Stand-up comedy with fire.

Hey, what's so funny? Talking about your happiness is a joke. Hey, this joke is called "Excuse me". What does this mean? In other words, it still means haunted

This place is haunted. There are no ghosts. Well, there is no God, and there are no ghosts at all. Is there a "ghost"? If you ask me, there are still ghosts. The man said, isn't this contradictory? There is no contradiction at all. What kind of ghost is "ghost" and what kind of god is "god"? You are in good spirits. Look at this man's good spirit! This "God"-yes! Ah, people's enthusiasm and spirit, we should learn from others, this "god" is there! What about ghosts? What ghosts? "Ghost disease" ghost, he does this thing, gross. This is a ghost, sneaking around there, and doing such a thing is shameful. This is a "ghost". The real "ghost" is not. Ah, a real fairy? Where are the immortals? Who has seen it? Don't tell me, I know this "Kitchen God". Wasn't this "Kitchen God" supported by this family before? Yes. Think of it as a fairy. Here in the old calendar, on the 23rd day of the twelfth lunar month, we offer sacrifices to the kitchen owner. On the 23 rd, the kitchen god went to heaven. Give the kitchen god three incense sticks, put a bowl of cold water and give him some offerings. Buy some honeydew melons to worship the stove.

Why buy honeydew melon for this chef? It was so sweet for him to eat it. After heaven, talk well! Isn't there such a couplet? What couplet is this "Kitchen God Pair"? The first couplet is: there is nothing good in the world; The bottom line is: back to the palace, bad luck. What does this mean? It's heaven. Say more good things, say more good things about our family, and don't say bad things. Hey, give it to this "kitchen god" and pay tribute to this one, called candied melon. You think: cannibalism has a short mouth, and you eat candy. Can you speak ill of others in heaven? Say something nice! Some people are not at ease, so they put some syrup on the mouth of this "Kitchen God". What does this mean? This means bad words. I couldn't speak when I met the jade emperor in heaven! But this person is also confused. Of course, he can't speak ill of it. I thought: he can't speak well either! What's the matter? What are you talking about with a melon sticking to your mouth? This is superstition, no.

In other words, there are no ghosts. How can anyone be afraid when they hear about "ghosts"? I think if this person is afraid to listen to ghost stories, it is because he was so impressed with ghost stories when he was a child. What was he thinking, scared? He thought this ghost must be very scary, with red hair, green eyes, serrated teeth and terrible appearance. In fact, what is the basis for this? It is based on the clay bodhisattva in the temple. Look at that boy in this temple-sawtooth fangs, is it very similar? He imagined it from that incident. In fact, isn't that a ghost, a clay idol and a child made by clay figurines? Isn't it? His idea is based on that. So when he heard that it was haunted, he was scared.

There was once a superstitious man who said that this man had three real fires on his head and two lights on his shoulders. You are a big boy with strong firepower. You should be afraid to walk in the dark alley. It doesn't matter. There are really three fires on the head. If you hit him on the head, you can scare away those ghosts. Isn't this nonsense?

This guy really exists. I really listen to this. He dare not walk in the dark alley. I heard that one died in this alley two days ago. What if he's scared? He just bumped his head and gave it three fans first. "Pa, pa, pa! Hey! This flame can come out! " Very honest. Why did you hit it? We caught fire as soon as we got here? Anyway, if you really want to hit your hair, it's not bad. What are the benefits? Don't buy cigarettes to make a fire and don't use matches. "The second brother. Do you smoke? It doesn't matter if there is no place to order. Come here, where are you! " "pa"! That's it? How come... He will tell you that there is a fire above your head and you dare not walk in the dark alley. He kept the fire burning. Lights, don't lie down. This "ghost" won't dare to pinch him! His walkway is unnatural. Please let me learn it for you.

