The boss said I was a slow boy. How to break it? ( 16-5—— 16- 10)

A colleague of my project team will leave in May. When I was reporting the project to my boss, he asked about my colleagues. I said my colleague didn't want to do technology, and he was tired of it. The boss asked me if I was unhappy because of the project, and I replied no. My colleague doesn't want to do technology. He has been in a really bad state in the last two weeks. He always puts off some things I arrange for him. The boss said I should pay more attention to my colleagues at ordinary times. That colleague doesn't like to talk and feels that he can't get along with others. We don't know him very well. Well, I really don't understand. The boss said that I don't like talking very much, and I'm bored, just like a gourd. As a project manager, I want to lead everyone forward like a locomotive, and also act as a lubricant to improve the relationship between colleagues.

Although I don't particularly agree with some local bosses, I still need to improve my interpersonal relationship with my colleagues for the expectation of growth. Why did the boss say I was trapped in the dust? What do my colleagues think?

Some time ago, my colleague ABCDE and I initiated a meeting on Friday 14: 00, but I didn't write the contents of the meeting. A colleague asked me beforehand, what meeting will be held today? Just say it, but it's not quite the same as the previous meeting.

I prepared snacks and drinks in advance and cleaned up the venue. 13:50, colleague b and colleague c come over and see the coke on the table. There is coke. Colleague b is still cold to pick up. Colleagues b and c sat down and drank coke. After a while, colleagues D and E came over, and colleague D looked around as if looking for something. I asked him what he was looking for, and he replied, nothing. Is today's meeting a little different? I asked what was different, and he replied that some decorations didn't feel like a meeting, but like a celebration. Colleagues D and E also sat down and teased B: "Don't you want to lose weight? Girlfriends are not allowed to eat snacks? " B smiled and said, "I had a holiday early on Friday and came back at night."

I saw that my colleague A had never come, so I said, "You talk first, and I'll go and see A." I went to my colleague A's seat and saw him debugging something. I said, "There will be a meeting soon, and everyone is waiting." Colleague A said, "What meeting is it today? Can you not go if you are busy? " I said, "This is an important meeting, and everyone can't miss it. Let's talk about it after the meeting. " Colleague a can't bear to leave her job. On the way, I asked my colleague, "Did you make a BUG before leaving the station?" At the same time, he replied: "Yes, it has been two days and there is no result yet." I didn't say anything. We'll discuss it later.

Walking to the conference room, colleague A saw everyone chatting, eating and joking, and his anxiety was relieved to some extent. The meeting has begun. First of all, let me briefly talk about the progress of the project. "Recently, the project has basically progressed smoothly, and everyone has worked hard. Today's meeting is to let us speak freely. How do you feel recently? " Colleague B said: "The project is progressing smoothly and everything is under control." We were all very happy when we said we would do it. Colleague A calmly said, "The BUG on my side has not been solved." Colleague C replied: "Nothing, there is a giant (nickname, this man Daniel). Let him help you look back. "

Everyone is relaxed. When I saw the opportunity, I asked a question: "I feel that the project has been progressing very well recently, and everyone has cooperated very well. Show me a question. The boss said I was stuck in the dust, and I thought about it later. It's true. I really want to serve you better as a team coordinator and do our project well. These two days, I am also reflecting on my own problems, reading some articles and having some ideas. But I still feel that it is not systematic enough to master the doorway. Can you help me analyze it? "

Colleague d smiled and said, "I see. I said that today's meeting was so relaxed, and there were snacks and drinks. " I smiled and replied, "You saw it."

Colleague A asked, "People have different personalities. You are the kind of person who is introverted and doesn't particularly like to talk. This is normal. " ? Why change it? "

I replied, "Yes, the boss said I was a fool, and I thought about it. This is my character, so I don't have to pay special attention to what others say. " But looking back, it has nothing to do with introversion. When I do a project, communication is essential. If I want to make a breakthrough, I must also get out of my comfort zone. I care about my image in other people's minds and don't want to be judged as a boring gourd. "

Colleague B asked, "What is your expected state?"

I replied: "I want to be a project server and guide, which can stimulate everyone's thinking, be a lubricant for the team, improve everyone's work enthusiasm, and be well integrated with every colleague."

