There is a kind of man with "low emotional intelligence" who desperately wants to save face and suffers. He really deserves to be divorced.

Recently, friends around me are following the popular drama "Everything Is Good". Many author friends are also writing about related topics. People are constantly talking about this drama in their circle of friends all day long. Every time I watch it I didn't even dare to open the barrage when I was watching. The screen was completely blocked by the heated discussions.

I have to say that this drama is really good and realistic. It touches on various realistic elements such as workplace, family, love, family, friendship, marriage and so on. The characters in the play are particularly profound in their portrayal of human nature and psychology. Some are very sympathetic, some are very angry, and some are very contradictory.

Among them, Su Mingcheng, played by Guo Jingfei, said a word in the middle. Although it seemed unintentional, it was reflected in many people in the play, that is: character flaws. Some of the abnormal behaviors you see in the play, which are both reasonable and unreasonable when you think about it, can all be classified as character flaws.

Let’s not talk about Su Mingcheng for now. Many people are crusading against him. Let's talk about Su Mingzhe. The biggest problem of this person is "love of face", or in other words, "suffering from the consequences". From a psychological perspective, this is a typical character flaw. Of course, he was not born like this, but grew up in that kind of family environment and developed this problem slowly over a long period of time.

His behavior is what we said earlier is "both reasonable and unreasonable". Such a person can actually distinguish between right and wrong in his heart. However, his inner moral concepts are wavering and he can think of I dare not do it for fear of losing face and being laughed at by others. He does not realize that not everything must be done from the moral high ground, and he does not realize that when he takes the moral high ground in everything, he will hurt others. He thought he could take care of everything, but in reality, who would take care of him? In the end, you will only become a different person inside and outside.

Such a person is what the secular concept considers a "filial son", but such a "filial son" is only suitable for singles. After getting married, he will "suffer face and suffer". Many conflicts arose. In the play, what Wu Fei said every time he quarreled with him was correct. He should really weigh and make choices carefully.

Every time I see someone saying Wu Fei is selfish in the comments, I feel speechless. If you think about this kind of thing for a moment, you will understand how aggrieved she is by marrying Su Mingzhe. If you insist on saying that Su Mingzhe is not wrong and Wu Fei is selfish, then you can continue to think so. But from a practical perspective, in such an environment, choices must be made.

In contrast, Wu Fei's arrangements for Su Mingzhe and supporting Su Daqiang are more reasonable than Su Mingzhe's thoughts. If Su Mingzhe had the same attitude as Su Mingyu, Su Daqiang would not have been a monster for so long. .

In many plots in the play, it is difficult for children from single-parent families to deeply understand the stakes. Only those who have experienced the family conflicts in the play can deeply understand the stakes. There are many brothers and sisters in the family. In my hometown, many families have three to five children. The problems in the play are really common to me. I know many people like Su Mingzhe.

Yesterday, a reader left a message about her marriage experience. Her ex-husband was someone like Su Mingzhe, even worse than him. Let’s take a look at her story.

Teacher Donglin:

I don’t know if you have watched "Everything Is Good" recently. I see that many authors are writing articles around this drama, but you have not written, no. Know why. I don’t know much about writing. You may have your own ideas, so I won’t guess. Let me tell you my story!

The reason why I mentioned that drama is because I get emotional every time I see Su Mingzhe, because he reminds me of my ex-husband every time. They are the same type of people, they are both like that A kind of person who "wants face to the death and suffers the consequences".

His academic qualifications are very high, but he is a person who is "stupid from studying" and has no idea how to adapt. Although he seems to have a high emotional intelligence, in fact, his emotional intelligence is extremely low. His high emotional intelligence is just an act, just for outsiders to see. To outsiders, he treats his parents, relatives and friends with all his heart and soul, but to me, it always makes me angry.

When we fell in love, there were not many things going on. Although we could find some problems in him at that time, I think no one is perfect and no one has some shortcomings. However, I didn't expect that so many problems would arise due to his shortcomings after getting married.

We originally agreed when we got married that we would not let anyone interfere with our marriage, and he agreed. Before the baby was born, everything was quiet. After I had the child, my mother-in-law refused to help me take care of the child for various reasons, but I didn't say anything. However, when I called my mother over to help me take care of the children and everything was settled, problems began to arise.

