The last letter before the divorce

Please allow me to call you that for the last time, because at this moment, you are still my husband in name. After a long hesitation, I decided to write this letter to you, not for anything else, for the sake of the eight-year marriage, and for the sake of giving myself and my children an account.

After such a long time of torture, we tortured and hurt each other again and again. In May 17, 18, 19, I took three days off, just like when I got married, waiting for you for three days. Eight years ago, I bought a ring in May 18. However, in these eight years of marriage, you gave me hope of love, but at the same time, you also gave me the most fatal blow in this marriage test: the person I love most can't tolerate me for even a month, and now I regard my love as a joke. Although it hurts, it is a reality. In recent years, I have gradually accepted this reality. In the past three days, I have thought a lot of questions, and I think we have all neglected one of the most important, inevitable and harmful questions:

How much harm does our retreat do to children? Have we measured it carefully? Is our decision really fair to children? Divorce, on the surface, we are all free, but in fact, can we all be really, actually free in the future? What is the price of your freedom and mine? The heart is even less free. And what about our children after freedom? The reality is: what should children do in the future? Children can't have complete parental love when they follow either side, and the damage is intangible and incalculable. As the child grows older, he will face more and more problems and suffer more and more injuries. No matter whether he is a single parent or a parent, he will grow up with invisible injuries, and his personality formation, habit formation and other aspects will be affected and deviated to some extent. The primary school will soon end the big class. The number of children in primary schools is several times that in kindergartens, and people of all colors and educational levels are different. The influence of children from single-parent families in such a group is also enormous. Although the divorce rate is high now, there are many children in single-parent families and many successful educations, the time and energy spent is several times that of normal families. Do you and I have capital? Are you sure that you and I have the confidence and energy to spend more time, energy and effort on raising children? The reality is: how many children from divorced families have grown into elites? Most of them have become mediocre or social scum or even black sheep. Who is to blame? I can exchange my whole life for the cost of children's growth, but you are impossible and unrealistic. For so many years, I have been thinking hard about a question: why can't I even tolerate my own children? Especially when the child is lost in the shopping mall and the son is suffering from leaving us almost forever, you actually chose not to be with us but to attend the so-called party you agreed with others. This is incomprehensible to ordinary people, and it is also the most uncomfortable problem for me in recent years. You don't care about me, I can understand that there is no love at most, and that child, he is not others, but your son. Tiger poison is still there. In particular, you always cut off the child's living expenses and other incomprehensible actions. Although everything has a reason, everything is wrong, and so is the child. After suffering for many years, I got the answer: you have no feelings for me or my children. Whether I want to believe it or not, the fact has given me a deep blow! In particular, please face up to and carefully recall your past. Especially when I repeatedly stressed to you what your mother said in front of so many people (my son didn't want his wife and children to live here, but went to Shanghai to live), you did not explain, verify and respond accordingly to such hurtful words, but hurt me and my children in another way. This is something I still can't understand. That is a complete denial of me and my children, and it is also the most ruthless injury.

Honey, since your son landed, you haven't hugged him, kissed him, cared for him with your heart, and given him substantial true love. You verbally promised to earn 2 million for your son. Up to now, even living expenses and part of tuition fees have to be begged to give, which has formed a strong irony. What he left behind in his memory was your forever cold face, the figure of turning around and leaving in a hurry, and his mother's injury after being cornered by you. His heart has been hurt by the two of us to a certain extent, but now it is not so thoroughly understood, only why we can't get along well and stay with him. I think it won't be long before we face our son's question to both of us: Why did you give birth to me? Why can't we get along well and love each other for me? You both don't love me. Why did you give birth to me and give birth to me, but let me fall into unfair treatment? What did we feel at that time? What kind of mood and attitude should I use to face my son? Is to remain silent. Blame each other for their mistakes? Or hit yourself, your partner, or your child? If our marriage breaks up, my son will undoubtedly be the most painful funerary object in this marriage. Buried in the depths of the souls of us and our parents, occasionally opened, is a memory that hurts people and hurts themselves.

From beginning to end, our fundamental problem is not our parents, let alone our children, but ourselves. If we can respect and fulfill our promises with practical actions when we get married, and remember each other's promises, why come to this day? Until the last breath, you are still using your parents and children to pay for our marriage. It's pathetic and ridiculous!

Marriage is our own, what we need is our own marriage, which is maintained by parents and children. It's not a marriage, it's a grave, and both parents and children are victims of this grave.

For eight years, we have been walking like this, with no energy, no wisdom and no heart. We walked and walked, and finally separated. The nominal marriage that barely exists is still supported by the so-called parents and children, and it exists in name only. In fact, how far the marriage supported by parents and children can go, and the marriage bound in the name of children and parents is somewhat sincere. It is not only our parents and children who are wronged and hurt physically and mentally, but also ourselves. Is it really impossible to find a solution to the problem and a balanced method? Or are we all disdainful or even unwilling to face up to our mistakes and have to use our elderly parents and young sons to pay for them?

