Chapter 1 1 How to deal with foreigners with courtesy and restraint

Today, tens of millions of China people go abroad and tens of millions of foreigners come to China every year. China people's contact with the world can be said to have reached an unprecedented depth and breadth.

But through long-term observation, I found that not everyone in China can properly deal with foreigners, which includes both language communication and behavior. For example, some friends who travel abroad sleep on benches on the side of the road and snore loudly in public because of fatigue after visiting scenic spots. Another example is talking loudly in the narrow elevator car of the hotel. Another example is that you can't pick your teeth correctly when eating, which makes people around you look askance ... and your image is discounted in the eyes of foreigners.

In fact, many times, some "mistakes" we unconsciously make abroad are more related to a habit than to really care about our image. Then, how can we properly play our role in foreign-related exchanges?

Details win: daily etiquette norms

In recent years, a book entitled "Details Decide Success or Failure" is very popular in China. It is about the decisive role of seemingly insignificant details in success. The same is true when dealing with foreigners. The collision of different cultures is like a huge glacier hidden under the sea level, which is invisible and intangible. If you are not careful, you will "hit the rocks."

As the saying goes, when communicating with foreigners, we must be cautious, deeply understand the cultural connotation, values and psychological characteristics hidden behind superficial phenomena, and pay attention to every detail.

Foreign communication needs to follow four basic principles: respect, sincerity, appropriateness and efficiency.

respect

When you help people who are inconvenient to go up and down stairs, it is a kind of respect; When you send a cup of coffee to a colleague who works overtime until late at night, it is also a kind of respect; When you go to a concert in a formal suit, it is also a kind of respect. Respect for others is the basis of all etiquette norms.

Wu Jianmin, the former Chinese ambassador to France, is a diplomat whom I respect very much. When I was the director of the office of the Chinese Embassy in France,

I learned a lot from Ambassador Wu. He has talked to me many times about the importance of mutual respect, equality and mutual benefit in foreign exchanges, and often tells everyone how to express respect in foreign exchanges with his own personal experience. Ambassador Wu told such a story in the book Communication.

Premier Zhou's warm hospitality

When Premier Zhou Enlai receives foreign guests, he always arrives ahead of time, and invites foreign guests after all China receptionists arrive. On one occasion, Premier Zhou received foreign guests in the Great Hall of the People. Comrades from the Protocol Department of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs reported to the Prime Minister that all the China hosts had arrived. Can we call the foreign guests? On hearing this, the Prime Minister immediately criticized: "What do you mean by' call' is' please'!" The differences in expression of words show respect for guests.

In addition, every time he meets a foreign guest, Premier Zhou will greet him at the door of the living room, and he will feel very cordial as soon as he enters the door. When eating, the Prime Minister always asks for food for the guests first, and then for himself, which is very respectful to people.

When expressing respect, avoid embarrassing the other person. I remember that twenty years ago, shortly after I joined the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, I made a mistake in translating a very important place at a meeting because of my inexperience. A colleague sitting next to me didn't raise an objection loudly, but gently corrected the moderator of the China meeting, and I was grateful to him for a long time afterwards.

Equality and sincerity are the premise of respect. In the diplomatic field, all countries are equal, and mutual respect, equality and mutual benefit are the basic principles; In personal life, respect is the basic requirement of politeness; In business communication, respect is a prerequisite for establishing modern business relations. To learn to express respect, we must know how to express praise and gratitude in an appropriate way at the right time.

Express praise

There is a slang in Chinese called "wearing a top hat", which means deliberately praising or even flattering each other to please others, and some people ridicule it as "wearing a top hat"

Le ". It can be seen that since ancient times, people like to listen to good words and are willing to be praised.

Especially in modern society, everyone is under great pressure in work and life, and they are more eager to be recognized by others. Whether it's a new hairstyle, new clothes, or a task successfully completed overnight, words of praise will make people feel exhausted, concerned and encouraged, and then redouble their efforts.

Praise is a very lethal weapon, which can be used by friends, colleagues and superiors. Especially in western countries, it is not advisable to "love you in your heart". Express your affirmation and encouragement to others in time, let them know your approval, and you will also find that you have benefited as much as the people you praised.

When expressing praise, you must be sincere, not exaggerated or hypocritical, otherwise it will only backfire. If the other person is not dressed properly, he (she) seems to realize it, but you keep praising him (her) for his temperament and beauty. Unless you really think so, it will only make the other person more sad and think you are being sarcastic on purpose. If you really need to express your opinions, it is better to express your true thoughts euphemistically, which will help you to think that it is more suitable for dressing like this. This will not make the other person feel too embarrassed, but also help him (her) avoid making similar mistakes again, and let the other person feel your heartfelt concern.

When complimenting others, look them in the eye, smile and have a gentle tone. In addition, praise must be moderate and enough is enough. "Your tie is very nice." "What you said at the meeting just now was really great." A few short words and a sincere smile can make the other person laugh. But if you "nag" repeatedly, it's a bit too much, and the other party will wonder if you have ulterior motives.

