Small knowledge of financial humor

1. Are there any lively financial jokes?

1. A gecko got lost at the gate of the securities company when a big crocodile just climbed up from a distance and prepared to eat it in one bite. In desperation, the little gecko hugged the crocodile's leg and shouted, "Mom!" " "The crocodile was shocked, and then burst into tears:" Son, I just lost weight in the stock market for half a month! "

At the party, someone introduced a stock trader. It is said that stock trading has become a millionaire. He immediately stepped forward and asked the master what the secret of stock trading was. What's the secret of a master with a blank face? I used to be worth hundreds of millions.

Investment and financial management skills 1: bookkeeping

Everyone knows that it is not difficult to keep accounts for a week, and it is not difficult to keep accounts for a year, two years or even a lifetime.

In fact, as long as bookkeeping is a habit, it will become a part of life after a long time. We talk about financial management in order to better design and plan our life.

Let us live a better life, then accounting is to let us know our cash flow, let us know which ones are more expensive, which ones are unnecessary and which ones are more valuable. Therefore, if you want to manage money, the first thing to do is to keep an account first.

Investment and financial management skill 2: live within your means

After accounting, we know that some money is spent inexplicably. In a month, you spent a lot of snacks, and a lot of clothes were left in the cupboard, barely worn, a bunch of useless things.

Some things don't need flowers at all, so financial planner Jiafeng Reid suggests asking yourself when you buy something, do I really need it? Then count to ten. In fact, most of you will know that this is unnecessary.

Of course, you have to understand the difference between "want" and "need". Financial management must be rational and restrained. Restraint now is for a better life in the future. Just like rest is for better work!

2. How much do you know about humorous jokes in financial circles?

1, a trader said, "It's worse than divorce now. My property has shrunk by half, but my wife is still around. " Foreign laws stipulate that divorce should be divided into half of the property to the woman. )

I want to start a small company. What should I do? Answer: "simple, buy a big company first, and then wait for its assets to shrink, and you will have a small company ..."

In the face of the financial crisis, I bravely stood up and made great strides! This is because I can't repay the loan and the bank took my car.

4. Two financiers meet. A said morosely, "This crisis has made me upset and insomnia. How have you been recently? Did you sleep well? " B replied, "I slept like a baby." A face of disbelief: "Oh? Is it? How enviable! " "Oh, I cried all night, and I often have incontinence ... Isn't it like a baby?" B wiped her tears and said.

I want to withdraw some money from the ATM today. It says "insufficient funds ..." I don't know whether this refers to the bank or me.

6. What is the difference between a banker and a pizza? A: "Pizza can feed a family of four."

3. A few humorous stories make you understand the economic concept of 1 1 in one second.

1. Interest

The banker's son asked his father, "Dad, all the money in the bank belongs to customers and depositors. Then how did you earn a house, a Mercedes-Benz and a yacht? " Banker: "son, there is a piece of fat in the refrigerator." Please bring it. " My son brought it. "Put it back." The son asked, "What do you mean?" The banker said, "Do you think there is oil on your finger?"

2. Investment banks

An investment bank rookie asked, "What is an investment bank?" The elder took some rotten fruits and asked him, "How are you going to sell these fruits?" The rookie thought for a long time and said, "I'll get rid of it at a discount at the market price." The elder shook his head, picked up the fruit knife, peeled and cut the rotten fruit into pieces, and made a beautiful fruit platter: "Well, sell it at dozens of times."

sell

The boy said to the girl: I am the best. I promise to make you happy. Come with me.

-It's a promotion.

The boy said to the girl: My father has three houses, which are good with me and will be yours in the future.

-This is a promotion.

Boys don't confess to girls at all, but girls are fascinated by boys' temperament and demeanor.

-This is marketing.

The girl doesn't know the boy, but all her friends praise him.

-It's a brand.

4. luxury goods

One day, the economics teacher talked about luxury goods. In order to better understand, he said, "Do students know what luxury goods are? Suppose you go shopping with your girlfriend, and your girlfriend stares at something for more than 30 seconds and you pay the bill, then this thing is a luxury. " All the students will smile. It's not over yet. "Continue shopping. Your girlfriend stared at something for more than 30 seconds. Classmate, then your girlfriend is a luxury!

