usually another compliment and another recognition of your achievements.

15, don't let the arrow of criticism hurt you.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Don't be afraid of what others say, as long as you know in your heart that you are right. The only way to avoid all criticism is to do what you think is right, because "if you do it, you will die, if you don't", you will be criticized anyway.

Although we can't stop others from making unfair criticisms, we can do something more important: we can decide whether to let ourselves be disturbed by those unfair criticisms.

Even if someone tells you some boring gossip, or deceives you, or even stabbed you in the back, don't indulge in self-pity, but try your best to let the rain that criticizes you flow behind you.

16, learn to criticize yourself.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Whenever I look back on the stupid things I did in those years and reread my criticism, they can help me solve the most difficult problems I face and teach me how to control myself.

Don't wait for our enemies to criticize us or our work, we should be better than them, and we should be our harshest critics in this respect; We should also find out our weaknesses and correct them before the enemy has a chance to accuse us.

I used to blame others for my troubles, but as I grew older, I found that almost all my misfortunes were my own fault. Many people will find this when they are old.

Chapter 3: How to make others like you?

17, really care about others.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If a person really cares about others, he will make more friends in two months than a person who always wants others to care about him in two years.

Show that you care about others, which is the same as other interpersonal relationships; And your concern must be from the heart. This will not only make people who care get corresponding rewards, but also people who get this kind of care will get the same results.

If we just want others to pay attention to ourselves and make others interested in us, we will never have many sincere friends.

18, smile at others.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Actions speak louder than words. Make yourself a smiler, and a smile will make people understand: "I like you, you make me happy, and I am glad to see you."

Those who always smile will be more likely to succeed in management, education and marketing, and it will be easier to cultivate a happy next generation. Smiling is more expressive than frowning, which is why encouragement and smiling should be used instead of corporal punishment and disposal in education.

If you want others to be happy when they see you, then you must remember that you must be happy when you see others.

19, remember other people's names

Carnegie's golden words of success

Franklin roosevelt knows one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways to make people feel good, and that is to remember other people's names and make people feel valued. But how many of us can do this?

Although it takes some effort to remember other people's names, it is a courtesy, which is bought with a small sacrifice, and this sacrifice will bring you great wealth.

As a politician, one lesson to learn is to remember the names of voters, which is also a political talent. If you forget their names, you will be forgotten.

20. Learn to listen to others.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Listening to the person you are talking to is the most important thing. Listening carefully to each other's conversations is our highest compliment to others. As for successful business contacts, there is nothing mysterious, and nothing is more pleasant than this.

People who like to find fault, even the fiercest critics, tend to soften in front of a patient and compassionate audience-when an angry troublemaker wants to open his mouth and bite like a poisonous snake, the audience should keep silent and just listen carefully to his conversation.

2 1, catering to the interests of others

Carnegie's golden words of success

The best way to get in touch with each other's inner thoughts and get to the bottom of their hearts is to talk to each other about what he is most interested in.

Talk to others about topics that you care about and are interested in. In this way, you can make yourself a popular person.

Carefully study the people you associate with, understand what this person is interested in, understand what he cares about, what he is most keen on, and talk about the topics he is most interested in; Otherwise, even if you die hard, you will get nothing!

22. Make others feel important.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If we are so selfish and just want to get something in return, then we will not give anyone any happiness or sincere praise. If we are so narrow-minded, we will only suffer due failure, and there will be no success and happiness.

There is a very important law in human behavior. If we abide by it, everything will go smoothly, and we will get countless friends and endless happiness. This rule is: "always respect others and make them feel self-respecting."

If you want others to like you, you must say something to make them happy. These words are not about yourself, but about each other.

Chapter four: How to win the approval of others.

23. Never find fault with others.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If you are competitive, like to argue with you and take pleasure in refuting others, you may win a temporary victory, but this victory is meaningless and valuable, because you will never get the favor of the other party.

When you argue with others, maybe you are right, even absolutely right; But if you want to change the other person's mind, you may get nothing, just like you are wrong.

You can't win an argument. Lost, of course lost. If you win, but you still lose, the real spirit of prostitution is not an argument. People's hearts will not change because of arguments.

Never blame others for their mistakes.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If possible, you should be smarter than others; But never tell anyone that you are smarter than him.

If you can admit that you may be wrong, then you will never get into trouble. This will not only avoid all arguments, but also make the other person as generous as you and admit that you will inevitably make mistakes.

Even in the mildest circumstances, it is not easy to change other people's minds. Why make it more difficult? Admitting that you may have made a mistake can avoid an argument; And you can make the other person as generous as you and admit that you may make mistakes.

25. Admit your mistake bravely

Carnegie's golden words of success

If you know that others want to accuse you of your mistakes, you should take the offensive as the defensive and say what he wants to say before he has a chance to say it. Chances are, he will take a tolerant attitude and forgive your mistakes.

A person who dares to admit his mistakes can also get some satisfaction. This not only eliminates the atmosphere of guilt and self-defense, but also helps to solve substantive problems.

If you are right, try to make the other person agree with you tactfully and skillfully; If you are wrong, admit it bravely. This is far more effective than self-defense.

