Comedy script

(Funny) The Great Plays of Sleeping Beauty

Once upon a time, there was a queen and a king. The king and queen have never had children.

Queen: Well, we have been married for many years and still have no children. It's so sad.

King: Yes, yes, no children, no heir to the throne. Without an heir to the throne, my descendants can't continue to be emperors. If my descendants can't inherit the emperor, then others will inherit the throne. If others inherit the throne, then our royal blood will no longer be pure. If our royal blood is no longer pure, then ..

Queen: I have nothing to say.

King: Really, we have no children! Ah, why don't we have children? Ah, why don't we have children? Ah, why don't we have a baby?

Queen, stop complaining! You forget that we are all vegetarians, how can we have children!

King: Ah, ah, ah, really.

Why don't they have children? It turns out that this king is a woman and that queen is also a woman. So they can't have children. When they couldn't have children, they were very sad, so one day, the queen sat on the bed and ate bananas, but while eating, the bananas got stuck in her throat. The queen was scared to death, drank water desperately and finally swallowed them. I didn't know heaven had eyes. Three years later, the queen was pregnant, which was really amazing!

One day, the king was fishing by the river. The queen was bored and wanted to talk to the king, but the king just ignored her. So the queen began to find a topic. ..

Queen: Ah, dear, what are you doing?

King: No eyes? I am fishing.

Queen: Ah, really? You are so handsome!

King: ......

silent

Queen: Oh, dear, it's a beautiful day today, isn't it?

King: ......

silent

Queen: Oh, honey, you have a mosquito on your face!

King: ......

silent

Queen: Oh, honey, look, look, I have a waist, too!

King: ......

silent

Queen: Oh, dear, I have to go to the toilet. What should I do?

King: ......

silent

Queen: Oh, honey, there is a vending machine! Well, they also sell condoms. Go and have a look. ..

King: ......

silent

Queen: Oh, dear, the baby is kicking my stomach!

King: Don't be bored. You've only been discovered for three or four days. How can a child kick you in the stomach?

Queen: but ... but, I think I'm going to have a baby soon!

King: I don't think that's possible. This will be more than nine months.

Queen: But ... But, ... Ah! My stomach, it hurts! ..

Doctor Tai suddenly came out from the side and felt his pulse: Ah, king, the queen is about to give birth. Please prepare the venue immediately. Let's go to the morgue. Midwives are all booked. Now only Meng Po is left. It's a bad idea, but it's better than nothing. Get out!

King: What an exaggeration! It is said that life is born. ...

So our lovely sleeping beauty was born! Sleeping beauty's biggest hobby is taking selfies and introducing herself to others. ...

Sleeping Beauty: Ah, hello, everyone. I am the legendary sleeping beauty, extremely beautiful, charming, in love with the country, loved by everyone, blooming everywhere, arrogant, scaring the buffaloes on the roadside ... Oh, I put my foot in my mouth. In fact, I am a very shy person, and others say I am beautiful. In fact, I am really beautiful. With my fair skin, it is a pity not to advertise softer. My father is our king Mr. XX, and my mother is Doraemon's sister, Doraemon B, hehe. Everyone says I'm beautiful when they see me. It's embarrassing. My hobby is sleeping on the lawn, but I haven't even told my parents about it. HOHOHOHOHOHOHO ~ Kuang! (Someone hit the princess with a bottle)

Minister, wipe your sweat with a handkerchief: I'm sorry, everyone. This is our new maid. She may be mentally stimulated. Then I dragged the sleeping beauty back. ..

Fairy 1: (clears throat) I'll give it to the princess ...

Fairy 2: I gave the princess the same wisdom as me!

Narrator: Hey, 3X7= How much?

Fairy 2: 22!

The king is sweating-make a prop and stick it on his forehead.

Fairy 1 (clears her throat again): I'll give it to the princess ...

Fairy 3: I gave the princess the same tenderness as me (starts to laugh wildly)

Everyone present was sweating, and Wang's veins stood out.

Fairy 1 (finally clears her throat again): I'll give it to the princess ...

The witch broke in. I can't stand you disgusting people, especially that beautiful woman. Get out. Don't let me see you again. I'll kill you! ! ! One finger at a time, one finger at a time, is the only one.

They looked helplessly at the little sleeping beauty and smiled insidiously.

Witch (angry, raising her arm to let the sun shine) Ah, ah, ah. Everything is gone. ...

After his words, the three fairies began to beat the witch. ...

Fairy 1: Ah, we didn't mean to. Don't blame us when we die.

Fairy 2:9494, remember, to get back at Sleeping Beauty, in fact, we can't stand her because she has no breasts and no figure since she was a child. ..

Fairy 3: Shut up and keep fighting!

Finally, the witch was beaten half to death, dragged down and shouted:

Remember ~ ~ ~ Ah, don't delay so fast, I'm going to curse the princess ... hmm! ? It's too late to talk now. Read your own book.

Narrator: (Cough) Have you seen this sleeping beauty? Have you seen it? I'd better tell you more The witch said, Ha ha ha ha, the princess will be infected by my resentment and die. ...

Queen: Take out your wand and get ready to use the Abada Death Curse. ..

You are a Millennium monster. You crave a cigarette! ? See if I don't cramp you today! !

Fairy 3: Your Majesty, don't get excited. I still have blessings to send (really clearing my throat for the last time).

