Is people's emotional intelligence related to influence?

To see the essence through appearances, the way to read lies in enlightenment. A person needs three kinds of reserves, knowledge, experience and wisdom. How is knowledge acquired? Teaching and reading; How did the experience come from? Experience; How did wisdom come from? I realized that. Knowledge does not mean wisdom. There is such a story. An old man told the doctor that a deaf-mute went to the grocery store to buy scissors. The deaf-mute kept gesturing with his boss with two fingers, and the boss finally understood that he wanted to buy scissors. Doctor, I ask you, what should a blind man do if he comes to buy a hammer? The doctor said without hesitation, you should do this. The old man said, you are really a doctor. He said just buy a hammer, just kidding. The most extreme category of reasons for changing people's behavior is desire. If a person has no desire, he will become a walking corpse. There are two forces that produce desire, fear and inducement. The first two people jumped because of inducement, and the last one jumped because of fear.

There is an experiment called "Sheshe", which asks you to write six people and things that are most important to you. Someone wrote, sir (madam), children, father, mother, health, money. Then let you give up one, giving up is very painful, some people give up money, then let you give up one, some people give up health, and then let you give up one? In the end, there is only one left, some are children and some are husbands (wives). The experiment was so cruel that many people cried. A person can be unmoved by any inducement, but he will be afraid of losing it. Generally speaking, the reasons that make people's behavior change are divided into two categories: induction and fear, also known as carrot and stick, positive motivation and negative motivation. Giving yourself strength is self-control, and others giving yourself strength is heteronomy. Other systems don't sound irritating either. I used the word controlled. If you can't control yourself, you will be controlled and become cruel. Bi Yuxi, deputy director of Beijing Transportation Bureau, was sentenced to death with a suspended execution for accepting bribes of 65,438+1100 million for ten years. He cried to the public on TV. He only saw the cause, but not the fear. The whole family is trapped, and the whole family is miserable. How is the external force added? Education is the best investment, training is the best welfare and knowledge is the best gift. Once a person receives an education, he can enjoy a long-term return. Everyone is the middle-level leader of CCB Beijing Branch. Although it is not at the top of the tree, it can be seen from top to bottom. Please enjoy watching. Do you know how many years I have studied these ideas that I have spread to you? I started research in 2000 and started exporting in 2003. Tsinghua University's tangible investment in this project is 6,543,800 yuan. At that time, under the pressure of the natural fund, I racked my brains to realize these truths. You have gained the knowledge that our project team has worked hard for three years in one day, so training is a way to gain knowledge quickly. Those private entrepreneurs come to Tsinghua University from all over the world, and they pay 1000 yuan for classes every day just to hear what I say. They opened their eyes and ears for fear of missing a word. I go to other places to give lectures and sit in the front row. Why is knowledge the best gift? Knowledge can give people thoughts, thoughts determine actions, actions determine habits, habits determine character, and character determines fate. A person is very complicated and simple, simple enough to give him an idea. As long as he agrees with this idea, he will act and his actions will form a habit. We all have professional habits. Bankers regard anyone as a customer, police regard anyone as a thief and customs officials regard anyone as a smuggler. Not long ago, there was a problem with the female teller of a bank in Guilin, Guangxi. Someone withdrew 2000 yuan, and she paid 20000 yuan. When she checked out at night, she underpaid 18000 yuan, and suspected that she had given it to that person. I found that man, and he refused to admit it, so he quickly canceled his account and ran away. When he took out the video of that day, the image was blurred. The lawsuit finally went on TV, and the teller said, I knew something would happen to me sooner or later. She is poor, but she is also hateful. She knows that she has the habit of being all hands and feet, and she works at the front desk of the bank. Why didn't she change it earlier? Poor people must have something hateful. If you want to change your actions, you must first change your mind. When your thoughts change, people will change. There is a fable that a kitten, a little female cat, fell in love with her master, a bachelor, and wanted to marry