Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - A 50-word short story about Chinese and foreign friends.

A 50-word short story about Chinese and foreign friends.

Joule's knowledge-studious.

Joule, a famous British scientist, loved physics since he was a child. He often does some experiments about electricity and heat by himself.

One holiday, Joule and his brother traveled to the suburbs. Joule, who is clever and studious, never forgets to do his physics experiments even when he is playing.

He found a lame horse, led by his brother, and quietly hid behind him. He used a volt battery to electrify the horse, trying to see how the animals reacted after being stimulated by the current. As a result, the reaction he wanted to see appeared. The horse jumped wildly after being shocked and almost kicked its younger brother.

Although the danger has appeared, it has not affected the mood of little Joule who loves to do experiments. He rowed with giggle to the lake surrounded by mountains, where Joule wanted to try the echo. They filled the musket with gunpowder and then pulled the trigger. Who knows "bang", a long flame spouted from the muzzle and burned Joule's eyebrows, almost scaring my brother into the lake.

At this time, the sky was covered with thick clouds, lightning and thunder. Joule, who just wanted to go ashore to take shelter from the rain, found that it took a long time to hear the thunder after every lightning. What happened?

Joule didn't take shelter from the rain, dragging his brother up a hill and carefully recording the time of lightning and thunder with his pocket watch.

After school started, Joule almost wanted to tell the teacher all the experiments he had done and ask for advice from the teacher.

The teacher smiled at Joule, who was eager to learn and curious, and patiently explained to him: "The speed and harmony of light are different. The speed of light is fast and the speed of sound is slow, so people always want to see lightning before hearing thunder, but in fact lightning and thunder happen at the same time. "

Joule suddenly realized. Since then, he has been more fascinated by learning scientific knowledge. Through continuous study and careful observation and calculation, he finally discovered the mechanical equivalence of heat and the law of conservation of energy, and became an excellent scientist.

Vanity of powerful people

The famous Italian sculptor Michelangelo once carved a stone statue in Florence. Because the statue is huge and will be placed in a prominent position in the city, Michelangelo did his best in both conception and technology. After nearly two years of creation, Michelangelo finally finished his work. He was proud of himself when he saw this work that embodied all his skills. When the work was previewed, Florence was filled with people and marveled at his creation. Finally, even the mayor of Florence came to visit, and many dignitaries whispered around the statue, waiting for the mayor to express their opinions. The mayor looked at the statue haughtily and asked, "Is the author here?" Michelangelo was invited before the mayor. The mayor said, "Stone Carver, I think the nose of this stone statue is a little low, which affects the artistic atmosphere of the whole statue." Michelangelo listened and said, "Dear mayor, I will raise the nose of the stone statue according to your request." After that, Michelangelo asked his assistant to take out tools and carry stone powder to process the nose of the stone statue. Michelangelo rubbed stone powder on the nose of the stone statue. After a while, he came to the mayor and said, "dear mayor, I have raised the nose of the stone statue as you asked." Do you think it's ok now? " The mayor looked at it, nodded and said, "Masons are much better now. This is the perfect art ".

After the mayor left, Michelangelo's assistant asked inexplicably, "You just put three handfuls of stone powder on the nose of the stone statue, but the nose of the stone statue hasn't become bigger at all?" Michelangelo said: "However, the mayor thinks it is too high.

It is said that this stone statue still stands on the streets of Florence. Anyone who knows the origin of the stone statue knows this proverb: "The vanity of the powerful is the three handfuls of stone powder on the nose of the stone statue."

(Excerpted from the fourth issue of "Companion" overseas edition, by Liu Sha)

Punch: Successful job hunting

In 2003, Forsberg, the father of chocolate, released a job advertisement when his company was allowed to land in China market. The announcement is simple. It says: Please answer what the following four celebrities are saying in the simplest sentence.

1.1On April 2, 954, Zurich Branch of Swiss Federal Institute of Technology celebrated its 0/00th anniversary and invited Einstein to give a speech at its alma mater. Einstein said in his speech: "My study is average, and I am not a good student according to the standards of the school, but I later found that if I can forget what I learned at school, the rest is education."