Colleague C asked, "What do you think is needed to achieve this state?"

I replied, "I think colleagues should communicate frequently, and the company tolerates such an atmosphere." Employees want to work hard and grow. No bad style, no political struggle. I have the ability to participate in and guide some of your projects. "

Colleague D asked, "Have you encountered similar problems elsewhere?"

I replied, "Last Thursday, Zhong Wei shared his close relationship with Xueba. His wife said that his strength is honesty, but his weakness is too honesty. I had a similar situation, because he was too honest to talk and not interesting enough. I went to master's intensive class two days ago. Afterwards, Master asked me if I didn't adapt to that form today. Seeing that I talk less, I will reply to Master and say no, and I can't answer, haha. "

"What are the similarities and differences between dust gourd and other evaluations?" Colleague e asked.

"I feel that the boss said that I am a boring gourd, and more is that I talk less and don't participate in colleagues' chat; And not good at words and speaking skills; Later, Master told me to talk less, so I stopped talking voluntarily, and my reaction might be slower than others. These three situations are all because communication is not good enough, and you can deliberately practice to improve these three problems. " I replied.

Colleague B said, "I feel that you don't chat often. Many times when we are chatting, you are busy with work and don't have to say a word all morning. "

I replied, "It's true. Sometimes I have too much work at hand and want to finish it quickly. Chatting at work feels a bit wasteful. "

Colleague B continued: "There are two kinds of small talk, one is negative and the other is positive and positive. Negative small talk, such as complaining about the slow development of the company recently, complaining that the boss is too self-centered and does not consider the feelings of employees; Active chatting, for example, talking about football, music, pets, cool new products, etc. Negative chatting is definitely not conducive to the company atmosphere, while positive chatting can promote the establishment of relationships between colleagues, and can also establish a personal style through the process of chatting and become an interesting communicator. "

I added: "I also think small talk is very important, but I don't know what to say?"

Colleague B went on to say: "The above has been simply put forward, trying to avoid negative small talk, and there are many positive topics. For example, the news of Jia Yueting LeTV, the concert of tian teacher, the release of Xiaomi Balance Car, and our company won the dark horse award for entrepreneurship. Recently, Game of Thrones has a new season, and so on. As long as you usually pay attention to life and collect some conversation materials, you have a lot to say. You can also exchange your recent experience, and everyone is curious. "

Colleague A nodded in agreement and said, "Well, I remember one thing. I remember that I met Xiao Wang on my way to work a few days ago, and I felt a little embarrassed after some walking. You can't just keep silent and start chatting. I asked Xiao Wang where he lived first, and he replied that it was Blu-ray Road. I said it's quite far, isn't it in meilan lake? He answered no, meilan lake is Line 7, and Blu-ray Road is Line 2, haha, I remember wrong. I asked Xiao Wang if this company was better than a software company, and Xiao Wang replied that it was almost the same. I went on to say that companies like ours should be more relaxed than software companies, because we have a lot of hardware, and software needs the cooperation of hardware. Our hardware is slow, so the software is not so nervous. Xiao Wang smiled and replied that it is true from this perspective, haha. It feels very relaxed to go to the company together, which may mean chatting. "

I suddenly remembered something and said, "Some understand. I attended the alumni association some time ago and met a senior. I saw that he also brought some books, so I asked him if he liked reading very much. The senior's answer gave me some new views on reading. Senior is the project leader, PMO, and needs to collect some talk materials in order to communicate with brothers better. Well, I've been reading books from a practical angle recently. In fact, it is very important to chat in the team. Just like today's meeting, we don't formally enter the topic at first, but talk casually first to relax everyone's nervous mood and create a relaxed atmosphere, so that some subsequent things can be carried out better. There is also a lot to talk about in small talk, such as how far apart, human geography, business economy, where to live and what to eat. "

At this time, colleague C said: "Small talk is very important and can make the team atmosphere good. I think it is also important to find the same topic. Chatting is more for many people. You can make sentences for me. And * * * The same topic is generally better for two people and is conducive to establishing a deeper relationship. "

I asked, "How can we find the same topic?"

