Humorous little joke

1 ... friends in Dalian, who are usually in charge? Is it hot? Call? Ye nian four tones? One day I was eating in a restaurant, and one of the dishes was a little cold, so I called the waiter and said? Can you give this to me, Ye? The waiter didn't respond, but the friend raised his voice and said? Give this leaf a hand! ? The waiter still didn't move, and the buddy got angry and roared, is it not good for me to invite you? At this moment, the waiter angrily extended a V-shaped gesture to my friend and shouted? Yeah!

2. Don't ask too much of your girlfriend. Beautiful and can cook. It's a beautiful rice cooker. Lovely and never old is the cherry ball. That's your financially independent, you-centered mother. Beautiful, lovely, can cook, never old, economically independent, you-centered, I want to be a cherry meatball with a beautiful rice cooker for my mother.

3. Class reunion, it was past midnight 12 before I knew it, and my classmates volunteered to send me home. I said modestly: no need to send it. We look safe. ? I thought my classmates would praise me and say, I don't trust you to be so beautiful. ? Who knows this person is real? Speak slowly. I thought it was night. ? I shouted:? Can't I walk with my cell phone on my face?

There is a bird lover who especially likes parrots. One day, he passed by a bird shop and found a parrot being auctioned inside. He saw that the parrot was beautiful in color and decided to buy it, so he shouted: I am willing to pay 10 dollars for this parrot! ? Then someone bid:? I am willing to pay 20 yuan dollars! "Bird lovers refuse to give away parrots, also called 30 yuan? But another voice seemed to oppose him until the bird lover shouted to 200 yuan? The man was happy to buy a parrot, but it suddenly occurred to him: I spent so much money on this parrot. If it can't talk, I will lose a lot. So he asked the boss with a birdcage: boss? Can you parrot? "Then he heard the parrot shout: Can't talk? ! ? ! Who do you think was bidding to you just now? ! ? !

5. Unlock the mobile phone face. I remembered it in front of the rabbit after I turned off the light last night. I'm running facial unlock. In the dark night, it faced me for a few seconds. Say sorry to me? I'm sorry, I didn't find your face? , and then continue to pop up the dialog box? You are in a state of shame from now on. Do you need to give up face recognition to unlock normally? , and then the dialog box pops up? Are you sure you are shameless? I ordered it? Are you sure? , this just go in.

6. A man and a woman on the train are very anxious! In front of the toilet, the man said, elder sister, I'll go first. I can't hold on any longer! The woman said in a voice almost crying for help: eldest brother, let me go first, at least you have something to support! I didn't pinch it! My legs are sore!

7. The reporter interviewed citizens at the World Expo: What do you think of the current situation in the South China Sea? Citizen:? Can I use Xi dialect? Reporter:? Of course. ? Citizen:? If the ball were bigger, the Philippines would dare to be raw. Our government bullied Cai so much that it couldn't breathe. Reporter:? Can you explain it in Mandarin? Citizen:? Treat bilateral relations calmly and strive for common development. ?

8. I bought a new Ipod touch and used it to buckle happily-I just went online, and a classmate sent a message before, yo, changed my Iphone? I said, no, it's just an ipod. He asked me what an ipod was, and I said I would go to Baidu. . He disappeared without a sound. After a while, he suddenly replied that it was unreasonable to lie in the trough. Can MP3 play QQ?

9. I have been to the construction site frequently recently, so I will contact some engineers working on the construction site. We usually call each other? Last name+work? . For example, your surname is Zhao, and your surname is Qian Gong. However, seeing a few people recently almost broke me down. First of all, I saw Chunyu Changhe. Why do you suddenly feel something is wrong? Oh, there is a great god named Gong Yu, who can climb mountains and mountains. Then there's a Zhou, okay, Duke Zhou! Next, a man named Lei, Lei Gong, too? Traditionally, this is not GC, and the next name is Gong. What is your name, please? Palace? Palace? Oh, the palace. . . ? I dare not scream. ? You'd better stop calling me gong gong. He joked that I would give a hand. How's this? I am older than you. You can call me husband. . My face twitched!

10. Two guys with children are chatting. ? What a coincidence! We are both pregnant at the same time! Make a young marriage for your future children! ? Well, if we all have boys, let them be gay; If it is a girl, let them be lilies; What if it's a man and a woman? Let them be brother and sister! ! ?

1 1. A beautiful girl asked an old painter to paint her portrait, and the old painter finished it in two weeks. The girl said happily, this painting is good. You're great. Last time I asked a young painter to draw one, it took him ten months to finish it. ? The old painter said:? Girl, if I painted you when I was young, it would take at least two years. . . ?

12. It would be nice if the meal card was operated by mobile. Charge 100, eat 400, pay back in ten months, and pay back 30 every month. Monthly rent 12 (send 100 pieces of soybean milk, 50M sauce cake and 10 hour campus wifi self-help experience package every month), and you can also pack 30 pieces in 5 yuan.

13. One day, I saw a child smoking, so I advised him: smoking is harmful to health, give it up! ? He said:? Cann't quit? . I asked:? Why? He:? My grandfather smokes, and so does my father, so it's my turn not to break the fragrance this time. ?

14. The teacher asked in the film review class:? What are the similarities between Kong Fansen, Jiao Youlu and Ren Changxia, patriotic films praising outstanding leading cadres in China? A student replied:? Cadres who try to benefit the people will all die in the end! ?