2.1On June 2, 984, Ding Zhaozhong, winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics, gave a speech at his alma mater, Tsinghua University, and was asked by his classmates. "As far as I know, among the more than 90 physicists who won the Nobel Prize, no one has always won the first place in school; There are several people who often come last. "

3.1On March 27th, 999, Bill Gates was invited back to his alma mater, Harvard University, to participate in fund-raising activities. When the reporter asked him if he was willing to continue his studies and get a diploma from Harvard University, he smiled at the reporter and didn't answer.

On April 2001May 2 1, US President Bush returned to his alma mater, Yale University, to receive an honorary doctorate in law. Because of his mediocre academic performance, when asked about his current feelings, he said: "For those graduates with excellent grades, I said' well done', and for those graduates with poor grades, I said' you can be president'."

More than 400 outstanding China university students participated in the application. On March 2003 10, his branch opened in Beijing, and only one student was told to watch their opening ceremony. The student's answer is this: "There are high scores and low scores on campus, but not outside. Everything outside the school gate is always disrupted and reorganized.

That's your oil field

Paul getty, once the richest oil tycoon in the United States, was not rich when he was young, only a dry field with poor harvest.

Later, when digging a well in the ground, some black and thick oil came out of the ground. So the well became an oil well, the dry land became an oil field, and paul getty saw the way to get rich. He began to hire people to exploit oil.

Paul getty runs his own business with great care, so he visits various oil fields when he has nothing to do. However, every time he found someone wasting raw materials and idle people wandering around. He called the foreman and asked them to eliminate waste and idle people. However, the next time he goes, everything will be the same. Paul is confused. Why can I see waste and idle people as soon as I go, and those foremen are here every day, but they turn a blind eye? Later, a word from a management scientist woke Paul up. He said, "That's your oil field.

"Paul immediately called the foreman and announced to them," From today on, you will be responsible for the operation of the oil field, and 25% of the profits will be at your sole disposal. "Since then, when Paul visited the oil field again, he found that not only the waste phenomenon disappeared, but also the idle people disappeared, and the output greatly increased.

(Excerpted from Yangcheng Evening News on February 28th)

Napoleon shot at the fallen soldier.

Napoleon once rode through a forest and saw a soldier who could not swim fall into the water and drift to the depths. The soldiers on the shore were frightened because none of them could swim.

Napoleon asked, "Can he swim?" Answer: "only a few tricks, not now."

Napoleon took a pistol from the soldier and shouted to the drowning man, "swim back quickly, or I will shoot." Said really fired two shots into the water.

Hearing this, the man who fell into the water suddenly turned his head and paddled hard, and actually went ashore soon. He asked Napoleon inexplicably, "Your Majesty, I was scared to death. Why did you shoot me? " Napoleon smiled: "Fool, if I don't scare you, you will really drown. Who do you think can save you? " After such a fright, didn't you turn around and save yourself? "

(Excerpted from the fourth issue of the Guide to Civilization)

La Vita Facile

Yan zhangcheng

In the fight against SARS, the media talked about the Hippocratic oath when reporting the deeds of excellent medical workers. Who is Hippocrates and what does his "oath" say?

Hippocrates was an ancient Greek doctor who lived from 460 BC to 377 BC. According to historical records, the Hippocratic Oath is not all his works. His "oath" has always been regarded as the "father of western medicine" by the west, and his "oath" has always been regarded as the medical moral standard. The "oath" recorded in western cultural dictionaries is like this: "... I am willing to do my best and judge, abide by the creed of seeking welfare for patients, and stop all depraved and harmful behaviors. I won't give harmful drugs to others, and I won't give them guidance, even if someone asks. Especially don't give women an abortion. I am willing to perform my duties for life with this pure and sacred spirit. I don't operate on anyone with stones, which needs experts to do. No matter where I meet men and women, my only purpose is to seek happiness for my sick family, to be myself, and not to do all kinds of harm and bad behavior, especially not to seduce. What I have seen and heard, regardless of business relationship, I think it should be kept confidential, and I am willing to keep it confidential. If I strictly abide by the above vows, I ask the gods to make my life and medical skills brilliant. If I break my oath, the ghosts and gods will really despair. "

