Jokes about dogs

Fairy: I gave my dog a bath yesterday, and it ... died.

Barry: Take a shower? Impossible, right?

Fairy: Well, either the washing machine killed it or the dryer killed it.

Barry: …

Not my dog.

Next to a slow farmer, stood a very fierce dog.

The stranger asked him, "Does your dog bite?"

The countryman said, "No!"

As soon as the voice fell, the dog suddenly bit the stranger.

The stranger said angrily, "didn't you say your dog doesn't bite?"

Country man: "That's not my dog."

Chicken and dog

A: Sorry, my chicken coop was not wound properly, and I ran out and ruined your food.

B: That's all right. My dog has eaten your chicken.

A: Oh! No wonder I found chicken bones in the dog's stomach.

B: ...

host

Two vain dog owners are chatting. Our dog can read newspapers! Yunyun said.

Yes, I know! Qian Qian replied: Our little black dog told me the other day!

tail

One day, someone visited his friend's house. Seeing that his dog was strange, he asked, "Why do other dogs always wag their tails from side to side?" Why does your dog shake up and down? "The friend replied," This is because our house is very tight. "

A doctor, an architect and a lawyer are having lunch at a country club. Their topic is about their dogs and they want to see whose dog is the cleverest.

At first, the doctor's dog took some bones from the door and put a picture of human bones on the ground. The doctor gave it some biscuits as a reward.

The architect's dog took some branches from outside and built a model of the Eiffel Tower on the ground. The architect also gave him some biscuits as a reward.

Finally, the lawyer's dog appeared. He talked with the doctor and the architect's dog for a while, and the two dogs gave him all the cookies. The lawyer explained that his dog is now the legal adviser of two dogs.

Eat dog meat

When two Scottish nuns came to America, one of them said to the other, "I heard that people here want to eat dogs."

"How strange."

"But now that we have arrived in America, we have to do as the Romans do."

The companion nodded solemnly in agreement. So the nuns went straight to the hot dog stand on the street.

"We want two dogs," said a nun. The vendor buttered two hot dogs and handed them. The nuns found a bench to sit down and hurriedly tore open the paper bag outside to taste the hot dogs. A nun opened her eyes wide and stared at the hot dog in her hand. She carefully whispered to the nun around her, "Which part of the dog is yours?"

Dogs don't understand

A man was bitten by a dog. Ask a doctor for medicine at once.

The doctor is packing up and getting ready to get off work. "Look at the time, why come at this time?" The doctor looks unhappy.

"I know, doctor!" The man said, "but the dog doesn't understand!" " "

frenzied revenge

Someone was bitten by a dog and didn't pay attention. Until the wound dragged on for a long time and still didn't heal, he felt that the situation was serious and went to see a doctor. The doctor took a look and ordered the dog to be brought here. While he was worried, the dog got rabies. Even if it was too late to inject the patient with serum, the doctor felt it necessary to prepare for his funeral. The poor man sat at the doctor's desk and kept writing.

The doctor comforted him: "Maybe the situation is not bad. You don't have to make a will now. "

"I'm not writing a will, I'm just making a list of people who should be bitten by dogs."

Like a dog.

Captain: Do you like dogs?

Dog trainer: Very much.

Commander: How much do you like it?

Dog trainer: You can eat three Jin a meal.

tail

One day, someone visited his friend's house. Seeing that his dog was strange, he asked, "Why do other dogs always wag their tails from side to side?" Your dog is swinging up and down? "The friend replied," This is because our house is very tight. "

Act like a snob.

A man with a dog said angrily to the owner of a pet shop, "You sold this dog to me as a doorman. Last night, the thief came into my house and stole my 300 yuan money, but the dog didn't even say a word. "

The boss immediately replied, "The dog's previous owner was a multimillionaire, and it didn't care about 300 yuan at all."

Husband and dog 1

There is a fierce wife at home, and the husband has to be passive. The wife brought back a dog and decided to name it the same as her husband.

The husband didn't dare to make a sound, but complained to his wife, "Honey, I'm afraid it's not good for you to give me the same name as that puppy, and it often confuses us."

"No, you just have to listen to my tone. When I call a dog, my voice will be very gentle. "

Husband and dog 2

Husband: "Are you still going out today?"

Wife: "Well! I want to do some shopping. "

Husband: "It doesn't matter if you go out. Don't take that strange-looking flower dog with you again. "

Wife: "Well! I think that flower dog is very cute. "

Husband: "You must take it with you. Do you want to use it as a contrast to set off your beauty? "

The wife said angrily, "You are so confused. If so, I might as well take you out. "

Classic joke: dogs have something to say. Harry came home from the vet, sighed and said to his wife, "Poor puppy! Always whining all the way, as if he had something to say to me ... "

The wife glanced at the dog and cried, "Fool, this dog may want to tell you that it is not our family!" " "

Joan, a furrier, came to the Duke's mansion. He saw a dog with rhubarb hair lying motionless at the door, so he stopped to think.

Then turn around and go.

"Hello, sir," the doorman shouted when he saw him. "Our dog never bites. Why did you leave? "

"I think," Joan turned around and said slowly, "since the dog doesn't bark at me, it means that it has treated a businessman like me.

People are used to beards and curly hair. This means that other businessmen often come here ... in this case, what life do I have?

what can I do? "