Humorous jokes about making fun of women

Humorous jokes about making fun of women

Duanzi is an artistic term in cross talk, which refers to a section or a section of artistic content in cross talk works. As people understand "joke" The frequent use of the word has also quietly changed its connotation. Below is a collection of humorous jokes that I have collected to make fun of women. I hope you all like it.

Humorous jokes about making fun of women 1

1. I feel like my weekend is as exciting as a martial arts novel: "Where... is this? Why is it so dark..."

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"Hero, you finally woke up! A quilt attacked you this morning when you were not prepared. You have been unconscious for half a day. Are you hungry? I will help you get up for breakfast. The weather is... still bright Let’s just have dinner.”

2. Me: “Boss, I need two eggs, two fried dough sticks, and two sausages for my pancakes.”

The boss said: “More. The money you got out is enough to buy two portions. If you buy two, you can get an extra spoonful of batter."

Me: "Boss, do you know what Jun Lin Tian Xia Wang Jian is? Have you ever seen one? The king cares about that spoonful of batter!"

3. "In order not to be late for work, I bought a rooster that crows."

"Then why are you late today? ”

“The chicken stew is so delicious that I can’t sleep after eating so much that I get up late. ”

4. I am a very patient person at work. If If the client doesn't understand what I mean for a while, I can spend five or six hours in a row beating him until he nods and understands, and I never feel tired.

5. I took the subway today with a bottle of Coke. After drinking it, I couldn’t find the trash can and kept carrying an empty bottle. Who said that all of us comedians are of high quality? But no matter how high the quality is, little Sister, what do you mean by handing me your empty bottle?

Do I look like an old man who picks up empty bottles? ! ! Humorous jokes about making fun of women Part 2

1. I said you should be low-key. But you have to give me a hand

　2. A thief sneaked into a heavily guarded place in the middle of the night. After going through all the trouble to open the safe, he found that it was full of jelly. The tired and hungry thief ate all the jelly in a rage and left. The next day the local newspaper headlined: "Shocked!" Sperm bank was robbed like crazy".

3. The farthest distance in the world is: We go out together, you buy four generations of apples, and I buy four bags of apples.

4. A man happened to meet Sister Feng in a bar. After hesitating for a long time, he asked in a low voice: "Can I take a photo with you?" Sister Feng shouted: "No, I won't sleep with you!" Everyone stared at her. Two people live together, and the man returns to his seat in embarrassment. After a while, Sister Feng came over and whispered: "I'm sorry, I'm studying psychology recently. I was just testing people's reactions in embarrassing situations." The man shouted: "Thirty yuan? Too expensive!"

5. The two friends hadn't seen each other for a long time, so they went to dinner together to eat dumplings. Ah San suddenly asked Han Di: Do you know the gender of the dumplings? ? Brother Han looked confused. After eating dumplings for so many years, could it be that dumplings are divided into men and women? Ah San said with a smile, "You're so stupid, you're a man, the dumplings have wrappers."

6. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said: "I love you." The little girl said: "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said: "Of course, we are not one or two years old anymore!

7. The butterfly said to the bee: You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words but are reluctant to give them to me. The bee said: Hum! What about me, why don’t you send me a text message with such long antennas on your head?

8. By the way, that classmate was in primary school one night before the final exam. His parents were discussing what to make for him for breakfast tomorrow morning. His mother said: How about making fried dough sticks and eggs? One fried dough stick and two eggs are 100 points. It's not enough. Why don't you give him instant noodles?

9. Parrot’s reaction: A certain hotel keeps a parrot hanging at the door, and says when guests arrive: “Hello, welcome!” A regular customer thought: I’ll come in quickly and see how you react. One day he ran in, and the parrot said: "It belongs to his grandma! It scared me!!!"

10. When she was young, she saw my mobile phone: "Brother-in-law, your mobile phone Not bad! "So her sister gave her the mobile phone. At the age of 10, she saw my notebook again: "Brother-in-law, your notebook is pretty good!" "So her sister also gave her the notebook. This year she turned 18 and became a beautiful girl. She looked at me and said shyly: "Brother-in-law, you are quite a good person." "I'm waiting for her sister to speak...

11. The leader's son loved to lie. The leader bought a lie detector. One day, the son came home late. Father: Where are you going? Said: Reading in the library. Robot 1 He slapped him. Son: I went to my classmate’s house to see him. Father: I’ve never seen a robot in my life. The mother said angrily: You deserve it, you’re so harsh with your son. They are all your own. Bang! The robot slapped his mother again!

12. On the plane, a 20-year-old father could not help but look at the flight attendant. My daughter asked: “What are you looking at? Do you find it interesting? Why do you act like this when my mother is gone? The father's face turned red from holding it back: "Eat quickly and stop talking nonsense, or I won't take you out in the future!" The daughter muttered: "They say that my daughter was my father's lover in his previous life. I don't understand. Why did I fall in love with you in my previous life?"