This man is timid and takes the dark alley. What would he do? When you get to this alley, cough first and hit your head three times. "well! Ahem! Hmm? This alley is so dark, bang! Well, is it hot? Well, it's not hot. It's all here. Well, it's on fire. Come on! This alley is in a state of panic. These two lights on my shoulder must be ... I don't want to turn my head sharply. Ok, I'll walk slowly, the light won't lie down, the fire won't go out, I don't care if there is a ghost or not, you dare not pinch me! " He also dare not walk fast. When he walks fast, he is afraid to lie down. what should he do ？ He rubs forward bit by bit, and you see this aisle is awkward. Don't say there are no ghosts in this alley. Is there a ghost in this corridor? He can scare away ghosts! It's dark for him to walk like this. Who do you want to go this way? Rub forward bit by bit. Just walked into the middle of the alley, there came another one behind, and this one behind was smaller than the bravery in my head. As soon as I saw the one on my head, I was shocked (learning Peking Opera) "... ahem! Bang! Bang! Bang! (patting the head) ". He also lit a fire! "Well, that trouble? Is this a person or a ghost in your head? Ghosts are not like, how can people walk this aisle? " Heart said: this can be troublesome. Well, I don't care if you are a person or a ghost. If you go forward, I will go forward, and if you don't scream, I will stop. Well, as soon as you turn around and see it, I'll cut you with a brick. Why do you think this is dead?

The one behind is afraid to walk fast, and he is also rubbing forward bit by bit. Head, walk and listen to the movement behind you! Hmm? Trouble, ouch, how did this ghost come behind me? Oh, this is very troublesome. I have to look back. People like us should look back. You look human. They walked together like partners, and nothing happened. You forget that if he is unlucky, this "lamp" will catch fire! As soon as he turned around, his shoulders, head, body and even "lights" and "fire" followed. Just turn around together and scare away the people behind. "hmm? Trouble! Let me see. Is this a person or a ghost in the back? If people are okay, if ghosts are in trouble! Oh, look. " Haven't looked back yet. Where is it? The brick at the back gave up. "ouch! Mom, this is a ghost! " "Shit ... Bang!" Now, it hits him on the forehead, and he won't be like this soon. "ouch!" Jumped up and ran, ran at home, and the blood came down. I put on a lot of medicine and wrapped my head in white gauze. While he was in Baotou, his son came in from outside. "ouch! It's amazing, alas! Don't go that alley, old man. I saw a zombie. I gave him a brick ... what happened to your head! " "You give me open? Hey! That one just now, this is me! " "Who told you to walk like this?" Misunderstanding.

What is a ghost? No ghosts! Well, I was afraid of this misunderstanding. I'm really afraid of catching up with him. Alas, this happened in Beijing before, and it was also misunderstood. Scared this guy. What's going on here? There is a small crooked-neck tree by the river outside the city. A man committed suicide and hanged himself here. You think this man hanged himself, of course, his appearance is not very good. Hanging himself here, why did he die? For what reason did he hang himself? This is a dark society in the past, you think, that year, it was just a ghost society where people ate people. That's really a ghost club.

The young man is very poor. He borrowed a debt from the capitalist and couldn't pay it back. The money is rolling more and more! The interest is getting bigger and bigger, and he can't give it. The creditor's son forced him to death, and the creditor's son capitalist was fierce: "Poor boy, are you going to pay the fucking bill?" Hmm! You think wrong! He inquired about my work. Not paying the bill? Don't say you're alive, you have to give it back to me when you're dead. I'm telling you, if you have an idea, I'll come back later. "

The capitalists cornered the young man. What would he do? The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't live, so I embarked on this road and committed suicide. There is a small tree with a crooked neck by the river.