26. Learn to be kind to others

Carnegie's golden words of success

"A drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of bile." The same is true with people. If you win a person's heart with a drop of honey, you will lead him to the road of understanding.

People don't want to change their minds. You can't force or force them to agree with you. But if we are gentle and friendly-very gentle and friendly-we can guide them to be consistent with us.

If you want others to agree with you, you should be kind to him. First, let him believe that you are his true friend.

27. Let the other party agree from the beginning.

Carnegie's golden words of success

When talking to people, don't discuss things where you don't agree at the beginning; Instead, you should first emphasize, and insist on constantly emphasizing, what you all agree with, and then emphasize that you are all pursuing the same goal. The only difference between you is the method, not the goal.

If you let a student or client, child, husband or wife say "no" at the beginning, I'm afraid it takes fairy wisdom and patience to turn that absolutely negative attitude into a positive attitude.

28. Let the other person express himself more.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Be patient, listen with a broad mind, and sincerely encourage each other to fully express their opinions.

If you want to make enemies, you should behave better than your friends; But if you want to make friends, let your friends behave better than you.

Let's weaken our achievements. We should be modest, so that people will like you forever. Life is so short that we shouldn't be bored with our small achievements.

29. Turn your opinion into someone else's.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Nobody likes being forced to do something. If you want to get others' cooperation, you should ask him about his wishes, needs and ideas, and make him feel that he did it voluntarily.

Let others feel that an idea is his own. This strategy can be used not only in business and politics, but also in family life.

Make suggestions, and then let others come to a conclusion and accept their own ideas, so that you can win the cooperation of others.

30. Look at the problem from the other side's standpoint

Carnegie's golden words of success

When dealing with people, don't take the mistakes that the other person doesn't care about to heart, and don't blame others. Only fools do that. But try to understand others, that is a wise, generous and extraordinary person.

Whether you can get along with others successfully depends on whether you can stand in the other person's position with compassion and whether you are willing to accept other people's views.

Try to see things from the perspective of others and try to understand others, and you can create miracles in life, gain friendship and reduce conflicts and setbacks.

3 1, mutual sympathy

Carnegie's golden words of success

Even a stubborn and hard-hearted person will soften after getting your sympathy. And your sympathy should be completely heartfelt, because if you are the other person, you will definitely feel the same way.

Sympathy has a great chemical effect in neutralizing acidic bad emotions. Three quarters of the people you meet every day are eager for sympathy. If you can give them sympathy, they will like you.

32. Inspire each other's noble motives

Carnegie's golden words of success

Each of us is an idealist, and we all like to find a happy reason for what we have done. Therefore, if you want to change other people's minds, you must inspire their noble motives.

Everyone you meet-even the person you see in the mirror-will overestimate themselves and think they are kind and selfless. Therefore, if you want to get others' approval, you should treat him with the same eyes.

Even those who deliberately cheat, if you make him feel that he is an honest, upright and fair person, then most of the time he will respond positively and agree to your request.

33. Express your ideas dramatically.

Carnegie's golden words of success

This is a dramatic era, and it is far from enough to describe the facts. We must use more attractive methods, such as movies and radio. So, if you want to attract others' attention, you must do the same.

It is not enough to impress others just by telling the truth directly. Only by making the facts more vivid, interesting and dramatic can we effectively attract people's attention.

You can dramatize any business idea you can think of or anything in your life. Of course, this drama technique can also be applied to family life to make your family life happier.

34. Put forward meaningful challenges to each other.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Beyond the opponent's desire! Challenge! This is an absolutely reliable way to inspire people's spirit.

Everyone is afraid sometimes, but brave people will put aside their fears and go forward bravely. The result may be death, but more often it is victory. Is there anything more challenging than overcoming difficulties?

You can't keep good employees just by salary. The competitiveness of the job itself and the opportunity to express yourself are what every successful person likes and pursues.

Chapter 5: How to persuade others better?

35. Praise and appreciate others

Carnegie's golden words of success

We always feel better when we hear other people's compliments on our strengths and unpleasant words. It's like a barber putting soap on a guest's face before shaving.

If you can't convince the other party by arguing and quarreling, it's better to use the strategy of praise and appreciation, and the other party will soon give up confrontation and accept your opinion.

Start with a compliment, just like a dentist using an anesthetic. The patient still has the pain of a dental drill, but the anesthetic can eliminate this pain.

36, gently remind each other's mistakes

Carnegie's golden words of success

Criticizing others directly in person will only arouse the strong resentment of the other party; And cleverly letting the other party notice their mistakes and correct them will make the other party willing to listen to your suggestions.

For those who are unwilling to accept direct criticism, if we can make them face their mistakes indirectly and euphemistically, we will often get very magical results.

When you want others to move in the direction you expect, don't say "but" after praising them, but say "and". The effects of these two words will make a huge difference.

37. Tell me about your mistakes first.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If only a few words of self-modesty and praise can make an arrogant and withdrawn emperor become a solid and reliable friend, then you can imagine how important modesty and praise are in our daily life. If used properly, it will certainly help us to create miracles in interpersonal relationships.

