Classic joke?

A patient came to see a psychiatrist.

Patient: I always thought I was a bird.

Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start?

Patient: Because I am a bird.

(2)

A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient, What would you do if I cut off one of your ears?

The patient replied, then I can't hear you.

The doctor listened: mm-hmm. This is normal.

The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again?

The patient replied, then I won't watch it.

The doctor began to get nervous: how could it not be seen?

The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off.

(3)

There are two mental patients who escaped from the hospital.

They ran and climbed a tree.

One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled.

Then he looked up and said to the man above, Hey … Why don't you come down …?

The man above answered him: No ... OK ... Ah. ...

I'm not familiar with it ...

(4)

There is an old lady in a mental hospital, who wears black clothes and holds a black umbrella every day and squats in a mental hospital.

At the gate of the yard.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor also wore black clothes, took a black umbrella and squatted there with her.

The two men were silent for a month.

The old lady finally said to the doctor, I'm sorry. ...

Are you a mushroom, too

(5)

A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called a meeting of the patients in the hospital at the meeting.

The dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone should go to the door to meet them. Zaihuan

When greeting, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. As soon as I cough, everyone plays drums together.

Palm, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready,

We can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, everyone has no buns to eat. Remember.

have you finished? "The patients in the audience shouted together:" Remember! "

This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the popular patient was already standing at the door.

At that time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Visiting leaders

Infected by the warm atmosphere and with a smile on his face, he applauded and walked into the hospital with everyone. See the leader has entered the doctor.

When the hospital director stamped his foot, all the applause stopped and it was neat. Only this leader is still playing drums with a smile.

The dean felt very satisfied when he walked forward. Suddenly, a disease as strong as Schwarzenegger appeared in the welcome crowd.

Man, strode to the leader, swung round and gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily, "You don't want it?"

Have you ever eaten steamed stuffed bun? ! ! ! "

6)

Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office and went back to the ward. Ask B, "What do you think of the novel I recently finished?" ?

B looked at it and replied, "Yes, yes. However, there are just a few more roles. "

Then the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me!" "

(8)

Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time, and their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you

One person is ill, and the other person takes him to the hospital at once. "

Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Oh, no, Mr. B started this morning."

Started crawling in my toilet, not that he was my toilet. "

"Quick, send him here quickly!"

A gentleman was silent for a moment. "So ... I don't have a toilet?"

(9)

In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day.

One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?"

The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's wrong with you? Didn't you see it was an empty fish tank? " ? "

( 10)

There is a mental hospital where many mental patients live.

One day, the dean was there, and in order to see the patient's recovery, he thought of a way. For these patients,

The caller said, come and draw a door on the wall, and then said, "Today, one of you can open this door."

Go home. "

Hearing this, the psychopaths swarmed around the door of the painting. The dean was very disappointed, and then he

I found a patient still sitting in his original position, feeling ok, so I went forward and asked, "Why don't you open it?"

Door? "

He looked at what the dean said and made the dean laugh and cry.

The patient secretly told the dean, "I have the key here." "

( 1 1)

Patients in psychiatric departments in hospitals usually have a worship complex for medical students or nurses.

One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor. ...

Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me?

Dr. Lan pondered for a long time.

Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you. ...

In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. )

Female patient: Dr. Lan, you mean you don't love me anymore?

Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm … hmm … hmm …

Female patient: Nothing … I love Dr. Chen …

( 12)

A new nurse in a mental hospital. This woman is new. She saw a patient wandering around an ancient well in the hospital.

The mouth reads: "13, 13, ..." The little nurse is very strange and can't figure out what this "13" means.

After several days of continuous observation, this is the case. She always wanted to go forward and ask the truth, but she was afraid of the patient's attack and never dared.

One day, the little nurse finally couldn't hold back her curiosity, walked slowly to the patient and looked into the well.

Hope. Suddenly, the patient hugged the nurse's leg, threw it down and began to read: "14, 14, ..."

( 13)

A patient roared, I am the dean, and you all have to listen to me! ! !

The attending doctor and nurse asked him: Who said that?

He replied: God said.

At this moment, a patient suddenly jumped out and said, I didn't say that!

( 14)

A patient went to see a doctor for the first time.

"Did you consult anyone about your illness before you came here?" The doctor asked.

"Just ask the owner of the drugstore around the corner," the patient replied.

Doctors hate that people who are not doctors often give medical advice, and he doesn't hide it.

Point: "What bad idea did that fool give you?"

"He asked me to come to you."

( 15)

In a mental hospital, a patient is writing a letter. When the nurse saw it, she asked him curiously.

Nurse: Who are you going to write to?

Patient: Write it to myself!

Nurse: Then what do you write?

Patient: You are mentally ill! I haven't received it. How do I know?

( 16)

Some psycho got a pistol from somewhere. He walked in a black alley. Suddenly I met a young man. Without saying anything, the psycho pressed him to the ground and pointed a gun at his head! Question: What is 1 1=? The young man was frightened! Meditation for a long time ~ trembling answer: equal to 2 ```? That psycho shot him without hesitation! Then I pulled the gun in my arms and said coldly, you know too much.

( 17)

One day, in a mental hospital, a patient was lying in bed singing and singing, only to see him lying and singing. At this time, it was really good. A doctor came up to him and asked him, "Why are you lying down and singing well?" The patient said, "You are so stupid. Think about it. Can't you sing side B after singing side A? "

( 18)

In order to prevent patients from escaping, the hospital set up a channel of 100, but there are still two mental patients who want to escape from the hospital. Work hard at night

Over the wall. Under the 30th wall,

"Are you tired?" ,

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 60th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"Not tired." So the two continued to turn outwards.

Under the 99th wall,

"Are you tired?"

"tired"

"Well, let's go home."