A short joke

Sweat ~ ~ ~ true story, that boy has always been called "gun barrel" by us.

8.

At the temple fair, the barber quarreled with the seller of hot soup.

The master who shaved his head scolded: Do you sell a JB hot soup? !

The seller of Hu spicy soup refused to accept, scolding: You shave a JB head, are you awesome? !

So, the customer who was having a haircut stood up and kicked over the pot selling Hu spicy soup!

9.

China students had an accident on a foreign highway, and even people and cars jumped off a cliff. After the traffic police arrived, they shouted down:

"How are you?"

The foreign student replied, "I'm fine, thank you!" "

Then the traffic police left and the overseas students died.

10.

My daughter went to boarding school and gave me a potted plant and tropical fish before she left.

A week later, she called and I told her that the potted plant was dead.

After a while, I regret to tell her that the tropical fish also died.

She was silent for a while and asked, "What happened to dad?"

1 1.

Xiao Ming's father said to Xiao Ming: If you are good today, my father will take you to the market to watch others eat sugar.

12.

The customs officer stopped a passenger and asked him if he had anything to declare.

"No." The passenger replied.

"Are you sure you haven't?"

"Of course."

"What about the elephant with a piece of bread in your ear behind you?"

"Sir, what I put in the sandwich is entirely my own business!"

13.

During the basic training period of 13 weeks, the recruits slept on the hard ground and ate rations, so as soon as the training was over, they wanted to go home, sleep on a clean mattress and eat meals cooked by their mothers.

On the day he got home, the whole family gave him a warm welcome.

His mother said more cheerfully, we are going to go camping with the whole family to celebrate for you!

14.

Customer: "Waiter, can you explain the flies in my soup?"

The waiter bent down to look at it carefully and replied, "it's swimming, sir." It's swimming. "

15.

There is a four-story building, and a strange man lives on each floor.

The first floor likes to eat cucumbers, the second floor likes to dye the room green, the third floor likes to pee on the balcony, and the fourth floor likes to play with broadswords.

One day, the broadsword player on the fourth floor accidentally fell down, and it happened that the third floor wanted to pee, so it was cut, fell to the second floor, dyed green, fell to the first floor, and was finally eaten as a cucumber.

16.

The police caught a lobster thief at the seaside and prepared to impose a fine according to law …

M: What did you say? What law have I broken?

These two lobsters are my pets. I took them out for a walk!

Policeman: I'm too lazy to listen to your nonsense!

Man: Really, my Lord!

They like swimming in the sea. As soon as I whistle, I will swim back!

Policeman: I want to see this ~ so the man threw two lobsters in his hand into the waves …

Policeman: Well, I'll see how you can get your pet lobster back.

Man: Lobster? What lobster?

17.

A man was going to catch a boat, so he drove to the dock as fast as he could.

When he reached the dock, he saw that the ship had left the shore. As soon as he locked the door, he jumped into the boat at a speed of 100 meters. The whole action was done in one go without any pause.

His behavior frightened the whole ship.

The captain said strangely, sir … the ship hasn't landed yet …

18.

Q: Why do doctors wear masks when performing operations?

I'm afraid of being recognized after the accident.

19.

20.

In primary school, students in the class wrote some titles on paper, then folded the paper into planes and flew around the classroom.

Unfortunately, a paper plane was picked up by the class teacher, opened it and read: "Breast Health Care".

The class teacher was furious and began to investigate the source of the paper plane, and asked the students to check the handwriting one by one to see who wrote it.

The result of the investigation is that the class teacher thinks that A wrote it.

But A refused to admit it because he didn't write it.

After school, A was left behind. After 7 o'clock, under the teacher's repeated threats and inducements, A could not persist.

He said to the teacher, "teacher, I really didn't write the words on that paper." I wrote a complete sexual knowledge book. "

2 1.

The annual income is between 3 million and 10 million-you can buy any house outside the Second Ring Road;

The annual income is between 65,438+0,000-3,000,000-you can buy any house outside the Third Ring Road;

The annual income is between 300- 1 10,000-you can buy any house outside the Fourth Ring Road;

The annual income is between1.5-300,000-you can buy any house outside the Fifth Ring Road;

The annual income is between 8- 1.5 million-buy a house outside the Sixth Ring Road;

The annual income is less than 30 thousand-dig a hole and bury it casually!