There is a joke about praise that is widely circulated.

What is the beauty of the bride?

A couple invited a foreign friend in China to their wedding. When toasting, foreign friends praised the bride in front of the groom and said, "Your bride is really beautiful." The groom politely replied, "Where! Where! " Originally, this is a social expression that China people often use to express modesty, but suddenly it confuses foreign friends who are not proficient in Chinese, thinking that the groom is asking himself, "Where is the bride beautiful?" In desperation, he had to blush and answer: "It looks good everywhere!" The bride and groom, including other China people present, couldn't help laughing.

In the face of praise, traditional China people should say a few words of courtesy no matter how happy they are. This kind of "insincerity" will make jokes when you meet foreigners who don't know China's "national conditions". But now such a situation is rare. In China, most people smile and say "thank you" politely when they are praised.

If you are praised, you must accept all the compliments from others. Especially in foreign countries, if someone praises you, "The color of your tie is very beautiful, which goes well with your suit." Whether you really think so or not, you'd better answer with a smile: "Thank you." The most terrible answer is: "Do you really think so? I think there is something wrong with this color. Since my wife gave me this tie, I have little chance to wear it. " This is tantamount to denying the eyes and taste of compliments, which will make the other party feel ashamed and affect the relationship between the two sides.

In short, remember, in the face of praise from others, never deny it, let alone say discouraging words, which will make the other person feel embarrassed and embarrassed.

Express gratitude

Many times, we need to express our gratitude to others: when others get your registered letter back; When someone opens the door for you or holds the elevator door; When someone praises you; When someone gives you a gift; When someone gives you way or a seat. ...

There are many ways to express gratitude, and saying "thank you" immediately is the most direct and effective, especially in the short contact and communication with strangers in daily life. A simple "thank you", a kind look and a knowing smile can convey sincere thanks and make people who provide services or help feel comfortable.

Diplomats tell you

After receiving the gift

In China, people usually thank each other in person after receiving gifts, and then take them back intact and open them when there are no outsiders. This practice often puzzles foreigners: Don't China people like our gifts?

Westerners will open the gift package in front of the giver and express their joy and happiness in person. This makes some people in China wonder: do foreigners not trust the gifts we send, and do they have to check them on the spot?

Between people of different cultural backgrounds, it is really easy to get to know each other but difficult to know each other. China people pay attention to practicality and preciousness when giving gifts. The more they respect each other, the more expensive the gift is. Westerners pay attention to "courtesy is light and affection is heavy", even a small card will be painstakingly given a beautiful package.

Differences in internal culture lead to differences in external behavior. If you can't communicate more and understand more, it is easy to misunderstand. This is what we need to be extra careful when dealing with foreign friends.

People in China don't have the habit of writing thank-you notes, but it is very common abroad. Thank-you letters include cards, letters and emails. After someone invites you to dinner or gives you a gift, in addition to thanking you in person, it will leave a better impression on the other party if you can make a phone call, send a thank-you card or send an email afterwards. Nowadays, the means of communication is so convenient that it is also a good choice to send text messages by mobile phone.

sincere

The most important thing in interpersonal communication is sincerity, and so is it between countries. Only sincerity can have credibility and win the respect of the international community.

honest

The first meaning of sincerity is honesty.

It is hypocritical and short-sighted to always tell lies and do things against your will like wearing a mask.

Foreigners are also afraid of being "slaughtered"

Many foreign friends told me that when they were traveling in China, some taxi drivers deliberately took a detour to "kill customers" when they saw that their customers were foreigners. When shopping in tourist attractions, vendors often ask high prices. What is even more frightening is that things bought at high prices are often worthless, which makes people angry. I am also in distress situation when I hear such words. In fact, this situation does not only happen to foreigners?

In recent years, China tourists have been "cheated" by local people because they don't know the way or the goods. Has the frequency of occurrence decreased?

The phenomenon of "cheating customers" is an extreme reflection of people's insincerity, and it also highlights the shortsightedness of "cheating customers"-unless you make up your mind to "make a profit and run", even if you gain economic benefits for a while and your image is damaged after being discovered, customers are no longer willing to patronize, which is tantamount to "picking up sesame seeds and losing watermelon" in the long run. If you do this to foreign friends, it will even affect the international image of Chinese people and discredit the country. Comparatively speaking, taking that little advantage is really putting the cart before the horse, not worth the candle.

The hosting of the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games has given the world another precious opportunity to know about China, and it is also a good opportunity for us to show our elegance to the world. Maybe you don't speak English well, maybe you don't eat much western food, maybe you don't know much about the customs of other countries, but as long as you can treat foreign friends from all directions sincerely, your sincerity and love will build a bridge of friendship and show the world our great country style.

Keep one's promise/promise

The second meaning of sincerity is to keep your promise.

