Invincible joke

1. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" " "

I saw a voice falling from the sky at the first light: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and kill the leader." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. 2. Three ghosts came to God and said with one voice, "I died unjustly and should go to heaven! "God:" I only let the most unjust people go to heaven. Tell me how you died first. "

A: "I am a cleaner. One day, I was sweeping the floor on the top of an old building without an anti-theft net and accidentally fell down. I grabbed a sewer pipe, but the sewer pipe was knocked down by some bastard. Because the building is short, I didn't fall to death. As a result, a refrigerator fell on it and crushed me. "

B: "I went to someone else's wife's house to have an affair. As a result, her husband came home and I hid in the refrigerator. As a result, it seems that the refrigerator fell from the window without a security net. I didn't die because of the protection of the refrigerator. As soon as I came out, someone fell from above and killed me. "

C: "When I came home, I saw my wife with another man from my window. When I got home, I was very angry. I knocked down the sewer pipe, threw away the refrigerator and made a scene with my wife. As a result, I accidentally fell from the window and hit my head on someone else's head and died. "

God: "You all died unjustly. Go to heaven! " ! 3. Is this the smell? Once upon a time, an old man liked to drink soup cooked by his wife. As long as he doesn't drink for a day, he will feel uncomfortable all over. Later, his wife died and he couldn't drink the soup, so he was very sad and began to let his wife cook it. ? But no matter how well his daughter-in-law does, he always throws it aside and says, "It's not the smell. You can cook such a terrible soup! " At first, the daughter-in-law always swallowed her words, but as the days passed, she still couldn't do it. Finally, she had a murder plan to kill her father-in-law. But she doesn't know how to do it. She thought and thought, and suddenly found a rusty pesticide in the corner. ? She sprayed insecticide into the soup, and then got up the courage to give it to her father-in-law, who shouted, "That's the smell! This is the taste! " ? 4. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If the train ticket you want is gone, will you obey the adjustment?

Me: Obey.

After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! !

School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment?

X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there?" X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel." Friend: "Ah? When did he ... "Colleague:" Last week. " Friend: "I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a lift …" Colleague: "Never mind, just go down and find him?"

Friend: Ah, you are really joking.

Colleague: I'm not kidding. When he left, he said that if anyone missed him, he was always welcome to visit below.

Friend:. . . . This is inconvenient. . . .

Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day. I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 6. When I got up in the morning, I saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! 7. Anonymous quarreled with her husband and felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was asleep, I squatted on his head and farted to let him smell Japanese. I didn't expect that I pulled too hard and shit on his face. (Very funny, but also disgusting) 8. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, and he has to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students next to him saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him in the past ... 9. Once upon a time, Americans went to Russia for sightseeing. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel, and dig a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on. ....

Out of curiosity, the American asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole as soon as you dug it?" ? 』

Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 10, I had a drink with some friends one night, and several people drank too much. One of them fell asleep on the side of the road, so we couldn't lift him, so we discussed finding something to cover him so as not to catch cold. When I saw him a few days later, he said that he woke up the next day and found three bicycles on him. 1 1. Every time a wife quarrels with her husband, she has to go to the toilet for half a day. If this happens many times, her husband will have to ask her: What are you doing in the toilet? It seems quite Japanese? The wife said: brush the toilet! My husband asked if flushing the toilet could be fucking solved. The wife said: I don't know, anyway, every time I use your toothbrush. 12. Since the telephone was installed in the dormitory, we have become "gentlemen". A gentleman talks but doesn't do it, and of course he's too lazy to move his legs. If anything happens, they would rather spend some phone bills than go out for a walk. There is a young man named Li Lei in our family. He got a job in the summer vacation and worked as a programmer in a website. He went to work yesterday. Someone called him and I answered. I said that Li Lei was not here, and the other party asked him if he had gone back to his hometown? I said no, and the other party said, "Then tell him that I am his classmate and ask him to call me when he comes back. The telephone number is XXX. "I took notes (later I learned that it was actually a phone call diagonally opposite the dormitory, which was unfamiliar with us). When Li Lei came back in the evening, I told him about the phone call. He said it might be from a high school classmate, so he called back the number. Li Lei is from Shaanxi. As soon as the phone rang, he asked, "Do you have any from Shaanxi? The person who answered the phone said, "We don't have one here, but we have one across the hall." Wait a minute, I'll call you ... "Then, I heard someone shouting in the corridor," Li Lei, you countryman, come and answer the phone! " Li Lei paused and told us the third room. I'll take a call, so you can keep an eye on it for me here. If you get through, just say I'll be back soon. Li Lei passed and Lao San picked up the phone. Within a few seconds, there came the voice of "Hello". The third child immediately said, "He is out. Wait a minute! " Then he pushed open the door and shouted, "Li Lei, the phone is on. Come back soon. " Li Lei waited there for a while, but when he saw that there was no response, he hung up. When he got back to the house, he took the phone from the old man. After hanging up, he only heard a beep. "strange! "He said gloomily," why didn't anyone answer? Then he picked up the note recording the number and dialed the number again: "Do you have one from Shaanxi?" "Funny sentences and comments series: Monday, February 30th will be fine.

It's too bad the sun didn't shine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and drowned one in the water tank. I am sad.

Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown.

1. Title: Although ...

The child wrote: He took off his clothes and put on his trousers.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Title: Among them

Children write: My left foot is hurt.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. Title: One by one

The child wrote: After work, my father went home one after another.

Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have?

4. Theme: Sadness

The child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, so sad.

Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look.

The child wrote: What are you looking at? I haven't seen

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

7. title: prosperity

Children write: bustling confession.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. Title: Delicious

Children write: delicious fart.

Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible.

9. Title: Innocence

The child wrote: It's really hot today.

Teacher's comment: You are so naive.

10. Title: Sure enough

Children write: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: Yes

1 1. theme: ... first, then ... example: eat first, then take a bath.

Children write: goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

12. Title: In addition,

The child wrote: a train passed by, besides, besides, besides.

Teacher's comment: forget it if I die.