Can you give me some jokes?

1. Let’s go back. The hospital has 100 walls set up to prevent patients from escaping. Two mentally ill patients still want to escape from the hospital. Yu Yehei worked hard to climb over the wall. Go to the 30th wall. "Are you tired?" "No." So the two of them continued to turn outwards. Go to the 60th wall. "Are you tired?" "No." So the two of them continued to turn outwards until they reached the 99th wall. "Are you tired?" "Tired!" "Okay, let's turn back." 2. The blind man and the lame man *** rode a motorcycle, the blind man rode, and the lame man looked at the road. Nothing happened all the way. . After turning a corner, the lame man suddenly found a ditch on the road and shouted loudly: "Ditch! Ditch! Ditch!" The blind man became excited when he heard it, and then sang: "Ah lai, ah lai, ah lai..." As a result, the blind man He and the cripple fell into the ditch together with the car. 3. Miraculous side effects At a medical seminar, a physician announced that he had invented a miraculous new drug. Another doctor asked: "What disease is it used to treat?" "We don't have any diseases that can be cured by medicine." Another doctor asked: "What's so magical about it?" The physician was silent for a while. He said: "Its side effects can cause patients to lose short-term memory. Several patients have paid me three or four medical bills for this." All the doctors participating in the discussion stood up and applauded warmly. 4. It tastes great. A Hollywood director decided to give his mother a birthday present. He heard that there was a little bird that could speak 12 languages ??and sing 10 famous songs. He immediately decided to buy the bird as a gift to his mother. For this reason, he spent 50,000 US dollars. On the second day of his mother’s birthday, he One day, he called his mother, "What do you think of this bird, Mom?" His mother replied happily: "It tastes great." 5. Humorous Little Dictionary Kidnapping: I cover your eyes quietly; Heart Sickness: You are the eternal pain in my chest; Schadenfreude: When the old cat was kicked out by his owner, the mouse came out to see him off; Killing with a borrowed knife: It is about a robber who was so poor that he didn’t even have a knife; Generation gap: He has just adapted to his son With his long hair, he shaved his head again; Apple: its most glorious moment was when it hit Newton on the head; 6. Never talk to a parrot. One evening, Cindy came home from work and started cooking as usual. dinner. But she discovered that the drain pipe in the kitchen sink seemed to be blocked, so she called William, the plumber, hoping that he could help repair it. William agreed immediately and said he would go to Cindy's house tomorrow afternoon to have a look. Since it was during Cindy's working hours, Cindy told him: "I will put the key under the door mat and you can come in by yourself. I have an Akita dog and it is very well-behaved. You don't have to worry. In addition, I also have a parrot, which is a troublesome guy. No matter what it says to you when you come in. Remember, don’t talk to the parrot.” Although he was full of doubts, he still said yes. The next afternoon, William arrived at Cindy's house on time, walked in and started repairing the kitchen sink. The dog was very well-behaved, neither barking nor aggressive. The parrot kept talking and shouting at him noisily. At first, William remembered Cindy's instructions and ignored it, but the parrot kept screaming. After a while, William finally couldn't stand it anymore, and he yelled at the parrot: "Shutup! You big stupid bird!" The parrot was stunned for a moment, and William thought his yelling had some effect. Then, I heard the parrot imitating Cindy's voice and saying: "Doggy! Go bite him!" Then I heard a burst of screams coming from the kitchen. 7. Mosquito competition. There were three mosquitoes showing off their flying skills. They farted for a long time and were so noisy that they couldn't tell the winner, so they decided to "show off" each other.

