How do jokes make people laugh

A colleague I don't know is chatting with me, and the content of the chat is extremely boring, just talking about what happened to him and his girlfriend. I'm speechless.

look at me after he has spoken for a long time, which may mean that I should make a statement after he has said so much.

for a moment, I really didn't know what to say, but I blurted out, "Is your girlfriend a woman?" ......

The examination teacher handed out papers, and the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine!" " ......

once, I went to buy breakfast, and when I was waiting in line, I found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line, so I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please have a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" ..... For the first time in two years, I heard my boss laugh so loudly.

I went to buy watermelons that day, and I heard someone asking the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

When giving a lecture, the political teacher once said, "Let me make an analogy", and then thought it was wrong, and said, "Make an example"

My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call. I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there, but I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?"

In my junior year, my classmate went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go there, someone will kill you." ......

The teacher told us: "Be honest when you take the car for a spring outing, and don't always throw your head and arms out." ......

I wanted to drink soda that day, and I hurried to the cold drink stand to say a bottle of soda, but I saw the beer in front of me and said, "Boss, a bottle of fart water!" " ..........

One of our colleagues, when he went to take the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner: report the meter, the examiner is normal! ......

mm told me about KFC's new "flesh-and-blood connection" and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot, and I was groggy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC, "Please give me two' flesh-and-blood', thank you!" .....

At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy!

tigers don't send cats. You think I'm dying!

when I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold!

Me: "That's our physics teacher ..."

Classmate: "What does he teach?"

Me: "Chemistry ..."

One of us in our dormitory has to pee after drinking too much, and then we bring out a cold sentence: "Too much urine leads to too much wine."

junior high school art evening, grab the answer session.

hostess: "attention, everyone, don't grab too fast. When I finish, I will start to raise my hand! " Then he began to read the topic and said, "Now ..."

At this time, a player rushed to answer.

The host said, "This classmate is a little too anxious. I started (shit) in my mouth, so why did you rob me ... "< P > One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me, and my classmate handed it to me and said," Your mother wants you. "

As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "A man and a woman"

Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for 4 years ...

My classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and it was cool to throw his hair away: "Boss, don't have rice noodles with onions!" " After that, I added: "More rice noodles!"

boss: "... do you want rice noodles or scallions?"

once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here", but this time I wanted to say "he's out". The result is: "He is no longer ..."

The president of our university used to teach us calligraphy. When talking about his experience, he said that he had to wear red when he talked about his birth year. He said, "I didn't wear anything (red clothes) that year." As a result, the whole class laughed wildly

There is another one. In junior high school, we used an electric bell to ring the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell was ringing and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced out of his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ......

High school requires wearing school uniforms. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms and tops. Once at a gathering, our classmates were not dressed neatly in school uniforms. The class teacher was furious: "Everyone who doesn't wear pants will come out!" ......

When the university went to the factory for metalworking practice, the master worker said: For the sake of safety, we try our best to ensure a bed for a male classmate and a female classmate. At that time, all the boys burst into laughter and the girls blushed. During the internship, almost all the lathe work was done by the girl who shared my bed. Finally, considering that she couldn't do anything, the master didn't check well, I advised her to practice her hands. Who knows, she said, I'm used to letting you do it. At that time, I occasionally burst into cold.

A friend went to a dumpling shop and asked, "How much is a bowl of dumplings (for sleeping)?" Just listen to the waitress "bah!" With a cry, he said, "shameless!" ......

During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just recited the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, "Teacher, I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted on me (touch) him" ... < P > One day, she went to a classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine, and her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!"

My colleague had an argument with someone, so he opened his mouth and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating.

In the computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine, so he shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " The whole class is stupefied.

When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

In my high school, I went home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said that she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many people in front of the grill, I was afraid that the boss could not hear me, so I shouted, "Boss, five strings of bullwhip!" Then there was silence, and after three seconds, everyone laughed together. I was extremely embarrassed ... The most embarrassing thing was that MM asked me "What is a bullwhip?" I had to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." < P > On the factory bus to work, MM asked me, "My computer is dying." I said, "Then go back and check the virus and remember to upgrade the antivirus software."

The next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I casually asked, "Have you checked? How? " Then MM said loudly, "I'm so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous.". What do you say? " At that time, it was cold ... Now I remember it especially well.

people came to my aunt's house before, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" "

During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted, "Align with your sidelights!" One of my classmates whispered to me, "Only his bladder grows on his face."

Our company has a car to pick up and drop off at work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and warmly greeted her and said, "So-and-so, please sit on my ass!" " I laughed until I got out of the car!

During the internship class of a P.E. student, many teachers were listening to the class, so he was too nervous. Finally, when he wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank for a moment and he stifled a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! ！”

I met a girl I've been longing for for for a long time coming out of the bathhouse, trying to befriend her. I held back for a long time and said, "Are there many men in the shower?"

A teacher stayed up all night playing mahjong. When he saw that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is going to be the farmer today?" Don't wipe the blackboard! "

I just bought a house and called a buddy in excitement: "I bought a house, but it's only a dime (I forgot to say" blank "). It has to be renovated. " The buddy said, "Is there only one toilet? Then where do you live? "

The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace, war and found. Read these three English words aloud for three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. (I farted)

My friend's child is half a year old. After a few pleasantries, he said, "Does your child eat human milk or your milk now?" ......

