English classic jokes

An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone was interested in the paintings he was showing. "I have good news and bad news," the boss replied. "The good news is that a gentleman asked about your work and wanted to know whether it would appreciate after your death. When I told him I would, he bought all your 15 paintings. "

"That's great!" The artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?" . With concern, the gallery owner replied, "that man is your doctor."

An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had been interested in his paintings recently. "There is good news and bad news," the boss replied. "The good news is that a gentleman asked about your work, and he wanted to know whether your painting would appreciate after your death. I told him that your paintings would appreciate, and he bought all your 15 paintings. "

"Great," the artist was beaming. "What's the bad news?" The gallery owner replied in a caring tone, "The person who bought this painting is your doctor."

New teacher

George came back from school on September 1st.

"George, what do you think of your new teacher?" His mother asked.

"Mom, I don't like her because she said that three plus three equals six, and then she said that two plus four equals six ..."

New teacher

On September 1 day, George came home from school.

George, do you like your new teacher? Mom asked.

"Mom, I don't like it, because she said that three plus three equals six, and later she said that two plus four equals six."

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, and the other is a sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow, and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

Two birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a sparrow. Who can point out which is the swallow and which is the sparrow?

Student: I can't point it out, but I know the answer

Teacher: Please talk about it.

Student: The sparrow is next to the swallow, and the swallow is next to the sparrow.

An excuse for speeding.

An excuse for speeding.

Harry and Lloyd were speeding on the road. A police car stopped them.

Why on earth did you drive so fast? "The policeman roared.

Our brakes don't work-so we want to get there before the accident! 〃

The cause of speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding and a police car stopped them.

"Why are you driving so fast?" The police officer shouted.

"Our brakes are not good, so we want to get to our destination before the accident."

Send the bill to my father.

Doctor: There is nothing I can do about your complaint. It's hereditary. 〃

Patient: Then please send the bill to my father. 〃

Give the bill to my father

Doctor: "I can't do anything about your complaint." It's a genetic disease. "

Patient: "Then please give the bill to my father."

A girl went to the priest and confessed her sins.

Girl: Father, I am guilty.

Missionary: What did you do, little girl?

Girl: Yesterday, I called a man a son of a bitch.

Missionary: Why? What did he do to you?

Girl: He touched my chest.

Preacher: You mean like this? (That guy did it. )

Girl: (a little shy to touch) Yes.

Priest: There is no reason to call him that.

Girl: But he also took off my clothes.

Preacher: You mean like this? He did it again. )

Girl: Yes, that's what he did.

Priest: That's still no reason to call him that.

Girl: He put his "What Do You Know" in my "What Do You Know" ...

Preacher: (evil laughter) ...) You mean like this? (Do you know)

Girl: (a few minutes later ...) Alas ... Yes, that's what he did. ...

Priest: My dear girl, there is still no reason to call him A. ...

Girl: But he has AIDS! !

Preacher: That son of a bitch.

Little suggestion:

English jokes are usually short, and when they are long, they can't achieve the effect. The more classic, the shorter. The humor of foreigners is different from ours. More than ten sentences can be counted as reading paragraphs. How to behave? The audience has a hard time listening to English, and there are many long sentences, so they are definitely not interested. Let's find some short ones to perform. Body language in place, expression in place. But I can't find anything about animals. I'm sorry