Exceptionally funny joke

A patient with liver disease secretly drank in the ward and was discovered by a beautiful female nurse. The female nurse scolded: "Be careful!"

The patient replied excitedly: "Baby!"

Are you depressed? If you are depressed, please take a wooden stick tied with a rope and stand on the roof of the building and swing the stick hard. If someone asks you what are you doing? Just say, "It's okay, I'm having convulsions!"

Yesterday, someone asked me if the mayor of Nanjing was called Jiang Daqiao, and I said no.

He said, why did I see a billboard when I was crossing the river in Nanjing by train: Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge welcomes you!

One day, I said to you You are a pig, it is strange for you to say: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally one day you couldn't help but declare loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

The prisoner was executed. Due to the poor quality of the bullets, the first shot did not go off, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thigh and said: Brother, strangle me to death! It's so fucking scary...

A prisoner of war got a disease and his left hand was amputated. He asked the enemy to return his left hand to his homeland, and the enemy was moved and did so. Soon, his right hand was also amputated. He once again requested to have his right hand returned to his motherland, which was approved. Later, his left leg was also amputated. When he asked to have the leg sent back to his home country, he was refused. The prisoner of war asked: "Why was it possible the first two times but not this time?" The other party said solemnly: "We suspect that you are escaping in stages."

A brother went to the toilet and accidentally walked into a woman's room. When I entered the toilet, I found that there was no urinal, which felt wrong. Fortunately, there was no one in the women's toilet. He walked out as if nothing had happened. When I was opening the door, I met a girl coming in. The girl looked at him, blushed, lowered her head, turned around and went to the men's room

One day, there was a lot of people getting on the bus. Too much, it’s extremely hot and stuffy. I don’t know who farted, and now the environment is even worse. My friend really couldn't bear it, and he didn't know who it was, so there was nothing he could do. Just then, the conductor was asking: "Who didn't buy a ticket?" My friend suddenly had an idea and said loudly: "The one who farted didn't buy a ticket!" Suddenly, a very fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly: "I've already bought a ticket!"

The leader of China Mobile's department returned to the place where he jumped in line to visit his old friend. As soon as he got off the bus, he checked into a guest house in the town. After the bumpy journey, the leader was stained with sweat, so he wanted to take a hot bath. The guest house has limited conditions and only has a public bathhouse.

The leader came to the door of the bathhouse and was stopped by a waiter: "Sir, if you want to take a bath, please pay an initial installation fee of 15 yuan. We will install a nozzle for you."

The leader was immediately stunned, wondering why this guest house was robbing people so much! But due to his identity, the leader did not break out. He paid the money and was about to go in, but was stopped by the waiter: "Sir, I'm sorry, in order to facilitate management, each of our nozzles has a number. Please pay a 10 yuan number selection fee first. The selected number is only for you." Use. "

The leader was a little angry, but he still paid and chose number "8". The waiter then said: "You have chosen a lucky number. According to regulations, you have to pay a special number surcharge of 8 yuan." Damn it! The leader suppressed his anger and said, "Then I will change it to No. 4." No. 4 is not an auspicious number, so there is no need to pay any special number surcharge, right? "

The waiter said: "No. 4 is an ordinary number. Of course, there is no special surcharge. You have to pay a 5 yuan change fee. "

The leader shook his head helplessly, thinking how simple the folk customs here were back then. He didn't expect that people would be so clever in making money now. The world is really declining! The leader became more confident after paying the money. He asked: "Can I go in and take a shower now?" "

The waiter smiled and said: "Of course, of course, please." "The leader glared at him and walked in. The waiter suddenly added: "I'm sorry, I have to tell you: Since the No. 4 nozzle is only for you, it doesn't matter whether you come to take a shower or not. , you still have to pay a monthly rental fee of 7 yuan and 50 cents. In addition, you will be charged 6 yuan per 30 minutes each time you take a bath.

In addition, the monthly payment is due before the 20th. If you fail to pay by the due date, you will have to pay a certain late fee..."

"That's enough, that's enough, I No more washing! The leader was so angry that he turned around and wanted to leave. The waiter asked, "Are you really not going to wash it?"

The leader said sternly: "Yes! I will never take a bath here again!"

The waiter smiled and said: "If you no longer use the No. 4 nozzle, then you You still have to pay the account cancellation fee of 9 yuan and 80 cents. Only in this way will you... not have to pay any fees to us again." The leader was furious and started to argue with the waiter. After a while, the manager of the guest house came over after hearing the sound. When the leader saw the manager coming, he shouted to complain. After the manager understood what had happened, he smiled and said to the leader: "Sir, I'm sorry, maybe you don't know that the bathing industry is a monopoly here. Fortunately, you didn't take a dip in the pool, otherwise we would have charged you for roaming." What about the fee?"