Four jokes about seeking cold.

A person was in a meeting, and suddenly he wanted to defecate, so he came out, but he couldn't find the toilet anywhere, so he put the plastic bag in a corner and solved it on the spot. When he finished, he picked up the plastic bag, looked at the window above, threw it out with a whoosh, but stuck it on the wall. It turned out to be the reflection of the back window! Depressed! At this moment, a female cleaner came, and he greeted her with a smile: Sister, I will give you 50 yuan, will you help me get the shit off? The woman looked up for a while, took out 100 yuan from her pocket and said, big brother, I'll give you 100 yuan. Tell me how your shit got up. That's great. 》

A man just closed the door when he went to the toilet and heard the next door ask, are you there?

He said, yes, but he thought, who is next door? Do I know him? Strange!

Then the next door asked, what are you doing here?

He said angrily, damn it What can you do here? !

The next door asked, when are you leaving?

He thought: this person is probably mentally ill! He said with chagrin, just pull and go! !

At this time, the next door asked again, will you come to me later?

The man was surprised: Cao! So it's gay love!

He cursed: Go to hell, pervert!

The next door said, well, hang up first and call you back. There is an idiot next to me! Always fucking talk to me! !

If you do it alone, you can't pull it out He has been in it for half an hour, and he is very annoyed. At this moment, there was hurried footsteps outside the door, and he walked into the next room. As soon as the door closed, he heard a sudden burst of diarrhea. The man said, brother next door, I really envy you for pulling it out so soon. Next door shouted: Cao! Envy my ass! I'm not fucking here yet. I'm taking off my pants!

This is a real thing that happened in my friend's life ... once, he was eating at his girlfriend's house, and there were only three people at that time: him, his girlfriend and his father. At this time, there is a program on TV to teach the elderly to dance disco, and the uncle who leads the dance is very BT. At this moment, his girlfriend jokingly said to him, "Hey! Why does this man look so much like your father? Hehe. " My friend was eating and drinking at that time. Without thinking, he shouted, "Just like your father! ! ! "... after that, the room was silent for three minutes.

My friend's anecdote is a girl. She was very nervous when she took the driver's license test, fearing that she would fail. She held the steering wheel tightly. The invigilator saw her nervous and said, relax! She replied, I'm not nervous. They said just keep the invigilator around like a dog.

I went to dinner with my friends at noon today and chose a small apartment. Only later did we know how wrong this decision was.

I ordered a lot of dishes after I went in. First, I served shredded potatoes. The friend looked at it and said, is this too little?

The boss happened to be watching TV and turned to say, what, kill a pig for you?

The friend said, why do you talk like that?

The boss said: How can you call your father?

My friend was very angry and stood up and said, I'll go, I'll go.

I'm going with my friends, too.

The boss is adamant: how can I call you?

Friends collapse ...

7. When I was shopping, I felt a stomachache, so I walked into the corner of "1 19" and wanted to borrow a toilet, but I couldn't find it on the first floor, so I ran to the second floor. The second floor was still being renovated, and there was nothing left, but I found a toilet door that said, "Failure maintenance, please don't use it."

I really can't help it. Whatever. Anyway, there was no one around, so I took off my pants and squatted in the toilet, tickling ... so cool!

Then I went downstairs and found nothing. It's weird. I just returned it to the wedding downstairs at dinner time, so why did I go to the building alone? Even the waiter and receptionist are gone. .....

So I approached the bar and asked, "Hello? Why is there no one? "

At this moment, I saw a waiter come out from under the bar and said, "Damn it! You were lucky that you weren't there when shit fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan just now. " I am sweating.

When I was in high school, after class was over, my classmates rushed out to buy lunch boxes. A girl took a shortcut before others, and the manhole cover in front of her fell off! After a while, she climbed up with the edge of the well. She was embarrassed. A group of junior high school students walked by in horror. She was in a hurry and said as she climbed, hey! It's really hard to fix. ...

nine

I just opened the coke and drank two glasses, then shook it and blew it. Hold it in your mouth, stick it, and finally spray it out of your nose.