5. Long-term investment

An 8-year-old girl came to the melon garden to buy melons with triangular money. Seeing that she had too little money, the melon farmer wanted to trick the little girl into leaving, pointing to an immature melon and saying, "Triangle money can only buy that little melon." The girl agreed and happily handed the money to the melon farmer. The melon farmer was surprised: "This melon is not ripe yet. How do you want it to eat? " Girl: "Pay the money and the melon will be mine. I'll pick the melons when they are ripe. "

6. Industrial Economics

In class, the professor teaches economics: "What is the primary industry? Feed cattle and raise sheep. What is the secondary industry? Kill cattle and sheep. What is the tertiary industry? Eat beef and drink mutton soup. " Some students asked, "What about the cultural industry?" The professor's eyes lit up: "Good question! It is worthy of being a good student. " Then answer: "The so-called cultural industry is bragging and being a sheep!"

7. unprofitable investment

"Please give an example, what is unprofitable investment?" The economics professor asked questions. "Take my sister out to play." A male classmate replied.

8. Game theory

If all four boys go after a beautiful girl, she will definitely put on airs and ignore anyone. At this time, boys will chase other girls, and others will not accept it, because no one wants to feel inferior. But if the four of them chase other girls first, the beautiful girl will be isolated, and it will be much easier to chase after them.

-that simpl expression of game theory by the mathematician Nash.

9. There is no free lunch

This sentence was first put forward by economist Friedman. Its original meaning is that even if you don't have to spend money on food, you still have to pay the price. Because the time you eat this meal can be used to do other things, such as talking about a business of 654.38+0 million. If you spend your time eating this meal, you will lose the value you could have. This is the concept of opportunity cost, did you know it before?

10. Business model

* * * Report: "I put my money in my bra and was stolen by a handsome guy in a crowded subway ..." The policeman wondered: "You didn't notice such a sensitive place?" * * * blushed and replied, "Who would have thought he was touching money?" Comments: Let customers' money be unconsciously touched in a pleasant experience, which is the highest realm of business model.

1 1. Sharing economics

If you have six apples, please don't eat them all, because then you will only get an apple flavor. If you give five of them to others, you will gain the friendship and goodwill of the other five people, and you will get more in the future. When others have other fruits, they will share them with you. People must learn to exchange what you have for something more important and richer for you.

4. What are the classic jokes in the financial field?

1 What is an investment bank? An investment bank rookie asked, "What is an investment bank?" The elder took some rotten fruits and asked him, "How are you going to sell these fruits?" The rookie thought for a long time and said, "I'll get rid of it at a discount at the market price."

The elder shook his head, picked up the fruit knife, peeled and cut the rotten fruit into pieces, and made a beautiful fruit platter: "Well, sell it at dozens of times." 2 Long-term investment An 8-year-old girl came to the melon garden with triangular money to buy melons. Seeing that she had too little money, the melon farmer wanted to fool the little girl away, pointing to an immature melon and saying, "Triangle money can only buy that little melon." The girl agreed and happily handed the money to the melon farmer. The melon farmer was surprised: "This melon is not ripe yet. How do you want it to eat? " Girl: "Pay the money and the melon will be mine. I'll pick the melons when they are ripe. "

"There is no such thing as a free lunch" was first put forward by economist Friedman. Its original meaning is that even if you don't have to spend money on food, you still have to pay the price.

Because the time you eat this meal can be used to do other things, such as talking about a business of 654.38+0 million. If you spend your time eating this meal, you will lose the value you could have. This is the concept of opportunity cost, did you know it before? 4 jokes in the economics class, the professor teaches economics: "What is the primary industry? Feed cattle and raise sheep.