Even if a person does not correct his mistake, as long as he admits his mistake, he will help another person change his behavior.

It would be much better if critics humbly admit that they were not blameless from the beginning and then point out the mistakes of others.

38. Don't order others.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Don't give "orders" to others easily, and don't tell others what to do. This can not only maintain their self-esteem, but also make them willing to correct their mistakes and actively cooperate.

Remember, always give others a chance to do things by themselves, not tell them how to do it. In this way, he can learn useful experience from his mistakes.

Ask each other for advice. Some questions can not only get ideal answers, but also stimulate their creativity and create more miracles for you.

39. Praise each other for their smallest progress.

Carnegie's golden words of success

If we are willing to encourage everyone we contact to realize and explore the inner treasure he has, then we can not only change him, but even transform him.

Even the smallest progress, praise each other, they will keep it in mind and motivate themselves to succeed.

For a criminal, if he is given proper praise for his efforts, it will promote his cooperation and reform more than severely criticizing and reprimanding his mistakes.

4 1, let others have a good reputation

Carnegie's golden words of success

If you want someone to have a virtue, you can think about it and publicly announce that he already has it (though he may not). Give him a good reputation, give him a high hat, make him realize, and he will do his best and don't want to see you disappointed.

For ordinary people, if you can get his respect and you show respect for some of his abilities, then he will be happy to accept your leadership.

If you want to change a person in some way, you must think that he has outstanding characteristics in this respect. This is what Shakespeare said: "suppose a virtue, if you don't have it, you must think you already have it."

42. Make others' mistakes easier to correct.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Let the other person know that you believe that he has the ability to do it well and that he has great potential in this matter, then he will forget all about eating and sleeping and try to do it better.

If you tell others that he is stupid in some way and has no talent, everything he does is wrong, which is equivalent to killing all his hopes and efforts for progress. On the contrary, if you encourage him more, he may change completely.

Positive encouragement can make it easier for people to correct their mistakes, become self-reliant and even thoroughly remould themselves.

43. Be good at empowering others

Carnegie's golden words of success

If you want others to do what you want them to do happily, you must let them know how important he is to you, and he will naturally feel this way in his heart, so as to realize your expectations.

Napoleon won the support of soldiers by giving them fame and titles. Although this method is somewhat naive, it is extremely beneficial and can certainly be used by you.

When you make a request to someone, if you can take a tactful and slightly grateful way, he will happily agree to whatever you ask.

Chapter 6: Make your family happy.

44. Don't dig your own grave of marriage.

Carnegie's golden words of success

In order to destroy love, among all the vicious methods invented by the devil, nagging is the most powerful. It will only bring tragedy to married life.

Even if you are the queen of a country, even the most beautiful woman in the world, if you are jealous of your husband all day, then dignity and beauty can't maintain love.

An important reason why men leave home is because their wives like to nag. This kind of nagging is digging a grave for their marriage.

45. Don't change partners.

Carnegie's golden words of success

The first lesson we should learn in life is not to interfere with other people's special ways to find happiness, if these ways are not a strong obstacle to us.

If you want to succeed in marriage, you should not only find a good spouse, but also be a good spouse yourself.

If I want to make your family life happy, please remember, don't change partners according to your wishes.

46. Don't criticize your family.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Be considerate of others and try to restrain yourself. Don't criticize anyone and anything in your family.

For wives and husbands, it is always better to be tolerant and generous than to criticize and reprimand. Therefore, we might as well be generous and learn from the practices of those great men.

Many romantic dreams are shattered! One of the reasons why more than 50% of marriages are unhappy is those useless but heartbreaking criticisms.

47. Sincerely appreciate each other.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Both men and women are eager to be appreciated and loved. If you can sincerely express your appreciation and love, you will get happiness and happiness.

Men should appreciate women's time and thought in pursuing beauty. As husbands, we should not forget this, because women are very concerned about their clothes.

If your wife has something to admire, you must remember: "praise that little woman greatly." You might as well let her know how important she is to your happiness and happiness.

48. Pay more attention to her from small things.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Most men always don't pay attention to considerate women from daily chores, because they don't know that love often starts from a small place when it dies.

Why wait until your wife is ill in hospital before buying her flowers? Why not buy her a bunch of roses tomorrow night? If you like, you might as well do it at once and see what the result is.

Express your thoughts to the person you love, and you should make her happy; And her happiness is also very precious and important to you.

49. Be courteous to your family.

Carnegie's golden words of success

Politeness is as important as engine oil for marriage. A wife should treat her husband as politely as a stranger.

In order to have a happy marriage, besides carefully choosing a partner, politeness after marriage is the most important thing. If a woman is aggressive and arrogant, any man will be scared away.

Politeness is an innate quality, which can make up for the defects of clothes and appearance and make people who are superior to you dare not look down on you.

50. Don't be illiterate in marriage.

Carnegie's golden words of success

The happiness and happiness of marriage are rarely acquired by chance, but created by people, so there must be rational and prudent planning.

Sex is the most important thing in marriage, and it is also the fundamental reason why most men and women fail in marriage.

Sex is just one of many things that need to be satisfied in marriage, but only by straightening out this relationship can other aspects be realized.