(Excerpted from Yangcheng Evening News on June 9, 2003)

Rubik's Cube

shifting sand

/kloc-in the 9th century, there was an emperor William I who built a luxurious palace in the suburbs of Potsdam. By chance, he found that a mill not far from the palace was very unsightly, which just blocked the scenery in front. William I asked the Home Secretary to find out whose mill it was, and then gave the miller some money to tear it down. The minister of the interior found the miller and showed him his identity and requirements. But the miller said, "That is the property handed down by my ancestors, and I will pass it on from generation to generation."

William I was so angry that he sent his own palace guards to demolish the house by force. When tearing down the house, the miller said to the members of the guard: "Of course, the emperor has great power, but Germany still has a court. I will sue the court to solve this unfair thing. " Soon, the court ruled that the emperor lost the case and must "restore the original state." So William I had to send someone to rebuild the demolished factory.

Decades later, William I died, and so did the miller. Due to financial difficulties, the miller's son intends to sell the mill to William II who acceded to the throne. He thinks that the royal family must think that this is a kill two birds with one stone. But William II gave the miller's son six thousand marks, and wrote a letter in his own hand, telling him that this mill is a commemoration of the judicial independence and fair trial of the German state, and it is also the glory of your family, and asked that this mill be handed down from generation to generation.

The old mill in Potsdam is still there and there are many tourists every year. In particular, some law graduates regard observing factories as their necessary procedure.

(Excerpted from the Morning Post on July 3, 2003)

Einstein's letter to mankind five thousand years later.

Wenshan

1938, American president Roosevelt personally called Einstein and asked him to write a letter telling people about the thoughts and feelings of our time 5000 years later. Einstein wrote. The letter was packed in a sturdy container and buried deep underground in the new york World Expo. A stone tablet stood on it, indicating that it would be taken out in 6939. The letter wrote:

Our time has produced many talented people whose inventions can make our life more comfortable. We have crossed the ocean with mechanical power, and we can finally liberate mankind from all kinds of arduous physical labor with mechanical power. We learned to fly. We use electromagnetic waves to communicate with each other conveniently from a corner of the earth.

However, the production and distribution of commodities are completely unorganized. Everyone lives in the shadow of fear, afraid of unemployment and suffering from miserable poverty. Besides, people living in different countries will kill each other from time to time. For these reasons, all people have to feel fear and extreme pain when thinking about the future.

I believe that future generations will read this letter with a sense of pride and legal superiority.

(Excerpted from the third issue of * * * Ming in 2003)

This road is curved and straight.

Limin

There is a little monk in a temple. Every morning, he goes to fetch water and sweep the floor. After breakfast, he went to the town behind the temple to buy daily necessities for the day. I have to read the Bible late at night.

One day, he found that although other young monks were occasionally assigned to go shopping down the mountain, they all went to the town in front of the mountain, and the road was flat and the distance was close. So the young monk asked the abbot, "Why are others more comfortable than me? No one forces them to work and read classics, but I have to work non-stop? " The abbot just smiled.

At noon the next day, when the young monk came from the back hill with a bag of millet, the abbot took him to the front door of the temple. It was already west, and several young monks appeared on the mountain road ahead. The abbot asked the young monk, "I told you to buy salt early in the morning." The road is so close and so flat. Why did you come back so late? "

Several young monks said, "Abbot, let's have a laugh and have a look at the scenery. It is time. Ten years, every day! "

The abbot asked the young monk standing nearby, "The town behind the temple is so far away, and you are carrying such a heavy thing. Why did you come back early? "

The young monk said, "I want to go early and come back early on the road every day." Because I have a heavy thing on my shoulder, I walk more carefully, so I walk steadily and quickly. " Ten years, I have developed a habit, with only goals in my heart and no road! Hearing this, the abbot smiled and said, "The road is smooth, but the heart is not on the goal. Only by walking on the rugged road can you temper your mind! "

The young monk of that year was later the famous master Xuanzang. Although there are many difficulties and obstacles on the way to the West, his heart always shines with persistent light.