13. I received a text message today: "From today on, my wife will start sleeping with someone else's husband. I still have to wait happily for washing, dressing and bathing. There is no way he can bring a gun. ” I couldn’t understand how there could be such a mean person! Later, when I saw the sender, I was shocked... It turned out that a friend had given birth to a son! There is such an announcement!

14. A company is recruiting female secretaries and hires a psychologist as a consultant. The question is equal to what? The first answer is equal; the second answer is equal; the third answer is equal to or equal to; the psychologist said: "The first woman is practical but conservative; the second is a fantasy; the third is the most suitable." Then Ask the general manager how to decide. The general manager thought for a while and said: "It's better to be the one wearing tights."

15. At the party, someone introduced me to a new friend and said that he became a millionaire by stock trading. Wow! sharp! I admire you! I sat next to him and quietly asked him to teach me the secret. He said to me with a blank expression: "Actually, there is no secret... I turned out to be a multi-millionaire."

16. Husband: Dear, I want to invite a colleague to dinner tomorrow night . Wife: What? ! Are you crazy? The house hasn't been cleaned in a long time, I haven't gone to the supermarket to buy anything in a long time, the thirty dishes in the house haven't been washed, and I don't want to go into the kitchen to make a decent dinner! Husband: I know, honey. Wife: Then why do you invite your colleagues over for dinner? Husband: Because that silly boy is thinking about getting married.

17. Teacher: "The shortest straight line between two points is the shortest." This axiom does not need to be proved. Everyone admits that it is applicable everywhere~" A classmate asked: "Can it be proved? "Teacher: "It's okay if you want to prove it. If you put a bone meters away and let the dog go, it will definitely run straight to the bone without turning or detouring. Dogs know this, so what else needs to be proven? "

18. The administrator was talking to a girl: "I'm sorry, swimming is prohibited here..." Then why didn't you tell me before I took off my clothes?" "We don't prohibit taking off clothes."

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19. Xiaomei wrote down her wishes when she grows up in her composition book: 1. I hope to have a lovely child; 2. I also hope to have a husband who loves me. As a result, I found that the teacher wrote a comment: "Please pay attention to the order."

20. Who do you think is the most influential physicist? I wrote "Newton". As a result, I was the only one in the class who failed. It turned out that everyone wrote the name of the instructor... kao, what a world.

21. Use "either...or..." to make a sentence, Xiao Ming: Popsicles cost fifty cents! Either...or.

22. Recently, my wife is trying her best to get me to quit smoking. There was a meeting at work today. During the break, I took out a cigarette and gave it to the big boss and the second boss. The boss stretched out his hand. I opened the cigarette case and threw out a handful of melon seed shells. I was... shocked.

23. There is a college girl who broke up with her boyfriend and said, "I have found a boyfriend from the physical education department. We have been dating for a year, and you have to pay me for the loss of my youth." The boy is afraid of her "The new boyfriend from the sports department" wanted to find a way to vent his anger. On the day of paying the money, the girl and her new boyfriend arrived. The ex-boyfriend brought a boy, and each of them came over and gave the girl 200 yuan. After three or four times, the girl burst into tears, and the new boyfriend also divided the money.

24. I said to my father: "If you had worked harder and suffered a little more, I would be a rich second generation now and just enjoy it every day. It's all your fault." He thought about it: " You're right, let's do this. You will suffer hardships from now on. From now on, your son will just enjoy life, okay?" I was anxious: "Why should I suffer hardships? Enjoy it, kid?!" "Yeah, I think so too." 25. The Tiger King and the Lion King were drinking in the bar, and after drinking, they started crying. At this time, the fox waiter came over and asked: "Why are the two eldest brothers so sad?" The Lion King patted the fox, pointed at the Tiger King and said: "He has a tigress at home, and I have a Hedong lion at home. Brother, how are you doing these days? After hearing this, the fox immediately burst into tears and said aggrievedly: "Brothers, that vixen in our family is not worried!"

26. I was sitting in the shop, and suddenly something happened. A child rushed in quickly and jumped on me, scaring me to death. I thought someone was hurting the child, and then she hid under the table. A man and a woman outside chased me and looked around. I thought it was a human trafficker. I didn’t say anything, so I let her hide. After a while, she hugged my legs and went crazy. Crying, someone from outside came in and pulled her. I didn't see the trick for a long time, and I only heard her pitifully saying: "Auntie! Help me! I don't want to take the injection!"

27. There was a little Lolita at home, and one morning I gave her Braiding hair. Loli: "Mom, do you know why my eyes are so big?" Me: "Do you still have to ask? Of course it's because my parents have big eyes." Loli: "No." Me: "Then why do you think it is? "Lori: "Because you pulled up my eyelids when you were braiding my hair."