him. The kitten then found Venus, the goddess of love, and asked her to turn herself into a woman. Under its entreaty, Venus moved into compassion and turned it into a beautiful woman with magical power, and the man married her. On their wedding night, Venus thought, this woman is a cat. Is she a person or a cat at heart? I want to try her. Venus put a little mouse in the room. When the beauty saw the mouse, she jumped on it and ate it without hesitation. Venus knew that the beauty was still a cat at heart, because she couldn't change the habit of eating mice, so Venus turned the beauty back into a kitten. What does this fable tell us? It reveals that the change of thinking mode is a fundamental change. If a person's thought is "wolf", he will certainly "eat people". How can we change people's thinking mode? We use the method of developing emotional intelligence. Emotional quotient (EQ) is a person's ability to recognize and manage emotions. The Oxford Dictionary defines emotion as the excitement or excitement of mind, feeling or emotion, which generally refers to any excited or excited psychological state. People have many emotions and can be divided into several races. Anger is related to: anger, resentment, anger, injustice, irritability, hostility and violence; Related to fear are: anxiety, panic, nervousness, worry, panic, anxiety, vigilance, doubt and phobia; Related to happiness are: liberation, satisfaction, happiness, pleasure, pride, excitement and ecstasy; Related to love are: recognition, friendliness, trust, kindness, intimacy, love, doting and infatuation; Related to surprise are: shock, surprise, surprise, consternation; Related to disgust are: contempt, contempt, sarcasm and rejection; Shame is related to guilt, embarrassment, regret and shame. Now, please judge, what will envy this emotion become if it develops downward? Will become jealous; What will jealousy become? Will become hatred; What will the downward trend of hatred become? Will become a frame-up. The downward development order of jealousy is: envy, jealousy, hatred and framing. Now I ask you to judge again, what will envy this emotional upward development become? Become close; What does closeness and upward development become? Will become learning; What learning develops upward will become transcendence. The order of jealousy's upward development is: envy, closeness, learning and transcendence. People who can develop their emotions upwards are people with high emotional intelligence. Envy becomes closeness, and if you are close to people with knowledge, you will not lack knowledge. Many of my teachers are first-class teachers in universities at home and abroad. They all speak to such an extent that there is no nonsense or waste words. When the last word is spoken, it is the time when the bell rings. Teachers of our level won't talk, so the school sent us abroad for training. When I arrived at Harvard University, I found that the teacher was very free in class. He can tell stories, make jokes, walk off the platform, chat with students, and even sit on the platform or students' desks. I see, so teachers can teach like this. This is called getting close to knowledgeable people, and you will become confident. We are not confident in front of him, so it will be different when we return home. When we return to China, we will say that I studied at Harvard University. Everyone envies going abroad for further study, but we don't know how to study. We all sat in the last row or even in the corner, afraid to sit forward for fear of being asked questions. When the teacher asked questions, he put his head on the table. Carnegie said that a person needs three steps to succeed: doing things for successful people, doing things with successful people, and doing things with successful people. First work as a secretary for a successful person, then work with him, and finally use him to do things for me. One of Carnegie's typists went to China to register a company called China Carnegie Training Base, and then Carnegie was invited by him to give lectures to China people, that is, to work with successful people. Everyone envies the power in the boss's hands and the money in his pocket. Watching them attend various high-end banquets and cut the ribbon for the opening ceremony, the scenery is infinite. I tell you, their troubles are much more, and their inner feelings are that they are on pins and needles, walking on thin ice, and they are afraid. Blind people often ride blind horses and go to deep pools in the middle of the night. You will ask these people who have climbed to the top of the enterprise tree, so how can they feel this way? Because they climbed to the top of the tree and saw that many trees were taller than them. At the top of the tree, birds came to bully them. When the wind blew, the branches on the top moved, and the branches on the top were thin and fell off without breaking. Trying to climb up is very painful.