(Excerpted from Liaoning Youth,No. 10, 2003)

Master's style

On July 6th, 2003, he wrote in China Youth Daily that the enlightenment thinkers in the late Ming and early Qing Dynasties compared reading and writing to "casting money". He said: I once said that today's people write books saying that just like the ancients made money by casting copper, the ancients mined copper from mines, and now people buy old copper coins as raw materials. The former cast less money, but the quality was excellent. The latter not only ruined the newly cast copper coins, but also destroyed the skills handed down by the ancients. For more than a year, although I studied from morning till night and studied repeatedly, I only considered a few questions. Although the quantity is small, it can be regarded as mining copper directly from the mine!

The article said, alas, this metaphor of scholars more than 300 years ago hit today's reality. Nowadays, the prevailing trend in academic circles is impetuous: quantity is valued over quality, and it is shoddy, and it will always be a masterpiece of tens of thousands of words, one or even several books a year. It is easier to write a book than to write a paper; Patchwork is everywhere.

Compared with these "works of equal status", the older generation of scholars are "dwarfed". Wittgenstein, a great philosopher, published only one book-On Logical Philosophy in his life, and it was less than 80 pages, so he stopped writing books. It was not until after his death that his notes and speeches were put into a book. It is this "little book" that made this master famous all his life. Master's sincerity is a combination of humility, romance and courage, which is really admirable. I think this comes from his deep accumulation and deep thinking, from his good academic integrity and moral feelings, from his elegant temperament and proper self-cognition. The demeanor of a master should also be a yardstick of academic circles, which not only guides the direction of learning, but also marks the height of self-restraint and morality.

Wisdom on the edge of a cliff

Xie Longyan

In Russian times, a man who couldn't swim slipped and fell into the river. No matter how he shouted "help", the police on duty on the shore were indifferent. The drowning man was dying and suddenly panicked and shouted, "Down with the Tsar!"

This is not bad. In Russia at that time, insulting the czar was punishable by imprisonment. Two policemen immediately jumped into the water, carried the drowning man ashore and sent him to the police station. The drowning man can also be saved.

When a person is forced into the Jedi for some reason, wisdom will suddenly bloom. This phenomenon is called "wisdom on the edge of a cliff".

Sawhill, a famous British painter, once painted a large mural in the palace at the invitation of the Queen of England. In order to paint this masterpiece, the painter built a three-story scaffold. The Queen led a group of ministers to watch, when Sawhill was standing on the guillotine, absorbed in examining his works. He retreated to the edge of the scaffold as he watched. The queen and ministers standing under the guillotine were stunned, but no one dared to make a sound: as we all know, if someone shouted loudly, Sawhill would be frightened and probably fall to the ground and die.

At this time, the assistant standing beside Sawhill used his quick wits. He strode to the front of the mural, picked up a brush and scribbled on it. Seeing this, Sawhill flew into a rage and rushed forward to grab the brush from his assistant: "Are you crazy?" This way. His assistant saved his life with his forced inspiration.

(Excerpted from Northern Legal News on July 3, 2003)

Life is a process of extracting the essence.

Carly Fiorina is the female president of Hewlett-Packard Company. She is studying at Stanford University. Twenty-five years after graduation, she returned to her alma mater to give a speech. She said: The most unforgettable course I attended at Stanford was a seminar on "Political Philosophy of Christianity, Islam and Catholicism in the Middle Ages".

Every week, we read a book about medieval philosophy, such as Aquinas, Bacon and Abelard-all masterpieces-and we read an average of 65,438+0,000 pages per week. And every weekend, we have to extract the thoughts and speeches of these philosophers and summarize them into the essence of two pages.

