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A classic short joke

Well, I can't cure you. I'll call the vet.

It is strictly forbidden to urinate here, and offenders will confiscate tools.

When you grow up, no one dares to give birth to you in the next life!

There is a pervert who often destroys people's faces with sulfuric acid. One day he followed you in an attempt to commit a crime, and suddenly you felt something was wrong. When you turned to look, the pervert exclaimed, "Shit, this is spilled!" " "

I am weeding, you are at noon. (Don't say you don't understand)

When singing karaoke, someone ordered a "group March 8th dance". Do you know which song it is-"Forget the samba"?

Eunuch's most annoying song: leaving roots; Eunuch's most annoying script: a plum scissors; Eunuch's most annoying advertising words: I have I can; Eunuch's most annoying idiom: unprecedented; Eunuch's favorite thing to do: laugh while reading text messages.

Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

The teacher asked a question in class: What are the similarities between rotten radish and pregnant women? A: It's all caused by bugs! B smarter. A: It's too late!

A man who copied mutton kebabs was transferred to be a fireman, because he would ask questions every time, and he was fired within a few days.

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& gt& gt The old man confessed to his wife before he died: I once had an affair, please forgive me! Wife: Many.

& gt& gt Just close your eyes! Which of our children looks like you?

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& gt& gt An electrician walked into the operating room and said to a dying patient wearing an oxygen mask, Hello! listen to

& gt& gt All right, take a deep breath, I need a power outage for five minutes!

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& gt& gt An ant said to the elephant, "I have it, it's yours!" "The elephant fainted and woke up.

& gt& gt Then he said to the ant, "I want another one!" "Hearing this, the ant was scared to death!

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& gt& gt A factory organizes visits to museums and bathing activities. The factory director lectured: lesbians take a bath in the morning, gay men.

& gt& gt visit. In the afternoon, gay men take a bath and lesbians visit. Be disciplined and don't take pictures!

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& gt& gt said: The man who came back with her is not the one who spent her honeymoon with her before!

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& gt& gt The hunter saw a bird in the sky and missed three shots, but the bird still fell.

& gt& gt Seeing that the bullet missed, the bird patted its chest and said, Scared to death, scared to death.

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& gt& gt hostess: Are you pregnant? Maid: Yes! Aren't you pregnant, too The hostess is very tender.

& gt& gt angrily retorted: But I am pregnant with my husband! The maid agreed happily: Me too.

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& gt& gt A white man went to the ghetto to make a campaign speech. In order to win the support of black voters, he actually

I blurted out, "Although my skin is white, my heart is as black as yours."

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& gt& gt A psychopath sang in bed, turned over while singing, and continued to sing on the pillow, Lord.

Dr.>& gt asked, "Just sing. What are you doing turning over? " The psycho said, "Silly B, face A is finished.

Of course you have to sing B-side.

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On the cliff, a little mouse waved its short front paws and jumped down again and again, trying to learn to fly.

The bat watched it fall headfirst and said worriedly, its father won't tell it, it's not ours!

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& gt& gt An old friend lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and clipped one.

Paper: Let you steal! The next day, the car was not lost, and two locks and a piece of paper were added, which read: Let you ride!

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& gt& gt The spice girl called a taxi. Miss, what will you wear in the future? Spice Girl: Red.

Mini skirt! Recipient: Then where to go? Spice Girl: It's thighs!

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& gt& gt A young man of literature and art boarded the Great Wall of Wan Li for the first time, and his poems were full of enthusiasm. He is going to write a poem and recite: "The Great Wall.

Ah, the Great Wall ... You are so fucking long! "

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& gt& gt4 A four-year-old boy kisses a three-year-old girl. The girl asked seriously, "Will you be responsible for me if you kiss me?" "

The boy patted the girl on the shoulder: "Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old."

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& gt& gt A sleeping party in a boy's dormitory lasted until three o'clock in the morning, and suddenly I wanted to discuss a question, "I met a beautiful girl."

Girl, what should I say first? A gentleman woke up from a dream and said, Stop talking and let's go to bed!

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& gt& gt Robber: Tell me the password of the safe! Don't say kill you! Salesgirl: I won't tell you if you kill me! You suck.

I won't tell if I get fucked! The robber looked her up and down and said, you must be beautiful!

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The>& gt Art School stipulates that boys are not allowed to fall in love with female models. Xiao Qiang not only talked, but also got the model pregnant. North school

I see. A few days later, the school announced that Xiao Qiang had been expelled for destroying props.

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& gt& gt The female bird burst into tears, and the male bird said angrily, How many times have I told you that this ring belongs to the bird?

The people at the research station put it on me, not a wedding ring! I'm not married!

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& gt& gt Men and women sleep in the same room, while women draw a clear line: animals cross the border. Woke up and found that that person really didn't

Crossing the line, the woman slapped the man hard: you are worse than an animal!

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& gt& gt In a restaurant, woman: Are you going to marry me or not? The man was silent. W: Don't think that nobody wants me. Fuck.

Fuoco! I'll find someone to marry here right away! The waiter came over: Miss, you scared away all the guests in our shop.

