A joke that makes people feel better in an instant

First, God is fair. Giving happiness to others will also make you blind, for fear that you will feel uncomfortable. Second, no one is always smooth sailing. Actually, you're not alone. Look at the friends around you, just because of failure. Third, the tattoo master asked me whether I wanted to tattoo the black wolf or the golden wolf. I said, "Since you are hanging out, you must be ambitious and learn to bear it." Finally, he tattooed me a wolf. If you have no money or time to travel, buy a globe. The world is so big that you can not only have a look, but also look around. Whenever my friends around me are unhappy, I will advise them to look farther and let bygones be bygones. But they are always unwilling, urging me assiduously: pay back the money quickly! 6. The interviewer asked me to introduce my leadership experience. I thought about it and said, "I once took a team of 500 people." The interviewer's eyes lit up: "Oh? Then why not do it? " I took a deep breath and looked into the distance: "The number was stolen!" Every time I tutor Buddha's feet, Buddha always gives me a foot! For me, any problem that can be solved with money is not a problem. How to have money is my biggest problem. Nine, not all women can be emperors, Wu Zetian did it, not all black people can be presidents, Obama's horse did it, not everyone can praise me, and handsome people did it. I have a strong mother. I remember when I was a child, my mother took me to ride a bike, and my foot got stuck in the wheel. My mother felt unable to pedal, so she stood up and pedal. XI。 Student: "Teacher, what you teach is useless." Teacher: "I forbid you to say that about yourself." Twelve, others can go to Paris alone when they break up. I can only go to the beef noodle restaurant downstairs when I break up. I dare not add eggs to a bowl of beef noodles for six yuan. Thirteen, the work is endless, the sleep is insufficient, the wallet is not fat, and the mink can't afford it. Earned 200 million in my half life: amnesia and memory. Fourteen, "Is there any way to make a woman disfigure quickly?" "Take Mito Xiu Xiu out of her mobile phone." 15. In the next life, if I burn incense for a year, I will meet you; If I burn incense for three years, I can know you; If I burn incense for ten years, I can cherish you. For the happiness of you and me in the next life, I am willing to throw away all the incense at home. Sixteen, what is a male god? It's the kind of man who thinks this life has nothing to do with you at first sight. Seventeen, I recently made a girlfriend, but I didn't expect her family to disagree, especially her husband, who really did it! 18. If today's girl walks in an ancient street and is dragged back by the emperor to sleep and wash her face at night, will she be convicted of bullying the monarch and so on? Nineteen, the hospital physical examination doctor asked me: Have you ever done dangerous sports? I thought about it and answered: Yes, sometimes I talk back to my wife. When you feel ugly, poor and useless, don't despair, because at least your judgment is right. Twenty-one, on the subway, almost everyone is playing with their mobile phones. Only a few foreigners are looking at a book with rapt attention, which seems a bit out of place. This move really touched me, as if it reminded me of something, so I stole their mobile phones. I used to think that poverty and loneliness could not catch up with me as long as I tried to run forward. But who would have thought that the hairline couldn't catch up with me. Twenty-three, I eat when I see other girls eat, I buy when I see other girls buy, and I ignore when I see other girls are thin and beautiful. Twenty-four, there is a buddy, especially true. Once I ate noodles in the canteen and got an unknown black object, so I told the canteen master that I was scolded. So this buddy silently buys a bowl of noodles every day, eats it quickly, and then spits it out in public ... Three days later, the noodles in the canteen can't be sold at all, so on the fourth day, the canteen master knelt down and told him to stop. Jokes that make people feel better instantly II. I lie in bed and play with my mobile phone. My mother shouted outside the house that I should pay her the phone bill in 50 yuan. I was too lazy to drive, so I gave her 50 online. I just want to tell mom that I gave it to her, and it turns out. Mother shouted: son doesn't have to go, I don't know which fool filled it out for me ... Second, an old man fainted and sent him to the hospital at once. He called his girlfriend at that time because he didn't have much money on him. As soon as his girlfriend entered the ward, he scolded: "You are crazy, why …" When she saw the old man in the hospital bed, she was surprised: "Dad!" The old man glanced at my girlfriend and said to me, "Young man, you are nice. Listen to me and break up with my daughter. " Third, my wife is very fierce and suddenly started hitting me. I suggested that she learn judo and Sanda. It's much better now, not because she stopped hitting me, but because she bowed to me before hitting me. Every time she does this, I rush to the door. Run away ... haha! Four, just to eat Lamian Noodles, was eating, a man followed a woman came in. The boss asked: Is that your sister in the back? The man replied: My sister? My sister is not that ugly. She is my girlfriend. 5. My colleague and his son met me: Call Auntie, is Auntie beautiful? His son doesn't talk. Later, I whispered to the child: Aunt, there are many delicious foods there. Is aunt beautiful? ! His answer goes against the sky! "Aunt, I can't talk about this topic! ? "6. My brother has been single and has never met a suitable one. A while ago, he said that the matchmaker introduced him to a girl. He said several times, but he kept resisting and didn't go. I said, let's meet and try. He said: I'm afraid I'm as fat as you! Me: You ... Seven, after all, women are emotional and have no immunity to all kinds of small animals, such as Bugatti Veyron, Hummer, Jaguar, Land Rover, BMW and, of course, Tmall. 