Some research results show that people's success quotient can be summarized as IQ, EQ and adversity quotient. In English, IQ, EQ and AQ are called 3Q respectively, and their contribution rates to success are 15%, 80% and 5% respectively. IQ makes people discover opportunities, EQ makes people take advantage of opportunities, and adversity quotient makes people not give up opportunities easily. IQ includes internal intelligence and external intelligence. Internal intelligence includes attention, memory, observation, comprehension, imagination, reasoning, thinking, insight, internal labor saving and creativity. External intelligence includes knowledge, experience and skills. Adversity quotient includes faith, self-confidence, willpower, resilience and optimism. People who are in adversity can see the hope of the future under difficult circumstances, and the more frustrated they are, the more brave they are. Mao Zedong is a typical example with high adversity quotient. With firm faith and fearless revolutionary courage, he created countless followers and created the new China. A human resources director came to Tsinghua University for further study. After class, he said to me, Mr. Wu, I am the human resources director of an enterprise, but I hate dealing with people most. Let a person who doesn't like to deal with people be the director of human resources. The boss was wrong from the beginning, and so was he. Doing a job you don't like is asking for trouble. There are three criteria for a person to choose a career: interest, ability and reward. Hongta group e-mailed me and told me that there was an experienced person in the public relations reception department of the group who would be promoted to deputy section chief. However, his words are too lethal, and he often bumps his colleagues into the south wall in one sentence and chokes customers for a long time. He got married at the age of 32 and divorced six months later. Hongta group asked me, what happened to this man? What do you think is wrong with this man? This man is dark and damp inside. He accumulates disgusting words and likes to hurt people. My advice to them is to let him practice emotional intelligence more and exert more influence. If there is no change after three months, it means that this person will not deal with people, but only with equipment and let him drive a forklift. At noon today, a friend here sent me a short message, saying that the sunshine is in a good mood, but I still can't change it because there are moonlit nights, broken promises, hot and cold, and sex. You told us to change ourselves if we couldn't change others, so we all became moonlight mentality. This friend asked a beautiful question. You ask people with moonlight mentality to come to my class quickly. If he has sex and has a certain influence, it means that he occupies the position of leader, his subordinates will be at a loss and the team performance will be very poor. In the long run, it may be him instead of you. When selecting cadres, superiors should solicit opinions from the masses. If you have a sunny attitude, you may be pushed up. A person's self-confidence has two aspects, ability self-confidence and non-ability self-confidence. Ability self-confidence refers to believing that you have the ability to do things well; Non-ability self-confidence refers to knowing that you are incapable of completing this task and coping with it calmly. Those who can drink are confident, and those who can't drink are confident.

People are easy to be confident in prosperity, but not easy to be confident in adversity. How can we be confident in adversity? First of all, we must know the principle of valley bottom. Fundamentally speaking, if you fall into the pit, what will happen to you next? You may have to call someone, call for help, climb up and so on. I'm telling you, you'll never fall down again. You are already bad, so you won't be bad again, and you will have confidence. Second, forget yourself. Forgetting yourself means not taking yourself too seriously. If you look too high, you won't feel lost.

After the problem of material life is solved, what human beings want most is spiritual satisfaction-being understood, affirmed and appreciated. Praise your enemies and they will become your friends. Praise your friends, they will be your brothers. Open your throat when praising, and bite your tongue when criticizing. Some people will say that you are so sweet-talking every day that the other person is tired of listening. You are absolutely right. In order to prevent troubles, I put forward four principles of praise: no abuse, giving as needed, telling the truth, and distinguishing utility from sincerity. Admitting some advantages of the other party can help him reduce his inferiority, and even praising the advantages of the other party will also play an incentive role; Trying to find the advantages of others is the first step to gain others' trust, and pointing out others' shortcomings in person is the second step to gain others' trust; When the other person has changed a certain point of his personality, praising it can win the favor of the other person. It is not easy for anyone to live in this world. We should increase tolerance for people, but we should not treat tolerance as connivance, sincerity as truth and kindness as weakness. Pay is worth paying, rely on is worth relying on, trust is worth trusting, and cooperation is worth cooperating. After emotional intelligence is improved, people will become smooth. If a smooth person has no sense of responsibility, he is a super liar, so girls should marry a responsible person. An important point for me, * for me.