Fairy 3: It's finally my turn. It's finally my turn, queen. The princess will not die. She just fell asleep ... (interrupted by the king)

King: Who hasn't seen Sleeping Beauty? Isn't she awakened by the prince after a hundred years' sleep? Really not creative! Fairy 3 bites her handkerchief and complains about the king.

Nothing in the fairy tale has changed. Sleeping beauty grew up in this gorgeous way, but no matter how the king and queen took precautions, sleeping beauty finally fell down. Why did she fall? Look again 15 years ago.

Specific date

Captain Soldier: Report! ! Country, king, status, status, status ...

King: What are you doing? Did the queen cough or did the princess catch a cold? Women are trouble.

Captain soldier: aren't you a woman? (The king glared) Oh, oh, the thing is, just now, Xiao Bing A stood guard at the city gate. He saw a strange woman loitering there and decided to go with Xiao Bing B. Then soldier B asked the woman who she was, and the woman refused to say, so soldier A asked her, but she still refused to say. She said they wouldn't believe her, so I asked her myself. I'm implying, step by step, tireless. ...

King (angry): Get to the point!

Captain soldier: the point is! There is a woman who claims to be your nurse at the door to see you.

The king burst into tears and rushed to the gate. More than 20 years! ! Mammy, I came to see you ...

Mammy: Oh, my baby, why are you here? Have you forgotten your vows of eternal love?

King: Mammy, we are all young.

Mammy: I know you abandoned me for the queen.

Wang thought, decades have changed a lot, and wet nurses have become like this. What a declining world. ..

King: No, Mammy, actually I have a request today. Can you help me?

Mammy: Requirements? Well, unless you stay with me for one night and fulfill my long-cherished wish in my life.

King: Hmm. ...

The king has been drinking human milk all night ...

King: Actually, I hope you can help me raise this child, and I will let you spend the rest of your life comfortably.

Mammy: OK, but I hope my upper body is comfortable.

After the king left ...

Mammy: Ha ha ha ha, this stupid idiot … put his daughter in my hands! ! Ha ha laugh ..

The nurse skinned her face. Witch: Let me take good care of you, and I will let you die until you are 16 years old.

The first sentence that Sleeping Beauty said: Damn, I have put up with you for a long time …

Finally, witches can't compete with Sleeping Beauty. 16 years old, she said, go to sleep, in fact, I am not your wet nurse.

Sleeping Beauty: What, go to hell!

Witch: No, you should die according to the plot. Otherwise, I can't die.

Sleeping Beauty: OK, I promise.

So Sleeping Beauty pretended to sleep, and she turned over several times and fell down.

The witch died laughing, and Sleeping Beauty overslept.

The place where she fell suddenly changed from a milk bedroom to her favorite lawn. As for how the scene changed, ask the director.

Queen: Ah, my lovely daughter, why did you go there just now? ..

King: Oh, honey scared me!

Fairy 3 appeared: Don't be afraid, the princess is just asleep, waiting for the call of the magical prince. Then he will wake up. Time will soon pass. Go to sleep, too

Say that finish, there are many thorns everywhere, and everyone is asleep!

Time flies (haha, I'm afraid of who), and the prince finally comes ... The prince can't pull out his sword, so he has to touch his hair awkwardly.

Little brother 1: Oh, this handsome little brother, what are you busy with ~

Brother 2: That's, that's, so dark. Let me stay with you.

The prince swallowed: can you do this? Shouldn't you be hitting me? As a witch man, why don't you have any consciousness?

Little brother 1: Who really made it with live ammunition these days?

Little brother 2:9494.

Prince: Huh? !

Little brother 1: Think about it, that sleeping beauty has been lying in thorns for so long, maybe she has become an old woman. Isn't it unfair that you kissed her?

Little brother 2:9494

Prince: That makes sense.

Little brother 1: Look at us, this magnificent appearance, do you want us or that bitch?

Little brother 2:9494

Prince: I ... er ... I miss you. ..

Director's appearance: Ka, the prince should be serious, you two extras stop fooling around and go on!

As soon as the director finished speaking, the two younger brothers fell down in unison. The prince watched piteously and walked into the thorn pile: Oh, I hope God can protect me from my mother.

The thorn said, Prince, let me soothe your lonely heart.

Prince: Ladies, I will accompany you when I finish the plot. Wait for me!

Finally, the prince saw the sleeping beauty, and as expected, he kissed it with phlegm in his mouth. As soon as he approached, Sleeping Beauty woke up with a yawn. Sleeping Beauty: Ah, what a comfortable sleep, huh? When is the evening? Why didn't the nurse die and become a man? Technology is really changing with each passing day.

The prince was frightened: I'm not a wet nurse, I'm …

Sleeping Beauty: What, you are not a wet nurse. Who is that new guy who worships me so much? Ok, shall I take some photos for you, or shall I sign tens of thousands of signatures for you to make you rich? That won't do, I'll be very tired ... (after three days and two nights)

The prince turned over several times and fell down. Sleeping Beauty: Ah, Prince, how can you be so dizzy and imitate my movements! ! Since you admire me so much, I'll show you my new work. Well, uh, no, you fainted. Who kissed me? Can someone wake the prince? Ah, why is there no one? Ah, why is there no one? .................................................................................................................................................................................., I fell asleep.