My mother-in-law seemed to have calculated the time and started to mix up our marriage after I settled everything. She first came to stay in the name of taking care of the children, and then she couldn't leave. Every time my mother said that since my mother-in-law was here, she would go home, and my mother-in-law would say that she also had something to go. It was obvious that he was just here to hang out and have fun, so I told my ex-husband when I couldn't stand it.

I asked him to invite my mother-in-law to leave, "Our house is not big to begin with. My mother lives here to help take care of the children and it is already very crowded. My mother-in-law doesn't do anything. What's the point of staying here without leaving?" How?"

He said, "Oh! My mother has never lived in a new house. She will stay here for a few days and then she will leave. You can bear it for a few more days."

I did not continue to demand and decided to endure it. However, the mother-in-law had no intention of leaving, and something even more outrageous happened later. Not only did she stay in our house and make everything a mess, she would often call a group of relatives and sisters to visit our house, making the whole house a mess every time. She refused to listen to my good words and could not be beaten or scolded, so she had to show off her cards with her ex-husband again.

He really didn’t understand my feelings at all and said, "You are just saying this to embarrass me. What do you want me to do? She is my mother, and the others are relatives and elders. You How can I say anything? Just drive them away? Then will I have the face to see people in the future?"

Every time I talk to him about these issues, I feel like I am talking to someone else. He never understands. Know how to see things from my perspective. I had no choice but to go out and have a showdown with my mother-in-law. As a result, my mother-in-law went to complain to her ex-husband, playing the family card and saying that I abused her. My ex-husband would scold me indiscriminately when he came back, and my mother couldn't even try to persuade me. I had enough and filed for divorce from him, "Since your mother is more important than me and the children, I have no choice but to divorce you!"

He began to sigh, "Oh! You do this every time , you are clearly forcing me!"

Do I do this every time? It's him who does this every time, not me! It's him who pretends to be the victim every time, as if I'm the one causing the trouble. I don't want to drag my feet anymore, I have to divorce him, and I will never have an easy life with such a man in my life.

My mother-in-law had been fanning the flames and encouraging him to divorce me. He was a person without an opinion, so he accepted the divorce at this time. Now that he agreed, I had nothing to say, and I didn’t need to ask for anything more. After the divorce, I took the children with my mother.

After the divorce, he has never come to see me, maybe he is still guarding his hypocritical face! well! Whatever! My ideal husband is not a useless person like him. His "worrying about face" has penetrated deep into his bones and will never change in this life, so let him fend for himself!

?Donglin Xiting's emotional advice:

This reader's evaluation of her ex-husband is very accurate, that is, he has "extremely low emotional intelligence." Such a man will sooner or later be ruined by his own "suffering to save face" and really deserves to be divorced.

Some people may excuse him, saying that he is fulfilling his filial piety, but he doesn’t want to be like that, and he also has his difficulties and helplessness. Although we say this, we cannot ignore the fact that marriage is a matter between two people.

As we said in the previous article, a "filial son" like him is only suitable for singles. He can do whatever his parents want, and he can do whatever he wants. However, after getting married, if you only care about your family of origin, regardless of your own family, or the feelings of your wife and children, you cannot be considered a qualified husband. Even if you can't get the best of both worlds, you must at least have a relatively compromise solution.

As far as the marriage of the above reader is concerned, he can definitely invite his mother away, and there is no need to let her interfere with their marriage. In fact, if this reader's mother was as evil as his mother, and she tried her best to protect him without considering his feelings, then he wouldn't be able to bear it. Therefore, comparing one's feelings with one's own will inevitably require a compromise.

He is the kind of person who just can’t turn his head around, and the consequences of his insistence on saving face are: his wife does not appreciate his kindness; his mother takes it for granted, and will not appreciate his kindness; other outsiders call him hypocritical As a "filial son", he will not think well of him; he was divorced in the end, and those who had previously called him a "filial son" would turn against him and say bad things about him. In the end, he just wanted to save face and suffer the consequences. Hit yourself in the foot with a stone.