The process at that time was probably like this. First, it was reduced to 20 pages, then to 10 pages, and finally to 2 pages, and it was single-sided manuscript paper. This is not just a summary. This is simply to restore everything to the most primitive form and return to the most fundamental essence of things!

The following week, we began to pay attention to the works of another philosopher.

The philosophical thoughts of these thinkers undoubtedly left a deep impression on me, but it was the distillation process of extracting the essence and pursuing perfection and exquisiteness that I really learned. This is an incredible, almost stubborn skill. And all along, I have benefited many times. This is a comprehensive exercise to extract and restore the essence of things, and that course also made me understand the meaning of life. Life is the process of extracting the essence.

(Excerpted from China University Students, No.7, 2003)

Mr. Si Long's hobby

Albert

Mr Si Long was once the president of General Motors, and he was also the first real professional manager in American history. Prior to this, big American companies always managed their own businesses as "bosses".

When Mr Si Long was young, he liked to make friends and play. He used to make a lot of friends and had many good friends. However, after he became the president of General Motors, he isolated himself, did not get close to his peers, treated him with courtesy and kept an equal distance.

"No one likes loneliness. I also like to make friends and have a companion around me, but the company pays me a high salary, not to make friends. My job is to evaluate the performance of people in the company and make correct personnel decisions. If I have friendship with people involved in my affairs, there will naturally be likes and dislikes that will affect my decision. So I am not allowed to establish personal relationships in the workplace. "

Besides, Mr Si Long never talks about his hobbies and family in public. When introducing his book, he insisted that the editor should not include two pages about his family, childhood and early career. Si Long believes that "professionals" should not reveal their interests, beliefs and private lives, which are his private affairs and have nothing to do with "professionalism".

Because of this, GM under the leadership of Si Long has all kinds of people. In particular, his 35 senior executives have different styles and characteristics, which is the vitality of GM.

Writing here, I not only remembered a sentence I read in the newspaper recently: "I am not afraid of strict systems and regulations, but I am most afraid that leading cadres have no hobbies." This sentence comes from Lai Changxing, the principal criminal of Xiamen Yuan Hua case with the largest amount involved.

(Excerpted from Xinhua Daily on July 26, 2003)

This is your masterpiece.

Picasso opposed the war of aggression all his life. During World War II, Germans often visited the Picasso Art Museum in Paris. One day, Picasso sent a copy of his guernica to every German soldier. This painting depicts the horror of the Spanish city of guernica after being bombed by the German army. A German officer pointed to the painting and asked Picasso, "Is this your masterpiece?"

"No, this is your masterpiece." Picasso's words stunned the German officers.

Good and evil are born from the heart.

quicksand

Su Dongpo believes in Buddhism. Once I argued with the abbot, and they sat on the futon and talked for a long time.

The abbot said, "What am I in each other's eyes?"

Su Dongpo said, "Abbot, you are a pile of cow dung in my eyes." The abbot smiled and said, "benefactor, you are the flower in my eyes."

Su Dongpo came back contentedly and talked to his little sister about it. The little sister said, "Buddhists have words, and their hearts are evil at the edge of hell." If you have cow dung in your heart, treat others as cow dung. "

Su Dongpo was ashamed when he heard this.

Any idea of good and evil already exists in the heart before it becomes an action and a fact. People with evil thoughts will look at others with special respect, while people with friendship and tolerance will bring joy to others and themselves.

Buddhism has the saying of hell and heaven. People who want to do evil are filled with anger. People who have done evil have nightmares every day, fearing that others will find out his evil deeds. Although he is on earth, his heart is in hell. People who do good deeds are aboveboard, kind to others, and nameless and unprofitable. Although they are on earth, their hearts are already in heaven.

In fact, good and evil are sometimes just the difference between one thought and another. Look at Mr. Feng Zikai's memoir, which records an anecdote of his mentor Li Shutong. In music class, one student reads casual books below, and another student spits everywhere. Mr. Li is an extremely serious person. He saw it on the spot, but he didn't make any noise. After class, Miss Li asked the two students to stay and told them in a very gentle voice not to read idle books and spit everywhere in the next class. Two students thought that the teacher was making a mountain out of a molehill and was about to defend himself. The respected gentleman bowed to them and the two students immediately flushed.