For eight years, we all used the wrong way: I loved wholeheartedly, but because I couldn't get your response, understanding and tolerance, I finally collapsed in family chores! You said I could face you with half my heart for work, and our marriage would not break up! I can't blame this sentence. From marriage to now, work is just a means for me to make a living. I work very hard. I haven't even taken a day off except for a pregnancy test. What am I working so hard for Not only for our family to pay off debts as soon as possible, but also for my children to have good enough economic conditions to live a carefree life. I have never neglected you because of my work, but after the child was born, most of my energy was given to the child. This is what every mom and dad need to debug after the baby is born. When I didn't realize it, you didn't tell me in front of me, reminded me, and didn't tolerate a mother's love for her children. To put it another way, loving children means loving you. Why don't you understand? If you say that I am not good to your parents, then why should I try my best to get you to buy a house and place your parents? In the case of irreconcilable contradictions, why should I ask you to take me and my children out of the predicament and finally bear the burden of life and marriage together? In front of the problem, you didn't choose to stand with me and my children, but chose to escape and love yourself. In fact, this is the most painful thing for me and my children. In the days when you were unemployed and re-employed, you didn't really look at my efforts, because you only saw your own suffering, but you didn't look at my children's suffering with your heart. No matter how bitter and tired I am, I have never shouted half a point in front of you, even though I have reached the limit I can bear. Everything about children, work and life is overwhelming me. ...

Money is not everything, but the touchstone of sincerity and true love at most. If you really love us, you will be willing to pay anything, but you won't pay anything, even if you don't love us, because you don't love us, why do you pay? Therefore, over the years, I have also understood and accepted this reality. I am also willing to exchange money for the freedom of me and my children.

In real life, money really can't buy sincerity and true love, because it is vulnerable to reality. Life is gone, what's the use of asking for money? People who leave you at critical moments are not people who really love you, which is one of the most important reasons why I dare not let go of my children. I'm afraid of hurting my son twice, being mercilessly abandoned by you again for one reason or another, being hurt or even threatened by your choice. This is also my most painful, so I choose to give up all the children who love me. This is my most helpless choice as a mother, and also my most helpless choice as a mother.

Over the years, despite all kinds of problems and sticking points, from my point of view and the direction of your handling of problems, what I see is: because you can't know yourself clearly, you are not sure whether you love me or even me, how can you love our children? So you will face the problem, solve it, avoid it blindly, and not deal with it, which will lead to our deeper and deeper connection, and finally go further and further, and even go to extremes. As a man, a husband and a father, the money he earns is not spent on his wife and children, so who will he give it to? This question is worth pondering. In other words, in the past few years of marriage, because I am not sure about my love for me and my children, I will not consider any feelings of me and my children when dealing with problems, but will hurt me and my children directly, simply and rudely. This is only my personal analysis, for reference only. I will always remember what I said to you when I got married: love me, please love me, love my house and my dog; Don't love, please tell me frankly, I won't drag you down, I will help you leave. This sentence is really no joke, but I really think so. I really love a person and won't watch him suffer. If letting go can make him happy, then I'd rather be miserable than let go. Many times, I am the kind of person who would rather hurt myself than the people I love. This is also one of the reasons why when we are in a hurry, I discuss with you and want to be apart for a while and calm down with each other, but you don't seem to understand. Before preparing to have a son, I got to know your character for a while. As far as your personality is concerned, I am afraid and worried, so I ask your opinion repeatedly: Are you sure you want to have children? Can you bear the burden of your family? Can you handle all kinds of family relationships properly? After getting your affirmative answer, I am relieved that a woman's deepest love for a man is her willingness to have children for him. Continue the crystallization of love, I think my love can touch you, and I hope my children can make our marriage more stable. Unexpectedly, I still lost to you and reality, to myself and to my children, and I hurt myself and my children. Marriage does not win or lose, only the price, the price of love, and even the price of life.

So today, I hope we can get to know each other clearly for the last time. After all, life and marriage are their own. You can be irresponsible to anyone, but you must be responsible for your choice. This is the most basic attitude towards life. You can choose the life you want, but your choice and mine must be worthy of your choice and your love. At the same time, please give someone who loves you a chance to live. Children in particular should be treated with caution. The child is innocent!

In the end, I still say that there is love in my heart and there is a way back; Lost, as long as you have the heart, you and I can still find the way; Without love in the heart, the sea of pain is boundless. If you make a mistake, correct it in time, don't let it continue, and give a correct and mutually beneficial ending way. Please, I must remember: only when you are good and I am good, can the child be good. If either of us is bad, the children will be deeply involved and get hurt first. When one day, the child knows the truth and what we have done over the years, and in what way will he face us, this topic will be the pain of your life and mine. Who will pay for us and the children? Who will pay for the children's future? Parents? What about you? Me? I don't think we can afford it ...

Your former lover

2065438+May 29, 2008

8? s[？