Someone gave me a few jokes, at least five or more.

Employee: Boss, I want to take a day off today.

Boss: Do you want to take a day off?

Employee: Yeah.

Boss: What else do you want from the company? There are 365 days and 52 weeks in a year. You have two days off every week, *** 104 days, and you have 26 1 day left to go to work, right?

Employee: Yeah.

Boss: You get off work every day 16 hours. If you subtract 174 days, there are still 87 days, right?

Employee: Yeah.

Boss: You spend at least 30 minutes surfing the Internet every day, which adds up to 23 days a year, leaving 64 days, right?

Employees: ..........

Boss: There are 64 days left; You spend 1 hour, 46 days, 18 days at lunch every day, right?

Employees:

Boss: Usually you take two sick days a year, so your working hours are only 16 days.

Employee: speechless

Boss: The company is closed for five holidays every year. You only work 1 1 day.

Employees: ..............

Boss: Every year, the company generously gives you 10 days holiday, so you will work 1 day.

Employees:

Boss: Do you want to take a day off?

Employee: I was wrong.

Step 2: Untitled

The sun shines in the sky and flowers smile at me.

The bird said, "Shit, shit, why are you carrying the explosive charge?"

I went to bomb the school, and the teacher didn't know.

As soon as I pull the porch, I will run! The school collapsed with a bang!

3. disgusting

There was a man who got airsick by plane and couldn't help vomiting. Ask the stewardess to bring a plastic bag quickly! ?

Unexpectedly, I was dizzy, and the plastic bag was full soon! ?

The stewardess said, "Please be patient, I'll change it!" " " ?

When the stewardess came back, she found that she had been vomited all over the floor! ?

The stewardess asked angrily, "What's the matter?" ?

The passenger said, "As soon as I saw that I was going to throw up, I took a sip at once. I didn't expect everyone else to throw up!"

4. Stupid threatening letter with stomachache.

Dear Mr x:

Maybe you will wonder how my son got mixed up like this and didn't come home for three days. I'm telling you, I have your son Please prepare1000000 yuan for me as soon as possible, or if there is still some, can you give me more? I'll be happy, too.

As for your son, I didn't bully him. He asked me to write in the letter that he actually likes my big brother. He said you were bald and stingy, and you didn't buy him toys. I bought some transformers for your son and gave him a bike. These are very expensive. In addition to the original ransom, I hope you will pay me 5000 48 yuan for these things.

But I think, although your son doesn't like you, as a father, you should still love your son. This is the truth of being a man and doing things, or to redeem the children. If you give me 1 ten thousand, I will let your son go, but if you don't, I don't know what to do, so please give me the money.

At this point, your son told me to segment. My education level is not high, and I don't know much about it. Your son also called me an idiot. I was angry and wanted to hit him, but I couldn't beat him. Your son spent too much money on me and said he didn't want to go back. This child is terrible, only ten years old. Could it be that your education method is incorrect, Mr. X, and you should pay more attention in the future?

By the way, it's all beside the point. Mr. X, what I want to say is that please call me when the redemption money is ready. My phone number at night is 2xxxx. If you can't find it, you can call my mobile phone. My mobile phone number is 09X9-2xOXXXXX, or you can ring the bell directly downstairs in my house. My address is X Building, X Lane, X Section of XX Road, XX County. I'll come down and get the money myself, and then I'll give you back the baby.

Well, I don't know what to write, because I don't know you and I don't have much to say. So, I wish you happiness in Donghai and a long life! That's it, bye!

Ps: By the way, your son is a pig head. He said he couldn't remember the exact address of your home at all. I'm afraid it will be sent by mistake. If the person reading the letter is not Mr. X, please give it to me! Thank you very much

Kidnapper y, go

5. The headmaster is crying! The reason why all teachers quit (super funny)

History teacher: Those students really can't teach. I ask questions in class.

Do you know who Wu Zetian is? The first classmate replied that she was not familiar with her, the second classmate replied that she was one of his netizens, the third classmate said that he had her QQ number and asked her after class ... Another classmate even took out his mobile phone and said that he would ask her out immediately.

Geography teacher: Look at their papers yourself. The top of five famous mountains in China is (Zhao Benshan), the most famous river is (Pan Changjiang), the coal in China is (black), and the iron in China is (hard). How can I attend class?

Chinese teacher: during class, a classmate was reading a magazine, so I confiscated his magazine and hit him on the head ... but when I turned to continue the class, his deskmate actually burst out laughing, which made the class impossible. I asked him why he was laughing. Do you know what he answered me? The boy took out a book from the drawer and said to me, "Teacher, it's a good thing you didn't find me reading, or you would kill me."

Math teacher: A classmate who has never failed in a unit exam can actually use his high school knowledge in his homework ... I asked him if he did this homework himself, and that classmate actually replied that I didn't know. Tell me what this is called. I kept asking him to tell me honestly who did it for him. Well, he had reason to answer, "Teacher, I really don't know who did this homework. To be honest, I went to bed early last night ... "

Physics teacher: Do you know how many classes I have taught, one clockwise and the other counterclockwise? Five classes! Yes, that's what I told them. I told them to look at their watches if they didn't understand. Wherever a clockwise hand goes, it is clockwise, and vice versa. However, if the whole class counts, it's either a mobile phone or an electronic watch ... I will teach them these two words for a semester unless I resign.

Biology teacher: I really don't want to go, but ... you know, I have a heart attack and can't stand being excited, but can I not be excited? Yesterday's unit exam, according to the requirements of the syllabus, I asked my classmates to look at the bird legs in the teaching pictures and write down the names and living habits of birds. But as soon as I said the content of the exam, one of my classmates stood up and walked out, shouting, "There are also such questions. I won't take the exam. " Do you think such students need education? I stopped him and asked him his name. He actually pulled his trouser leg and exposed his leg and said to me, "Come, look at my leg and write my name ..."

Art teacher: You know, I have just been assigned to this class. Yesterday in class, I heard several students shouting "beauty" as soon as I entered the door. Do you find it irritating? I am a teacher. How can they be so rude? ..... Yes, it was wrong for me to resign because they called me "beauty", but when I wanted someone to call me "beauty", those classmates shouted to me: "What are you looking at? I'm not calling you!"

I don't know if you find it funny.