28. When I passed the elementary school after get off work, I saw a little girl asking a little boy: "You know all the questions on today's exam." Do? Little boy: Yes. Little girl: Can you play basketball? Little boy: Yes, I can. Little girl: So what can’t you do? Little boy: I won't dislike you. As a result, the little girl kissed the little boy. oops! It’s outrageous, love saint, think about yourself again, you deserve to be single, ah, what a painful realization.

29. The three of them brag about whose wife is the thinnest. Dumb: My wife’s scarf can be worn as clothing. Agua refused: My wife accidentally fell into the sewer while taking a shower. Xiao Ming said slowly: If my wife swallows an almond, others will think she is pregnant.

30. Have you slept? Pigs all go to bed so early! Not sleeping yet? Dogs are always so energetic! Want to curse? Monkeys are always less patient than humans! Want to flatter me? Bears are always so violent! Just ignore me? That's the way turtles do!

31. An African juvenile lion was sad and depressed, and its mother asked what was wrong. The little lion replied: I just ate someone, maybe a Chinese. The lioness is anxious: she eats people without looking at their passports! I told you earlier that their chemical elements exceeded the standard. Can our bodies and bones be able to withstand it? Dad Lion comforted him: "Don't be afraid. Chinese people who can come to Africa to hunt will receive special meals and drinks. This person should be a green food."

32. In life, first be laughed at by others, then laugh at others, and then you will be smiling.

33. When Dui went to his girlfriend’s house and saw no one in the living room, he shouted: “Where are you?” His girlfriend: “I am washing dates and there is no one at home. Come and help me!” Dui was shy and silent.

The girlfriend was impatient: "Come here quickly! What are you doing?" Dumb: "I'm taking off my clothes...".

34. The couple went out on a tandem bicycle for an outing. After the two of them climbed up a steep slope with great difficulty, the husband panted and said, "This, this slope is really steep and difficult to climb. I am exhausted!" The wife echoed, "Isn't it true? If it weren't for me, If we keep holding on to the brakes, we will already be sliding down the road."

35. I am very happy to see everyone's stocks plummeting in the afternoon. My stock didn’t fall in the afternoon because it hit the limit in the morning!

36. To tell the truth, a harassing phone call came in at 2:45 in the afternoon. As usual, I asked sir, hello, do you want to invest in stocks? After saying that, the other girl burst into laughter and said, "Shouldn't I call you at this time?" Then she hung up...the conscience of the industry.

37. Chinese fans are not alone, investors are with you! Some people ridicule that as the two activities that most torment the Chinese people, the Chinese stock market and Chinese football have many similarities: scolding, addiction, popularity, hurting people, mentality, and hope.

38. If you buy Taibao, you won’t have three meals a day; if you buy life insurance, you’ll become thinner and thinner; if you buy Ping An, you’ll have trouble sleeping all night long; if you buy industrial and commercial insurance, you’ll be hurt all over your body; if you buy a fund, you’ll get cramps every day; I bought oil, but there is no oil in the pot.

39. The stock market scenery is very good! A piece of green. I stand on a high hill guarding this beautiful scenery and protecting our homeland for our motherland.

40. "After three o'clock today, I quietly tore up my resignation letter. With a hundredfold enthusiasm, I devoted myself to the work that was already a little unfamiliar..." This was one of the most widely circulated jokes yesterday. , it’s not an exaggeration to say it’s inspirational, right? The market continues as usual, and life continues.

41. There is no worst, only worse! ! Isn't the rhythm of "5·30" just because it gives you a holiday? Are you going to let your brother come out on "5·28" to scare everyone? Fortunately, it can only drop by 10.

42. I have successfully avoided countless rising limits, but I cannot avoid falling limits.

43. My heart skipped a beat when I saw you for the first time. I screamed when I dreamed of you for the first time. You are such a big straw bag, hiding secretly in the wheat field and giggling!

44. Yesterday, Alipay was largely paralyzed because an optical cable in Xiaoshan, Hangzhou was cut. The Internet, 4.0, and big data are all incapable of defeating traditional industries. So the stock market plummeted today.

45. The magic of the Chinese stock market is: you always step into the same river twice. 528=530=—6.5

46. It’s finally here. I promised you not to be jealous or follow the trend some time ago, so I’m neither happy nor sad now.

47. If men are not jealous, they will not be emotionally rich; if women are not jealous, families will not be harmonious; if children are not jealous, their studies will not progress; if old people are not jealous, they will become more confused as they live; if everyone is jealous, society will progress; Be more confused and more chic.

48. You may not look good at first glance, but if you take a closer look, it’s better to take a quick look at you.

49. The most painful thing in life is having no food in the stomach. The most painful thing in life is having only a little food in the stomach.

50. I was also an infatuated person, but it rained and I drowned. ;