What is the secondary industry? Kill cattle and sheep. What is the tertiary industry? Eat beef and drink mutton soup. "

Some students asked, "What about the cultural industry?" The professor's eyes lit up: "Good question! It is worthy of being a good student. " Then answer: "The so-called cultural industry is bragging and being a sheep!" 5 There is a saying in the economics of poor tax called "poor tax". The most typical thing is that most people who buy lottery tickets are poor (brothers who often buy lottery tickets don't mind). This is a rare opportunity for them to achieve a substantial increase in wealth within their affordability and ability to pay, but winning the prize is a small probability after all. In the long run, if they have more money, they will have the right to pay taxes.

6 Pareto distribution arranges the wealth of everyone in the world from big to small, with a slender but towering head on one side and a long, endless, low and desperate tail on the other. This distribution is named "Pareto distribution" in economics.

7 unprofitable investment "Please give an example, what is unprofitable investment?" The economics professor asked questions.

"Take my sister out to play." A male classmate replied.

8 the concept of mate selection An American economist published a paper to analyze the concept of mate selection from the perspective of transaction science. If men and women are divided into four excellent grades of ABCD, the current situation is that A men want to find B women, B men want to find C women, and C men want to find D women, then D men are left.

On the other hand, women are different, that is, ABCD women want to find a man. The end result is a woman and a man.

There is a case in economics: two people meet a bear in the forest, so the opponent will not be a bear! As long as you are one step ahead, you will win. 9 Game Theory and Chasing Students If four boys chase a beautiful girl, she will definitely put on airs and ignore anyone.

At this time, boys will chase other girls, and others will not accept it, because no one wants to feel inferior. However, if the four of them chase other girls first, the beautiful girl will be isolated, and it will be much easier to chase after them.

-that simpl expression of game theory by the mathematician Nash. 10 Four Principles of Happiness and Pain: Pick 75 yuan at a time, or 50 yuan first and then 25 yuan. Which should I choose? Lose 75 yuan once, or lose 50 yuan first and then 25 yuan, which one? Experiments show that most candidates collect $75 respectively and then throw out $75 together.

These are the four principles of happiness and pain in economics and economics: ①n pieces of good news should be released separately; ②n bad news should be released together; (3) A big bad news and a small good news are respectively; (4) A big good news and a small bad news are announced together. 1 1 Parking A rich man borrowed 5,000 yuan from Wall Street Bank for two weeks. Bank loans must be mortgaged. He used the Rolls Royce parked at the door as collateral.

The bank clerk parked his Rolls-Royce in the underground garage and then lent the rich man 5000 yuan. Two weeks later, the rich man came to pay back the money with interest of *** 15 yuan. Bank staff found that there were tens of millions in the rich account and asked why they needed to borrow money.

The rich man said: Wall Street will never find a parking lot in 15 yuan for two weeks. 12 online chat when you decide to chat online, this is called starting a business; Come up and see how many MM there are, which is called great market potential; But there are many GGs, which is called fierce competition; You decide to attract the attention of beautiful women, which is called positioning; You say you are handsome and rich, which is called speculation; You ask "who wants to chat with me", which is called advertising; You asked, "Are there any beautiful women?" This is the so-called market research. There are 200 people who answer "I am a beautiful woman" at the same time, which is called bubble economy.

13 economic joke: If there are two cows in the United States: sell 1 the first female and buy back 1 the first male, the herd will grow, the income will increase, and finally sell for the elderly. France: Go, because you want three cows.

Japan: Create cartoon cows and sell them all over the world. Germany: genetically modified, cows can live 100 years and produce milk 10 barrels a day.

England: They all went crazy later. Russia: Count once, five heads, count again, 10 heads, bother, open the third bottle of vodka ... 14 happiness formula There is a formula in economics: happiness = utility: expected value.

If your boyfriend gets a bonus of 1000 yuan, but you expect him to buy himself a LV bag of 10000 yuan, divide 10000 by 10000, and the happiness is only 0. 1. But if your expectation is for your boyfriend to treat himself to a western meal in 200 yuan, 1000 divided by 200, the happiness is 5.

To be happy in love, it is best not to let desire affect your life.

5. Desperate for jokes about the financial crisis

The global financial crisis led to the closure of investment banks and unemployment of employees, but it also gave birth to many jokes. On the 20th, Reuters listed several "cold" humors born in the crisis, which made people appreciate the social status quo and the mentality of all beings in laughter:

Q: I want to start a small company. What should I do? A: Simple. Buy a big company and wait for the assets to shrink.

Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon? A: Pigeons will also leave some "traces" on BMW.

Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and pizza? Pizza can feed a family of four.

I want to withdraw some money from the ATM today. It shows "insufficient funds". I don't know whether this refers to the bank itself or to me.

A vendor in Rongcheng said, "Now it's really worse than divorce. My assets have shrunk by more than half, and to make matters worse, I still have a wife. " According to English law, in case of divorce, half of the property should be distributed to the woman.

Many western countries, including Britain, have a custom that people will present flowers to the dead in the disaster area as a souvenir. On 14, the joke column of the London newspaper published a photo: a lamppost in the city of London was covered with bundles of flowers donated silently by "good people", and the rose ring at the top of the lamppost read: "To commemorate the prosperous economy that has passed away and the big red envelopes that will no longer be distributed.

6. There are few knowledge or stories about financial investment.

This is the story I remember the most, and it hits human nature directly.

A man set a trap for catching turkeys. He scattered corn in a big box. This big box has a door with a rope tied to it. He grabbed the other end of the rope and hid in a place. As soon as the turkey enters the box, he pulls the rope and closes the door. One day, 12 turkeys got into the box, but 1 escaped. After 12 turkeys were in the box, he wanted to close the door. However, just as he was waiting for 12 turkey, two turkeys came out and he wanted to wait in the box 165438+.

Investors often don't understand the importance of stopping losses as soon as possible. When the situation began to deteriorate, they still insisted on vague ideas and could not objectively analyze the situation. With a gambler's mentality, stick to it blindly and continue to get into deep trouble until it is irreparable. At this time, a balanced mentality is often more important than precise analysis.

If you have longer suggestions, read Memoirs of a Warren, The Stock Market Never Returns, and Speculating Futures.

7.20 18 What are the financial tips?

Hello, 20 18 should choose zhongnan cinda finance, there is no negative information. As far as I know, Zhongnan Cinda Finance is used by many people now, and it is doing well. Products are short-term, medium-term and long-term, all of which are guaranteed capital and interest. Judging whether there is transaction authenticity in the bank's management of capital accounts,

To be honest, financial management itself has certain risks. Nothing can only make a profit without losing money. Otherwise, everyone will invest, but there will be no problem with the general principal, but the income will fluctuate up and down, with high income and high risk, and low income and low risk. However, it is still necessary to carefully understand the investment risks related to wealth management products, fully consider their own risk tolerance, and set up security cards.

The network used to grow wildly, and it was a mixed bag of good and evil people, which required us to carefully screen and identify the investors: liquidity, rate of return, degree of standardization, level of risk control and so on.

8. There are few knowledge or stories about financial investment.

The story of two baked wheat cakes tells that there are two people selling baked wheat cakes in a place in city A, only two people. Just call it sesame seed cake a and B.

Suppose the price they sell sesame cakes is not stipulated by the price bureau. Assuming that the residents of city A are not hungry (except that the transaction has no use value), assuming that each biscuit can be sold for one dollar, no one can make cookies cheaper than them in the short term.

(including their labor value) Suppose they have the same number of baked wheat cakes. (Economic models are all like this, assuming a lot is needed, hehe. )

Let's assume that their business is very bad and no one buys sesame cakes. So they stood bored for a long time.

A said it was boring. B said it was boring.

After reading the story, you said: boring. The baked wheat cake market at this time is very inactive! In order to make everyone not bored, A said to B, Let's play a game. B agreed.

So, the story begins ... A spent one yuan to buy a baked wheat cake for B, and B also spent one yuan to buy a baked wheat cake for A, and it was delivered in cash. A will spend two yuan to buy a baked wheat cake, and B will also spend two yuan to buy a baked wheat cake and deliver it in cash.

A will spend three yuan to buy a baked wheat cake for B, and B will also spend three yuan to buy a baked wheat cake for A and deliver it in cash. ..... So in the eyes of people in the whole market (including you who read the story), the price of baked wheat cakes has skyrocketed (a bit like the food market before the Spring Festival this year, but we have to buy it! ) soon rose to a baked wheat cake in 60 yuan.