Colleague C replied: "* * * The same topic is also easy to find. For example, Zhu Xia likes to keep dogs, tian teacher and Yang Yang. " Xiao Yang likes keeping cats. Lao Yang is single and likes choirs. Zhou Xiao likes football and swimming. Lao Qin recently wanted to see the biography of Wukong, and Create liked to play the glory of the king. You prefer reading. To sum up, it is nothing more than family, hobbies, pets, sports and watching movie stars. "

I said, "Wow, that's true. Everyone has his own interests. Why didn't I summarize it so clearly? " These are all familiar colleagues. If you are a new colleague, how can you find each other's interests? "

Colleague C replied: "Yes, old colleagues, we can sum up their interests by thinking about the usual chat content, and new colleagues may need us to find them." We can, first, look at each other's concerns through small talk. For example, those with children can talk about children, those without girlfriends can talk about blind date, boys can talk about Jia Yueting, and girls can talk about apples and make new products. However, it should be noted that not everyone likes the focus. Those who have children don't necessarily like children, and those who don't have girlfriends don't necessarily have kissed them. We can discuss it with similar small talk, but we can't treat this as the same topic. We also have a good way to ask their friends. If you can't find a friend, you can also ask the colleague who interviewed him. His resume must have written that he is not interested in hobbies. "

Colleague B teased: "Sure enough, people in the city have deep routines."

Everyone laughed. "It's good, find a topic of * * * is more conducive to in-depth communication. A few days ago, I saw Xiao Zhang grabbing Xiaomi 6 and remembered that Xiao Zhang bought Xiaomi mobile phone 5, bracelet, lamp, socket and VR glasses. Xiao Zhang is a rice noodle. Talking with him about millet products will definitely exchange a lot of things, haha. " I said.

Colleague D continued: "When we know each other's interests roughly, we can express our interest in others by asking questions, which will also make us an interesting person. Maybe the difference between * * * and interests is too great. I am afraid that I don't know much about it and dare not discuss it in depth, but I can communicate with each other's interests in depth by asking questions. "

I asked, "How exactly?"

Colleague D replied: "I wrote an article for reference before, and the response of intimate communication has the same effect, with many examples." Generally speaking, learn to ask why. What's next? Like what? Teach me. That's great. Xiao Wang, for example, is interested in studying time management recently and has accumulated a lot of experience. You can ask him why you study time management. Xiao Wang replied that because he felt that time was not enough and efficiency was too low recently, he found several books on time management to read. What do you think of the effect? What are you going to do later? Xiao Wang replied, I feel that I can't fully understand the use of reading, and I am going to sign up for an online class on time management. What have you been doing recently? Look, you've arranged a lot of things in good order recently? Well, I did use a tool, the inventory system and the tomato clock. Like what? How do you arrange your time? Let us take today as an example. Xiao Yang asked me to do something for him. If I put it aside, I'll do it right away. But now I will evaluate how long it will take and whether it is urgent. After this series of procedures, I just recorded it and didn't deal with it because it was not particularly urgent. Wow, that's great. "

Colleague e said, "Wow, that's amazing. After asking these questions, we are really having a deeper dialogue, not superficial. It's amazing. "

Colleague A said, "I also have a suggestion. You can try it, just pay attention to the details." Couples can often do small things for each other to show their love and concern, such as squeezing toothpaste, making their own music albums and old-fashioned text messages. It may also be used on colleagues. We care about details, which makes our relationship deeper and more touching. "

I asked, "This suggestion is great, but I'm not sure about the other person's concerns."

Colleague A said, "We can discuss it and give two examples. First, my colleague Deng had a red mark on his neck some time ago, so I asked what was going on. " It seems to be a hickey, and my colleagues are embarrassed to say it, so they tease my colleague Deng. Colleague Yang, a few days ago, I put a medical band-aid on my arm. As soon as I looked at it, I asked, what happened to my arm? Colleague Yang told an article about cause and effect, and felt that our relationship was 6 at once, haha. "

Colleague B responded: "The above example of passive detail care is great, and it will make us feel very warm. If we take the initiative to pay attention to everyone's circle of friends, there will be many things we can care about. If you can think of husband and wife taking the initiative to do some small things for each other, this is the active level of detail care. Attention should be paid to the detail care on the active level. There may be misunderstanding about girls and passion for them, haha. However, we can use some more conventional methods. We know the interests of our colleagues. Just when I see an article or a competition, I will forward it to my colleagues, which will make my colleagues feel that I am paying attention to him and will definitely be very happy. "

I replied, "Wow, someone taught me."