In the face of kindness, there is only spring rain-like nourishment. There is no distinction between high and low. When there is only good thoughts in a person's heart, all the glitz in the world has long since receded, leaving only an equal and respected soul.

—— Liberation Daily, 2003+00.24.

Brave spirit

/kloc-In the 9th century, in Harrow School, a famous public school in Britain, the phenomenon of bullying the weak and bullying the small often occurred.

One day, a tall and strong boy stopped in front of a new student and ordered him to do something for himself. Freshman here, don't understand the "why", flatly refused. The tall man became angry from embarrassment, grabbed the new student by the collar, gave him a good beating, and swore, "You boy, I have to enlighten you in order to make you smarter!" " "The newborn twisted with pain, but refused to beg for mercy.

The students on the sidelines looked at each other coldly, talked and laughed, or left. Only a boy with a weak appearance, watching this bullying scene, gradually burst into tears in his eyes, and finally could not help shouting: "How many times do you have to hit him before you give up!" " "

The tall man looked at the sharp and thin voice of protest. Seeing that he was also a thin freshman, he cursed: "You little guy, what do you ask?"

The freshman stared at him with tears in his eyes and answered without fear, "No matter how many punches you have to fight, let me take half a punch for him."

The tall man looked at his tears and stopped in shame when he heard this unexpected answer.

Since then, the voice of the school town against evil deeds and violence has become louder and louder, and the goodwill of helping the weak has gradually increased. The two freshmen have also become inseparable friends. The boy who was beaten deeply felt the value of love and kindness, and later became a famous British politician robert bill; It was Byron, a world-renowned great poet, who stood up and was willing to share the pain for the unfamiliar weak.

On the road of life, we also need to show rare courage, like Byron, when others just dare not escape or gloat, for kindness, for love, for enlightening and shocking those indifferent hearts.

Five dollars and ten dollars.

An American country kid gave him a five-dollar bill and a ten-dollar bill and asked him to choose one. He chose the five-dollar bill. People say he is stupid, they laugh at him, laugh at him. The story spread, and many people came to him to test it. As a result, the story spread further and further. Decades later, the child became the president of the United States. A reporter asked him: "Is it true?"

"It's true." The president replied.

"Then why do you want five dollars instead of ten dollars?"

"If I want ten dollars from the beginning, who will take the money to test whether I am really stupid?"

There are many smart people in the world, just like this American president. He found a bargain, but it made the other person feel happy. There are also many people in the world who think they are smart and laugh at others, but they don't know that they are the real idiots.

The value of freedom

This summer, American four-star general Franks retired. The defense minister, celebrities from all walks of life and soldiers who loved him all paid tribute to him at the farewell ceremony. The veteran who served for nearly 40 years lost many generous benefits after retiring. However, he took it lightly. He said: "The goal we are pursuing is a way of life, which is called freedom. The value of freedom is above everything else. " The meaning of freedom lies in its independence of personality and freedom of thought.

Washington retired. During his presidency, he offered to resign twice. When he left the political arena, he said, "My friends, it is not far away to re-elect a citizen to run the American government ... I have made achievements in the organization and management of the government with good intentions. I think retirement is not only necessary for me, but also a welcome move. " Soon, he really became a down-to-earth farmer, Washington, and returned to Mount Vernon from Philadelphia. Run a huge orchard farm there; His garden is exquisite, the stream is gurgling, the bees are buzzing, the water is in full bloom and full of vitality. He swam around the fairy and had a good time. He is a great practitioner and pioneer of the concept of human freedom. Freedom is the highest principle in his life. In order to pursue freedom, he constantly expands his life experience, so he is also a creative person. The happiness of labor, the realization of the Peach Blossom Garden in reality, is the reward of the spirit of freedom.

It may be wrong.