When I bought rice in the canteen, I saw the long-awaited tofu skin, and I was excited and said to the waiter, "A potato skin!" ..... Shocked the people around you.

What a good donkey ...

Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the shop assistant, "A bag of potato chips!" " They say no. I said, "What store ... doesn't even have potato chips? ！” Then he turned and left ...

In the political class, he talked about political issues between China and Japan, and talked about Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai all have caesarean sections before they die!" " ......

I once called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a sweet-sounding MM. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the Wang I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?" ......

In college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card, and called 186 to inquire. At that time, he was excited: "Excuse me, your mobile phone service ..." We actually heard the telephone operator politely say: "Our mobile phone service ..." The whole dormitory burst into laughter!

Yesterday, someone said that he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "Is it beautiful", but the result was: "Is it cheap?" . Sweating myself to death ...

Senior sister of the university, who was late for educational psychology ... walked into the classroom and glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. The senior sister faltered for a long time and said, "Sexiness and Sex Theory", which is too difficult to talk about. " The whole class went haywire. The original title of the professor was "On Reason and Perception" ...

I heard from my classmates that once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins and said to her boss, a pack of sanitary napkins. The boss actually asked: do you want three fresh or spicy? Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Sun, I'm afraid I can't stand the spicy food ... < P > One of my classmates has been reviewing for the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line, only to hear him shout, Enter! Get back in the car! (biography)

When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new type of material, saying, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..."

One day, when I was eating at a rice noodle shop, I was very slow and hungry, and finally I couldn't bear to slap the table and growled. I originally wanted to say that I would lift the table if I didn't serve rice noodles again! The result said: "boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table if I don't serve rice noodles! ! ! ！” After the whole store was silent for 3 seconds, it burst into laughter under the table ... shame ...

My parents quarreled, and my dad said angrily, "I'll get you out!"

I once went to buy mutton kebabs. I held out four fingers and said "three mutton kebabs" to my boss. The boss was asked, "How many?" I held out three fingers and said "four" ...

Our general manager's surname is Zhou. Once he called, I was driving, and when I was nervous, I said, "Premier Zhou ..."

Once I helped my boss book a hotel, and I wanted to ask him if he had any free Internet access and other services, but I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked him, "Excuse me, do you have any here?" The other party said, "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! "

I stood in line in the canteen and heard a boy say, "Master, a bowl of soup with bullet cauliflower! "(laver and egg soup).

a colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix to remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ...

The physics teacher said, "This is a thick spring. I'll push it from both ends to see if it becomes dense (constipation)."

boss, do you have a toilet paper card to fill your hunger?

our colleague is away on business, so the dealer invites us to dinner. If you want to urinate during dinner, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating opposite, so it will be free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet manager, "I'm here for dinner!" "

I'm from the Logistics Department. After the New Year, the customer called to inquire when the goods will arrive before the holiday. Because the holidays are so confusing these days, I didn't know the contents of the order, so I asked, "What are you?"

when I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays and wanted to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant. I was very nervous because I was a child and it was my first time to work. I wanted to ask the manager if he needed to work, but I wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask if he needed manpower. The result said, "Manager, do you need thugs here?" ......

Once I went to the market to buy vegetables and prepare for a dinner party, a Korean friend bought lettuce for 2.4 yuan. He gave all his change to the vendor, and there was still a dime missing, so he said to the vendor, "I have given you all my hair, so there is no hair." The peddler was dumb for a long time and replied, "I don't want your hair."

managers usually say to smokers in meetings: all smokers strangle! !

I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The devil took me to ask, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. My colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" ......

My colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange with Japanese yen?

after an impassioned speech by the chairman of the trade union, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

I went to the cinema to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and there was a trailer for Transformers before the movie started. I couldn't remember Megatron when I saw the leader of the crazy faction, and I couldn't remember that his team was called Decepticons. Because I was so excited, I exclaimed a little "How handsome! It's Nanbatian!" The terrible thing is that at that time, it was suddenly very quiet without any movie sound effects, and more than n people stared at me laughing ... What a shame!

having dinner with a group of friends, one of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was so depressed that he drank a lot of beer and then stood up with a red face and shouted, "Brother! Not for sale! ！” I guess I originally wanted to say "brothers are not for selling" ...

I'm so tired that I've used up all my strength to eat shit ...

My colleague just started eating when the phone rang. She said, I'm KAO, and I'll come to dinner as soon as I eat the phone.

In my impression, the squad leader in primary school was extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom was full of people. After maintaining order several times, the squad leader finally couldn't bear it. He stood up, slapped the table and roared, Whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... the whole class was silent

drinking with the leaders and others, raising their glasses and loudly saying, "Let's die together!" At that time, my brain was too hot ...

My classmate named Yu Jingbo wrote a letter one day, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: "Dry cold rice noodles, dry cold rice noodles!"

when a buddy gets married, give him a red envelope. Dude, politely say no. I said, that's no good, just once a year, you must take it …