8. At the bus stop, a man said to a buddy, "Where's your car?" "I was rear-ended yesterday and sent for repair!" "Do you want to help? I have acquaintances! " "No, the other party is fully responsible!" Oh, have you made up with each other? ""well, it's done. I promised to replace it with a new stirrup. "poof! A sister next to me sprayed soy milk all over the floor ... Nine, one night, a woman took a taxi and saw the driver eating apples, saying, "I liked apples best before my death. "The driver was so scared that he ate the apple core. I only heard her continue to say, "I don't like eating much since I gave birth to a child." "Ten, a couple who are dating next to me laughed to death. Sister paper: Then I'll ask you directly. How much money can you earn every month now? Boy: The salary is more than 6000. Playing mahjong with colleagues every month can still win 1000, which is very stable. My daughter has long hair, wears a ponytail every day and comes back from school in the afternoon. For the first time, she didn't wear a ponytail and her hair was loose. My husband looked at her and smiled happily: our little girls have grown into big girls! Look at the long hair fluttering, it's really beautiful! I plan to sleep at night. I deliberately took off my headscarf and put down my hair to spoil my husband. My husband pushed me away and said in disgust, look at your disheveled hair! Go tie up your hair! Twelve, when I was a child, I wrote the answer confidently and quickly, and began to sleep in the examination room. This scene was seen by relatives passing by and told my mother that I was beaten by fat when I came home at night! The next day, the results were announced, and I was the first. I went home happily with the result. My mother said you must have cheated, and I was beaten by fat. Thirteen, I remember when high school started, the first class of chemistry class was talking, and the voice of the chemistry teacher was drowned out. I saw the chemistry teacher holding a test tube and saying that if you speak again, I will kill you. Since then, the chemistry class in our class has been very quiet. 14. One afternoon, I was walking alone on the country road home. Suddenly, a man with a knife grabbed my neck and pointed a knife at me: "Fight, rob. "As soon as I heard this, I immediately asked," How dare you rob in broad daylight? "... in this way, we have been standing until dark. Fifteen, my neighbor's aunt introduced me to an object, saying it was a flight attendant and didn't sleep well all night. When we met the next day, we saw that people were really beautiful, but one mouth only talked about asking for the moon's income and the size of the house. I was bored and said, "why don't you go to heaven?" The stewardess smiled gracefully: "I have a holiday today." "I ... a joke that makes people feel better instantly. 1. Who says you have no perseverance? Have you been single for decades? Second, I just went to the mall to go to the toilet and sat on the toilet. I found that there was a person's residual temperature on the toilet seat. I can't help crying. This is the first time I feel warm in this city. Third, son, what's wrong with poverty? If you are poor, stand up and let others see that you are not only poor, but also short. What about being short? Raise your head and let them know that you are not only short but also ugly! Fourth, if no one wants you in the future, you must remember me and I don't want you either. 5. You are so beautiful. First of all, you should thank your parents. If they didn't give you a pair of skillful hands, could you make yourself look so beautiful? 6. Walking on the road with her husband, fighting, getting angry and swearing. When the first two men turned around, I pretended to be an innocent girl. Husband said: "Don't pretend, they didn't look at you, just looking at which man is so timid." "Seven, go to driving school to practice driving. Before others got on the bus, the coach said, "Don't be nervous, relax! "Before I got on the bus, the coach said," Everybody get out of the way and stay away! "As long as you work very hard, one day you will find that you can never close the gap with the rich. Nine, the wedding ceremony, the woman suddenly want to add 65438+ ten thousand pieces of bride price, don't give, don't let the bride. The groom's face changed and went out to call his ex-girlfriend: "If I marry you today, will you marry me?" Woman: No, why? "Groom:" I'm just asking if it's okay. Can you lend me some money? "Ten, since the P software, the waist is not thick, the face is not fat, the dark circles are gone, and the face is not black. Hey, it's really worthy of our faces! 1 1. Never hang yourself from a tree. You can try it several times in the surrounding trees. Twelve, finally understand the gap between me and Xueba: she was in a bad mood and suddenly began to do her homework after lying on the table for two minutes. I was in a bad mood and fell asleep after two minutes on my desk. Getting rid of poverty is not as easy as losing your hair, but getting rich is far easier than getting rich. Fourteen, "The richer people are, the meaner they are!" This sentence is very reasonable. I don't believe you see that Jack Ma, the richest man, is so rich that he hasn't invited me to dinner yet. 15. I saw an old woman lying on the ground today. I don't know if I should help her. I just want to go up and help her The old lady said, "Go away, poor boy, and don't disturb my business. "Sixteen, try very hard to lose weight, vowed to thin into lightning, and later found that the thinnest lightning is several meters wide. 17. I feel that the Internet is a black hole. The faster the internet speed, the slower the world will be. I just glanced at my cell phone and looked up. It has been two hours since the earth. 18. My daughter refused to do her homework. She has to drink water for a while and eat for a while. She spent two hours writing a few words. It takes two hands to make a sound, and now I have written two pages. Sincerely sigh: the intangible cultural heritage is still quite good. Today, I learned that the quickest way to refuse street hawking is not "thank you, I don't need it", but "I will accompany you". I know it's bad to waste time, but I really enjoy it. 2 1. My mother told me today that it doesn't matter even if I can't get into college in the college entrance examination. She found me a strong supporter. I asked curiously: Who is it? My mother replied faintly: Guanyin Bodhisattva. Twenty-two, who said that there is no "easy" in the world of adults? I think there are many, such as: easy to get fat, easy to get old, easy to lose hair, easy to get sleepy, easy to get ugly, easy to become single dog, and most importantly, easy to get poor! Twenty-three, God is fair, giving you an ugly appearance will definitely give you a low IQ, so as not to appear unbalanced. At eleven o'clock in the middle of the night, my wife was still watching TV. I told her to go to bed quickly. Reluctantly, she turned off the TV and had a big fight with me. I quickly turned on the TV and apologized in every way, but it was still useless. I finally learned that I didn't praise her so well when she turned off the TV.