Idioms such as "intrigue" and "all is fair in war" are often used to describe the cold and fierce business competition, but do you really want to win by "cheating" in both business operation and personal career? Look at those century-old shops that can stand the test of time and market, all of which are models of integrity; And those enterprises that betray their faith and deceive consumers are mostly short-lived, either punished by law or ruthlessly eliminated by the market economy.

Enterprise management must be "honesty-oriented" and people should keep their promises. However, it is easier said than done. In real life, there are still some untrustworthy things.

When I was working in France, there was a high-tech park in Nice, where some well-known enterprises refused to accept visits from Chinese enterprises. Why?

The insincere delegation of China.

It turns out that many China delegations often ask for information and express their desire for cooperation when visiting the local area. The French, on the other hand, are more "sincere", and they will start preparations hopefully and wait for China's next move. As a result, as soon as our delegation left, there was no reply to any letter sent by the other party, and the matter went away.

More than one French friend has complained to me about similar things. Over time, the other side gradually thought that the China delegation lacked sincerity, so it was unwilling to receive the China delegation seriously.

Dealing with foreigners, although the cultural background is different, we can keep our promises, at least not bluffing. At this point, China people also have an easy mistake-"unpunctuality". There is a saying that "time is life". It can also be said that keeping the other party waiting is a waste of the other party's time-if it is because of traffic jams, you can check the road conditions and go out early; If it is an emergency, you should also inform the other party in advance and make an appointment to meet. If you can't even be on time, I'm afraid the other party will start to doubt your efficiency and sincerity in doing other things.

Of course, "not on time" is not good, and "too long in advance" will also bring trouble to the other party, and it is not popular abroad. In short, the agreed things should be done as planned, and vice versa.

appropriate

Appropriateness mainly means that words and deeds should be measured and consistent with one's identity and status. Of course, you should also dress appropriately (we will introduce it in detail in the next chapter). A person with a good external image and decent manners is a decent and polite person.

Diplomats tell you

Discordant applause

As many people know, in western countries, attending concerts is a very serious matter, and formal attire is needed to show respect for performers and art. Some China people go abroad to listen to concerts, and they also know some basic etiquette, such as wearing formal attire and not leaving the audience during the performance, but it is easy to make a fool of themselves in the details of applause.

In China, it is customary that the louder the applause, the more recognized the performer; You can applaud at any time as long as it is the climax or highlight of the performance. However, it is a foreign custom to applaud after a work, but not during a performance. Therefore, people who have no "experience" or don't know whether the performance is over or not will be considered ungrateful if they give "discordant" applause during the performance. The safest thing to do is not to rush to "take the lead" until everyone starts clapping.

In order to ensure the effect of the performance and protect the patent of the troupe, many countries prohibit the audience from taking pictures during the performance. However, when watching a performance in China, it is occasionally found that there is a phenomenon of "flashing lights" during the dinner, and a very small number of viewers frequently raise their cameras, regardless of whether it will affect the performers on the stage and other audiences around them. This kind of behavior is not desirable. You know, if you want to take photos, videos, recordings, especially live broadcasts, you must obtain the consent of the troupe in advance to enjoy the performances of literary and art groups abroad. In the process of music concerts and performances, you can't add lights at will because of taking pictures.

Can you talk?

If we say that we won't applaud at the concert and take photos at will at the performance, this is inappropriate mainly because we are ignorant of foreign cultural habits and don't do our homework in advance. In addition, there is another kind of inappropriateness, which comes from our failure to put ourselves in a correct position, and the consequences are much more serious.

Makes people laugh and cry.

After a provincial delegation visited the project in France and visited the other party's engineering facilities, the French representative invited the main leaders of the Chinese delegation to say a few words to the French workers present.

At that time, it was on an outdoor construction site under the scorching sun, and the workers temporarily stopped what they were doing and got together to listen. This kind of impromptu speech should generally be concise, but as soon as the leader opens his mouth, he begins with "Dear XXX", and then goes to China and France for a long history and friendly cooperation, and talks about the significance of this visit to promoting exchanges between the two countries. He spoke for more than forty minutes at once, making the translator sweat and let him be present.

In what position, speak appropriately. Just a provincial delegation, it can't be said to represent China; Just improvise, don't take up too much time, and "do it quickly"; More importantly, when you are abroad, you should consider the thinking habits of foreigners, and you can't take it for granted that the other party will understand and be willing to listen to what you say.

For example, in France, it is best not to talk about France's long history and glorious tradition. The French certainly know this better than you, and you may not speak it better than them. China people can understand things like "before liberation", "after reform and opening up" and "after the 16th National Congress", but foreigners have no idea at all and don't know what you are talking about. Therefore, if a certain time point must be involved, it is best to express it directly with a specific year.

Similar to the speech made by the head of the China delegation, I have heard it several times abroad. Maybe you didn't notice this detail, so I want to put it here. I hope you will think clearly before you speak in the future, and don't come with your mouth open.