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& gt& gt One day, a drunk took a taxi home, stretched out his hand and stopped a patrol car 1 10, shouting, forget it.

One yuan per kilometer, there is no need to write that big!

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& gt& gt buddy, do you know why I was scolded that day? I saw an underline on the skirt on the beautiful girl's chest.

Ok, I can't help but reach out and click.

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& gt& gt A woman got on the bus in a one-step skirt, but the skirt was too tight to lift her legs, and she still couldn't unbutton the two buttons of the skirt. See you later. A man is watching.

She, then called a rogue! Man: You are a rogue. You untied us all so quickly!

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During the airborne exercise, the officer asked: How many recruits are there this year? The little soldier said, Look at your ass when you fall.

Got it! The officer said, why? The little soldier said, there are footprints on the recruits' ass!

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& gt& gt The guards comfort the condemned prisoners: Don't be afraid, the current is strong and fast, and it won't hurt. Then screams came from the execution ground.

Sound. Death row inmates are trembling: What's that noise? Guard: The power is out. They switched to candles.

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& gt& gt, do you remember? When you went to the TV station to sing a song, four referees and three fell down. Fortunately, there is a referee.

I hold your hand excitedly on the judgment stage and say: talent! It costs money for others to sing, and your singing is fatal!

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& gt& gt M: I like you so much ... I really like you ... May I kiss you? .. female: no.

Proud ... man: then I'll kiss you. ....

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& gt& gt Several people saw it, and one pointed to the treetops and said, I saw it. Others also said they saw it. At this time, there is behind the tree

People come out with pants: you can see it when you see it. What are you yelling about? !

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& gt& gt Generally speaking, boys are not allowed to go to the girls' building, and they must leave before 8 p.m., otherwise, the building manager will arrive at 8 p.m..

My aunt shouted, "Girls, I'll see you off." .

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The old lady on the>& gt bus is afraid that she will ask the bus to arrive at the station every time she is at the station. She has been stabbing the driver with an umbrella.

"Is this the exhibition center?" "No, it's ribs!"

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& gt& gt During a military parade, the chief walked past with his head held high, saying, "Hello comrades", "Hello chief" and "Comrades have worked hard".

Serve the people ","comrades are tanned "and" their heads are darker "

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& gt& gt Xiaoming went to the seaside. When he saw the sea, he couldn't help shouting, "The sea! Mom! " The voice just fell.

Huge waves hit him in the face. He was furious: "It's a stepmother!"

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& gt& gt female spy "I got the latest plan of General Dai Yang, and I also captured his son" "What's the big deal?"

Are you online? We'll interrogate him right away. ""no! It will be born in ten months. "

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& gt& gt Teacher: "Baker, why does the rocket run so fast?" Baker: "Whose ass is on fire?"

Run like hell! "

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Teacher & gt& gt said: Two-dimensional space generally refers to a plane, and three-dimensional space refers to a more three-dimensional space. That classmate knows what it means.

Three-dimensional Classmate: It refers to the bust, waist and buttocks.

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& gt& gt A person queues up to go to the toilet. Finally, there was only one person left in front. He said, "I can't hold it any longer. Let me go first. "

Really? "The person in front squeezed out for a long time:" At least you can fucking talk! "

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& gt& gt After the funeral, his girlfriend comforted the woman who had just lost her spouse: Don't think the worst, think the best. new

The widow thought for a moment and said, this is the first time in twenty years that I know where he spent the night.

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& gt& gt Someone met a friend in the street. When he first asked about his friend's wife, it suddenly occurred to him that she had passed away.

Then she changed her mind: "Is she still in the original cemetery?"

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& gt& gt A man courted Jane Doe and played a song "Reflecting the Moon" on the erhu. Afterwards, the woman said that the erhu was not very good.

Yes, people look like A Bing, a blind man!

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& gt& gt A flock of swallows pecked mud under the eaves to build their nests. After the bird's nest was built, swallows called on the roof. The children in the yard are very good.

Pinocchio, ask dad. Father replied: alas, the contractor hid and didn't pay others.

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& gt& gt Robber: "Robbery, get down!" "He shouted when he saw a lady lying down.

"Be fucking civilized," he said. "I only rob money, not sex!"

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& gt& gt One day, the male mouse saw the female mouse get into the weeds. After a while, a hedgehog came out and the male mouse caught it.

You also said there was no affair. Who bought you a fur coat?

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& gt& gt The traffic police reprimanded: Little bastard, are you still drinking and driving when your eyes are red? Crab, crossing the road again? Kangaroo Dao

Don't take your child riding a bike in the future! Tortoise, who told you to take the fast lane?

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& gt& gt Today, you woke up to find a mosquito lying beside the pillow, with a suicide note next to it: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce it.

Your face, you are so thick-skinned, so I have no face to live in this world. Lord, please forgive him. I killed myself.

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& gt& gt Grandma and grandson watch TV. Sun Tzu said, "Those African refugees have no food to eat, so poor!" Grandma (paternal)

When I heard this, I didn't agree: "Deception! How can you afford a perm without food?