The British mosquito was the first to attack. It flew towards a frog and circled around it several times. When it came back, it saw that the frog's tongue was tied in a slip knot. He said proudly: "I'm telling you! In my hometown, if there wasn't this The American mosquito sneered twice: "Humph! It's nothing!" So he flew to the two frogs and went back and forth between them several times. When he came back, the two frogs' tongues It formed a knot, and he said stinkingly: "Huh! In my hometown, this is how you have to survive!" The Chinese mosquito replied disdainfully: "You are kidding! We have never seen such poor technology in our hometown!" UK The American mosquito was very unconvinced and said, "How capable do you think you are?" So the Chinese mosquito flew to a group of frogs and shuttled among them several times. When he came back, he saw the frogs' tongues clasped together, and they It became a "Chinese knot". 8. A warning that money is not everything, and sometimes credit cards are needed; Everyone should love animals, especially cooked ones; Save water and try to take a bath with your girlfriend; Love your neighbor with your heart, but don’t let her My husband knows; behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there are two; No matter how happy a single man is, he will get married sooner or later, and happiness is not permanent; Smart people are all unmarried, and it is difficult for married people to become smart again; Success is a related term, He will bring you many irrelevant relatives; Don’t wait until tomorrow to make excuses for failing to pay the job, find it today; Love is like a photo, it requires a lot of darkroom time to cultivate; The child in the back seat will give birth to Accidents, accidents in the back seat will give birth to a child; Your dreams now determine your future, so just sleep a little longer; There should be a better way to start the day instead of waking up every morning; Hard work won't kill you, but I won't prove it myself; Work is so fun, especially watching other people work; God decides who your relatives are, and luckily He leaves you some leeway in choosing your friends. ; The state of two people is unstable, but three people are! Clothing is like barbed wire, it prevents you from acting rashly but does not prevent you from watching; the more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. Why learn it? ! 10. Broken Skull Two prisoners were chatting in the cell. A asked B: "Are you married?" B: "I was married twice, but both wives died." A: "How did you die?" B: "The first wife ate poisonous mushrooms." A: "What about the second one?" B: "Died from a ruptured skull." A: "That's terrible. What happened?" B: "She refused to eat poisonous mushrooms." 1. Snakes, ants, Spider and Centipede are playing mahjong at home. After 8 laps, the cigarette was finished. Let's discuss who should buy cigarettes. The snake said: I have no legs, I won't go, let the ants go. The ant said: The spider has eight legs, which are more than mine. Let the spider go. The spider said: No matter how many legs I have, I can't compare to the centipede. Let the centipede go. The centipede was helpless and thought: There is no way, who let me have more legs? So Centipede went out to buy cigarettes... More than an hour later, Centipede didn't come back. Two hours later, Centipede didn't come back to buy cigarettes. So everyone asked Spider to go out and take a look. As soon as Spider went out, he saw Centipede sitting at the door. Spider was very angry and asked: Why don't you go? Everyone is waiting. Centipede was also anxious and said: Nonsense! You have to wait until I put on my shoes! ! There is a lunatic asylum. One day, the dean wanted to see how many people had recovered from their illness. I asked the nurse to draw a large door on the wall. I saw every patient hitting the wall like crazy. The dean was very disappointed. Suddenly he saw that only one patient was indifferent.

The dean was very happy and hurriedly ran over and asked him: "Don't you want to go out with them?" The patient replied: "These idiots, I have the key here!" "A warship was sailing on the sea. One night, a sailor suddenly noticed a light in the distance. He immediately reported to the captain: "Report to the captain, there is a ship not far away heading towards us. If we don't change the course, , we are about to collide!" Upon hearing this, the captain immediately called, "Call, call! I am the captain, please immediately move your ship's channel 10 degrees eastward!" The other party replied: "Call, call! Please! Move 10 degrees westward!" Captain: "I am a warship, you dare to ask me to move!" The other party immediately said: "Test! I am a lighthouse, if you have the guts, why don't you try to hit it?" American soldiers received a reward from Bush Order: Capture an Iraqi soldier and you'll get $100,000! So Michelle and Yuri began searching near Baghdad. After a few days of hard work, the two of them were exhausted and fell asleep while lying on the ground. When Michelle woke up, he found that they were surrounded by more than 500 armed Saddam Hussein and guards. He hurriedly pushed Yuri awake and shouted: "Get up, we are going to make a fortune!" A: Is your talking parrot still alive? B: Oh, don’t mention it. I didn’t expect it to die within a week of raising it. A: Died of illness? B: No, it competed with my wife in talking, until it died of exhaustion. In junior high school, a mathematics teacher was talking about equation transformations. He rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted loudly: Attention, students! I'm going to transform! 9