15. Grandpa said: Today is my birthday. ? Grandson asked:? What does birthday mean? Birthday, that is to say, grandpa was born today. ? Hearing this, the grandson opened his eyes wide and said, Wow, how did you grow so big today? ?

16. watching "palace lock heart jade", my husband said enviously: hey! If only a beautiful woman had come to love me before I was born. ? Wife: If you do some business or something, can we have a smoky love? My husband was overjoyed: it's also my wife who knows me. Wife: Stop laughing, Dalang. Make a cake.

17. When I bought a car yesterday, I asked the sales representative: Do you send car films? He said: no I asked: To send or not to send? He said: no I asked: Do you want to send a mat? He said: no, I'm not happy, and said:? You have to send something, right? He thought for a moment and said, well, we'll install a bell for you for free! ? In this way, I rang the bell all the way, and Ding and Ding went home by car.

18. The sign of a successful man: 3 years old, not wetting his pants; 5 years old, can eat by himself; 18 years old, able to drive by himself; 20 years old, having sex; 30 years old, rich; 40 years old, rich; 50 years old, rich; 60 years old, having sex; 70 years old, can drive by himself; 80 years old, can eat by himself; I'm 90 years old and haven't peed my pants yet.

19. Sun Xiao met his childhood playmate Xiao Li. When they were chatting happily, suddenly a beautiful girl walked by them. Sun Xiao's eyes lit up and said to Xiao Li, I like this girl for two things: phoenix eyes and a small round face. ? Xiao Li smiled:? She must like you a little, too. ? Hearing this, Sun Xiao excitedly asked, Stay away from her. ?

20. There was a very stingy young man. Many girls failed in blind date, and his parents were very anxious. On this day, he entrusted the matchmaker to take him to a girl's house for a blind date. At the end of the blind date, the young man did not express his position. The matchmaker asked: What happened? Are you in love? The young man said:? Only the mouth is too big and the lips are too thick. ? The matchmaker said, What's wrong with that? Of course, lipstick for makeup is also a waste. ?

2 1. Xiaoli has high demands on her boyfriend's career. First, she is a doctor; Second, she is a teacher; Third, she is an officer; Nothing else is allowed. Aunt Wang introduced several boyfriends to her because she didn't meet these requirements and she didn't even want to meet them. However, this aunt Wang is very enthusiastic. A few days later, she introduced a boyfriend to Xiaoli. Xiaoli quickly asked the man what he did, and Aunt Wang said? I believe you are satisfied this time. I am a teacher at the Military Medical University!

22. A lady was introduced to a hotel for a blind date. It was awkward when they met for the first time. The blind date asked her, shall we have some wine? The lady didn't want to drink, so she said politely, but you can't drive me home after drinking. ? Oh, I don't drive. I've never. ? Why? I know I can't drive after drinking, so I don't study at all. ?

Through the arrangement of the marriage agency, the girl and the young man met in the park. The two chatted for a while, and the girl got up to leave. The young man is very interested in this girl. Seeing that she was leaving, he was very anxious and quickly asked why. Girl:? Although you look fine, your stomach is empty. ? Boy:? Who says my stomach is empty? Before I came to the park, I ate a western meal and drank three glasses of wine.

24. introducer:? Girl, what's your impression of him? Girl:? He talks as if you were smoking. ? Introducer:? Very chic and elegant, isn't it? Girl:? No, hesitant, vague.

25. Q: How do you get a pig to climb a tree? Scheme 1: give the pig a beautiful vision and tell him that you are a monkey, which is called drawing cakes for short; Option 2: Cut down the tree and let the pigs lie on the tree for a group photo, referred to as the cottage; Option 3: Tell him that if he can't get up, he will have a whole pig feast in the evening, which is called performance for short. Usually the boss will choose the first one, the employee will choose the second one and the manager will choose the third one.

26. Even two strongmen in the same building of GG dormitory were drunk one day and couldn't walk steadily. One of them wakes up a little and says to the other-buddy, okay? No, can I help you? I saw the guy who had turned into a pool of mud lying on the ground doing a step without saying a word! I ~ ~ hold the wall ~ ~ and walk steadily! !

27. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

28. When I was in junior high school; It was very popular at first, but I don't know why our middle school actually let us watch it, and it was the version that didn't cut at all. Before going to see it, the class teacher said earnestly, don't pay attention to those unimportant places, but mainly appreciate foreign movies with noble sentiments ... Everyone came to the cinema with excitement and put them there for Jack to help Ross draw. At that time, we girls were embarrassed and bowed our heads. At this time, I saw the sports Committee member (boy) next to us. That sofa is very nice!

29. A classmate went to the library to borrow books with a library card. He made a joke when he saw the beautiful female librarian. Excuse me, can I borrow books with this library card? Yes! ? Can I borrow an audio book, too Yes! ? Since everything is fine, I'd like to lend you out, can I? Sorry, the librarian won't lend you out, so they can only read books in the library. ?

A boy has a crush on a girl for a long time. One day in the self-study class, the boy finally got up the courage to write a note to the girl, which read: In fact, I have been paying attention to you for a long time. After a while, the note came back, which read: Please don't tell the teacher, I promise I will never eat melon seeds in class again. ;