What is it like to be ugly?

1

There is a question on Zhihu called "What is it like to not be good-looking?"

Among them, the person who took a bite of black bread answered The Lord said:

Because I am ugly, when I look in the mirror, some boys will say disgustingly from behind: I am so ugly and I still look in the mirror.

Because she is ugly, when she accidentally bumps into other boys while squeezing in the bus, she will be scolded to get away.

Because she is ugly, boys always make dirty jokes about her.

When boys scold each other because of their appearance, they always end up talking about who will marry her.

Because of my ugly appearance, I never take selfies in the circle of friends. I don’t like dinner parties very much and I am afraid to take photos with others.

Because of his ugly appearance, he never dared to speak loudly even if he was really kind.

……

Ugly appearance seems to be the original sin, which has been with us since the moment of birth.

You have low self-esteem, sensitivity, suspicion, and pain, because you suffer from others' rudeness every day, even if it is just a strange look from others.

2

A reader once said to me: I posted a selfie and made fun of how ugly I looked without waiting for my friends to reply.

When I go shopping with my friends, I don’t try anything except loose clothes, even if the salesperson smiles and tells me that you can try it. I just said "I'm fat" and blocked it.

Whenever a boy says he likes me, I always laugh twice and then block him out: I’m not good-looking, don’t joke with me, we are good brothers.

……

I deeply understand that I look ugly, so I don’t seem to care about everything. I don’t need you to laugh at me, I have already criticized myself.

I use self-deprecation, ridicule, arrogance, and laughter to wrap myself up, pretending that I am calm and generous, but in fact, deep down, I care a lot and have low self-esteem.

No one can know how much courage I mustered up to face the ugly self in the mirror, and then say in front of others: I am so ugly, I am just afraid that others will say it. Previous sentence: You are so ugly.

No one can know how much effort I spent to accept the established fact that I am ugly.

No one can know that I don’t know how many times I have checked plastic surgery websites, wanting to change myself, even if it just makes me look a little better.

However, all the late night crying and tossing and turning turned into calm and calm during the day.

Because I know that if I show the slightest concern about my appearance, I will be attacked.

And I have already tasted this taste.

3

I will never forget their verbal insults to me. Even if I understand, they are just children.

But who says children are not vicious?

My friend Yiyi is actually very beautiful now, with big eyes. When she smiles, her eyes curl up, giving her a girlish beauty.

However, even if I tell her over and over again, the fact that you are beautiful.

She always shook her head and said no.

This sentence does not come from the modesty of the beauty, but from the unconfidence that comes from the bones.

Even if you become prettier as an adult, you will only become prettier.

Yiyi was very fat when she was young, and her facial features were tangled together. This was a natural physical problem, because both Yiyi’s parents were quite fat.

Yiyi said to me: When I was a child, I went to school for the first time. Instead of remembering my name, my classmates gave me a nickname, Fatty.

I hate these three words, but these three words "die fat man" have never been removed from elementary school to high school.

I have really fought, lost weight, and even went on a hunger strike. Once I almost fainted from hunger, but my weight has not come off yet. Do you know what despair is? This is despair. Ever since you were an ignorant child, you have been subjected to insults that you can only swallow. Over and over again, you want to fight, but you really can't.

Because your fat body proves that they are right.

And they are destroying your psychological defense every day, time and time again, and then one day, you start to doubt yourself and start to criticize yourself, why am I so fat? Why am I so ugly?

In the end, you deny yourself. Even if you really look better then, you don’t believe it anymore.

Some injuries may seem healed, but they will still hurt for a lifetime.

4

I don’t know when it became human nature to discriminate against others for their ugly appearance, and it became a natural thing for human beings.

I have been ugly, no joke.

My face was once covered with acne, and my face was rotten. I went to many hospitals and tried various folk remedies and methods, but it still didn't heal.

However, this is not what breaks me the most.

What makes me even more devastated is the looks in other people’s eyes, the laughter from others, the light accusations from others, all coming to me all the time.

"Oh my God, what's wrong with her face? It looks like a toad. It's so ugly."

"Isn't she sick? She looks so scary."

"Why is she so ugly? Let's not play with her."

I was under great psychological pressure during that time. I didn't dare to look in the mirror every day, and I didn't dare to play with others. I didn't even want to I feel extremely uncomfortable when talking to others or even looking at me twice.

I used to be very cheerful, but from that time on, I became silent and introverted.

Even though I have grown up now, I look much better now than before.

However, the damage has been done, and I cannot easily let go of this past and say thank you.

A few days ago, my friend said to me: Someone committed suicide in her brother's high school. The child was very young, only 17 years old, and his grades were very good. He was among the best in his grade, and he even hoped to be admitted to Tsinghua University and Peking University.

But in the end, the person left.

Of course I admit that this child is mentally fragile, and I certainly admit that this child is so ignorant.

However, when I heard my friend say to me: Do you know? This child who committed suicide was actually really unattractive, so he kept studying hard, but it seemed to be of no use. Many people looked at his face and assumed that he was not good. They laughed at him intentionally or unintentionally, and finally crushed him.

I am really heartbroken. You still have a bright future, why should you punish yourself for your abuser?

However, I was even more angry. Every time you made a joke without a bottom line, every time you insulted his appearance, you were stabbing him, and in the end, you drove him to death.

Do you feel uneasy when you wake up from a dream at midnight?

5

Even at the end of writing, I still dare not say the last sentence to you: These pains will eventually pass.

The reason why pain is called pain is precisely because it is continuous.

Its damage is never just a scar.

Some injuries last a lifetime. There are some shadows that you may never be able to get rid of in this life.

However, I still want to say something to these girls and boys who are troubled by their appearance:

You are just a little different from others.

You are beautiful, and you are beautiful in my heart.

It's really not your fault.

So don’t say you’re sorry.

As for those who commit violence, Voltaire once said: Under the avalanche, no snowflake is innocent.

In fact, the most indispensable thing in this world is retribution.