10 When I was in high school, I woke up at home at noon and ate two oranges. After eating the yellow on my finger, I went straight to school without washing my hands. When I was with my classmates in the afternoon, one of them said, "Why are you so disgusting? You wipe your fingers with shit! " "I said," it's not shit, it's eating oranges at noon. " Then I shook my finger.

Two days later, it will be miserable. The whole school knows that a classmate in our school wiped his ass with his fingers after taking a shit, and repeatedly said that it smelled of oranges when he was doing it.

1 1 When I was in high school, I had lunch with my friends near the school. He ordered a bowl of lasagna and another friend was drinking coke. Then I wonder who told a joke. The coke drinker laughed so hard that coke dripped from his nose. Friends laugh at others' embarrassment, but Zhang Kuan's face comes out of his nostrils!

After graduating from college, I can't help laughing every time I see him.

12 A man passed by the cemetery at night and saw a fire, thinking it was a ghost fire, so he threw a brick and the fire moved to another grave. The man had another brick, so he heard it? *****? You can't even shit. You get two bricks when you smoke?

13

A child was sitting at the door playing, and a middle-aged man asked him, "Is your father at home?"

So the man asked angrily, "Why don't you open the door?"

The child answered "at home", and the middle-aged man rang the doorbell for a long time, but no one answered the door.

The little boy replied, "I don't know, this is not my home."

14

Once playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy candles to continue playing. After half an hour, it was too hot to stand. One man said, "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot."

Another man said, "You can't open it. If you open it, you will blow out the candle. "

15 when riding a motorcycle, a person likes to wear his clothes backwards, that is, buckle his back to keep out the wind.

One day, he drove under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the side of the road.

When the police arrived, ...

Policeman A: What a terrible car accident.

Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back.

Officer A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back.

Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push, turn around.

Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing. ......

16 years ago, there was an old king who wanted to marry his two daughters, so he recruited princes from all over the world to get married. He asked a question and answered it so that he could marry his beautiful eldest daughter. He asked people to pull the first elephant. The question is: how can an elephant jump into the river with his ass covered?

Everyone looked at each other. At this time, the ugliest Persian prince came up. He walked behind the elephant, took out a needle and stuck it in the elephant's ass. The elephant covered his ass and jumped into the river. The old king had no choice but to marry his eldest daughter.

In a few months, he will marry his second daughter. This time, he has a more difficult problem: how to make the elephant nod first, then shake his head, then nod, and then jump into the river.

No one dares to answer. The prince of Persia went to the elephant again and said to the elephant, "Do you still know me?"

The elephant nodded.

"Do you want to be the same as last time?"

The elephant shook his head.

"Then you know what to do."

The elephant nodded, covered his ass and jumped into the river.

The final exam of 17 arrived, and everyone was busy answering their own questions. At last, the bell rang ... The teacher began to roll up the paper, and one of the students looked flustered and stuffed 1000 yuan under the test paper, plus a note that read "10 yuan 1 minute".

The students proudly signaled "ok" to the teacher, and the teacher also signaled "ok" to the students. By the next class, the teacher finally handed out the paper. Students thought the exam must be 100, but I didn't expect it (don't be busy looking at your grades, what would you do if you were a teacher? The teacher gave him a "59-point" test paper and a note, which read "4 10 yuan".

18 there are two requirements for women to get married:

1. Be handsome; 2. Have a car.

The computer went to help her find it, and the result was. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

chinese chess

The woman refused to accept the search results and entered:

1. There is a beautiful house; 2. There is a lot of money.

The computer went to help her find it again, and the result was. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

bank

The woman is still not disappointed, and continues to enter the conditions: 1. Be cool; 2. Have a sense of security.

As a result, it turns out ..........................................

..................................................

Ultraman

The woman is still not desperate, and continues to enter the conditions: 1. Be handsome; 2. Have a car; 3. Have a beautiful house; 4. There is a lot of money; 5. Be cool; 6. Have a sense of security.

The computer went to help her search again, and the result was ..............................

Altman, at the bank, playing chess.