Mop, how much do you earn?

22.

Take a taxi with friends to meet netizens.

When time is running out,

A friend pointed to an ugly girl not far away and said to the driver,

"See that woman?"

"See, stop here?"

"No, kill her! ! ! "

23.

After class is over, everyone is walking outside, and a buddy at the back sighs, "It's leucorrhea again today ..."

Everyone is amazed!

Two seconds later, I heard another word: "umbrella!" " "

24.

A driver knocked down an old man with his car. The driver quickly put his head out to see what had happened. The old man was frightened when he saw it.

If you want to die, say alive, "Dude, you still want to reverse the car."

25.

One day, in flight.

A security guard watched a passenger turn on his mobile phone and immediately went over and said seriously, "Don't hit the plane with your mobile phone!" " "

26.

One day, I met a net friend MM in the Oriental Plaza. I don't want to be too corny. I met her at Starbucks.

I don't think it's appropriate not to buy anything while waiting for MM,

Just order coffee at the counter.

The waiter asked, "What do you want?" .

I didn't bring my glasses that day, and the coffee shop was dimly lit. I tried to read the price tag, but I still couldn't see it. ...

Just say, "I can't see clearly!" " .

Waiter: "OK, cappuccino!" " "

So I drank my first cappuccino at Starbucks. ...

27.

The manager of a company asked the secretary to forward the official document to the boss: "Tell the boss that there will be a batch of orders in Europe next month, and I think the company needs to bring someone to have a meeting with them."

The boss simply signed "go to the head" at the back of the official document.

After receiving it, the manager immediately instructed his subordinates to buy a plane and plan their trip, while he was packing.

On the day of departure, I was stopped by my secretary.

Secretary: "What are you going to do?"

Manager: "Go to Europe for a meeting!" " "

Secretary: "Does the boss agree?"

Manager: "Didn't the boss say to give me a head start?"

Secretary: "You have been in the company for so long, don't you know the English level of the boss?"

The boss means: go to the head! "

28.

A brother likes to eat fish.

Wal-Mart's perch costs 9 yuan a catty, and when it dies, it costs 7 yuan and two pieces of ice, just as fresh. A brother rushed to buy it after work, but it was often bought. One brother stood in front of the fish tank and waited, sometimes one died for a long time.

A brother fished it in with a net and hit the fish on the head with his hand.

The waiter couldn't stand it anymore. He came over to his brother and said, "Sir, those who passed out don't count ..."

29.

A pirated windows CD reads: "We paid the original price in the Qing Dynasty, so we don't need to activate it. Please feel free to use it! "

30.

After the results of the college entrance examination came out, the teacher sighed and said, "In fact, it is a kind of happiness for you and * * University."

3 1.

A buddy doesn't study well, and people just like to occupy seats. Of course, sometimes I have to do it under the coercion of some pig-headed girls.

Once, when I used up every book in my bag, I couldn't wait to get the toilet paper. As a result, there are still half a row left, and more and more people are watching. This guy was so anxious that he suddenly had a brainwave. He took off the headphone cable, straightened it out and put it on the desktop. ...

Another time, this guy came empty-handed, and I thought, can't you take it today?

As a result, the guy smiled and took out a deck of poker from his pocket. ...

32.

A, B and C went out together, and A caught a cold. ...

Everyone sleeps in a bed at night, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night ... A sniffles, and B and C are covered with A crystals.

Let us know next time ...

Half an hour later, A: Attention …

B, C, Wen Wen quickly got into the quilt and made sure there was no contact with the outside world …

As a result, a fart.

10 Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables?

Last English class.

I'm half asleep.

The teacher asked me:

"Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables?"

Oh, how should I know? I have to guess one.

"Well, fruit ..."

The teacher's voice is eight octaves high.

"What?"

Thanks to my cleverness, I quickly have my cake and eat it.

"It's vegetables, vegetables!"

The teacher finally unbearable:

"I asked you to translate this sentence!"