But as long as the number of biscuits in A's and B's hands is the same, no one will make money or lose money, but their assets will "appreciate" after revaluation! The "wealth" of Party A and Party B is many times higher than in the past, the value has increased a lot, and the "market value" has also increased a lot. At this time, a passer-by C passed by an hour ago and knew that the baked wheat cake was one yuan. Now he finds out it's 60 yuan. He was very surprised.

After another hour, passer-by C was even more surprised to find that the baked wheat cake was 100 yuan each. An hour later, passerby C found that the baked wheat cake was already 1.20 yuan. He bought one without hesitation, because he was an investor and a speculator, and he was sure that the price of baked wheat cake would go up, and there was still room for price increase, and someone (researcher) gave a "target price" that exceeded that of 200 yuan.

At this time, the Lord of A City came and proposed to standardize the baked wheat cake market and set up the baked wheat cake exchange. It is illegal to trade on the sesame seed cake exchange. It is also stipulated that each transaction of baked wheat cake should pay 0.4% transaction fee and 0.4% xx tax.

Under the demonstration effect of "making money" of sesame seed cake A and sesame seed cake B, and even under the demonstration effect of passerby C, more and more passers-by buy sesame seed cakes, and more and more people participate in the sale. The price of baked wheat cake has gone up, and everyone is very happy, especially the boss of City A and the staff of the baked wheat cake exchange, who have made extra income out of thin air, so the work of the baked wheat cake exchange has become an enviable job, with high salary and generous benefits. This is really a win-win situation.

Because it is very strange: no one has ever lost money (a bit contrary to the zero-sum principle in economics, hee hee). ..... At this time, you can imagine who will really make money except the owner of City A and the baked wheat cake exchange, and there are few baked wheat cakes in the market, that is, there are few assets.

Those who participate in the purchase, who don't have sesame cakes in their hands, will really make money! But the seller is sorry-because the price of baked wheat cake is still rising rapidly ... then who lost money? The answer is: so far, no one has lost money, because many people who pay high prices for baked wheat cakes hold recognized high-quality equivalent assets-baked wheat cakes! And sesame seed cake is obviously better than cash! How much interest can cash deposit in the bank earn? What's better than a sesame seed cake with soaring prices? Even everyone agrees that the demand for baked wheat cakes in the market is in short supply. Can I buy sesame seed cake futures? Then there is the warrant to subscribe for baked wheat cake ... Someone asked: Will you never lose money by buying baked wheat cake? It seems so. We can't help asking: when will everyone lose money? Hypothesis 1: There is a price department in the market, and he thinks the price of sesame cakes should be one yuan each. (Supervision) Hypothesis 2: There are many baked wheat cakes in the market, and the price is one yuan each.

(Same theme) Hypothesis 3: There are many baked wheat cakes on the market to play this game. (Question) Hypothesis 4: Everyone suddenly discovers that this is just a sesame seed cake! (Value Discovery) Hypothesis 5: Nobody wants to play the game of buying and selling each other any more! If one day, any hypothesis appears, then on this day, people who have baked wheat cakes will lose money! Who made that money? In addition to the real money earned by the owner of City A and the sesame seed cake exchange, it is the person who sells sesame seed cakes first and has the least assets-the person who makes money.

The story of selling sesame cakes is very simple. Everyone thinks that people who buy baked wheat cakes at high prices are fools, but let's look back at people in our securities market. Isn't this market just some so-called asset revaluation and asset injection? The principle of asset injection under the condition of high return on net assets and high asset premium is actually the same as selling baked wheat cakes. Whoever has the least assets is the one who makes money, and whose return is high! Therefore, as an investor, we should treat asset revaluation and asset injection rationally, and fool others not to fool ourselves, especially not to fool our own money! Asset injection under high roe, especially asset injection such as backdoor listing, additional purchase of major shareholder assets and additional real estate. Be sure to polish and polish again, then be cautious! Because, you are likely to become a passerby with expensive biscuits.