Classic jokes and great wisdom

Laugh at your parents' jokes and wonderful jokes. I'll arrange them below for your entertainment.

A hilarious dad with superb life skills.

1. Since Dad learned to use WeChat, the whole family is in it. He gives out red envelopes at six o'clock every morning on time! If you dare to rob, I'll call you right away! Stop talking. It's time to get up!

2. Me: Mom. I want to go out with a woman.

Mom: OK. Take this thousand dollars. Dafangdian

To the appointed place, WeChat: Come on, baby.

Then I saw a familiar figure floating in and took a closer look. It was my dad! ! ?

Me: Dad, why are you here? How did you know I was here?

Dad: Silly boy, give me half the money. I don't know what cigarettes taste like for half a month.

Me: No, I have an appointment with a net friend!

Dad: Don't be silly. That woman's micro-signal is my trumpet plus yours.

Holy shit. . . What a big game of chess!

3, a friend, in a bad mood at night, his father knew, said: in a bad mood, go to eat hot pot.

My friend was very excited and went downstairs. Just three minutes after driving, his father asked him if he was in a good mood.

He nodded, and then his father silently turned and went home. . .

I sent a message to my dad that I was lovelorn. The next day, he called me and invited me to dinner. I asked him: Who are they?

Dad hesitated for a moment and said, just the two of us, I don't take your mother, you just fell in love, and I took my wife to fall in love in front of you, which is not good! ?

It's really dad. . . .

5. Son: Dad, when can I grow up?

Me: Tell me first whether you like winter or summer!

Son: In winter, it will snow in winter, which is very beautiful.

Me: Well, you will grow up if you like summer.

Laughing at parents' facial paralysis.

1. Dad's birthday is today. I just can't communicate with dad. Call mom:? Mom, why doesn't your husband answer my phone! ?

? Because my husband's family education is strict, he doesn't answer other women's calls casually! ?

2. Dad: Are you hungry after playing all day?

Daughter: A little.

Dad: Your mother will come back to cook soon.

Tell my sister that I have played bungee jumping, and my sister looks adored. In fact, the truth is that I cried and cried and dared not jump. My father personally pushed me down and shouted: all the money has been paid, and it is a waste not to jump. . .

The child is one year old. That day, I saw him squatting in bed, working hard. I walked over and saw my father come out. I gritted my teeth and reached for it. I almost washed the sheets!

5. My mother knew about lying. My mother said to me: I am a reasonable person. I don't hit people casually. Let me tell you why I can't lie. Have you heard the story of the wolf coming?

I hesitated: Well, I don't think I've heard of it before. ?

Mom immediately gave me a slap in the face: Never heard of it? I told you the first time you lied. ?

I buried my face and said, yes, I did. ?

Mom slapped me again: How dare you lie after listening to it?

It's terrible for women to be reasonable.

6. Today, the teacher said that the tuition fee should be 250 yuan. Since I want to get more money, I'll call my dad and say 300 yuan.

Only when I heard the other end of the phone, my father told my mother that the child's tuition fee was 1500. . .

This father is rich! !

They have a humorous mother.

1, I shouted: Mom, why is there no chicken in your chicken stewed mushrooms?

Dad shouted: Honey, there is no beef in the braised beef. ?

A voice came from the kitchen: shut up and enjoy your instant noodles! ?

2. I was a little emotional when I called my mother and talked about work. . .

Mom comforted me on the phone? You are the best girl in the world, be happy. ?

I said, mom, please add one more word. The phone paused and said, Look, you are the best girl in the world. Be happy. ?

Me. . .

Mom hangs up quickly, I am always ready to say the next sentence and then hang up. Today, I went home and complained to my mother whether I could hang up so soon. Sometimes you hang up before you finish talking!

Mom: I've finished my work before, but it's definitely not good to prevaricate later!

Me. . .

Mom: Put your boyfriend on the phone and I'll check it for you.

Daughter: OK, I'll give him the phone.

Mom: Maybe tomorrow. I am playing mahjong now.

5. I want to go shopping with my mother, and it takes a long time to make up.

My mother has been waiting by and suddenly said, it's all my fault. ?

I said doubtfully:? Mom, what happened to you?

Mom:? It's okay. If I had the ability to make you beautiful, I wouldn't need you to make up so hard. ?

Me. . .

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