Colleague E said: "In communication, smiling is a good way to promote relationships." Smiling can trigger other people's emotions, just like copying and pasting. If you have a smiling face, your colleagues will unconsciously imitate it. It is human nature to like smiling faces and make people feel happy. If this feeling can last for a long time, the relationship between work and colleagues will naturally feel good. "

Colleague B also responded: "Yes, smiling is a level. If you smile deeper, you will laugh. Laughter will spread more easily and make everyone relax. Now everyone is familiar with it. In the office, we tell some jokes, jokes and jokes every day. For example, the nickname is Giant Xia and Wang Youcai. For example, there is a joke, life is ups and downs, and there is a man named Ren Sheng in our office. For example, some time ago, the company sent a kiwi fruit, and Lao Zhou picked one. When the baby saw it, he teased Lao Zhou for liking ass so much. Every joke makes us laugh and feel that the office atmosphere is very good. "

I said, "Yes, I am a very serious person, and I don't particularly like to laugh, but I feel very relaxed when I see that everyone is happy."

"Everyone said it was great, and the method given was particularly useful. Thank you. Give everyone a surprise as a thank you. Look under the chair. "

"Wow, Dienis's ticket, I've always been willing to buy it," said colleague C.

Colleagues are very excited, busy planning time and making appointments with them.

I continued: "Everyone has worked hard recently. As a performance reward, everyone deserves it. I wish you all a good time. The meeting is coming to an end. Let's summarize. I have gained a lot today. "

Colleague B said, "Let me summarize some. Five friends gave five suggestions, all of which were very good, with different dimensions, different sides and different depths. "

Colleague C said, "B summed it up very well. The classification and application scenarios of each method are very clear, just like building a knowledge system. I think this can be used not only for colleagues, but also for meetings, theme sharing, salons, community interaction and so on. "

Colleague D said: "I feel that today's meeting is very good. Briefly summarize a few points, 1. Express approval. You are doing very well. Everyone is great. You have made efforts, made efforts, and made everyone have a sense of identity. 2. Bring snacks and gifts to show concern and care. The whole atmosphere was more relaxed and happy, and the style of the meeting was immediately formed. This is a surprise. The last Disney ticket pushed our meeting to a climax, haha. I will also prepare the above three items at the next meeting. "

I smiled and said, "Ha ha, yes, I also prepared in advance, and studied how to create a meeting atmosphere by opening the book. It seems that the effect is still very good today. Thank you very much today. I should gain the most. These are all your experiences and have given me many good prescriptions. I will think about them, summarize them and practice them.

At the beginning of next month, I am going to organize a theme sharing of the Alumni Union. I want to try these tricks.

1. Get to know the theme guests and let them relax through live chat at the event.

2. In the circle of friends, Gang Ge introduced, looked for the interest points of the guests, and then interviewed the guests through the interest points to gain a deeper understanding. "

3. Use questioning skills to promote sharing during the interview, so that guests can share more and have a good impression and interest in me.

4. Recommend more suitable articles and ideas to the guests, so that the content prepared by the guests is easier and more in line with the theme.

5. At the event site, make the atmosphere more relaxed with smiles and jokes. "

Colleague E said, "I look forward to your feedback on practice, and thank you for giving me a new understanding of our team. A team atmosphere is very important, which is an invisible cohesion. In the future, our team can have a closer understanding and construction. "

Colleague A finally said, "What everyone said is great. I didn't want to attend at first, but after this meeting, my worries were alleviated. Thank you, now I have some ideas to try to solve this problem. " Everyone was amused by his seriousness.

"Well, shall we go to Disney together?" Colleague b asked.

"I won't take you to play. You are too fat. I'm afraid you can't walk." I don't know who said that, but everyone thinks so, haha.

Prescription 1 chat

Prescription 2 *** Same topic

Prescription 3 makes others interested in you.

Prescription 4 Detailed Care

Prescription 5 smile

How to enliven the meeting atmosphere