It's getting dark He hanged himself. This man was in charge for some time. Buried at dawn the next day, take it off, take it off for the dead, and conduct an autopsy. Before the autopsy, the body never leaves the ground, and someone has to watch it. On this ground, there is a street guard in charge of this kind of thing. What's this man's name? It's called Drunk King III. He is in charge here. The man drinks two glasses of wine, but he cannot live without it. He will get drunk when he drinks it! He thought, I have to watch this thing all night. Where is the light? I am delicious, alas, what should I do? Drinking for a while, lying confused for a while. Passers-by get dark. Wouldn't it be very troublesome if I accidentally walked here and got knocked down? This is my responsibility. Let's get started! He has an idea. What idea? I asked for a stick of incense at the border pier grocery store, which is so long and silly. Burn incense, give this dead body a stick of incense in your hand and burn it. There is a fire here, thinking, there are passers-by, you have to walk here and have a look, there is a fire here, so you don't have to bump into it. He thinks it's a good idea. He planted a stick of incense in the dead man's hand and lit the fire to make it bright. Where is this drunk Wang San? I bought some wine, just opposite the small trees by the river. There is a gate on the steps, where I burn hip flask and drink. Sitting there, looking at the dead body and drinking wine, he was sleepy.

This drunk Wang San is trapped there, in a daze. It's getting late and dark.

It happened that a corridor of passers-by came. I'm going to walk. Look at this aisle. If you work in a group of five, you won't look tired or far away. When a person walks, he is obviously far away and obviously tired. How is he? Nobody talks to him. His mind is full of things. He just thinks about the distance, tired and bored. what should he do ？ The man thought, come on! Have a cigarette yourself, so as not to get bored. He took out his cigarette and touched it. No matches, alas! Me, make a fire. Who has a light? I am on fire.

Smoking against fire, there are rules. How can there be rules? You say, for example, I want to smoke, I borrow a light from the other person, and he doesn't look at people in advance, so what? For example, if you have a cigarette here and I have a cigarette, I will hit you, and I will hit your cigarette first. "Ah, this? I made you angry. " He always does. Here you are. After facing, let the other person go, be polite, and then look at people. "You smoke me this." "Hey, you're welcome." This is his rule.

The man I'm talking about is also like this, holding a cigarette and saying,' Hey, there's a fire, I'll let you catch fire! "He took the incense and covered his eyes. Who is holding incense by the river in the dead of night? " I'll make you angry, Xiangtou? What about smoked mosquitoes? "He is still making a fool of yourself. Smoking here. He finished smoking and wanted to make way for the other side. He found out: "You smoke me this!" " "He just understood," this is ... hanging here? Oh! Yours! "I thought," My God, if you want to know yours, why should I borrow it from you? When he looked at the dead man's face, he was afraid. At that time, his head "buzzed" and it was big! This hair stands up with a brush! Just "bang" your calf and it will be straight! Why is he so scared? What a coincidence! This is the capitalist. He forced this man to death. "ouch! What about you? Damn it. During the day, I asked him for accounts and forced him to die. Can he leave me alone? Be sure to pinch me! " What if this person is too scared to run? His legs are straight! What is he still running for? Throw away the cigarettes, too! This hand touched this incense and died! He moved forward bit by bit. "Hey hey!" His steps are also heavy. "Teng ... Teng!" It means you can run if you want, but he can't. "hey!" Go ahead.

He was making noise, and Wang San, who was drunk, was dozing off in a daze when he heard "dong, dong, dong!" " When I opened my eyes, I saw the incense burner-"Chug Chug" went straight ahead. This Wang Sanyi saw, "Yo-ho! What? Gone? Hey! You're not right, are you? Who did you tell? You're leaving? By the way, you left? Autopsy tomorrow, what should I do? That won't do. The body will never leave the ground. Come on! No matter where you go, I will help you get it back. " He stood up and ran after him. Unfortunately, Wang San, an alcoholic with no shoes, said nothing, just behind him, kicking and kicking! Hearing this with incense on his head, he was even more afraid of punching and kicking. Ouch! Shit! I thought: the one above came down, alas, he came down. Is it necessary to catch up with me? He thought the dead man had come down.

Drunk Wang San chased after the man and held out his hand "poof"! Choke him by the neck! He deserves the incense. "ouch!" Scared to death! Isn't that scary?

This Wang San is really strong. This hand is around his neck, this hand holds his lower back and lifts it up for him! "Good boy! You're not going anywhere. Hey, I'm looking for the autopsy report. I need someone! What should I do? I'll let you go back anywhere. The body will never leave the ground. Hey! I have to hang it here for you! Oh! Is there another one here? "