* means to treat and deal with, which is this matter. I mean, when things happen, it's up to you how to treat them. We can't be hurt by other people's words. If we are hurt by other people's language, we are hurting ourselves. In an enterprise, the boss is arbitrary and capricious. He admits that his work is not clear and he only likes to find fault with his subordinates. He flew into a rage when he found out, leaving his subordinates at a loss and full of complaints. But there is one exception. When the boss tells him about the job, he will add his own judgment and try to do it well. This is called smart work, not blind obedience. One day, the boss put forward a plan for everyone to discuss at the meeting. Everyone knows that the boss is arbitrary and no one speaks. The boss suddenly pointed at him and said, do you think I can do this? He knows that the reason why a person is willful is either a high degree of self-confidence or a high degree of inferiority. For safety reasons, he judges that the boss has a high degree of inferiority and praises people with a high degree of inferiority. He stood up and said, boss, you can do this, but it would be more perfect if you made some changes to the plan. The boss admired him very much and said at the meeting that all plans could not be implemented without listening to his advice in the future. Not long after, the boss promoted him to assistant to the president, which is a person in me. An eccentric old man is ill in hospital. The old man has a bad temper and takes pleasure in making things difficult and making others angry. The nurse refused to take care of him. A nurse heard the truth in my heart. She woke up from a big dream and thought the old man was just talking nonsense. I really didn't ask for trouble. I just thought about all his words in turn. He said I hated it, so I thought he was saying I was beautiful. He said I hated it. I thought he was saying I was cute. After she thought so, she was in a happy mood, and the old man could not be angry with her. She told the other nurses about this move, and everyone thought so, so the old man was not angry. This is the beauty of my nurse. The following thoughts belong to me. For example, people who suffer losses say that "loss is a blessing"; People who lose things say "break the money and avoid disaster"; Timid people say that "the rafters in the early days rot first"; The oppressed people say "it's not time to report"; The person who resigned said: "no official is light"; The person who was fired said, "I fired my boss"; "A blessing in disguise is a blessing in disguise"; If you fall into the pond, there will be fish in your pocket; One thing, if you figure it out, it is heaven, and if you can't figure it out, it is hell; People are generous and self-satisfied. A donkey fell into a deep pit. The villagers want to save, but they can't. The villagers thought, since it can't be saved, it is better to bury it. They kept dumping dirt and garbage into the pit, and the donkey kept stepping on the garbage to rise and finally rose to the ground. The donkey shook the dirt and garbage and left. My advice to those who are backward and temporarily at a low tide is to learn from this donkey and use the garbage thrown at you by others as a ladder for you to rise. * My antonym is subject to people, the environment and others, and nothing can be achieved. Finally, talk about influence. The essence of influence is to be able to freely mobilize each other's emotions. You control a person's emotions, you control this person; If you can mobilize a person's mood, you can mobilize this person. If you can be good at adapting to other people's emotions, interpersonal relationships will be smooth. If you can adapt others to your emotional rhythm, interpersonal relationships will be smooth. If you can infect each other when sending messages, you can release a strong personality charm. What I want to say is some of my maxims and I want to share them with you. Life is rich and colorful because of love, and life is magnificent and brilliant because of self-confidence. Life is the same to you and me. If you are in a good mood, you will find the desert song for you, where the grass dances for you. If you are in a bad mood, you will find that the open rose is crying and the rushing stream is crying. The environment is created by the mind, just as it was born by the mind. If you feel happy, you will find countless facts to prove your happiness. If you think you are unfortunate, you will also find countless facts to prove that you are unfortunate. You can compare life to a big meal, full of ups and downs. You will get what you choose, you will get happiness if you choose happiness, you will get pain if you choose misfortune, and you will get the future if you choose passion, because passion creates the future.